How do I let go of the anger towards her?

[somedude81]

Well, unfortunately, you can't ask for someone to go easy on your in a break up. All you can do is control your reaction to it.

 

If you had kept quiet from the start and gone immediately NC, there's no telling what might of happened. Now, you need to be ready to go out there and date again, because this thing with her is unsalvageable.

It was never salvageable.

 

I was really hoping she would have come back last month but it didn't happen. Since it didn't happen, then it never would have.

 

One thing I am mad about her, is that she picked a really shi*ty time to break up with me. Basically ruining the entire month of December for me.

 

I definitely don't want to be without female companionship until I graduate so I'm going to have to start dating new people, knowing that it will only be short term. I just wish I could have enjoyed being in a relationship longer and not have to worry about being single and struggling to date and all that nonsense.

[pickflicker]

Gee thanks for the support.

Absolutely not. I had no intention of marrying her. Soon after we started having sex there was a pregnancy scare, and I thought I was going to be really screwed.

 

Of course I never told her that I didn't think it would last simply because I didn't want her to dump me on the spot. I was also very careful not to talk about the future

 

Odds are I would have ended it this year around May or June. When I graduate, there is a big chance that I'll move back home to the Bay Area, since I'm only here for school. My whole family is over there and there wouldn't be any issue getting a job. She's starting nursing school this months she's not going anywhere. That would have been the natural end of the relationship, and it would have lasted for a full year.

 

 

 

Then why didn't she end it at the 3 months mark?

 

Why wait till I'm completely attached to her?

 

Then it seems to me that you're got the sh*ts because you didn't get to end first.

 

Maybe she gave herself 3 more months to see if she could fall for you. I mean, you wanted her to stick around and try, and now you're telling us that it probably would have ended anyway.

 

I honestly don't know what you're belly-aching about. All this time, you expected it to be nixed by the middle of the year. Seriously?

 

You're just p*ssed that you didn't get to pull the trigger.

Edited January 2, 2014 by pickflicker

[pickflicker]

It was never salvageable.

 

I was really hoping she would have come back last month but it didn't happen. Since it didn't happen, then it never would have.

 

One thing I am mad about her, is that she picked a really shi*ty time to break up with me. Basically ruining the entire month of December for me.

 

I definitely don't want to be without female companionship until I graduate so I'm going to have to start dating new people, knowing that it will only be short term. I just wish I could have enjoyed being in a relationship longer and not have to worry about being single and struggling to date and all that nonsense.

 

You know, if this self-centered way of thinking ever reared its head in your relationship, it would go a long way to further understanding your break up.

 

You speak as if she were some item on a checklist.

[somedude81]

Why couldn't we be in a relationship with no plans for the future? I should probably make a thread about that.

 

Yes I wanted to be the one to end things. It would have been the first time in my life where a woman didn't leave and break me.

 

I simply was and am not ready for things to end with her. Six more months would have been amazing even if we were never going to get married.

[pickflicker]

Why couldn't we be in a relationship with no plans for the future? I should probably make a thread about that.

 

Yes I wanted to be the one to end things. It would have been the first time in my life where a woman didn't leave and break me.

 

I simply was and am not ready for things to end with her. Six more months would have been amazing even if we were never going to get married.

 

Well, it's not just about you. It's about her too.

 

You have to go into a relationship remembering that they could always be the one to end it. If you can't, don't date.

 

If the relationship was going to end anyway, I don't see why get ending it is such a big deal. It kinda sounds like your dream wasn't the relationship, the dream was dumping someone first...

Edited January 2, 2014 by pickflicker

[dreamingoftigers]

What helped me end the anger when my husband and I separated is kind of different.

 

I did the sane thing with my ex before him.

 

You kind of have things you want to share or conversations to have with you partner at the end of each day etc.

 

When they vanish you still kind of carry them around with you for a bit. You mentioned cursing her out in private.

 

Well I just mentally envisioned ushering them out of my mind telling them calmly that they needed to leave and then closing the door and locking it. Anytime they would pop back into my mind again, I'd send them back out the door reminding them that they weren't welcome in my head anymore abd to stay out. But "I wish you the best."

 

Worked pretty well for me. You get your peace of mind back abd that lessens the hold they have and thus the anger.

[Eclypse]

Why couldn't we be in a relationship with no plans for the future? I should probably make a thread about that.

 

Yes I wanted to be the one to end things. It would have been the first time in my life where a woman didn't leave and break me.

 

I simply was and am not ready for things to end with her. Six more months would have been amazing even if we were never going to get married.

