ParadisA330 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hey, First off, sorry this is a bit winded! I am 27 years old and have been resorting to online dating for the last 10 years. I was shy when I was younger and used it as a means to meet people. As I got older, went to college and work, I was able to get out of my shell and meet people, although the people I've met (females) were always in a relationship or a bad mix of there being a large age gap at work/school. With that I'd say to myself "Whelp, back to the online dating, I guess". With every new semester and every new job gave new opportunity to meet new people, but with that, it seemed to be the "same old, same old" with everyone being established in a relationship. With 10 years and countless dates, I've made a few friends, gone on lots of dates, and have even managed to get 3 somewhat serious relationships out of it. With college done with, I am doing the 40-hour work week. I am happy with my job, but, again, not many people there that are my age. Online dating has been exhausting for me. I am so tired of the emails, texts (50% of which stop at that point where the women seem to drop off the face of the planet and I am sick of saying "are you still interested in meeting up?" Then when we finally do meet for coffee, dinner or whatever the case might be, I feel everything goes great. It seems to be the same story the next morning, when I get that text "I had fun last night, but I am not interested/no chemistry etc etc". Going from days/weeks of texting to deleting them from my phone always is disappointing. I tried to "get out there" and try Speed dating. That too, was exhausting. I only got one match, who revealed herself almost a month after the event. I can't recall who she was (she never uploaded a picture), but it doesn't matter because she never responded back to my e-mail. With that, I am sick of online dating, but know no other way. I would love to bump into someone at the grocery store or the gym, but never have any luck. I have joined meetup.com, and have gone to a few meet ups that I'm interested in. I have also inquired into "Events and Adventures", but I have a feeling it might be pricey. Is anyone in the same boat as I am in? Any suggestions on meeting someone "in real life"? I feel I have taken baby steps with this, but I still feel like meetup.com is still online. Thanks! 2
Eggplant Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Go to a dance class. Salsa seems to attract a younger crowd. Not sure about the others.
salparadise Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Yes, I feel your frustration. I share that to a certain extent but still see it as a better opportunity to meet people than real life happenstance. I'm older and I think the gender dynamics change. I am more often the one having to bow out gracefully after a first date. I've learned to only go out with women with whom I think there might be a basis for a relationship, and who are within my parameters overall (age, education, children, political views, distance, etc.) because I just don't want to expend the energy unless there is potential. I've had a few good relationships and I've enjoyed and learned from each on, so I don't consider it a loss since I am having fun with females (and all that entails) as opposed to sitting home wishing I could make women appear out of thin air. I recently met the first eligible, age appropriate, interested, attractive, single woman in several years (real life) at my volunteer gig recently. In the same time I've met dozens of nice women online. I'm dating someone from online at the present so not pursuing the woman from the volunteer gig. Anyway, bottom line is that if it were not for online dating I'd be single, celibate, lonely and starved for female attention. I actually get plenty of platonic female attention since I volunteer with about 50 young women in their early 20s. But that's a little too young and I'd quickly get the dirty old man rep if I tried anything. Although, some of them are really hot and friendly (and they're all smart, which matters to me). 1
Author ParadisA330 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Yes, I feel your frustration. I share that to a certain extent but still see it as a better opportunity to meet people than real life happenstance. I'm older and I think the gender dynamics change. I am more often the one having to bow out gracefully after a first date. I've learned to only go out with women with whom I think there might be a basis for a relationship, and who are within my parameters overall (age, education, children, political views, distance, etc.) because I just don't want to expend the energy unless there is potential. I've had a few good relationships and I've enjoyed and learned from each on, so I don't consider it a loss since I am having fun with females (and all that entails) as opposed to sitting home wishing I could make women appear out of thin air. I recently met the first eligible, age appropriate, interested, attractive, single woman in several years (real life) at my volunteer gig recently. In the same time I've met dozens of nice women online. I'm dating someone from online at the present so not pursuing the woman from the volunteer gig. Anyway, bottom line is that if it were not for online dating I'd be single, celibate, lonely and starved for female attention. I actually get plenty of platonic female attention since I volunteer with about 50 young women in their early 20s. But that's a little too young and I'd quickly get the dirty old man rep if I tried anything. Although, some of them are really hot and friendly (and they're all smart, which matters to me). I am glad I am not alone. i am browsing CL for volunteering, activities, classes..anything to meet someone. 50 young women in their early 20's, eh? Where do you volunteer?
