BlessYourCottonSocks Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 This is just so hard. I can't eat and all I do is sleep. I know I've lost weight because my clothes don't fit me anymore. Sleep has been disturbed by family members coming to check on me. I tell them I'm okay and when they leave I get really bad anxiety and just cry. I feel so alone in this and I know I'm not. But this feeling of sadness just drowns me. I've been taking Lexapro for about 5 days now so I know that might be part of the reason for my extra sadness, loss of appetite and anxiety. Usually it gets worse before it gets better with depression medications. I'm just trying to ride it through. But today, I've slept all day and I'm so tired and weak. I woke up thinking of him and ran to the bathroom and threw up. I just laid there on the bathroom floor, my heart racing fast and wondering when I'm going to get past this. How do I let him go? When will I be happy again? I found this song by Katy Perry, called By The Grace of God. It's so beautiful and speaks to me: By the grace of God (there was no other way) I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay) I put one foot in front of the other and I Looked in the mirror and decided to stay Wasn't gonna let love take me out I just need help finding my strength again. I came on here hoping someone can make me feel a little bit better, help my world find that light again. This has been tough. 2013 is gone and I have this new year ahead of me. The past is behind me and this possible future is all mine, but I don't know what to do with it. I'm scared I won't ever get over him.
Kilty Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 You get over everyone in time ... if you want to. How long were you together, how long since the break up and what caused it ? 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 You get over everyone in time ... if you want to. How long were you together, how long since the break up and what caused it ? 3 years. It's been...2 weeks? I really haven't kept track. He was a commitment phobe and said he wasn't in love with me. So I moved out and haven't talked to him since. It's been off and on for 3 years. This isn't the first time he broke up with me.
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Yes, you can expect to have a bit of a wonky appetite for a few weeks. Try eating some toast and fruit, maybe a little yoghurt, and be sure to drink plenty of water. Try heading out for a short walk around the block if possible, with some music on. 1
polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I, too, had an on and off relationship (for 2 years) and we broke up permanently little over a month ago. It's okay to feel down, you're only 2 weeks past BU! And it's okay to one day feel like you're making progress and the next day feel like you're back to square one. Just give it more time and the bad days will be fewer and fewer.
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 With regards to antidepressants, I can certainly agree on the side effects. I used to take Wellbutrin, people call it "hellbutrin". You literally feel like you are in hell for the first 5 months and then its supposed to get better. I couldn't stick around that long to find out, the side effect exacerbated my mental state I thought I was going insane. I'm dealing with bad anxiety lately and I still refuse to go on medication due to it's side effects. Hang tight trust me, surround yourself with good, people. I think I've come closer to my parents due to this entire fiasco, they have really been there for me since day one. I know there are certain times when you feel afraid and uncertain of how you'll feel five minutes from now, but know that we are still riding this emotional rollercoaster that one day we will eventually get off and be free to enjoy life and love once again. Be strong. 1
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 With regards to antidepressants, I can certainly agree on the side effects. I used to take Wellbutrin, people call it "hellbutrin". You literally feel like you are in hell for the first 5 months and then its supposed to get better. I couldn't stick around that long to find out, the side effect exacerbated my mental state I thought I was going insane. I'm dealing with bad anxiety lately and I still refuse to go on medication due to it's side effects. Hang tight trust me, surround yourself with good, people. I think I've come closer to my parents due to this entire fiasco, they have really been there for me since day one. I know there are certain times when you feel afraid and uncertain of how you'll feel five minutes from now, but know that we are still riding this emotional rollercoaster that one day we will eventually get off and be free to enjoy life and love once again. Be strong. Have you thought about trying Zoloft? It's very mild.