 

Really now? I was feeling a lot of sympathy for you until this. All this anger and passion is understandable if you were looking to make a future with someone and they leave you. But by all accounts you were most likely going to break up with her soon and are just upset she did it first...

 

I wonder if the way you feel is the same way my ex girlfriend feels toward me. I dumped her to get with another girl. However, I would have been happy to answer any questions she had, and even asked her if she wanted to know anything. She didn't. Dumping someone is really hard, and you feel horrible. She probably feels really guilty for doing it, I know I did. But there's usually a good reason for doing it, and often both people will be happier with someone else (I know I had some VERY good reasons to end it).

 

Time will heal all wounds.

[somedude81]

Really now? I was feeling a lot of sympathy for you until this. All this anger and passion is understandable if you were looking to make a future with someone and they leave you. But by all accounts you were most likely going to break up with her soon and are just upset she did it first...

Or I could be having these thoughts because I'm extremely hurt that she left me and in some way I'm trying to take control. It's probably a way to avoid feeling completely powerless.

 

Considering we've only been together for six months, breaking up six down the line is most definitely not soon. That would have put us at one year. By then there was a very good chance I could be crazy in love with her and the thought of going home for a job would be inconceivable.

 

 

I wonder if the way you feel is the same way my ex girlfriend feels toward me. I dumped her to get with another girl. However, I would have been happy to answer any questions she had, and even asked her if she wanted to know anything. She didn't. Dumping someone is really hard, and you feel horrible. She probably feels really guilty for doing it, I know I did. But there's usually a good reason for doing it, and often both people will be happier with someone else (I know I had some VERY good reasons to end it).

That's great that you were willing to answer any questions your ex had. My ex answered almost every question I asked, but I felt like I had to pull teeth to get her to respond and she would only do it over text.

 

I feel that she's being unnecessarily cold towards me and making me feel like I did something really horrible to her.

 

At this point in my life, I have never ended anything (friendship or relationship) with a girl so I have no idea what it's like to be in that position. I can't empathize with any pain she might be feeling for dumping me. I wonder if she's cried at all about this while I've shed some tears every single day for the past month. It is insane how much I'm hurting because of her.

 

Time will heal all wounds.

I hope it's not much longer. I'm sick of the pain, sick of having almost no strength. At least I should have lost some pounds since I'm eating about 1/3 of what I normally do.

[somedude81]

Take up boxing, or train for a marathon. Exhaust yourself physically until the emotion is released. Repeat as needed.

The problem is that I've been constantly physically exhausted since she broke up with me. I just don't have any energy. There are times when I get out of my desk chair and it feels like my legs are screaming at me.

 

I've been sleeping very poorly and almost every night I'm getting up at 4am and use the computer until 6 and then get back into bed and sleep till 9.

 

That and the fact that I'm eating pretty poorly right now is probably why I don't have any strength.

 

Thankfully the anger does pass with time and after talking to her last night I'm less angry at her.

 

Honestly, I would just calm down and let everything go if I could suck on her breasts.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/452656-don-t-know-why-big-breasts-calm-me-down

[pickflicker]

The problem is that I've been constantly physically exhausted since she broke up with me. I just don't have any energy. There are times when I get out of my desk chair and it feels like my legs are screaming at me.

 

I've been sleeping very poorly and almost every night I'm getting up at 4am and use the computer until 6 and then get back into bed and sleep till 9.

 

That and the fact that I'm eating pretty poorly right now is probably why I don't have any strength.

 

Thankfully the anger does pass with time and after talking to her last night I'm less angry at her.

 

Honestly, I would just calm down and let everything go if I could suck on her breasts.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/452656-don-t-know-why-big-breasts-calm-me-down

 

You could pay someone for that.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The problem is that I've been constantly physically exhausted since she broke up with me. I just don't have any energy. There are times when I get out of my desk chair and it feels like my legs are screaming at me.

 

I've been sleeping very poorly and almost every night I'm getting up at 4am and use the computer until 6 and then get back into bed and sleep till 9.

 

That and the fact that I'm eating pretty poorly right now is probably why I don't have any strength.

 

Thankfully the anger does pass with time and after talking to her last night I'm less angry at her.

 

Honestly, I would just calm down and let everything go if I could suck on her breasts.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/452656-don-t-know-why-big-breasts-calm-me-down

 

 

:lmao::lmao:

[somedude81]

How much time is it supposed to be till I stop being angry and get over her?

 

Every single waking moment she is on my mind. Yet I haven't seen her or even heard her voice since December 4th.

 

I constantly have to fight against the urge to contact her and ask her more questions. No I haven't tried to get a hold of her since that text convo I posted.