MixedUpChick Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I have joined meetup.com, and have gone to a few meet ups that I'm interested in. I have also inquired into "Events and Adventures", but I have a feeling it might be pricey. Is anyone in the same boat as I am in? Any suggestions on meeting someone "in real life"? I feel I have taken baby steps with this, but I still feel like meetup.com is still online. Thanks! I just found this site & am skimming through some posts on dating since I have a lot to learn. I don't really think of Meetup as being online; sure there's a website to join Meetup & sign up for groups & events, but the rest is entirely offline, you're not chatting & establishing any online contact before meeting anyone like with online dating sites. You're also not wandering into a bar & walking up to some random stranger hoping to hit it off. I'd much rather go to a Meetup event where I know everyone has a common interest, than to walk up to a complete stranger & try to find something in common. Meetup is a wonderful resource, don't just join singles groups, join groups for any of your various interests. It's very possible to meet someone in a Rock Climbing meetup group or a Cooking/Dancing/etc. meetup group who would be a great date who might become something more. I currently belong to at least 10 different meetup groups & I pick & choose what events I feel like attending, but at least where I live, many of the "singles" meetup groups have people with a hunting mentality rather than just people being out having fun doing something they enjoy so I go to very few events with the singles group. I looked into Events & Adventures a while back and have talked to several people who were or are in it, it's apparently very expensive & hard to get out of your contract - and Meetup.com gives you the same thing but is free to join (you only pay for yourself for whatever events you attend if there's even a cost). Some Meetup groups may have a small annual fee to be in their particular group but it really is a great resource for meeting new people. I met my new best friend through a volunteering event in 2013 & have made some other great friends over the last couple years through Meetup. Two friends of mine who met through Meetup got married (to each other) this past summer. It's all about getting out to do things you enjoy doing, & there's always a chance of meeting someone compatible for dating. As you can probably tell I highly recommend Meetup. 1
Eau Claire Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I belong to a half dozen Meet up groups. Never met so many great people. I could literally do an activity a day....from hiking,to dancing, to going to a movie to playing dodgeball. All ages, singles, couples. My boyfriend and I have met lots of new friends. Meetup has literally become the most central thing in my life outside of my guy. 2
shinealight Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I used to do online dating but i now feel what is the point when i can go out even on my own and you might meet someone and if you don't try again next time. You will meet someone don't worry
soccerrprp Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Meet up groups sound like a nice way to meet other people. Not like online dating.
deathandtaxes Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Go to a dance class. Salsa seems to attract a younger crowd. Not sure about the others. And ballet class. It's almost all women. Yoga, too. And ballet and yoga will whoop your ass hard and you'll be grateful. 1
winny Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Can understand your pain... Same situation just that am a female...
FitChick Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Gardening and flower arranging classes are mostly women. You can make a comment early on about an ex-girlfriend who didn't like flowers or some other rubbish so they know you are straight. 1
sagetalk Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 From reading your post, it sounds like you are focusing on impressing them. You should be focusing on them impressing you. Try it, it increases your value to women.
straightshooter82 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I understand your struggles, the feeling of being exhausted, and the frustration of realizing almost every attractive woman you meet is already married or in an established relationship. Just remember to keep pushing yourself, and there are plenty of us in your same shoes. To answer your question about what else is out there instead of OLD as a means to possibly meet women, here's a brief list: 1) meetup.com - as others have mentioned this can be a good tool. There are singles groups, age-specific social groups, activity groups (yoga, running, hiking, skiing), etc. 2) Gym - It reads as if you already go to a gym. Instead of hoping you'll bump into a woman at an exercise machine randomly someday, join some classes offerred by the gym and talk to people before, after, and during the class. 3) Bars/Clubs - yeah, I know, but I actually know of several men personally who met their wife somewhat randomly at a bar/club on a Friday or Saturday night 4) Church - alot of large churches have singles groups or church services that are offered to young people specifically 5) Restaurants - You have to eat after work right? so why not go to a restaurant that employs cute, young waitresses and try to get to know them over time. There are plenty of other ways as well such as volunteering, hanging out in coffee shops, etc. Keep pushing yourself, get yourself off Loveshack and get out there as frequently as you can, and even if you don't have the success you want, you'll at least be able to tell yourself you gave it your best shot. Oh and with respect to OLD, I wouldn't quit it all together, but just assign one night a week to it to ensure it doesn't drive you crazy. The way I do it is I'll look at profiles on Friday night, send out messages to women I'm interested in, and then only log in for the next six days if I need to reply to a woman. I find this gives me a chance of actually getting a date every now and then from OLD, but doesn't make me dependent on OLD. Best of luck, and p.s., I'd also like to know what volunteering gig allows a man to be around 50 early 20 something women
henderson14 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I am glad I am not alone. i am browsing CL for volunteering, activities, classes..anything to meet someone. 50 young women in their early 20's, eh? Where do you volunteer? I feel you both! People who already have someone give you the advice to volunteer (it's all old people) or meet at a grocery store (only happens in movies or sex in the city) like its easy from their high horse. Basically, he harder you try, the harder it is, and the more people want to make you think your doing something wrong. But then they tell you not to try because it always happens when your not looking! WTF?! Get off your high horse! I'll tell you this though. It's most likely to happen through some type of NATURAL network you have. Randomly volunteering is not a natural network. Volunteering with friends or through people your age at work is a natural network. Not going through your network of people like you is like closing your eyes and throwing a dart at a board. This is what I've learned so far.
