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He is pressuring me to meet with him. Is he being demanding?

marycc

By marycc
in Long-Distance Relationships

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marycc Member

marycc

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We started dating a month ago. He lives two hours away and I have a lot to study for my exams. He wanted to come here today to visit me, but since I have so much to do, I told him that it wouldn't be possible, but we'll see each other later this month.

The thing that is worrying me is that he kept on insisting, even when I told him "no" several times before...I'm afraid he's being selfish and not valuing my opinion, just like my ex-boyfriend was. I've also told him about this, that sometimes I was insecure that he was just thinking about him and being selfish, and he promised me that he wasn't like that, that he just really wanted to see me.

What should I do? Should I be more "careful" here or am I over-analyzing?

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marycc Member

marycc

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Posted

Yes, we have seen each other a few times before, maybe 5.

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted

Sounds like he isn't terribly considerate of your studies and the time you need for them to me.

 

Postponing until you have your work priorities out of the way would to me sound like the considerate option.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
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If you've been with him five times, he is thinking it's time for sex.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Perhaps he simply wanted to see you for New Year's. If you don't want to make time in your life to see him, why are you dating him?

 

 

On the other hand if you feel pressured & you feel like he doesn't respect you or your need to study, why are you with somebody like that? A SO should be a supporter not a problem in your life.

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted

If you are "dating" then it is not reasonable for him to actually want to see you for a 6th time in a month.

 

 

If you don't want to see him for a 6th time, then it's OK to let him go.

 

 

It's OK if you just want to have a pen pal but you need to be upfront and honest with him that that is what he is. At that point it would be his option whether to continue being pen pals or move on to a girl that he can see and do things with in real life.

Secret Advisor Established Member

Secret Advisor

Posted
Posted

And of course, if he didn't want to see you, you would be complaining about that too!

ThisGal Established Member

ThisGal

Posted
Posted
If you've been with him five times, he is thinking it's time for sex.

 

:laugh: you read my mind LOL! If you've already slept with him then yeah, he wants more.

 

He needs to take no for an answer. I'd be wary of a man who does not respect my wishes. However, he may just miss you and wants to see you asap. But he still needs to accept the no and not pressure you.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
What should I do? Should I be more "careful" here or am I over-analyzing?

 

I'd focus on school and date locally.

 

My exW lived sixty miles away (120 round trip) when we started dating and, even though we both had businesses, we managed to swap homes nearly every weekend for the 18 months we dated prior to getting married and moving in together.

 

Since you apparently have prioritized school and this sort of imposition of a LDR date visiting you annoys you, my prior advice applies.

justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

Posted
Posted
We started dating a month ago. He lives two hours away and I have a lot to study for my exams. He wanted to come here today to visit me, but since I have so much to do, I told him that it wouldn't be possible, but we'll see each other later this month.

The thing that is worrying me is that he kept on insisting, even when I told him "no" several times before...I'm afraid he's being selfish and not valuing my opinion, just like my ex-boyfriend was. I've also told him about this, that sometimes I was insecure that he was just thinking about him and being selfish, and he promised me that he wasn't like that, that he just really wanted to see me.

What should I do? Should I be more "careful" here or am I over-analyzing?

My comments here below.

 

1) Always be happy that your boyfriend wants to see you and is ready to drive or travel for 4 hours just to be with you for a few hours.

2) If your boyfriend wants to spend time with you in person, he's not selfish, he's in love.

3) If you couldn't meet him on day X, set a day that can work for you, within a week. You can't tell a loving boyfriend who's longing to meet you & ready to travel to wait for a month. It's not reasonable.

4) If you have a lot to study, tell him so, and make it clear that because of that you can only be with him for X hours. He's not around all the time, and he deserves a small portion of your time.

5) I see your point of view, mainly because you have been together for a month only, so it's very early on. But don't kill opportunities, don't kill his drive, and don't kill his love when he feels like doing something crazy out of love or going out of his way. You'll cherish that later on in your life, when you are older and looking back.

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Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)

'Later this month' is rather vague. Are you saying you don't want to see him for another few weeks?

 

I don't think it's inconsiderate of him if he's the one driving to you and he agrees to your time constraints (eg. you can meet for a few hours then you have to get back to work). I've been a student before, in a high-pressure STEM field, and even during exams I would put aside a few hours a week to see my then-bf.

 

Are you interested in this man, genuinely? To be honest, if you can't spare a couple hours a week, you should not be dating at all.

Edited by Elswyth
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