JennHenn Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi, so I've had a couple of different threads of here about the same guy, but things have totally changed now. To try and sum up: Met this guy on a night out. Stayed at his and nothing happened (well, we kissed but that was it). He texted me non-stop after that for a couple of weeks. Literally every day, and I would never text him first. We got on really well, and he told me he didn't just want sex. Said things like "this could be an amazing year coming up..." and talked about the things he wanted us to do together (non-sexual). Anyway, the other night, I went round to his for some drinks and a takeaway. We ended up getting really drunk, and one thing lead to another, and we did that. Anyway, I left the next day, and everything seemed fine. But now he's cold. Doesn't text me anymore or anything like that, and I really like this guy. I do know that I should have slept with him so soon, but everything he said about how much he liked me stuck in my head, and so I thought it was 'safe' to. Anyway, I have obviously been used. But my question is, if he enjoyed the sex, why would he not try to used me for it again? Maybe he actually did like me, but then the sex wasn't good for him, and so he's not interested anymore? Don't know which is most likely? Thanks! (btw, please don't write to tell me that I shouldn't have slept with im so soon. I already know this and already feel horrible about it )
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Yeah I never got that. What's the point of doing it once and then dumping a girl? At least get it a few more times. Plus the first time is usually the most awkward....weird. 2
somedude81 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I guess some guys just like the conquest of a new woman. Once he's won, there is no point in sticking around. 1
Author JennHenn Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 People can be so mean really made me feel like he thought highly of me. Argh
Maxtor Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hate people like that. Sorry this happened to you, not your fault, dont need to dwell on it. Just move on. I've been there, and I'm a guy. Women can also be cruel, it's a cold hearted world. 1
Versacehottie Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Anyway, I have obviously been used. But my question is, if he enjoyed the sex, why would he not try to used me for it again? Maybe he actually did like me, but then the sex wasn't good for him, and so he's not interested anymore? Don't know which is most likely? Thanks! (btw, please don't write to tell me that I shouldn't have slept with im so soon. I already know this and already feel horrible about it ) Well, it can be several things or combination of. But sometimes guys don't even put so much thought into it but a gut reaction of conquest conquered and don't want to continue where they believe things will get messy and uncomfortable. I think that's the typical reaction. Other reasons: a. It wasn't good. However, guessing that's relative and if that's all he was after, he would still be after it some more or in the future when he feels it's "safe". b. It has little to do with sleeping with him but a lot to do with what he believes your expectations are. If he feels like you want more than he is prepared to give, he will back off. c. He was hoping for relationship potential as well. Unfortunately, sometimes when guys get it too easily, they dismiss relationship potential either because they then "fill-in the blanks" about you (true or untrue, doesn't matter) OR because your value goes down in their eyes (fairly or unfairly, people judge). Some guys push for it in the moment but then away from the moment, evaluate it differently. I only think you got "used" if it was purely option A. Otherwise with B, C, COMBO or conquest, it sucks to say but it was just that you made a few wrong moves in the game that is dating and he lost interest. Don't feel horrible about it. Learn from it, as it sounds like you have and keep moving forward. Who knows what the future holds with him or anyone else. 1
ThatMan Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Yeah I never got that. What's the point of doing it once and then dumping a girl? At least get it a few more times. Plus the first time is usually the most awkward....weird. Are you serious? Is this really so much of a shock to you? Let me explain - There are men out there who are only interested in trying to have as many different partners as possible. Some of us get a huge ego boost from adding another notch to a belt. That means nailing anything with two legs, and not giving a damn whether or not she enjoyed it. Guys don't need to get past those awkward moments in order to get what we want. It's called being selfish in bed. Anyway, I have obviously been used. But my question is, if he enjoyed the sex, why would he not try to used me for it again? Maybe he actually did like me, but then the sex wasn't good for him, and so he's not interested anymore? Don't know which is most likely? Thanks!a You deserve so much more. You aren't an object to be used. It's also impossible to force him to want to spend time with you by letting yourself be used. There can be countless reasons behind his disappearing act. It's a horrible feeling being let go like this, but you deserve to find that meaningful connect that you've wanted in the first place. I hope you can simply learn from this to move on and be happier.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 For some reason guys like fresh new pssy all the time, I don't really understand it.maybe they like the conquest aspect of it,then just go on to next one. They complain about having no sex and then when they find someone to have sex with,they then dump her,move onto the next,it's really strange. I'd be pretty upset about this if I were you,but guys who go to your house or vice versa are usually expecting sex soon,or after sex at least that's what I read online. Guys who are after relationships are far and few between and I don't really know how you determine who isn't and who is after just sex. Hi, so I've had a couple of different threads of here about the same guy, but things have totally changed now. To try and sum up: Met this guy on a night out. Stayed at his and nothing happened (well, we kissed but that was it). He texted me non-stop after that for a couple of weeks. Literally every day, and I would never text him first. We got on really well, and he told me he didn't just want sex. Said things like "this could be an amazing year coming up..." and talked about the things he wanted us to do together (non-sexual). Anyway, the other night, I went round to his for some drinks and a takeaway. We ended up getting really drunk, and one thing lead to another, and we did that. Anyway, I left the next day, and everything seemed fine. But now he's cold. Doesn't text me anymore or anything like that, and I really like this guy. I do know that I should have slept with him so soon, but everything he said about how much he liked me stuck in my head, and so I thought it was 'safe' to. Anyway, I have obviously been used. But my question is, if he enjoyed the sex, why would he not try to used me for it again? Maybe he actually did like me, but then the sex wasn't good for him, and so he's not interested anymore? Don't know which is most likely? Thanks! (btw, please don't write to tell me that I shouldn't have slept with im so soon. I already know this and already feel horrible about it )
Versacehottie Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 i think guys will be after sex if that's all they think you are good for. It's a generalization that generally applies.