Allumere Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm so sorry huni....and I have been there...most of us have. Feeling like total and utter crap is normal for most. Books and such will tell you this and that to move things along but as suckie as it is, you are better off feeling this pain and dealing with it now then try to sweep it under the rug. Like you, I didn't eat or sleep. I was a wreck for months (that doesn't mean you will be, everyone works in their own time line). Do the best you can to take care of yourself. If you have a therapist then reach out. When you do have those brief moments that you aren't feeling the black dog then exercise, call a friend, go to a movie....anything to get out of the house. You may not last long once out but thats OK...baby steps. I found for the anxiety the only thing that helped was exercise (and understanding what was actually going on with me and that it would pass) You will feel better. Time does help but I think it gets to the point you are so sick of yourself and bored that you start clawing out the hole because you are ready for change.
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Have you thought about trying Zoloft? It's very mild. I'm really just trying to stay away from them as difficult as it already is.
Kilty Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Sorry to hear that. A crappy time to break up. You really have to make a stand this time as it's possible he will initiate getting back together if it's happened before. The cycle will then begin again if you allow it. There is no bigger thing in a relationship that trust and surely by this point you can no longer trust him ? Saying he doesnt love you should be all that your mind needs to stop putting him up on a pedestal and run like the wind away from him. You are feeling bad right now because it's raw and also the holiday season. Do you really want to be with someone who engineers a break up just before Christmas ? I assume he has also not contacted you throughout the holiday period ? What is it that makes you long after this guy ? Is he a kind hearted adonis that will look after you to your last breath ??? I could kinda understand that ! You deserve better and it's just a shock to your system as something that you have been used to is gone. Once you adjust you will be fine
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm really just trying to stay away from them as difficult as it already is. Fair enough. 1
Purepony Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think her biggest problem right now is listening to Katy Perry 8
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Listening to the wrong choice of music can effectively exacerbate it all. It's amazing how everything and anything can trigger a thought or memory. However, little by little we reintroduce ourselves to life and live and breathe again. 2
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Listening to the wrong choice of music can effectively exacerbate it all. It's amazing how everything and anything can trigger a thought or memory. However, little by little we reintroduce ourselves to life and live and breathe again. Maybe something she's never listened to before? Or, when all else fails, the default - classical. 1
flightplan Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hey Bless... here's a few things someone sent to help me. Maybe it'll help you too: Does he really even make me happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which he's really meeting your needs. Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he was. "There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you're back with them for about 10 minutes and you go 'Oh yeah! Now I remember why it didn't work out!'" Don't kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past. Don't wait around because you think he's going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he's going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. "To the extent that there's some history, you don't have to speculate, you just have to measure." Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. "As long you are obsessed, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one." Set some goals and start putting your life back together. "There's a 50/50 chance a marriage is going to work if both people are head over heels in love, passionate and willing to climb the mountain, swim the river and slay the dragon to get to each other. That's with everybody crazy in love and running toward each other in that field that we see in the commercials. The problem you've got here is he's running the other way in the field! So if it's 50/50 when you're running toward each other, what do you think it is when the other person is running out of the field and hiding in the woods?" We're not always wise witnesses to our own lives. Sometimes, in spite of tightly clinging to an idea of how we want our life to be, the universe has a plan for us that is braver and better than the one we had for ourselves. The good news is, when we stay open to it, the universe often finds a way to deliver us there. Hang in there... it DOES get better. 7
ponchsox Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Just focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Nobody else is going to do that for you. You will find another good man. It's not the end of the world. Please don't waste time drowning in sorrow. Life's too damn short for that. No person should have that much emotional control over you.
flightplan Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 One other thing Bless, you are learning things about yourself that you otherwise would have never learned. You're growing whether you believe it or not. You're going to come out the other end of this with a stronger heart and healthier attitude about yourself. Your higher self esteem will pair you with a man more suited to who you are. Then one day, you're going to look back at your ex and wonder what you ever saw in him and realize the very small man he really is. You have already outgrown him, you just don't realize it yet. 3
realfriends Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I remember my first few weeks after my break up. First two days, I literally ate nothing and just dropped so much weight which I still havnt put back on yet. I literally had no desire for anything, including all of my school work with finals coming up. I could no longer concentrate in class and was completely miserable. Although im nowhere close to being healed, its getting better. With each passing day and passing week, the pain slowly goes away, although it comes back in waves. But it only goes if you let it. Ive picked up a few things that I normally wouldnt of done and plan to continue that. Anything to keep your mind off of it. Even today, when I was with my friends in the car and they showed a picture of her best friend, it really got to me. It happens. Just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other one inch at a time.