RLD90 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 These days, nobody thinks it’s strange to use an online dating site. Almost everyone knows someone in their circle of friends or relatives who has found a partner this way. And smartphones make online dating even more fun. A dating app can determine your location with GPS, so you can be in contact with other singles nearby in no time at all. I'm using the ''Radar Love'' app for about a week now because I want to meet new people in my area. Check it out! Here's the itunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/radar-love/id718802787?mt=8
Author ParadisA330 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Just downloaded the Radar Love App. Yeah, I use to leave my number on the receipt, stating I was new in town and would like to meet new friends. I never did get a text or phone call, though.
newmoon Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I think you've received some great suggestions already. as a female I feel your pain; I haven't been OLD for 10 years (just about 8 months), but it turns out the same for everyone unless you're lucky. I find it hard to spontaneously meet people as well, but I have found that work functions/activities/conferences or anything directly tied to your work and hobbies are the best places to meet someone who has a similar interest. The conversations are very easy to start up and usually show off your smarts right away. Meeting someone in the gym or bookstore or etc. is ok, but it might not be your comfort zone, so pick a place where you will shine. Unless you think you'd look awesome in tights yoga and pilates classes might be a stretch...
ponchsox Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I think I'm done with OLD as well. I did have a 1.5 relationship from someone I met on Eharmony but they weren't marriage material. The last girl I dated agreed to go on a second date so I had to cancel on another date. Now the girl from the second date doesn't even have the decency to say they aren't interested (which I'm surprised because we kissed on the lips after the second date). Now the first girl is pissed because I blew her off and she won't talk to me. I'm done with this crap!
Author ParadisA330 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Seems that Radar App isn't free! Yeah, I recently recreated my Okcupid account, but it just feels different this time around. Starting over, I guess...but yet the same old people. I signed up for a Speed dating event for next Saturday. Its been months since I've done one, we'll see how it goes, I guess.
Author ParadisA330 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I think you've received some great suggestions already. as a female I feel your pain; I haven't been OLD for 10 years (just about 8 months), but it turns out the same for everyone unless you're lucky. I find it hard to spontaneously meet people as well, but I have found that work functions/activities/conferences or anything directly tied to your work and hobbies are the best places to meet someone who has a similar interest. The conversations are very easy to start up and usually show off your smarts right away. Meeting someone in the gym or bookstore or etc. is ok, but it might not be your comfort zone, so pick a place where you will shine. Unless you think you'd look awesome in tights yoga and pilates classes might be a stretch... I would love to meet someone that way. I think in the world we live in, as been discussed, its very hard. People are so into their phones. It would be seen as "creepy" to just go up and talk to someone! 1
Trnamakesnse Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Sadly I find randomly talking to any woman with whom I have no particular goal/task/situation in which we would just talk puts them off. I'm fine at parties, volunteering, jobs ect. But talking to an actual person in life out in the wilds like you might just want to talk CRAZY! Also the fact that I love to tell jokes all the time makes women think I'm flirting >.>
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Nothing like talking to random women while out only to find out they're married. Wah wah wah. So tragic! But at least it's good practice.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 (edited) I think I'm over OLD after only a few months,too many guys ,you start liking one,then another comes,too many options,it feels like there is always something even better coming,I stopped feeling that way for a week but I bet the guys feel that way. It's just a big meat market,no one cares about each other's souls Edited January 13, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
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