JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm curious how many people here are friends with their Ex BF/GF.. Personally I think i couldn't do it. No Matter how long the time have past. The thing that is gonna kill me is them getting married, having a baby, traveling and wishing that could have been you. I am friends with some of my ex but those are not LTR like 6 months or less. Could you be friends with LTR and Ex wife/husband that left you? share some stories guys!
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I had a relationship 5 years ago, it lasted for 3, almost 4 years. Things ended up with respect. It was a LDR, so it wasn't the best choice for us, since we could meet just one time each summer. At first we couldn't keep contacting, but time passed by and we became very good friends. I do not want to get back with him, neither he does. My most recent ex, well.... NEVER. Things got terrible and he never really cared about me, so, hell no, I don't want to see him ever again. I think it's difficult to stay friends if you shared intimacy. I didn't had sex with the ex I am friends with.
Allumere Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Ex-husband would be a "NO"! Of the three men I have dated since divorce (all dumped me), I'm good friends with #1 and have stayed with him and his girlfriend, #2 actually just came out of the woodwork after a year and I am sure we will be on friendly terms (he is married) from now on. #3 just dumped me so not now as I still have that stupid hope thing going on but down the line I would value him as a friend.
Apparition Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I could never be friends with an ex simply because they are my ex, not because I have feelings for them and would hate to see them getting married, but because I think it would be wrong on my partner and also, I would despise it if my partner was friends with an ex boyfriend. I think once you are romantically involved with someone and it doesn't work out, it should be left there in the past along with them, whether or not things ended on a good note. They are an "ex" for a reason. Just my opinion, though, and what I prefer. 2
FortunateSon Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I am on friendly terms with all of my ex's from my distant past. I get along very well with my son's mom, although I am not sure we would have cultivated a friendship after things ended if we didn't have a son together. I doubt I will be friends with my recent long term ex, it ended terribly and I can see no reason for us to be in touch ever again. I do know from past experience that I will get over her, I've done it in the past, I can do it again. 2
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I am on friendly terms with all of my ex's from my distant past. I get along very well with my son's mom, although I am not sure we would have cultivated a friendship after things ended if we didn't have a son together. I doubt I will be friends with my recent long term ex, it ended terribly and I can see no reason for us to be in touch ever again. I do know from past experience that I will get over her, I've done it in the past, I can do it again. I feel so inexperienced when I read all of this things... How to get over someone you shared a great connection with? In likes and dislikes. I mean, not all things. We would be together if that was the case, but still, most of them. I just feel like I was somehow drowned on to this. The recent ex, of course. The one I'll never be friends with,
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Only one. It was a relationship that lasted a month. We were friends for a long time before that and a relationship was awful. Even after, we didnt talk for another year. I was dating someone else as we she. Eight years later, we still are friends and she lives with her current BF. LTR's, however, I never talk to because it, more than likely, it gives unnecessary possible hope for either or both parties. I have enough friends already.
FortunateSon Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I feel so inexperienced when I read all of this things... How to get over someone you shared a great connection with? In likes and dislikes. I mean, not all things. We would be together if that was the case, but still, most of them. I just feel like I was somehow drowned on to this. The recent ex, of course. The one I'll never be friends with, A lot of the advice in LS is very helpful. Time, no contact, and eventually meeting someone new when the time is right will allow you to get over someone. Unfortunately it isn't something that can necessarily be rushed, it can take time. 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 A lot of the advice in LS is very helpful. Time, no contact, and eventually meeting someone new when the time is right will allow you to get over someone. Unfortunately it isn't something that can necessarily be rushed, it can take time. Thank you so much When I was with him I always wanted to think that if things couldn't go any further, we were going to be good friends. He said to me the same and well, the split was awful. This keeps making loud sound on my mind, I guess I only have to focus on why we couldn't stay together.
CarrieT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I am friends with most of my Ex's… I have had a handful of long-term relationships and boyfriends. In only two instances am I not friends with them; one was my exHusband, whom everyone thinks may be dead (completely unsearchable online and lots of mutual friends have no idea what happened to him two decades ago), and my most recent ExBoyfriend who I know is living in an alcoholic rehab half-way house. Other than that, I am actually in relatively close contact with my Ex's and one has even come to my now-Husband's house for dinner and to look at a vintage British car we are restoring. In all these cases, it took considerable time and separation for the friendship to be able to occur. I don't think anyone can go immediately from Lover/Partner to "Just Friends" because there is still a connection or hurt. But considering there is a reason that drew you together in the first place, I see no reason why two people can't come back together - after the healing of the hurt and pain - to maintain cordiality and affinity. For me, when I got married last month, EVERY SINGLE ONE of my Ex's that I am friends with offered their heartfelt congratulations via FB. As there is no more romantic feelings towards these guys, there is nothing for my husband to worry about. But he knows that I will always care about these people and there is no reason to remove them from my life.