Mariposa10 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 This post will probably not help. But it'll be like this for at least a month. The breakup is soooooo recent! I experienced all that for a couple of months... It's something we just have to go through. What helped me a little bit? hanging out/talking with people who didn't know about my breakup. I also forced myself to be with friends, I did tell them I didn't want to be talking about the breakup. Just know that you will feel better, you just need to go through it.
williesd Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Bless. I've read quite a few posts on here, but have never seen anyone acknowledge here, but google love addiction and these two chemicals the body messes with both good and bad from relationships. dopamine and oxytocin are the chemicals within the body that potentially get messed up with a breakup or when you've been let go. I know my body chemistry post a 3.5 yr relationship as a codependent was messed with. With time and reading about it, you'll learn, yes your body chemistry is messed up, thus the sleeping and loss of appetite. it's also why exercise, even ten minute walks are helpful. the exercise helps your body physically process and my theory is it gets the body chemistry back to normal. most friends or family won't acknowledge it, but if you google it, post break up, it's not just the grief or loss or void, but your body has potentially messed with the chemistry. exercise as difficult as it is, probably helps better than Wellbutrin, Xanax, etc. It took me a few months to get back on the treadmill, but I did on Monday. today it was dog walks. also, don't be so hard on yourself.
lop98 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Yeah, you're describing my physical and emotional state two weeks after BU. I felt like this for a little over a month, I knew I had to do something about it when one afternoon I had a huge breakdown and found myself sobbing on my mother's lap. I joined the gym that very same day, started doing a full hour of cardio everyday, went to all parties (even the ones I hadn't even been invited to), drank tons of water (keeps things more oxygenated, trust me), no alcohol or pills, I needed to feel the pain exactly as it was to know how to get rid of it.... strict sleep patters helped too (I would force myself to sleep before 10 pm and force myself to go back to sleep if I woke up at 4 am thinking about him, which would result in tears until 7 am if I didn't...). I did a bunch of other things and somewhere on the way, I met an incredible guy that wiped all the fog away and made me realize I was worth of being loved... the rest is history, but bottom line is: either wait to hit rock bottom or just know it will happen anyway and pick yourself up right now, implement all these measures that may feel silly and unnecessary (like eating more nuts, etc), you're dealing with real withdrawal, shock, trauma, you need to nurture and take care of yourself but not pamper yourself... it's hard to tell the difference but you'll know it based on what the wound feels like. It doesn't mean it will hurt less, it will not stop hurting for a long time, I'm 10 months on since it all happened and it still hurts, 5% maybe but it still does, it's a long journey the one you have ahead so it's crucial to build strong and healthy habits to support yourself right now. 1
Debanked Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Seriously? You're hamstrung 'cause of a breakup from a guy of 3 years? Went on anti-depressants because of it? What are you going to do if life ever gets hard? Pick yourself up and carry on! 1
OpheliaSong Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Oh the drama...break ups are hard but they are a necessity so you don't keep the wrong people in your life when you know they were wrong for you. Adversity makes you stronger. Don't let him beat you by losing yourself to this. Find some friends and get back out in the world. If you have clinical depression go back to your doctor because this situation needs more than just meds. You need a therapist or you are going to wallow in this until you miss out on your youth and you regret it enough to get back up. 2
Haydn Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Bless hang in there, you will bounce back. (But eat!)
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Five minutes after I posted the original thread, I got a call from him. I had changed my number, but texted him shortly after the change to wish him happy holidays. He had ignored me for 2 weeks and now he calls.
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