debshere Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Happy New Year everyone. Sorry this might be a bit involved. Met a guy on OKC and we emailed back and forth quite a bit and then met in person for about 10 mins. We're both kind of shy so little awkward. At the end of the night he gave me a hug and then sent me a text saying how sexy he thought I was and that he wanted to get together again. We were both looking for friendship and fun not a long term relationship. Things going really well. He's very affectionate, text all day, good morning good nights. He has a situation where his dad is on a dialysis machine so he moved back home because he is the one that has to hook him up and he does it every night at 10:00. He works long hours and also looks after his mom. He is 33. So we sext a lot, have a lot of conversations. Everything by text. Problem is I never get to see him. For the holidays he had relatives come out and one day he drove just to say hi to me - way out of his way. So it has been about 3-4 weeks. I have seen him for about 10 mins and we have not even kissed. I noticed the last three days he hasn't been texting as much - he still does good morning every morning but not as affectionate - no sexting. I keep trying to arrange time to get together and he says he's busy driving his relatives around, driving his mom around, looking after his dad. He has his own home which is empty so we can go there and it's near his parents home. I have offered to drive there to make it easier for him but he's always busy or something comes up. Asked if we could get together today since holiday he said has to drive mom to temple, get food, do work and I said you can take 1 hour or even 30 mins for me. Am i being unreasonable. Should I respect that he does have a huge responsibility with his parents and be more patient - especially since he has relatives over and is the only driver. Thank you.
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 He's with family again today so I doubt I will see him and I have hardly heard from him
skela Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Ask him set an actual date and time for you guys to get together. Things can get busy over the holidays. If he can't do that then maybe he was just looking for a sexting partner
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 He just responded that we can meet on the weekend so I asked for day/time and he hasn't responded yet. If he responds and then something comes up and this doesn't happen then I'm not bothering with this I think.
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 So, still no response to where/when and no good night text. Is it okay if I say to him I want to meet for a few minutes tonight and just see him in person and say you seem to be cooling off, what's going on?
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Stop with the silly texting. CALL him up. Don't ask if he's cooling off or anything, just say so you want to get together this weekend? Listen to his tone of voice, how eager and excited he is, etc. You will know within 30 seconds if he is serious about giving it a go with you or not. It doesn't really matter whether you're being "unreasonable" or not. The fact is that it doesn't seem your relationship needs are being met. He may be a great guy but if he can't meet your needs due to other commitments then it isn't going to work out. Personally if I was sexting someone and had met up for 10 minutes, there most definitely would have been kissing. 2
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Stop the texting and stop especially the sexting. The latter is really just some virtual dryhumping. You have zero connection going if you don't have real life meetings. If he texts you again, tell him not to contact you any more unless it's a short phone call to set up a real meeting. (Maybe I am getting really very old but wouldn't you expect in this era with multiple communication possibilities that people would actually... communicate)
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Stop with the silly texting. CALL him up. Don't ask if he's cooling off or anything, just say so you want to get together this weekend? Listen to his tone of voice, how eager and excited he is, etc. You will know within 30 seconds if he is serious about giving it a go with you or not. It doesn't really matter whether you're being "unreasonable" or not. The fact is that it doesn't seem your relationship needs are being met. He may be a great guy but if he can't meet your needs due to other commitments then it isn't going to work out. Personally if I was sexting someone and had met up for 10 minutes, there most definitely would have been kissing. I have been asking to get together. He said this weekend. I said okay which day/time and he hasn't gotten back to me yet. And this morning I haven't gotten my usual good morning text so I'm wondering if he isn't doing that so because he thinks I will ask about when we are meeting. I'm just going to play it cool and if we don't get together this weekend on his own initiative then delete him. I don't care how nice he is
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm just going to play it cool and if we don't get together this weekend on his own initiative then delete him. I don't care how nice he is Sounds like a good plan to me. It's only been a short time and you've hardly even met up so no issues to just NC him. I have been asking to get together. He said this weekend. I said okay which day/time and he hasn't gotten back to me yet. And that is exactly why you should CALL not TEXT! A lesson for next time. With a call you get instant feedback, not only from his words but his tone, delays, umms and ahhs, etc. You wouldn't be here now, you would have known exactly what is going on between you. Women are a lot better at reading this stuff than guys - use your genetic skills
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 And that is exactly why you should CALL not TEXT! A lesson for next time. With a call you get instant feedback, not only from his words but his tone, delays, umms and ahhs, etc. You wouldn't be here now, you would have known exactly what is going on between you. Women are a lot better at reading this stuff than guys - use your genetic skills I will call tonight and say let's finalize this and if there is any hesitancy then I will abort ship. We've never spoken on the phone - always on Whatsapp -should I let him know i'm going to phone or just phone.
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 If he's likely to be busy then you could say you want to speak to him tonight, what is a good time to call? Or ask him to call you tonight whenever he has a few minutes spare, for a quick chat.
