Thegreatestthing Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 This is a good attitude to have,it doesn't apply to women but it does apply to men,because personality/connection do matter to women sometimes more than hotness.I have a feeling tho that a very hot girl ,will choose or wait for the hot guy she has a connection without over the average/decent/great one she has a connection with but maybe not. I have to say I'm really put off that guys write to 30 odd women at a time. Do I think a hotter guy than me is going to get more attention...absolutely. Is he necessarily a better match for someone, doubtful. .
Author leafguy Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I get the feeling that most people online are going to wait for that hot guy / girl to email to see if they have that connection. With that being said, Im not sure I have it in me to email more than I currently am. Not because of the fear of rejection, but just the fact that I feel like Im sort of sleezy trying to get so many people to notice me. Is there anything wrong with it off hand? Probably not, but I still don't feel comfortable with it.
Onethirtyeight Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I guess you do have a point. Im still sort of thinking not fully online mode. I forget they don't see everything that can be brought to the table without physically meeting someone. Yeah. IRL who you are matters a lot more than on OLD.
MrCastle Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I have to say I'm really put off that guys write to 30 odd women at a time. No offense, but you're not a man. The OLD experience is extremely different for men and women. Women get too many messages, men don't get enough. It's easy to sit there and say you don't approve of men sending messages to 30 different women at a clip, but those men are tired of crafting well thought out, personalized messages to one woman a week, only to not get a reply. Both men and women should do whatever they can when it comes to OLD to gain a statistical edge and improve their odds. It's an ugly game. You don't like it, stay offline.
Onethirtyeight Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I have to say I'm really put off that guys write to 30 odd women at a time. I mean that's the only way to use OLD though. I think part of it might be you know a lot about someone you wouldn't find out about until you're a few dates in so its easier to write someone off. Then as a guy I feel like the only way I got any attention on OLD was to message women first because they don't have to look, the guys who like them come to them. 1
Author leafguy Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I agree with both Mr Castle and 138. Over the 5 weeks I have been on the site, I have gotten maybe 10 messages from women who have opened up the conversation. Of them, 4 were almost as old as my mom, 2 others had kids, and 2 were physically unattractive. The remaining two, one I am still talking to, the other we had a couple of days before talking, then she just chose not to respond for whatever reason. As a guy, that certainly is less than I thought I would get, and I have gotten far fewer replies with well crafted messages than I thought I would get. I think the game is far different for guys and girls in OLD. Exactly as what was said...guys will come to girls in numbers where she can have her pick of the litter, where as guys are striving to be head of the pack by messaging as many to get the statistical edge of numbers. It makes sense from that point of view for sure. 1
Scales Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 OLD is alright as long as you separate it from your ego. No responses and no meeting up/dates shouldn't crush your soul. Like someone else posted, even a seriously hot dude will be rejected by women on OLD. I will write my top 5 tips that worked for on OLD as a guy. 1. Pictures matter, don't have pictures with you and a bunch of girls. Have pictures of just you, or with friends preferably doing things that are exciting or pertain to your interests. If you put down that you like dogs or water skiing, a few of your photos should reflect that. Did I mention to smile? smile. Put some effort into it without over doing it. Make sure the photos aren't blurry/over exposed kind of deal. 2. Message often without being boring. Have fun with it. Don't just message about their interests in the profile. be surprising. They read messages all day weeding out the same kind of guys all day. I used to title my messages with things like "Star filled pirate ships" or "Shhhh. don't tell anyone....." I got some decent responses and when I did they were fun conversations if not dates. A balance of romantic, surprising, and funny worked well for me. Warning: this needs to reflect your actual personality, if you are not funny IRL, time to look up some jokes. 3. Do not spend forever writing messages and looking through every bit of info. Its not necessary. Girls just want to know you didn't just spam message them. If your message is read because the title was interesting, she looks at your profile, and then decides you look decent in your photos, you get a response. 4. Do not make physical compliments in your opening message. Things like "Your eyes are so beautiful they just took my breath away like the milky way" might as well be like "Damn girl, dat ass is fat". Compliment on things that pertain to her interests or a line you thought was fun in her intro. You can compliment her on her eyes later, and when you do be specific about why you like them. 5. Use your messages to set up a meeting after a few. Do not spend hours messaging or texting them sharing all your personal details and life goals. What will you talk about during the date? Keep a sense of mystery in the profile so possible prospects have things to discover about you once you go out. This is just the beginning so you can meet up. Do not push, pressure, or get desperate for replies. If she will not meet up or doesn't reply in a timely manner, move on. 6. Bonus tip #6: have fun. This is a social playground as much as it is a match making service. enjoy the interactions you have and don't take it so seriously. 3
Author leafguy Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thx for the input scales, I definitely agree with every point you make. I can't do the subject thing as POF doesn't allow for a subject line. I may try an eharmony or match free weekend coming up to see the differences. Not sure if the experience will be any different but we shall see. Guess thats another comparison I would have to make. I guess enjoying it more I could stand to do. I have been taking it very seriously as opposed to just having fun with it. That I admit and maybe that comes off a bit in my email. And I agree that the one I did get attached too was the one I had invested a lot of time into that the mystery was gone. I think that will be a learning experience for me.
