SeriousAsparagus Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi everyone, I would love some advice on my dilemma. So my boyfriend and I met a year ago, and he had to go back in December to his home country for good. And since we worked really well when we were together, we decided to go into a LDR recently, so I'm still a newbie. Now here is my dilemma: I asked him today when we were skyping I asked if I came to South Korea (where he is) to see him, would he marry me? So what he answered was that because we had only been dating for a year its too fast to give me an answer, but he says he's ultimately pursuing that. He says we can date more to confirm how well we work together, but he just can't give me the answer "right now", he said he wants that, but he said it wouldn't be responsible of him to say that. he said just step by step and our goal is ultimately to get to the point where both sides say 'I will live my life for you' and he added" but 1 year is pretty short time to know each other and our life is full of uncertainty anyways." He said because we are young right now, he's 24, and I'm 22 he said "probably the feeling of love might be stronger but we can't just say let's marry only with that feeling" I completely understand dating longer, but I guess my dilemma comes to this. I am planning on taking a teaching position over there (temporary job) for a year or two, if I can get it. If not I would be travelling to see him every year, or half a year, and travelling for two months at a time isn't really sustainable at a full-time job back in the States. Also I would have to move there, and before I can find a permanent job in Korea, I have to marry him. As you can see, I have a lot to lose, and I have alot on the line. Moreso than him, and he knows too, so he told me he was sorry it was like this. But I just didn't want him to say that to me two, or three years down the road. I love him deeply, moreso than just feelings, and for me I have no problem committing to him. For me, his values, his character, his personality, the way he talks to me, and not to mention other things, seems to be just right. He's my guy. Do you think its wise to invest in this relationship? It's a really high stakes, high return right? Thanks all
FitChick Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 If you can get a temporary teaching position there, I don't see why you wouldn't do that. It would give both of you time to get to know each other. Are you of Korean descent too? If not, I wonder if his parents would pressure him to marry a Korean.
Solcita2 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think he's a very honest man, I liked what he told you... any other man would tell you "oh sure I'll marry you, just come to me and do all the sacrifice", but he's trying to be responsable. What I would do is to take the temporary position in South Korea, that would give not only the chance to deepen the relationship but also to check out if you like South Korea enough to settle there with him. This way if you really don't like South Korea, you just come back home without having to divorce him or drag him back to America with you. I would also keep a deadline in mind. Two years of temporary position is more than enough to find out about your relationship, how well you can adjust to the country... and you're still young... but no more than two years... if after two years he couldn't make up his mind, I'd walk... BEST OF LUCKS!
ThisGal Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) Are you both Korean? Just curious. Anyway, kinda sounds like my situation. I have been with my b/f for a year and 4 months and we're at the point where we want to close the gap and be closer, however, that requires me moving. He hasn't had any luck finding a job in my area so I need to move to him. We plan for me to uproot in a few months but I'm scared haha. I hate the thought of leaving my family and friends behind. I haven't really told them I'm leaving soon. I'm older than you, in my late 20s. How do you feel about leaving family & friends behind? Are they OK with that? I think your b/f gave you an honest answer. You both are young but does not mean you should waste your time. You have been with him for a year, some may say it's not that long but it's long enough to decide if this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's a very serious commitment but if two people are serious about each other it's a leap of faith both people have to take. I think you should continue to allow him to court you and when the time is right, he'll let you know. BUT let him know that you want marriage and are unwilling to wait a few years waiting on him to make up his mind. Just because you are young does not mean you should waste your time. I already knew that my boyfriend was the man I wasted to marry, I let him know that I am marriage-minded. He told me recently he wants to marry me. Just give him time to marinate these thoughts. When your bf is ready he will let you know. However, do not wait forever. He needs to give you a time-frame. Also I would not move for the job opportunity in Korea. It's just a reason to be closer to him. No point of moving if he is saying he is not ready to marry you. It's just giving him more free benefits without a real commitment. I am only moving because I know a proposal is soon to follow. Good luck! Edited January 3, 2014 by ThisGal
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