 

 

Since it was a new year, I finally decided to rearrange my apartment and once it was done all I wanted to do was show her how it looks and get her opinion. Yesterday and today I went shopping for towels, a lamp, stuff like that and it just felt wrong to be going to stores by myself. I know that if I had done this two months ago she would have gone with me. I kept wanting to ask her which things look best and she just wasn't with me

 

The constant headaches are a pain. On top of this, I'm going through a lot of stress now that I've been officially dismissed from my school.

 

I hate how I can't even watch porn without thinking of her.

 

My life used to be good and the future seemed to be looking bright. And then everything suddenly went to sh*t.

 

Right now my current motto is, "Life sucks, then you die."

Edited January 10, 2014 by somedude81

[lollipopspot]

On top of this, I'm going through a lot of stress now that I've been officially dismissed from my school.

 

What? I thought I read you were set to graduate soon? Why dismissed?

[somedude81]

What? I thought I read you were set to graduate soon? Why dismissed?

My overall GPA fell below a 2.0 for two semesters.

 

It's way too complicated to explain everything here.

 

But yes, I was set to graduate soon, I only have one class left to take.

 

I am doing an appeal but I have no idea if it will go through, and if I'll be required to take more classes to raise my GPA.

 

It's a whole lot of stress.

[lollipopspot]

I am doing an appeal but I have no idea if it will go through, and if I'll be required to take more classes to raise my GPA.

 

It's a whole lot of stress.

 

That sucks Hope it works out for you. Be persistent!

[somedude81]

That sucks Hope it works out for you. Be persistent!

Thank you.

 

I'm doing all I can to hang in there. It's so easy to just give up.

[lollipopspot]

Thank you.

 

I'm doing all I can to hang in there. It's so easy to just give up.

 

Watch inspirational videos and read inspirational books. Seriously. Search YouTube, go to the library. Find inspiration from people who have overcome obstacles. You're pretty close to your goal. This is just a setback. You can get through it.

[Mrlonelyone]

SD keep the faith on the whole dismissal and appeal. I was dismissed twice once as a undergrad and once as a grad. Eventually I got a MS and I am working on a PhD. Just don't quit.

 

 

As far this girl she has hear about as honest as a 22 year old can be about this. As the father of my now about that same age EX told me...his daughters are "in love" with a different man every time he turns around. That you lasted six months with someone her age is pretty good. If you do the math that six months to her was 2.3% of her life but only 1.7% of your life. You had much more impact on her.

 

 

She also had to know that deep down SD, someone our age has to be thinking much more seriously about finding a wife. At her age she's not ready to be a wife. That could be what she really meant by you liking her too much. Fear of real commitment, life long commitment, is a classic reason to do what she did.

 

 

Especially if the young one likes you as a person they will think it's best for you to find someone who's on that page in life, rather than waiting for them to grow and mature into that role. (That can work...Jay Z and Beyonce did that. I know couples where one was a early 30's student and the other an early 20's student...now they are both professors married to eachother and it's been 30 years.)

 

 

Your best bet would've been to leave her alone and let her contact you first. Never responding all the time. Then visibly moving on a bit...this would've shown that you didn't "like her too much". That is still your best bet. Either you'll find a new and better woman or her seeing that you've really let her go will make her want you again.

[somedude81]

I'm not looking for a wife now.

 

Yes I would have liked to be married now but my life is screwed up and I'm about 10 years behind where I should be. I really have no idea what the F happened to me. Graduating college and getting my first GF at 32. Was I in a coma this whole time?!

I would have liked to have been with her for a year or two and just get to experience life. Being with her for only six months just confirms how much I'm missing. I hate how she ruined Christmas and New Years for me. Odds are she ruined Valentines Day as well. How come I don't get to experience a normal life?!

 

I have so much anger inside me left over from before I met her, added to new anger that she left me so suddenly. Who should I be mad at? Her for dumping me for a couple of really stupid reasons and not being able to fall in love with me? Myself for being such a loser who couldn't even hold on to her plus a general mess of self-hatred. Or God letting this happen in the first place? It feels like some sick joke that after I started liking girls, it took me so long finally get a GF. I've been unhappily single from 13 to 32. That is a huge portion of my life to be constantly miserable. And then to find joy for only six months, WTF?! Was I not allowed to get comfortable and start enjoying my life for too long?

 

As for contacting her etc, she hasn't initiated contact with me once. It's almost as if I died then she gets annoyed when I try to reach out. What the fu*k did I do to her?!

 

One thing that really bugs me, is that if she does come back to me in the near future, I don't know if I can forgive her and be close to her like I used to be. I want her back but I'm so mad at her. We'd probably start having fights because she's built up so much resentment in me.

