Bodyguard991 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hello everyone and firstly let me thank you all for taking the time to read and hopefully help me. I have been dating this girl for nearly 4 months now (we are both in school but of legal age to buy alcohol etc.) and have recently said "I love you" to each other. The problem is that despite the fact that she cares for me, having a date with her is always problematic. The plans always change and sometimes she even cancels on me. I've made it clear that I can't keep doing this and I need her to be fully involved and she has promised to change, but she just doesn't. We haven't even done anything sexually! If she wasn't ready then I could understand and give her time, but she says she's ready and still nothing. She wants to do things with me, but it never seems to happen. Recently we've been fighting quite a bit, and this is all because I need her to be more consistent and responsible with our relationship. I love her and I can't lose her, so we agreed that we'd just start again and it's been back to normal...more or less. I told her that I don't expect us to do anything sexually since our recent fighting has kind of ruined the mood, and she replied with "Yeah sounds good to me, for now". So I guess it will take a bit longer to reach that stage of our relationship, which I'm willing to wait through since I really care for her. I'm just worried, to be honest. I don't know if this is going to work out, if our fighting has ruined this relationship. I've been upfront with her and she's agreed she needs to change and she will to be with me, but she just hasn't and I've given her plenty of opportunities, I don't know what to do. How do I go about this? Should I just back off for a bit? I can't lose her, any help would be appreciated. I talked to her and we agreed we'd go to the cinema or something before she goes away, just so we can both remember why we're together and what it's like when we don't fight. Thank you for the help, it means a lot.
Maxtor Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Stop talking about sex, stop talking about the "mood". Talking ruins everything, just do it when the mood is on. The more you point the problems to her, the harder it is for her.
Author Bodyguard991 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Stop talking about sex, stop talking about the "mood". Talking ruins everything, just do it when the mood is on. The more you point the problems to her, the harder it is for her. You're right, but I'm not dating her just for sex. I want to move past this fighting and make it the way it was before. Is there any way you can help me with that?
CrystalCastles Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 You're right, but I'm not dating her just for sex. Yeah but talking about it makes it seem that way.
Author Bodyguard991 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Yeah but talking about it makes it seem that way. So I'm supposed to just avoid the topic of sex? Of course it's something that I want to do with her, but there's more to it than that. If that's all I wanted I could have been with some drunk chick at a party, but I choose to be with her because I love her. Sex with her would be fun, but if you look at my question, you will see that I ask about being emotionally close to her more than I ask for being pleased sexually.
Author Bodyguard991 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I'm going to take a wild guess that you were the one who said, "I love you." first? I'm also going to take a wild guess that she only said it back the first time out of muscle reaction and now feels obligated. She also probably feels obligated to hang out with you even though she may not really want to anymore. The fact that she's cancelling and changing plans shows she doesn't necessarily respect you. She might even be involved with another man - this wouldn't be that crazy of a revelation. Just back way off don't contact her for a day or 2. You might want to just move on if this girl isn't serious. You're going to get your heart broken if this continues for long. Thank you for your honest answer, I really respect that. I said it first, yes, and she said it after. I'm a paranoid person as it is so I already thought of it being "muscle reaction", as you say, and I can promise you it wasn't. I know she cares about me. Of course this doesn't sound surprising to you, anyone in my position would say this, but she has made it clear that she loves me too and that she wants to work on our relationship, so I trust her. Her last boyfriend cheated on her and her parents divorced because of cheating, she is very paranoid about it and I highly doubt she would cheat. Maybe I should back off for a bit though. I know I can't be with her if she doesn't take it seriously, I'm just hoping she changes like she said she would. Her New Year's resolution is to stop blocking people out (specifically me), so once again she's showing she wants to work on it. I think you were a little too negative in your answer but at the same time I can definitely see where you are coming from, and maybe it's me that's being too positive. Either way, I love her and I want to give this a chance.
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