Allumere Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Welcome to the wildwest! Chick here and it isn't easy for us either. I would suggest Match over the others. POF and OKCupid were the wild west, eHarmony was too restrictive and slow, Christian Mingle was too judgmental in many instances. I can't say my mailbox was ever over-flowing. If it was getting hits it was because I was getting men that obviously didn't read my deal-breakers. With that said, I ALWAYS responded to an email from someone even if it was to decline...figure they took the time I could do the same. Sounds like you have done all the right things with your profile. As far as pics, beyond the things always discussed, if the dude ain't smiling then I tend to pass. Each age has its hurdles so don't think that you are advantaged or disadvantaged...goes with the territory. Just be patient....it goes in cycles. You might go for a month or two and see nothing and then BOOM you'll see 10 girls at once that peek your interest.
Author leafguy Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Im debating on match, but that is only to increase my exposure to speak...putting myself out there. Eharmony is insanely expensive...match seems to be about the best rate for the services they offer. Not sure if it is any better than POF, and shelling out 70 for 3 months may not be the best investment. I am trying to take a look at myself too, because as today has worn on, I have felt increasingly like I am in a rut. Not wanting to do anything and anything I have tried to do, I just can't get motivated. It might be because I have had a lot of free time recently with the holidays to just sit and do nothing and overthink, but I am also still bugged by the girl I got invested in to feel like I failed myself.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Don't write to girls in slutty clothes I guess. I just added a new pic I took last night in a tight dress ,I had no pics with any sort of tight/revealing clothes,sexy clothes,and now I'm getting messages every 5 mins. Now I don't feel like replying to any,only guy I wanted to reply too said " Excuse me, but why did I only get a profile view?" Nice and lofty so that might be an idea. Edited January 2, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
Author leafguy Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I actually tend to find girls in revealing clothing on a profile to be quite the turn off. I believe if you got it flaunt it aspect, but not when you are trying to attract the best possible candidate to date. As far as the guy who messaged you that, thats awesome enough I want to try it. Nothing like a little joking cockiness to get the ball rolling.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Gees I guess "hot" equals dress slutty,I noticed a lot of "hot girls" had these type of pics,but I Didnt intend it it was just what I was wearing last night.I do have my hair out too,look doll faced,I'm now getting like 6 msges every five mins,really shocked.
Author leafguy Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Im guessing the vast majority of the guys that are now emailing are more interested in the physical side of you vs the ones that would email with less revealing or flattering pictures are interested in actually getting to know you. Not 100% certain but I would guess thats what the increased activity with messaging you is due too.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Guy I normally talk too sent me this now,my pics were all sort of dull cam shots before.guess pic is everything, /1/2014 7:21:01 PM Report this message for inappropriate content OMG you look gorgeous on that new picture u post, is that recent? Edited January 2, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I just sent 6 messages in the past hour on dating sites. Still waiting for a response...
SunnySide0418 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Mr Castle, Thx. I guess I could always message more. I just don't like the shotgun approach so to speak, but I guess if I take the time to read and put a bit more effort in while maintaining my current efforts, you are right..that one is bound to message back in the long run. And I do admit I have had my fair share of attention, but alot of it seems to be coming from moms, cougars and ones with baggage. And by baggage I mean kids, or ones with profiles stating they "must" see their new bf 3 - 4 times a week, just crap like that. But yeah, guess I will just keep trucking at it. I don't know how old you are but referring to kids as "baggage" is highly offensive.
MrCastle Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't know how old you are but referring to kids as "baggage" is highly offensive. Dating someone who has kids from another person is a tough thing for most to deal with, and few people are consciously looking for something like that.
Author leafguy Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Im not prepared to be a father figure as of yet in a relationship, so a kid is baggage that I don't want in what I am looking for. I love kids, and plan to have a family of my own, but being in my mid 20's, its not exactly on the map for me right now having to deal with a kid that isn't mine. Its definitely baggage in my particular scenario
FitChick Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Join a paid site for only a month (and mark your calendar the day before your subscription expires so you don't automatically get renewed). It will be long enough for everyone to see "fresh meat" and contact you. If they hesitate, you will be gone so of course they will want you more. Then join again in two months and see if anyone remembers you. They will be the ones with more interest. I've had that happen to me a few times.
fabulous Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 be tall, good looking and rich or at least 2 of the 3, if you want to get a reply rate >10% Using pictures of a tall, good looking male model I got a reply rate of about 30-40% (a record for me). Before you ask, the pictures were believable. Obvsly fake pics are a big reason fake dating profiles fail. Online dating is just the first step of testing for compatibility. It's mostly about looks here, or money/status if women are looking for a security. It's when you actually meet in person that personality matters, I doubt many people actually bother to read profiles and messages, words mean nothing. We are all as charming as Leonardo Di Caprio and as witty as a poet online. My advice, instead of making 5 well crafted messages a day, make 50 spam quality messages. "hi" will suffice. If women like you they'll respond irrespective of the content of your message/profile.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) I'm definitely deleting the new pics, one guy wrote to me 32 times,you don't read any of the messages or forget who wrote to you because after you read them another twenty come and it goes onto the next page,I think I wrote back to one guy. Im guessing the vast majority of the guys that are now emailing are more interested in the physical side of you vs the ones that would email with less revealing or flattering pictures are interested in actually getting to know you. Not 100% certain but I would guess thats what the increased activity with messaging you is due too. Edited January 3, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
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