liloldlady Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I don't know why I said it. I've been saying no living together before marriage (and he and I are not looking to get married at all, FYI). But he's so unhappy in his apartment, lots of problems that only building management can control, and at the last second, right before he got into the car to drive away, I said: you should move in with me. LOLOLOL He said "nah" and flashed a big smile. I don't know why I said it. I knew that saying it then would be a poignant punctuation mark because he would leaving, LOL. A final thought, so to speak. What he's describing to me about his apartment truly gives me the heebie jeebies and I hate to see him looking so sad. Then the next day, yesterday, on the phone I said "that's another reason we can't live together: you like the temperature warm and I prefer it cool". He was just a giggling away, LOL. Thoughts?
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 You said it yourself, you don't want to live with someone. He made a joke out of the "ask" in an effort to get over the awkward. Leave it be & return to your regularly scheduled relationship. 2
MissBee Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Thoughts on what? I'm not sure what you're asking. It seemed like you made a joke, he rolled with it and it's not that serious. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I know why you said it and so do you, and so do the other ladies above if they think about it or just simply say it...you were probing, you wanted to see his reaction. Regardless of what you said before...as many women often "say things", they don't often back those things up and "change" as the relationship progresses...helpless to their emotions *gasp* *hand over forehead* Anyway, sounds like a smart man...he won't live with you until you get married and he isn't "looking" to get married...full proof plan to me! I just wonder how long you'll play by the rules until you..oh so suddenly desire more out of this relationship. The fact that he's having a difficult time with his living situation means he should find a new apartment to live by himself, not move in with you (those situations don't typically turn out well, it's for the wrong reasons, it's rushed and without thorough communication)...but nice try. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I know why you said it and so do you, and so do the other ladies above if they think about it or just simply say it...you were probing, you wanted to see his reaction. He started the probing first on Thanksgiving Eve. That's when I said no living together without marriage is my policy. He just smiled. The fact that he's having a difficult time with his living situation means he should find a new apartment to live by himself He doesn't want to live alone. ...but nice try. No way, no way.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 He started the probing first on Thanksgiving Eve. That's when I said no living together without marriage is my policy. He just smiled. And what exactly did he say to you then? So if you're pushing towards marriage to live together, but he wants to move in before that...he's going to push his own agenda to see if he can get the arrangement that he desires...he smiled because he likely already knew what you say in response but he's still working on it...without the marriage very likely. He doesn't want to live alone. Then don't you think all the reasons he's telling you he is unhappy at his place might be because he's trying to influence your decision to move in together without being married? No way, no way. Not sure how long you've been with this guy, but we'll see what actually happens and if he gets his way and you budge for him...just remember, don't do anything with a lot of communication first, don't do the whole little games and assumption kind of thing because he "already knows what you wanted/expected" whatever happens after you move in together is pretty much going to be forgotten, whether you agreed to something different beforehand or not...it doesn't typically make a difference or even hold the same weight at that point anyway. The way you're acting all innocent about what you said like you don't know why you said it and then you do the whole "he started it first" thing isn't going to do you a whole lot of good if you're looking for someone who wants the same things as you...or with you for that matter.
Author liloldlady Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 So if you're pushing towards marriage to live together No, no, I do not wish to marry him. ...he smiled because he likely already knew what you say in response but he's still working on it...without the marriage very likely. You're on to something. He's pretty good at reverse psychology. Not sure how long you've been with this guy 20 months. (!!)
FitChick Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 There are plenty of divorced men and single men who share houses, often each gets their own bedroom and bathroom. Help him find one. He is looking for a live in housekeeper and sex partner.
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