Flowergurl Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi guys! Exactly two months ago my lover ended it. He ended it because I brought up feelings and he didn't want to deal with them so I said "I am sorry I cannot sleep with someone who does not care about my feelings". He was adamant about not going there for "self- preservation"....and then suddenly ended it during the same phone call he told me he wanted to continue. He didn't mention anything about being friends just that "I'll see you socially". The only reason I care is because I thought we had a special connection. Our attraction was strong. So after that conversation and my last text "heartbroken" (the day after he ended it)....I went No contact. Two weeks later he RSVP's yes for one of MY meetups. I didn't say a word and the meet up didn't happen because it was postponed. I felt it was odd because there were so few members going and you would think he would want to avoid me. I didn't say a word, though. The meet up never happened but his RSVP is still there. ??? Then six weeks after BU he sent a past 10 PM text (the typical time we were together) with a simple "Hi x, how are you". I said "I am doing fine. thanks." the next day and he quickly replied "Glad to hear". I didn't reply at all after that. Okay the last one was an "end of the year review" telling me how grateful he was to have me in his life, that I made his life brighter, more wonderful, etc and that he "hopes to continue our relationship for years to come". It was all about thanking me (and everyone else) for what they gave to him. This letter appears to be a form letter but sent individually with the names changed. I would like to talk to him again....I miss him and would be open to friendship and healing but I am not sure if I should respond. Should I only respond if he addresses my heartache or how he hurt my feelings? Or should I support his coming to me trying to crack the door open? Maybe he is trying to crack the door open to talk more? I don't want to be too receptive but not too cold either. Or maybe it's just ego on his part. I don't know....I later thought he was selfish and concerned mostly about himself and his needs. For whatever reason I felt I had a connection with him. I felt kind of a joy in being with him, made me feel more a live and content. Go figure. Thoughts? Here is the end of year review he sent to me: Dear (puts my name here), With 2013 nearly at a close, this seemed like the right time to reflect on the year behind me and say thanks to everyone who helped make my life a little brighter than it was before. I looked through all my business cards, emails, text messages, Tweets, and Facebook posts from the past year and considered each and every person with a single question in mind: "Has this person helped me in some way that was reasonably significant, whether in 2013 or in some previous year?" Though some have helped more than I could ever imagine, and some haven't helped me quite as much, you're hearing from me right now for only one reason: Your name came up several times during my review (at least 6) and I decided that if it hadn't been for you, my life wouldn't be nearly as great. Everyone's familiar with the old saying "no man is an island". This can be so obvious that sometimes its easy for us to forget. Now that 2014 is nearly upon us, I'm taking a moment to remind myself that my experiences are the product of my own choices coupled with the generosity of my friends, family, and colleages. No one in the history of man has ever achieved anything without the help of others. So in celebration of 2014, please let me express my gratitude: Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I'm extremely grateful for all I have and for the role you've played in helping make my life all the more wonderful. Here's to an awesome New Year and to my continued relationship with you in the years to come. I sincerely hope that 2014 brings you your deepest dreams and desires. All my best, "X" Thanks in advance.
pickflicker Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi guys! Exactly two months ago my lover ended it. He ended it because I brought up feelings and he didn't want to deal with them so I said "I am sorry I cannot sleep with someone who does not care about my feelings". He was adamant about not going there for "self- preservation"....and then suddenly ended it during the same phone call he told me he wanted to continue. He didn't mention anything about being friends just that "I'll see you socially". The only reason I care is because I thought we had a special connection. Our attraction was strong. So after that conversation and my last text "heartbroken" (the day after he ended it)....I went No contact. Two weeks later he RSVP's yes for one of MY meetups. I didn't say a word and the meet up didn't happen because it was postponed. I felt it was odd because there were so few members going and you would think he would want to avoid me. I didn't say a word, though. The meet up never happened but his RSVP is still there. ??? Then six weeks after BU he sent a past 10 PM text (the typical time we were together) with a simple "Hi x, how are you". I said "I am doing fine. thanks." the next day and he quickly replied "Glad to hear". I didn't reply at all after that. Okay the last one was an "end of the year review" telling me how grateful he was to have me in his life, that I made his life brighter, more wonderful, etc and that he "hopes to continue our relationship for years to come". It was all about thanking me (and everyone else) for what they gave to him. This letter appears to be a form letter but sent individually with the names changed. I would like to talk to him again....I miss him and would be open to friendship and healing but I am not sure if I should respond. Should I only respond if he addresses my heartache or how he hurt my feelings? Or should I support his coming to me trying to crack the door open? Maybe he is trying to crack the door open to talk more? I don't want to be too receptive but not too cold either. Or maybe it's just ego on his part. I don't know....I later thought he was selfish and concerned mostly about himself and his needs. For whatever reason I felt I had a connection with him. I felt kind of a joy in being with him, made me feel more a live and content. Go figure. Thoughts? Here is the end of year review he sent to me: Dear (puts my name here), With 2013 nearly at a close, this