isisisweeping Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 1. If a guy visits your profile and doesn't message, is it safe to assume for whatever reason he isn't interested? I should not message? 2. How do you make an interesting profile? I am fun to be around, really- but am not so adept at self promotion and marketing. I am certainly not up to par with the profiles I am seeing. It bored me despite being the one writing it. 3. How long/involved should intro messages be? I read the profile and the important questions but have kept messages short and rather bland. I prefer conversation. I am completely new to this. I've been in relationships my whole life to now. . Thanks.
turt Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 As long as you write something that can start conversation in your profile, you'll be fine. For example, talk about what you like to do (specifically). Writing generic ways to describe yourself doesn't really say much.
Author isisisweeping Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 As long as you write something that can start conversation in your profile, you'll be fine. For example, talk about what you like to do (specifically). Writing generic ways to describe yourself doesn't really say much. I did put my hobbies, albeit in a matter of fact sort of way.
Author isisisweeping Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Okay. I got responses back from everyone I messaged and about 10 others last night and this morning. I was careful to read the profiles of those I messaged. The ones that messaged me did not seem to. I responded to one that we were not a good match based on his profile and he attacked me about having poor judgment. Gee, thanks. Another one had no hobbies. Hanging out is not a hobby. Another didnt say it but I got the impression he wanted sex and while there's nothing wrong with that, I would be wasting his time. A little nervous to respond to the others I did not message first at this point. Two of them said overweight is an issue in their profile and I both listed my body type as overweight and posted several accurate (confirmed by friends to be accurate) full body photos. Weird. And suspicious. Still take advice though . I would hate to not present my best self.
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) I can only answer for myself... 1. If a guy visits your profile and doesn't message, is it safe to assume for whatever reason he isn't interested? I should not message? Mostly like you say, no message = no interest. The "viewed me" list is basically a list of people who viewed you and chose NOT to message you. Sometimes I am interested but can't think of what to write in an introductory message. Generally this happens when the woman looks interesting but her profile is quite bad and doesn't give me any inspiration. If she were to message me then I would probably respond. 2. How do you make an interesting profile? I am fun to be around, really- but am not so adept at self promotion and marketing. I am certainly not up to par with the profiles I am seeing. It bored me despite being the one writing it. Well that is a very broad topic. I think the best thing to do is post your profile for people to critique. Either on here, or on your OLD's forums if they have one. I know POF has a profile review forum specially for this purpose. In fact you don't even have to post your own for review, you can learn a lot just by reading other threads there and applying it to your own profile. 3. How long/involved should intro messages be? I read the profile and the important questions but have kept messages short and rather bland. I prefer conversation. Short but not bland. A couple of sentences which show you've read the profile, and a simple question. For example: "I see you like skiing, me too. I've just booked a holiday to Italy this February. Are you going anywhere this season?" If you're stuck for a question then it's quite easy at this time of year... how was your Christmas/new year? I responded to one that we were not a good match based on his profile and he attacked me about having poor judgment. Yes this happens from time to time. It's why most women do not respond to people they are not interested in. It's reasonably common for some jerks to attack women just because they aren't interested. Edited January 2, 2014 by PegNosePete
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 1. If a guy visits your profile and doesn't message, is it safe to assume for whatever reason he isn't interested? I should not message? 2. How do you make an interesting profile? I am fun to be around, really- but am not so adept at self promotion and marketing. I am certainly not up to par with the profiles I am seeing. It bored me despite being the one writing it. 3. How long/involved should intro messages be? I read the profile and the important questions but have kept messages short and rather bland. I prefer conversation. I am completely new to this. I've been in relationships my whole life to now. . Thanks. 1. Sometimes. Maybe even most of the time. Sometimes though I get interrupted and can't message so I have to log off after visiting a profile and go back later to write. 2. Beats me. 3. A couple of questions, maybe a joke or two (with a "lol" or a smiley to make sure they know it's supposed to be funny).
Author isisisweeping Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Okay. I knew I had gone to some that I might be interested in but didn't think they would be interested in me and didn't message, but sounds like that's a personal thing not something guys do. . I turned off visitors so I don't have to have it rubbed in my face; haha
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Okay. I knew I had gone to some that I might be interested in but didn't think they would be interested in me and didn't message, but sounds like that's a personal thing not something guys do. . I turned off visitors so I don't have to have it rubbed in my face; haha I mean if I saw something on their profile that indicated that they wouldn't be interested in me I wouldn't message, even if I was interested. I feel like it would be a waste of time for everyone.