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 If he's likely to be busy then you could say you want to speak to him tonight, what is a good time to call? Or ask him to call you tonight whenever he has a few minutes spare, for a quick chat. I will ask him to call me. I will just say want to talk instead of texting.
winny Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 This guy sounds so similar to the guy who disappeared on me. Mom, Dad, work, good morning texts etc... Just that I refused to sext him when he asked... Anyways, I would say, if its been more than 24 hrs since you heard from him, then drop a message on whatsapp to call you when he is free. See what he does. No reply for another 1 day means he is only after sexting. If he replies, ok I will call, but never calls, or calls but never fixes any date time, or fixes date time but blows you off or cancels or reschedules... all these are red flags. STOP the sexting part immediately. He will fade away if thats what he has been after. One more thing - If a guy likes you, he will make time for you no matter what. He will worry about you like you are worrying about him right now. Everyone is busy... so this busy stuff is just excuse or poor time management thing... such people are wastage of time.
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 This guy sounds so similar to the guy who disappeared on me. Mom, Dad, work, good morning texts etc... Just that I refused to sext him when he asked... Anyways, I would say, if its been more than 24 hrs since you heard from him, then drop a message on whatsapp to call you when he is free. See what he does. No reply for another 1 day means he is only after sexting. If he replies, ok I will call, but never calls, or calls but never fixes any date time, or fixes date time but blows you off or cancels or reschedules... all these are red flags. STOP the sexting part immediately. He will fade away if thats what he has been after. One more thing - If a guy likes you, he will make time for you no matter what. He will worry about you like you are worrying about him right now. Everyone is busy... so this busy stuff is just excuse or poor time management thing... such people are wastage of time. I actually like sexting :-) I have been quiet on him today and he keeps texting to find out why I'm so quiet. Just don't feel like communicating as much. I am leaving it up to him to initiate meeting and if we don't end up meeting over the weekend I'm deleting him first thing Monday morning.
winny Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I actually like sexting :-) That doesn't mean you will sext just about any guy. That is something intimate and only for your boyfriend or husband. And this guy is neither. I am sorry, but if this guy doesn't really like you, then you are being used... every time you send him a sext. Unless, that is your only intention for him.
clia Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't understand why you would sext with someone you've only met for ten minutes, but anyways...this stuck out to me: We were both looking for friendship and fun not a long term relationship. Things going really well. He's very affectionate, text all day, good morning good nights. He has a situation where his dad is on a dialysis machine so he moved back home because he is the one that has to hook him up and he does it every night at 10:00. He works long hours and also looks after his mom. He is 33. So we sext a lot, have a lot of conversations. Everything by text. Your reaction to all of this seems like you are looking for more than just friendship and fun. You seem to want him to treat you as someone he is seeking out a relationship with. I mean, he may simply want someone to sext with or see every now and then, which would be consistent with wanting just friendship and fun as opposed to wanting a more serious relationship. There are a lot of people out there who are perfectly happy to waste your time via cyber communications, but don't really have the desire to meet in person or go out of their way to see you. I don't see what you are getting out of this. If you want someone to see and have fun with (or even have a relationship with), this is not the guy. Even with the holidays, that he's only found 10 minutes for you in the past 3-4 weeks is a big sign that he's just not that into you. I would poof if I were you.
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I actually like sexting :-) I have been quiet on him today and he keeps texting to find out why I'm so quiet. Just don't feel like communicating as much. I am leaving it up to him to initiate meeting and if we don't end up meeting over the weekend I'm deleting him first thing Monday morning. Did you ever call him? Did he ever call you?
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Did you ever call him? Did he ever call you? If you mean have we ever spoken by phone. No.
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I don't understand why you would sext with someone you've only met for ten minutes, but anyways...this stuck out to me: Your reaction to all of this seems like you are looking for more than just friendship and fun. You seem to want him to treat you as someone he is seeking out a relationship with. I mean, he may simply want someone to sext with or see every now and then, which would be consistent with wanting just friendship and fun as opposed to wanting a more serious relationship. There are a lot of people out there who are perfectly happy to waste your time via cyber communications, but don't really have the desire to meet in person or go out of their way to see you. I don't see what you are getting out of this. If you want someone to see and have fun with (or even have a relationship with), this is not the guy. Even with the holidays, that he's only found 10 minutes for you in the past 3-4 weeks is a big sign that he's just not that into you. I would poof if I were you. No my question is am I being unreasonable expecting to see more of him with his family commitments and relatives and it being teh holidays. There are cultural differences that would prevent a relationship and I am fine with that.
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 No my question is am I being unreasonable expecting to see more of him with his family commitments and relatives and it being teh holidays. There are cultural differences that would prevent a relationship and I am fine with that. No relationship due to cultural reasons? Then why even bother?
Author debshere Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 No relationship due to cultural reasons? Then why even bother? Just looking for companionship. Not wanting a relationship right now.
Phantom888 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Then you have what you wished for. A guy who doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, never sees you, yet has a cell phone to sext you when he wants to. Sounds like a perfect friend to me. Why are you complaining? Why would you even want to kiss him? He's a friend!!!
deathandtaxes Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Just looking for companionship. Not wanting a relationship right now. You're making it way too hard on yourself. Find somebody who is available and wants to spend time with you outside of sexting.
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