Marc1t Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Why am I finding this so hard to deal with? Is it now not possible to be just 'FRIENDS' with an other woman? I am married & know a much younger woman through work in no way do I want anything more than to be good mates with her. we were getting on really well until something really stupid happened at a drunken work do, we kissed passionately, that's it nothing more, we both agree it shouldn't have happened & its left me feeling with deep regret not for what happened but because of the fallout it has caused. its really really upsetting me I wish I could forget it but I cant, I like this person a lot & value her friendship but its not forthcoming iv tried to talk to her but she "doesn't do phone calls" wont answer texts & I cant see her at work because of the shifts we do, i really want to sort this out face to face one to one but iv run out of ideas is it so wrong of me?
Scales Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Why am I finding this so hard to deal with? Is it now not possible to be just 'FRIENDS' with an other woman? I am married & know a much younger woman through work in no way do I want anything more than to be good mates with her. we were getting on really well until something really stupid happened at a drunken work do, we kissed passionately, that's it nothing more, we both agree it shouldn't have happened & its left me feeling with deep regret not for what happened but because of the fallout it has caused. its really really upsetting me I wish I could forget it but I cant, I like this person a lot & value her friendship but its not forthcoming iv tried to talk to her but she "doesn't do phone calls" wont answer texts & I cant see her at work because of the shifts we do, i really want to sort this out face to face one to one but iv run out of ideas is it so wrong of me? Forget it and move on. You're married so it was a mistake, but dwelling on it or trying to push the issue more is only hurting yourself. Forgive yourself, don't tell your wife, don't do it again, and go enjoy life. The more you think on this the more it will show and affect your own self. Just drop it, you don't need to talk to her to do that.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Why am I finding this so hard to deal with? Is it now not possible to be just 'FRIENDS' with an other woman? I am married & know a much younger woman through work in no way do I want anything more than to be good mates with her. we were getting on really well until something really stupid happened at a drunken work do, we kissed passionately, that's it nothing more, we both agree it shouldn't have happened & its left me feeling with deep regret not for what happened but because of the fallout it has caused. its really really upsetting me I wish I could forget it but I cant, I like this person a lot & value her friendship but its not forthcoming iv tried to talk to her but she "doesn't do phone calls" wont answer texts & I cant see her at work because of the shifts we do, i really want to sort this out face to face one to one but iv run out of ideas is it so wrong of me? I think that it should be possible to be friends with people of the other gender who are in a committed relationship ON THE CONDITION that you respect the boundaries indicated by the committed relationship you are in!!! What happened here is not a friendship between a married man and a woman but a married man crossing the line! And yes, it could be that this grossed out your "friend" and that she now want to keep a distance. I don't see what there is to sort out. Sometimes people do something stupid which changes the nature of their contact. Not every act "does not matter". BTW, does your wife know about this? Your attention should go to her in the first place not to your "friend". Oh and maybe you should also focus on your drinking behaviour. If you drink so much that you lose control then you have an alcohol problem.
Author Marc1t Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I think that it should be possible to be friends with people of the other gender who are in a committed relationship ON THE CONDITION that you respect the boundaries indicated by the committed relationship you are in!!! What happened here is not a friendship between a married man and a woman but a married man crossing the line! And yes, it could be that this grossed out your "friend" and that she now want to keep a distance. I don't see what there is to sort out. Sometimes people do something stupid which changes the nature of their contact. Not every act "does not matter". BTW, does your wife know about this? Your attention should go to her in the first place not to your "friend". Oh and maybe you should also focus on your drinking behaviour. If you drink so much that you lose control then you have an alcohol problem. You,v made some valid points yes maybe I crossed the line but honestly the kiss meant nothing to me at least, I'm sure my wife of 15 years has kissed the odd guy at the office party from time to time she has male friends she socializes with, if there was no flexibility in our "boundaries" we would be divorced by now. Honestly it was her that initiated proceedings & I shouldn't have allowed it to happen, I can forget about that bit. I can understand she wants to keep a distance but that indicates to me that she thinks I am after her or trying to hit on her, I think this is what is upsetting me the most. Iv told her otherwise & it wont happen again Iv also told her I like her & value her friendship. What is also upsetting is I get nothing in reply its as if she doesn't want to know me If thats the case then it would be far better just to tell me this is what needs sorting out one way or the other we work in an environment whare we have to trust eachother with our lives & one day I may have to work with her far better to sort it out now than then. Im not a bad guy she can talk to me & I would understand.
CC12 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 What is it that needs sorting out? You want to force a friendship with her, or what? Why can't you just accept that the consequence to making out with this colleague is that she no longer wants to be friends? Just leave her alone and act professionally.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 You,v made some valid points yes maybe I crossed the line but honestly the kiss meant nothing to me at least, I'm sure my wife of 15 years has kissed the odd guy at the office party from time to time she has male friends she socializes with, if there was no flexibility in our "boundaries" we would be divorced by now. I find it always sad when people do thinks which "don't matter", I find it a very shallow attitude in life. For me personally everything I do matters, hence probably the reason why I never kissed someone without it mattering for me. I would not want it to be otherwise and if my husband would find it normal to kiss a woman from time to time in a drunken embrace, it would be a reason for divorce because it would mean he does not value our marriage. Besides I hate married people who already have the security of their marriage and still try to get too involved with single people. Why can you not accept that the kiss changed something for your friend which makes her no longer eager to be friends with you? Stop being pushy, accept that you somehow screwed up. And it's a bit easy to say that she was the one starting it no... Take responsibility for your own acts and accept the consequences of your behaviour. Sometimes you cannot have your cake and eat it.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 BTW, did that girl know that you were married?
Author Marc1t Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I find it always sad when people do thinks which "don't matter", I find it a very shallow attitude in life. For me personally everything I do matters, hence probably the reason why I never kissed someone without it mattering for me. I would not want it to be otherwise and if my husband would find it normal to kiss a woman from time to time in a drunken embrace, it would be a reason for divorce because it would mean he does not value our marriage. Besides I hate married people who already have the security of their marriage and still try to get too involved with single people. Why can you not accept that the kiss changed something for your friend which makes her no longer eager to be friends with you? Stop being pushy, accept that you somehow screwed up. And it's a bit easy to say that she was the one starting it no... Take responsibility for your own acts and accept the consequences of your behaviour. Sometimes you cannot have your cake and eat it. Yes your all right, maybe she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore if its because of what happened Then that makes me feel really sad & I deeply regret it! Did She know I was married? Yes definitely. BTW, I think asking me to follow her outside throwing her arms around me before moving in to kiss me is pretty conclusive evidence that she started it! I am taking responsibility for my actions! I allowed it to happen that's my crime & I plead guilty but I do feel the punishment im receiving is not worthy of the crime
CC12 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I allowed it to happen that's my crime & I plead guilty but I do feel the punishment im receiving is not worthy of the crime It wasn't a crime and you're not being punished. She just doesn't want to talk to you.
Author Marc1t Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 It wasn't a crime and you're not being punished. [/quote Feels like it
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