Author isisisweeping Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Okay, I'm a little overwhelmed. I've not had too many messages that were inappropriate or that seemed like they hadn't read my profile but only looked at the pictures. I've gotten a lot of messages from guys who seem very cool and very nice... guys I'd like to get to know! But it's so many hitting all at once. I'm thinking about taking down numbers and closing my profile.... but right now there's too many that even seem like awesome people to know how to do it. From an online profile, it's not like I know them well enough to judge. I don't really have a long list of specifics. People all can have such different things for offer-- all I really care about is intelligence, rational thinker, being nice/a good person, and sense of humor. I've never had a specific dream guy for someone to live up to... I went on one date so far and the guy was just a great guy. I had another planned I don't feel like I should cancel but I'm already feeling awkward and worried about it. How do I do this? I'm not even used to this. I'm honestly freaking out a little bit. Can anyone talk me down? This is all so new. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing or what I should be doing and am feeling like I didn't think this signing up for a dating site through very well. It's not what I expected. Thank you!
the_entertainer1 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Okay, I'm a little overwhelmed. I've not had too many messages that were inappropriate or that seemed like they hadn't read my profile but only looked at the pictures. I've gotten a lot of messages from guys who seem very cool and very nice... guys I'd like to get to know! But it's so many hitting all at once. I'm thinking about taking down numbers and closing my profile.... but right now there's too many that even seem like awesome people to know how to do it. From an online profile, it's not like I know them well enough to judge. I don't really have a long list of specifics. People all can have such different things for offer-- all I really care about is intelligence, rational thinker, being nice/a good person, and sense of humor. I've never had a specific dream guy for someone to live up to... I went on one date so far and the guy was just a great guy. I had another planned I don't feel like I should cancel but I'm already feeling awkward and worried about it. How do I do this? I'm not even used to this. I'm honestly freaking out a little bit. Can anyone talk me down? This is all so new. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing or what I should be doing and am feeling like I didn't think this signing up for a dating site through very well. It's not what I expected. Thank you! Don't freak out! I know it can be overwhelming. I'm in the same boat, but set up my profile about a year ago. I get lots of "kisses" (that's the initial greeting thing" every day, but the quality of men in my area seems to be a little lower than yours (based on their profiles, anyway). Perhaps I'm fussier than you, but throughout last year, I only dated 4 guys from the site (one for nearly 6 months, the others were between 2-5 times). I only date one guy at a time. It's too confusing and I feel it wouldn't let me get to know a guy properly if I were going on dates with multiple guys every week or two. I know you said that you don't really have a dream type. You don't have to. But if you're getting so many messages from guys, you should probably exercise a bit more discretion when deciding which ones to date (if, as you say, you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.) You'll approach things with a clearer head. Having said that - the purpose of OLD is to get yourself out there by meeting new people. So I suppose there's also something to be said by talking to a number of guys, or going on a few dates with different guys. Also - OLD is a numbers game. From what my male friends have told me, guys send messages to literally every girl they think is hot, in the hope that they get a reply or two. I've been emailing a guy for a few weeks now, and in one of his emails he was upfront and told me that I was one of 3 girls he's chatting with at the moment. That kinda turned me off, but at the same time, I've been talking to (and dating) other guys, so I can't be a hypocrite! It's just something to be aware of. Finally - why are you feeling awkward and worried about your upcoming date?
Author isisisweeping Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Finally - why are you feeling awkward and worried about your upcoming date? One of my male friends told me the same thing; he went out with only one at a time early on, only to realize that just doesn't work in online dating because everyone is seeing multiple people, any one of which they might dismiss you for at any time not for anything about you. Just the nature of the beast, I guess. I am only feeling worried because it feels weird to go out when I liked the first guy at a time perfectly well. When I was 19, I went out with multiple guys at a time early on and it didn't bother me. I guess I'm just getting old and accustomed to being in long term relationships. I've spent my twenties exclusively in two long term relationships. The only thing I just noticed about the first guy is that he lied about his height in his profile. I didn't notice when we met because I hadn't even bothered to look at height because -well, who cares? However, I looked over his profile again and saw he said 5'8, and I was just slightly taller in heels when we met and that just defies probability at my height. That he lied about it makes me nervous. But, it was just a little drop box in the profile, it's not like it's something he said to me. I guess that's not the same as a lie, per se.
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