kkat Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 After all this time of not seeing him, making progress step by step, Why????Why did I just call him - at his house! How stupid! He answered and was shocked and of course couldn't talk - he's at his house! He basically hung up on me. I feel sick and so stupid, and just sick to my stomach. I hate myself and feel like such a hypocrite - I try to give advice and think I am getting free, and then I just do something else like this. I can't find any peace and am finding myself again feeling so desparate that I don't want to go on.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 No one said that the road to recovery would be easy, and without a few trip ups. You called him. You can't uncall him. So you have to pick yourself up and start taking those steps again. Are you getting any counseling or therapy? You may want to consider it to help you get through the roughest of the times.
Author kkat Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 Thank you for writing. I don't think I can make it through this night. I am in therapy and I went tonight and my therapist said how much better I was doing. Ha ha ha . I am not normal. I should be able to get past this. I can't take it anymore. I can't ive with myself anymore. Other people endure heartbreak and go on and this time I just feel I can't.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by kkat I don't think I can make it through this night. You are reaching out through this forum, so I know that there is some light somewhere - however dim - at the end of that tunnel. Just keep your thoughts going - purge them. Its like poison inside you if you don't. Open up Notepad on your computer and just type out your feelings. All of them. Keep typing. When you get to a good stopping point, post again. Keep yourself thinking, not sinking.
brashgal Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Don't beat yourself up, you are human. It's a struggle and practically all of us backslide. Self loathing does you no good and you don't deserve it. It's loneliness - any friends you can call and spend more time with? Get busy kkat - it always helps to keep me out of trouble. (((big hug)))
Pocky Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Other people endure heartbreak and go on and this time I just feel I can't. When I was alone and my heart was breaking I kept telling myself that there was someone out there for me. That there was that perfect match just waiting for me to be ready and that everything I was experiencing was preparing me for the time when we would meet. Eventually you will also meet the right one. Just hang on..
Author kkat Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 Thanks for the good words and thoughts. Thank you!
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 OK what is done is done...Let it go and just try to keep busy and put it out of your head. Yeah, easier said than done I know, but just keep posting here. Vent it OUT...Just stop beating up on yourself.
BoatingBabe Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Write and drink..Maybe you just need to hit up the bottle, cry some more, scream, hit your pillow, get it all out....I did this last night..and I've been feeling better.
debs Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Don't beat yourself over calling him Kat. Your human, you have emotions that sometimes get the best of you! All of us have had those weak moments during our breakups! Some act on them, some choose not to!!!! We are all here for one another, that is why we joined LS to begin with! We found a safe harbour to vent, rant, and hopefully find someone who can make sense of the relationship things that we just can't see because of the high emotions and pain we have had to endure during the breakup and healing phase!
mourningMM Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 The first time I tried to stop I was so good, I wrote him such a strong email. I don't know how he did it, but every time I had a bad day with my ex, he would find me. His emails would come within seconds of a phone call that sent me in a tailspin. I think there was just a connection that made him be there for me when I needed it. Did you ever think that somewhere deep down inside, there is a part of you that knows what your MM needs. Maybe he needs to be scared sh:ttless that you will call his house. Maybe that will give him the dose of reality that will end this. Maybe you need HIM to end this. It took me more than a year of stops and starts to finally finish with MM. The last time we were together was because he called 5 minutes after I'd broken up with my current BF...the connection. At that point it had been 3 months since we'd been together and we still wound up in my bed...him comforting me because another man could not give me enough. But that evening we both realized that HE couldn't give me enough either, and that what he gave me left me feeling worse about myself instead of better. It is a long slow road. Accept the mistakes and learn from them. If you do, in the end you will find that you know enough and have enough that you will be ready for the man who can give you enough.
Author kkat Posted January 8, 2005 Author Posted January 8, 2005 Thanks for the good advice and thoughts. He called me today at home and mobile until he reached me and he didn't even bring up the fact that I had called him at home, just asked how I was doing and started chit-chatting. Wierd. I said I was working and couldn't chat but was pleasant and felt better just leaving it pleasant and cordial - a conversation about nothing at all - just asked how his ill mother is and then said I had to fly. And now I am continuing to move on. A new day!
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