2fargone Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't see the point in staying friends. Then again, I am not likely to run into one by accident either... 1
Eau Claire Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 My obligation and care in life is for my partner. I never had a really bad break up but have always followed no contact. I would never want my current partner to feel insecure or in any way. His feelings are foremost in my life. Also, despite being a few generations removed from the jungle, males are still males. I rarely bring up any mention of an ex...such talk or contact is like a virus that might infect a relationship. I find my guy is just all that more open in feelings and thus affectionate when I make him my priority in life. 'We' means the two of us and not the two of us and not lingering baggage. 1
chris21422 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Being friends with an ex is always a bad idea. 3
AllTooWell Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 There is never definite 'always a bad idea' or 'always a good idea' I am NOT friends with the ex who I joined this website because of, and I doubt I could ever be - but who knows what the future holds. I am friends with 2 exes - one casual friends, on good terms, we speak about once a month, no feelings on either side. We kept talking around every month since we broke up 2 years ago. The other I recently got back in touch with after an awful break up (cheating on both sides, he ruined a friendship with one of my oldest friends, extreme betrayal in so many ways by both of us). This ex and I didn't talk at ALL for four years, and we are actually becoming good friends again! Played board games together with family last night lol. Purely platonic. Just missed the friendship. It is possible.
radiodarcy Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm not. He wanted to be friends but I just couldn't do it. Because: 1.) as long as he stayed in my life as a friend, I was always going to be hoping for something more and 2.) we were never really friends in the first place
Still Searching Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 My first two exes, one of 6 years, and one of 3 years, I am on friendly terms with. I see the first (highschool sweetheart into college), once or twice a year, and nothing is awkward at all. The second, I haven't seen since one month after the breakup, but I've heard from her, both by email and phone, a few times, and things are fine. I don't have any hard feelings, but none of us are going out of our way to build a super close friendship. If either ever needed anything, I'd help any way I could, and welcome their getting a hold of me. The last ex (of a year and a half), I don't see myself ever being on these terms with. Although the shortest relationship, it was the most intense, and thus, the pain is also the most intense. Although my mind knows we weren't right for each other, my heart still misses her and feels like she was the one that was supposed to be by my side always. Oh well...
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm curious how many people here are friends with their Ex BF/GF.. Personally I think i couldn't do it. No Matter how long the time have past. The thing that is gonna kill me is them getting married, having a baby, traveling and wishing that could have been you. I am friends with some of my ex but those are not LTR like 6 months or less. Could you be friends with LTR and Ex wife/husband that left you? share some stories guys! I'm close friends with both my exes, my ex fiance is probably even my best friend. The key, as other posters have mentioned, is time. A lot of people tend to think they want to be friends with their exes when they aren't ready because they think they can win them back if they don't cut them out. That mentality tends to never end well. That being said, it is entirely possibly to actually be a friend to an ex. The key is for their to be no romantic feelings involved on either side. That takes time. Once the feelings are gone, it's really not that hard to watch them fall in love with other people and travel and start families. You realize eventually that even though you may have loved them so much it hurt, that they just weren't the right person for you.
RDawg Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I am on good terms with my most recent ex of 3.5 months ago in spite of things having ended traumatically. I wouldn't say we are friends, it is probably too soon for that but we do stay in contact and keep the conversations quite light. It took a couple of meet ups post break up to clear the air which really helped us both to get everything out in the open. We probably communicate better now than when we were living together, quite ironic. She is house sitting for me next week for 10 days whilst I go out of town. Pretty cool.
polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I know I would hate if my boyfriend had an ex as his best friend.. 1
Kalinka1 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I am very good friends with my ex of 4.5 years, mostly because we 'became' best friends during the relationship and ended it because we both figured it was just platonic - the sexual tension was gone completely for the last 2 years of the relationship. With my other two exes (2years and 3 years) I am cordial, catching up every now and again. The first one (2 years) just had a baby and I am really happy for him, he was an amazing guy but we were young and I got bored. As for my most recent ex and the reason I am on here - I hope we'll be friends. He just isn't ready for a relationship and I am learning to let go. But we were really good friends for 2 years before the relationship started (and it lasted only 6 months) and I hope we can return to that because I do still care about him. I just wonder how I'd feel when he finds someone else once he is ready, but time will tell.
Recommended Posts