iworthmore Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 First, happy new year for u loveshackers. I just need to vent, to reveal what i'v been hoding in the last cpl months. Im feeling fake. I feel everything is fake to me at the moment. Well, in general im doing so so or even ok. But tonight as the new years eve made me sad. Brought the pain back. Didnt recieve any message from her. Well. Wasnt expecting that. But i cant stop imagining her with the other guy celebrating this night together. It kills me and makes crazy. Was with my mates at a huge party, " had fun" and " enjoyed" the evening. I was playing the happy guy role. The tough guy and the independent. I became an actor. Very good one. Never stopped laughing and telling jokes. But inside of me there is pain. Deep pain and anger. Gosh its so annoying those events. The holiday seasons. It sux and will always be a triger to flashbacks of the past. I know the problem but i cant solve it. I love her and i must stop doing that. When i stop loving her then ill heal. No self improvement and no other things can help if we still have feeling. Its so complicated how our body works. My mind knows she doesnt worth it but keeps flooding that hormone. He knows im suffering but the ******* wont let go. We must hate the ppl who hurt us and not love them more. Gosh im going crazy. I think both ways. I still love her to death and hate her to death. Thx god. What an amazing gift u gave us. Brain that doesnt work for our good and interest. It kills me. To see happy cpls. And when i see them i wish both of them great relationship, they look happy and adorable, they look soulmates. But now im so skeptical about any future relationship. I have that girl that wants me. She told me that 1 month after my BU. But im aftaid to love again cause me and the ex once looked soulmates and adorable but it appeared to be all fake. I cant enjoy anything. In 1month im gonna get my ph.d degree with summa cum laude. Well. Not feeling excited at all. I'v always been positive in my former threads. And it was all real. I had better times. But im not gonna fake u here guys. Today i feel worthless. Only on this board i can take off my mask and be real. Was long post sorry. We all worth more.
bubbaganoosh Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Some people take longer to get over a break up. Lord only knows how many times I was the "victim" and yeah it hurts like hell but it's like anything else. The pain does go away but if you keep dwelling on it then it's like re breaking you leg. Stop thinking of the "coulda, woulda shoulda's" and move on. You said you have a girl who wants you so why don't you give her a chance because right now there's nothing she will be able to do to please you if you won't give her a honest chance. For all you know, she might be the one and your doing a good job of kicking it down the street. She deserves a little better than that so enjoy her company. You don't have to jump right in to a serious relationship with her. Take your time and you might be surprised.
mendsley Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Too be honest the saying "fake it until you make it" holds some truth. I see it like this, to heal properly you have to live two lives. One that everyone thinks you're a happy go lucky guy and the other that breaks down and cries to a trusted specific person. It's bullshiit life hands us this card sometimes, but it is what it is and I think you should keep faking because eventually things come around.
LostConfused123 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 First, happy new year for u loveshackers. I just need to vent, to reveal what i'v been hoding in the last cpl months. Im feeling fake. I feel everything is fake to me at the moment. Well, in general im doing so so or even ok. But tonight as the new years eve made me sad. Brought the pain back. Didnt recieve any message from her. Well. Wasnt expecting that. But i cant stop imagining her with the other guy celebrating this night together. It kills me and makes crazy. Was with my mates at a huge party, " had fun" and " enjoyed" the evening. I was playing the happy guy role. The tough guy and the independent. I became an actor. Very good one. Never stopped laughing and telling jokes. But inside of me there is pain. Deep pain and anger. Gosh its so annoying those events. The holiday seasons. It sux and will always be a triger to flashbacks of the past. I know the problem but i cant solve it. I love her and i must stop doing that. When i stop loving her then ill heal. No self improvement and no other things can help if we still have feeling. Its so complicated how our body works. My mind knows she doesnt worth it but keeps flooding that hormone. He knows im suffering but the ******* wont let go. We must hate the ppl who hurt us and not love them more. Gosh im going crazy. I think both ways. I still love her to death and hate her to death. Thx god. What an amazing gift u gave us. Brain that doesnt work for our good and interest. It kills me. To see happy cpls. And when i see them i wish both of them great relationship, they look happy and adorable, they look soulmates. But now im so skeptical about any future relationship. I have that girl that wants me. She told me that 1 month after my BU. But im aftaid to love again cause me and the ex once looked soulmates and adorable but it appeared to be all fake. I cant enjoy anything. In 1month im gonna get my ph.d degree with summa cum laude. Well. Not feeling excited at all. I'v always been positive in my former threads. And it was all real. I had better times. But im not gonna fake u here guys. Today i feel worthless. Only on this board i can take off my mask and be real. Was long post sorry. We all worth more. I know that "faking" feeling. I have to do it around my family and even some friends. I guess they think I should be healed by now. Best of luck to you!!
Author iworthmore Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Some people take longer to get over a break up. Lord only knows how many times I was the "victim" and yeah it hurts like hell but it's like anything else. The pain does go away but if you keep dwelling on it then it's like re breaking you leg. Stop thinking of the "coulda, woulda shoulda's" and move on. You said you have a girl who wants you so why don't you give her a chance because right now there's nothing she will be able to do to please you if you won't give her a honest chance. For all you know, she might be the one and your doing a good job of kicking it down the street. She deserves a little better than that so enjoy her company. You don't have to jump right in to a serious relationship with her. Take your time and you might be surprised. I know what she wants from me. Starting hanging out with her in order to ease my situation will be selfish behaviour. We r not close friends and by me starting hanging out with her she'll get wrong message. She will think im considering being with her. I cant be her friend. Not healthy for her and i dont wanna feel like using her, after all my heart still taken. I must go thru this alone without any one involved especially those who might get hurt.
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