Eggplant Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 But my question is, if he enjoyed the sex, why would he not try to used me for it again?There is in fact a hormonal reaction that causes men to want to get away when they get too close too fast. It's all emotional/hormonal, not logical.
Oomlotte Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I too never understood why they wouldn't take the sex but maybe it's because they aren't all so bad and a "good" hit it and quit it guy knows if he keeps seeing her he'll hurt her so he just stops - cuz he's not a bad guy but just not super nice either. My mind has been where yours is, by the way, and you need to let it go before you get even more wrapped up - you think you just want one more time to fix whatever was wrong the last time or one more chance for him to see you and want you but he won't. What will happen is he will see you as asking for it and no longer feel bad just using you for sex when he can or when no one else will... It will absolve him of the responsibility he feels to be half way decent right now- and then you're really hurt. 1
fabulous Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I guess some guys just like the conquest of a new woman. Once he's won, there is no point in sticking around. This. I went through phases when I slept with women, told them I'd call them back, and didn't. Men are non confrontational too. They will tell a women what she wants to hear, esp after sex involving distorted reality IE with alcohol/drugs etc. There's also an allure to chasing a women.. Men have been socialized to be the hunter and it's thrilling to get new women, for the sake of it.
TheGuard13 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 There might be something to the conquest thing, but if the sex was really good, or memorable, a lot of guys would at least stick around for the sex, especially if they were "using" a girl for it. Everyone's different. His reasons for not sticking around don't really matter at this point, do they?
clia Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 But my question is, if he enjoyed the sex, why would he not try to used me for it again? Maybe he actually did like me, but then the sex wasn't good for him, and so he's not interested anymore? Don't know which is most likely? Thanks! My personal opinion is that it is much easier to go cold after having sex once than it would be after having sex two, three, four, or five times. I think guys expect that a woman will start to expect things (like a relationship) if they keep coming around for sex. Therefore, they do it once and then fade and move on to the next woman. 1
Phantom888 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 If he only used you for sex, he would have wanted for more if there were a connection. Not necessarily bad sex, but lack of chemistry would turn the guy away. IMHO.
Iguanna Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 People can be so mean really made me feel like he thought highly of me. Argh I know you are frustrated but you will use this story as life experience. From now on look carefully for the signs, for what a man does rather what he says. Be patient. Don't have sex too soon if you want to be taken seriously. I know we are living in a progressive society where men and women are supposed to act the same blah blah, but lets face it: men won't change their mentality of centuries from one day to another. Finding sex is easy; finding a person who you get along good with and they care for your personality is rare. Pursue this and this is what you will get. 1
FitChick Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 How would you rate his performance in bed? If he wasn't that good and he knows it, perhaps he's embarrassed.
fabulous Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 How would you rate his performance in bed? If he wasn't that good and he knows it, perhaps he's embarrassed. men are quite able to be selfish in bed and be unrepentant about it (they are notorious for doing so in ONS).
TB Rhine Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) If so, then consider that your revenge. People can be so mean really made me feel like he thought highly of me. Argh. It's incredibly hypocritical, but I think some men DO have an attitude that a woman who sleeps with them too early isn't relationship material/worthy of continuing to pursue... it's almost like getting you into bed is part of their 'vetting' process. And to think, these are probably the ones who consider themselves 'gentlemen,' as compared to the players... Edited January 3, 2014 by TB Rhine
Author JennHenn Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for replies. Oh he was good, and he definitely knows it! I think he's just not a nice guy. Trying to move on from him now, he's not even worth me thinking about 1
TB Rhine Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 A "good" hit it and quit it guy knows if he keeps seeing her he'll hurt her so he just stops.There may be some truth to this, as well. You never really hear of a two- or three-night stand, after all; there's one night stands, and relationships that don't work out. If he sleeps with you once, he knows he's got plausible deniability; if he hits it a second time, he's approaching that nether period where the expectation would be that the two of you are in a relationship, or at least on your way to being. He has a somewhat narrow window of opportunity to "get outta there" before he finds himself trapped in the Boyfriend Zone (as opposed to that Friend Zone that we're always hearing so much about).
mortensorchid Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 If he only used you for sex (and I am not reprimanding you for sleeping with him so quick, because I have done the same), then he got what he wanted and moved on. That's what users do. Whether or not it was good or not really isn't the point in this case.
carhill Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for replies. Oh he was good, and he definitely knows it! I think he's just not a nice guy. Trying to move on from him now, he's not even worth me thinking about Does being used for sex mean that they didn't enjoy the sex? As you related, the two can be mutually exclusive. There may be a few men who don't enjoy sex when they have it but apparently this guy wasn't one of them and it showed. Some guys like a happy penis. Others like relationships and a happy penis. A live woman with a modicum of enthusiasm beats a well-lubricated palm any day of the week, especially for the first subset of guys. The guys who are the best at compartmentalizing can, concurrently, be both the best lovers *and* the guys least likely to grow old with. That doesn't mean they have to be, but *can*. Reading your OP and focusing on the timeline and respecting your quoted revelation down-thread, my conjecture is that you were on a roster. Back in my younger days, this was called a 'black book'. The most accomplished lovers had it well-organized.
AntiSocal Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 He played you like an instrument. And he probably feels that he is out of your league hence why he started acting distant right after smashing. Lot of dudes are like that. They will tell a girl anything to smash, smash basically anything, but after they smash they are done. If you were hotter than his other girls he would probably call you back.
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