[somedude81]

Something really weird happened this morning.

 

During my bought of insomnia I went to the living room and was sitting on the couch. I kept hearing a noise and I couldn't figure out what it was.

 

Then I looked over and saw that my phones screen was lit up and it was browsing the webpage Living Social, looking at a deal for a psychic in my area.

What the heck?!

 

I had never been to Living Social on my phone so either somebody had hacked into my phone and went to Debbie's Psychic Readings or something else is going on

Edited January 10, 2014 by somedude81

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm not looking for a wife now.

 

Regardless it is what she would be expecting you to have in mind. 31 is about the average age of first marriage for a US male.

 

Remember people in their early 20's generally value conformity even if they are not themselves a conformist per se. (i.e. they will be non conformist while conforming to hipster culture or goth culture.) We were all that way once.

 

 

Yes I would have liked to be married now but my life is screwed up and I'm about 10 years behind where I should be. I really have no idea what the F happened to me. Graduating college and getting my first GF at 32. Was I in a coma this whole time?!

 

She knew that, and knows that at your age being married after a year or two of dating at the most is totally reasonable. At your age your supposed to have an idea of what you want to do in life and where you want to do it. (Remember what I said about people that age and general conformity).

 

Lots of people her age will say that they would feel like a failure if not married with children by age 30. Even ones you think would not be all about the suburban family life idea.

 

I would have liked to have been with her for a year or two and just get to experience life. Being with her for only six months just confirms how much I'm missing. I hate how she ruined Christmas and New Years for me. Odds are she ruined Valentines Day as well. How come I don't get to experience a normal life?!

 

I get what you mean here. Why don't you get to just give someone a freaking valentine and know they will like it? Why don't you get to give someone special a christmas gift or greeting and get one in return? I know it feels odd.

 

The truth is it is very normal to not have that in your life.

 

I have so much anger inside me left over from before I met her, added to new anger that she left me so suddenly. Who should I be mad at? Her for dumping me for a couple of really stupid reasons and not being able to fall in love with me? Myself for being such a loser who couldn't even hold on to her plus a general mess of self-hatred. Or God letting this happen in the first place? It feels like some sick joke that after I started liking girls, it took me so long finally get a GF. I've been unhappily single from 13 to 32. That is a huge portion of my life to be constantly miserable. And then to find joy for only six months, WTF?! Was I not allowed to get comfortable and start enjoying my life for too long?

 

That would feel really awful. All I can assure you of is that the feelings of having had a litany of bad relationships between 13 and 32 isn't much better.

 

It must suck to think about all the total dirtbags that get women while you a man who never harmed anyone has this trouble. Just know this, most of those relationships you think are so great don't feel so great.

 

As for contacting her etc, she hasn't initiated contact with me once. It's almost as if I died then she gets annoyed when I try to reach out. What the fu*k did I do to her?!

 

Right here it seems you haven't given her a real chance to reach out to you.

 

If you had not contacted her for a few months, just total freeze out, then she probably would've initiated.

 

One thing that really bugs me, is that if she does come back to me in the near future, I don't know if I can forgive her and be close to her like I used to be. I want her back but I'm so mad at her. We'd probably start having fights because she's built up so much resentment in me.

 

I've actually thought about that from time to time.

 

You know I was involved with a young woman about the same age as yours, right?

 

I hung back and did not contact her but a couple of times moths apart. She never replied. Then she contacted me a few times I never directly replied until the last one. There are still some feelings there but I have to wonder if we did try again could we make it work or would the well be too poisoned by the last six months?

 

I would just move on if I didn't know so many old married couples now who had far worse problems that anything between me and my ex who eventually worked something out.

 

So, don't hold your breath waiting on her. Just leave the door open a crack and let her approach you. Move on, heal, so if she doesn't you can be ready for the next better woman.

 

Something really weird happened this morning.

 

During my bought of insomnia I went to the living room and was sitting on the couch. I kept hearing a noise and I couldn't figure out what it was.

 

Then I looked over and saw that my phones screen was lit up and it was browsing the webpage Living Social, looking at a deal for a psychic in my area.

What the heck?!

 

I had never been to Living Social on my phone so either somebody had hacked into my phone and went to Debbie's Psychic Readings or something else is going on

that is strange.

[alittledesperate]

Call her when you feel angry. Then talk calmly with her about general things.

[pickflicker]

Call her when you feel angry. Then talk calmly with her about general things.

 

No, he's contacted her more than enough times post-breakup.

