bobby326 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 So last night at a friends New Years eve party I was talking to a friend and my breakup came up in conversation. She kept reassuring me how much better off I will be and how she was immature etc and then she said sarcastically like he was a loser "you should see the guy she is with now", I then asked if she had a bf and she said she does not know she just has a lot of photos of of this guy on FB. I told her that I did not know anything about her and have avoided it, she may have lied when she said it was not her bf. I know this is not that big of a deal and I kind of expected her to be involved with someone at this point but it hurt and now sitting here with my new years hangover I want to know who the hell this person is and want to know what she is up to. I have been really good as far as NC, this is the first piece of info other than me slipping on xmas eve and just seeing a photo of her and her sister on her sister's FB page at a family party that I have received since early October. I'm sure that a lot of you are familiar with my situation but a brief summary is we dated 4 1/2 years, lived together for 1 1/2 years, she broke up with me out of no where, told me she got drunk and made out with some guy and didn't love me anymore and moved out. She then quit her job and moved back to her parents in her hometown 2 hours away and got another job. The BU happened a little over 4 months ago. I have been strict NC for 3 months, havent looked at FB checked her email or anything since I know all of her passwords and have avoided asking about her in conversations with friends. I never received any texts around the holidays, I honestly thought I would as she texted me when she found out my grandfather died 3 months ago. I guess the point of this thread is to talk me out of trying to get more info about her, her life and whoever this guy is. I have this urge, an urge I haven't had in months. This past week has been particularly bad for me. I've been casually dating this girl but don't feel much for her and kind of want to just stop contacting her, I also have avoided all dating sites and have canceled my membership. I don't feel like dating anyone right now, I feel like I will never feel for someone again and all I want to do is sleep. I thought I was doing so well but the mixture of the holidays, ****ty weather and finding this out last night has been killing me. Anyway, I appreciate any replies, thanks guys.
FortunateSon Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Something similar happened it me last month. My ex made it known to me when SHE broke contact with me in early December that she was dating someone. Although I shouldn't be surprised, it definitely stung me a bit, even though I had been casually dating someone myself. We were 6 month post BU of a 6 year relationship, and after our breakup I got the "I'm not dating anyone, anytime soon" from her afterwards. Of the current guy she is dating, she said she "probably shouldn't be in the relationship because she is still dealing with issues from our past together" This leads me to believe it can't be fulfilling for her, it is a rebound and that she is just trying to fill a void. It is a blow to the ego more than anything, but you have to keep moving on. After she contacted me and we had a brief exchange, I went back to strict NC. It doesn't really matter who the guys is, finding out more about him will not help you. In my situation, my ego tells me that whoever this guy is, he will never be as great as me anyway I still don't feel completely in to dating, but I have been doing it to keep busy. I know I still have walls up, but I can feel them slowly coming down. With more time and NC, I'm sure this will pass.
LostConfused123 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi, I'm familiar with your story. So sorry for what you're going through and your pain. I am so relieved the holidays are over because it amplifies so many emotions. It's not surprisingly you had a crappy week. I think a lot of us did. It's understandable the news of your ex would shake you up like that. You have done awesome with NC. I bet in a few days, maybe a couple weeks, you will feel so much better. I'm not saying you'll be fully healed (I wish) but I bet you'll be feeling like you were before you were informed of this crappy news. For the next month or two is there any way you can avoid places your exes friends may be? Even if they are mutual friends, I'm sure they would understand if you distanced yourself a little. You could even explain it to them one day. I really think the worst is over for you. At least I hope so!! As far as the girl you're seeing, I think it's smart to break it off if your heart isn't in it. .. . I can't tell you what to do but I hope you tell her and not just disappear. I'm not suggesting that's what you are planning. Just saying no one likes to be "tossed" without knowing why. I think you would feel bad about that anyway and the last thing you need is to feel worse. Take care!! I wish you all the best in the new year!! 2
Yasuandio Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Here's a good New Year's Resolution to KEEP: 1. Dump FB. It is for kids. Or at least cancel any chance of viewing her's. Stay off of it, period. 2. Don't talk to people that know her. If someone is about to update her status, ask them kindly not to speak about your ex in front of you. 3. Make sure never to cyber-stalk her email ever again. First of all, that is an invasion of privacy, and may be against the law. Furthermore, her email information is none of your business. Finally, don't discuss or write down this little transgression anywhere ever again. That is evidence of you admitting wrongdoing. You are not going to do it anymore - so there is no reason to discuss the past. 4. Unconnected every social media and electronic device and eliminate all her phone numbers, screen names, passwords, everything you have - make them all go away. 5. Change your phone number and email address. 6. Disappear ALL her stuff - including photos, as well as those stored in your computer. 7. Go strict NC, period. These will get you on the path of feeling better. (What you're doing now is torturing yourself - when that option is totally unnecessary). I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. You are not alone, kiddo. I didn't learn ALL my lessons the easy way; I chose the School of Hard Knocks, on many an occasion. Yas 3
headinthecloud Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hey bobby, I feel for you my friend. It's days like these when you feel weak and vulnerable that you risk making a poor choice. Resist all temptation and stay committed to NC for at least 6mos - you're halfway there already! One thing I learned is I asked my friends never to mention my exes to me ever again as they are not nor will ever be apart of my life. Sometimes they slip up but it's with good intentions so you have to accept that as they mean well. Just be weary of friends who get off on giving you updates, they are not true friends. Good luck! Happy new year.
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