ACMermaid Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) I'm looking for advice on a situation with my boyfriends ex. Him and I have been together for 3 years, and started dating right after they broke up. They also dated for 3 years so they've been separated for some time. However, my boyfriend and I took a little break about 2 years ago and during the time... he slept with this ex (Not ok). We worked out our issues and got back together, but it took a lot of trust building for me to get passed that. She has a boyfriend now and seems very happy with him. We share many mutual friends so I'll see her at the coffee shop by my house periodically or at bars/parties. We look similar and have similar personalities. We went out for our mutual friends birthday on Saturday with a group of people. My boyfriend was there as was she. She started drinking heavily and began to hang all over me telling me that "he upgraded so much when he started dating you". (I lost weight about 2 years ago and started modeling for a few clothing companies. She brought that up as well.) She also said "I really did love him... but i don't anymore", and then the kicker "I hope you're not jealous because I did your boyfriend" .... YIKES right? She also kept looking over at my boyfriend as if she wanted his attention. She even brought up personal memories they shared together when they dated. Keep in mind she was extremely intoxicated during all of this. Finally, she starts bawling her eyes out and is crying for an hour straight about her Dads illness (he is sick) but kept talking about my boyfriend as well between sobs. She says he was her first love but she's over it... Long story short, all of our mutual friends keep telling me she was just drunk and to relax about it. That she doesn't have feelings for my boyfriend anymore. My question is why was she bawling her eyes out talking about him then and telling me she is "obsessed" with me? I would love an outside opinion here. Thank you friends! Edited January 1, 2014 by ACMermaid
darkmoon Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 outsider? crying over her ex in public is cringeworthy, but being a cynic, I would make sure you both keep out of her way, obsessives are heavy and she could get worse, police get called in such instances 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 As long as she's in his life she'll be apart of the romantic triangle here, regardless of what is happening now or in the future. He's obviously still has some feelings for her and she obviously still has some feelings for him...it's not over, just because both people are supposedly happy and content in their relationships right now doesn't mean that it'll always be that way....that is just in the now. The fact that he slept with her on your "break" was no coincidence either, I'm not sure what "problems" you guys have but I very much doubt you worked through everything if much...other than someone just making a decision about doing something they wouldn't do at first, which happens all the time. In my eyes you're the rebound...whenever someone gets out of a long-term relationship, especially with someone who "coincidentally" reminds him of his ex should be a bit of a red flag, but it's one many ignore for their own their needs and biased opinions which are of obvious influence...and then he even slept with her again, during the "break"...I mean how much more obvious does it need for damn people to get something without a full out written confession to read the writing on the wall. You sound pretty passive and someone with weak boundaries, so it's no wonder you're influenced by the opinion of others like in the circle of friends...use your own head, use your own judgment, listen to your gut, don't rely on people who will advise you depending on their own allegiances and perspectives...they're not the one in your shoes or dealing with the emotional uncertainties that they'd probably put their own foot in their mouths if they were in the same situation. I really doubt how invested your current guy is with you, most guys just string out that next rebound relationship and then realize that's not what they really want down the road or in the future at some point...then bail, or at least try to bail and then they pussy out and come running back...how admirable.
Author ACMermaid Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Maybe I should have added a bit more information about my boyfriend and I, but during this event on Saturday he kept saying how he cant stand her and wants nothing to do with her. He didn't give her the attention she was looking for. He kept wishing she didn't come. He also has told me on numerous occasions that he has never felt feelings for her the way he feels them for me. I understand what you're saying and I appreciate your honesty, and I will agree that in the beginning we were each others rebounds (I also got out of a serious relationship... which is why we took a break. We weren't ready for another one). But I know that now I am not a rebound. I caught him looking at engagement rings recently and he talks about marriage with me. The point to my blog was to get advice on what to do about her, not him. I do fully trust him now. I also do believe she has feelings for him still. It's just hard because our group of friends are so intertwined.... ugh.
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