 

Somedude, re: the graduating at 32, education at any age is never wasted. I did one degree at 18 and now at 31, have only just worked out what I want to do with my life, so back to school I go! Our generation is expected to have 2 or 3 careers in our lifetime, not just jobs.

 

Why weren't your marks high enough? Was the subject matter too hard, or did you become distracted?

[Anela]

I'm not looking for a wife now.

 

Yes I would have liked to be married now but my life is screwed up and I'm about 10 years behind where I should be. I really have no idea what the F happened to me. Graduating college and getting my first GF at 32. Was I in a coma this whole time?!

I would have liked to have been with her for a year or two and just get to experience life. Being with her for only six months just confirms how much I'm missing. I hate how she ruined Christmas and New Years for me. Odds are she ruined Valentines Day as well. How come I don't get to experience a normal life?!

 

I have so much anger inside me left over from before I met her, added to new anger that she left me so suddenly. Who should I be mad at? Her for dumping me for a couple of really stupid reasons and not being able to fall in love with me? Myself for being such a loser who couldn't even hold on to her plus a general mess of self-hatred. Or God letting this happen in the first place? It feels like some sick joke that after I started liking girls, it took me so long finally get a GF. I've been unhappily single from 13 to 32. That is a huge portion of my life to be constantly miserable. And then to find joy for only six months, WTF?! Was I not allowed to get comfortable and start enjoying my life for too long?

 

As for contacting her etc, she hasn't initiated contact with me once. It's almost as if I died then she gets annoyed when I try to reach out. What the fu*k did I do to her?!

 

One thing that really bugs me, is that if she does come back to me in the near future, I don't know if I can forgive her and be close to her like I used to be. I want her back but I'm so mad at her. We'd probably start having fights because she's built up so much resentment in me.

 

I've said before that I can relate to certain things about you. As much as I hate the douche that used to be in my life, I feel that way because he messed with my head - he was mean, and a lot of the anger I've felt towards him, has been anger that I actually feel towards myself, for not being able to handle it, and not sticking to what I really knew I should do, and staying away from him.

 

Your ex is young - very young, compared to yourself. Even though I have been in a similar mess relationship-wise (as in, hardly having any experience), I can't imagine being involved with someone that much younger than me. You say that you wanted to be involved with her for another year or so, just to experience life that way, but that isn't fair to her - she has her own wants and needs, she obviously felt that you two weren't compatible in the long run. She might want to know what it's like to be single for a while. She also might be looking for someone who doesn't want an open-ended relationship with her. A man who has plans, that don't only involve sex, and having somebody there - as someone else said, it isn't fair to hate her, if you weren't thinking about marriage and making plans in that direction.

 

She didn't mess with your head, she was actually with you, and doesn't deny things the way the douche did with me. I hope that you get over your anger towards her soon; I really think that it's more anger towards yourself. I still carry resentment towards that guy, and it's unhealthy. I keep running across men my own age, who don't want to date women our age - they want someone younger, just as you do, so you can't blame her for moving on, as young as she is, when it seems she has the best chance of finding someone more compatible with her now. She doesn't want her time wasted, either.

[Anela]

Something really weird happened this morning.

 

During my bought of insomnia I went to the living room and was sitting on the couch. I kept hearing a noise and I couldn't figure out what it was.

 

Then I looked over and saw that my phones screen was lit up and it was browsing the webpage Living Social, looking at a deal for a psychic in my area.

What the heck?!

 

I had never been to Living Social on my phone so either somebody had hacked into my phone and went to Debbie's Psychic Readings or something else is going on

 

My mother's phone started to call our home phone all by itself, over and over, just after our kitten died. Weird. She had to remove the battery/SIM card.

 

And I have to add to my post above: I have had the exact same feelings, when it comes to: "I finally started to live life again, and I get that douche messing with my head, and making me feel like other people would have the exact same reaction to me." "I finally had feelings for someone, and he turned out to be a bitter, angry, mean mess, who couldn't take responsibility for anything." "I wanted to enjoy my thirties, but this crap at home never ends, and men my own age, keep making me feel old!" and so on. My own sister has had a vendetta against me for the past two years, and I was mocked last year, for being 37, and still not having a SO on Valentine's Day. it didn't bother me at the time - I was feeling fine on my own - what bothered me was that she felt the need to try to hurt me that way. Now I'm almost 39, no Valentine in sight, no healthy relationship in sight. Just addicts who want to cheat with me, or some guy who messaged me on OKC, wanting to help me ring in the New Year with a "bang".

 

I'm too isolated, and this is why you need more of a social life - more male friends, etc. You met this girl when you were taking dancing classes, correct? I feel better when I'm out, and there really is something to the advice to figure out how to be happy when you're single.