seemed like the right time to reflect on the year behind me and say thanks to everyone who helped make my life a little brighter than it was before. I looked through all my business cards, emails, text messages, Tweets, and Facebook posts from the past year and considered each and every person with a single question in mind: "Has this person helped me in some way that was reasonably significant, whether in 2013 or in some previous year?" Though some have helped more than I could ever imagine, and some haven't helped me quite as much, you're hearing from me right now for only one reason: Your name came up several times during my review (at least 6) and I decided that if it hadn't been for you, my life wouldn't be nearly as great. Everyone's familiar with the old saying "no man is an island". This can be so obvious that sometimes its easy for us to forget. Now that 2014 is nearly upon us, I'm taking a moment to remind myself that my experiences are the product of my own choices coupled with the generosity of my friends, family, and colleages. No one in the history of man has ever achieved anything without the help of others. So in celebration of 2014, please let me express my gratitude: Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I'm extremely grateful for all I have and for the role you've played in helping make my life all the more wonderful. Here's to an awesome New Year and to my continued relationship with you in the years to come. I sincerely hope that 2014 brings you your deepest dreams and desires. All my best, "X" Thanks in advance. I wonder how many people he sent that to? It sounds like a rejection letter after you were unsuccessful in a job interview. Delete it. There's nothing worthwhile in it. 3
Frank13 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 You have feelings. Being friends will just be heartache. You can't be friends until you feel indifferent about him.
aussietigerwolf Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Sounds like an automatic send it to everyone in my contacts thing.
Author Flowergurl Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Probably just what I needed to hear. It was a general letter, nothing personal to me and no reference to any of my feelings or heartache. Ugh. But thanks for telling me the truth. There is nothing to respond to here. So glad I did not. 1
headinthecloud Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 He sounds like a narcissist...thanking everyone for what they did for him...wow! I'd drop him like a bad habit...he sounds like a douchebag. 6
Author Flowergurl Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) Thanks everyone. I realized soon after I posted that the only way we could be friends is if he showed respect for my feelings. He asked to be "lovers" with me but without commitment. He said it could be "healing" for us. I was truly OK with that. But what I discovered was that it really wasn't loving at all...it was more about him getting what he wanted (to feel desired sexually to heal from a past relationship). When I brought something up...because I also need to be nourished emotionally with kindness and thoughtfulness...he wouldn't do it. He really shouldn't have said "lovers" at all. What he really wanted and wasn't honest about was that he wanted a totally strings free sex...which I cannot give. Nothing appealing to me about that. Anyways, I think he does have quirks, to be sure. I connected with him though on an emotional and mental level...however I didn't get more of what I wanted because he only wanted what he wanted. His letter makes me feel I am just one of the people who have helped him "heal" with no thought if it was healing for me. You get the picture. Thanks. Edited January 1, 2014 by Flowergurl
headinthecloud Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm amending my previous comment...he is definitely a douchebag! You deserve so much more. This guy isn't worth another thought, he's a selfish arsehole. Thanks everyone. I realized soon after I posted that the only way we could be friends is if he showed respect for my feelings. He asked to be "lovers" with me but without commitment. He said it could be "healing" for us. I was truly OK with that. But what I discovered was that it really wasn't loving at all...it was more about him getting what he wanted (to feel desired sexually to heal from a past relationship). When I brought something up...because I also need to be nourished emotionally with kindness and thoughtfulness...he wouldn't do it. He really shouldn't have said "lovers" at all. What he really wanted and wasn't honest about was that he wanted a totally strings free sex...which I cannot give. Nothing appealing to me about that. Anyways, I think he does have quirks, to be sure. I connected with him though on an emotional and mental level...however I didn't get more of what I wanted because he only wanted what he wanted. His letter makes me feel I am just one of the people who have helped him "heal" with no thought if it was healing for me. You get the picture. Thanks.
ponchsox Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 End of the year review? WTF is he your boss? 3
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 End of the year review? WTF is he your boss? That's what I thought. What's the bet that a similar letter, maybe a few tweaks, went to everyone in his address book? Icky. It makes my skin crawl, for some reason...
Author Flowergurl Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) You are all right, of course. I can't believe I got hooked/am still hooked with someone so selfish! OMG I have never come across a man like this before. I've had my share of loving relationships. Men have always treated me good. So when I came across him I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe it when he said it would be too much "effort" for him to talk with me about feelings. Yes, that is right too much "effort". I was dumbfounded I guess because I was certain there was something deeper (he spoke about feeling connected to me and I felt it with him, we had lots in common). My heart sunk when I heard that and I immediately said "I can't and should not sleep with someone who does not care about my feelings". I also told him that he should go to Craigslist for sex because that is what he really wanted. He tried to make up the next day. Even told me he wanted to continue but when I tried to explain my feelings...he said "I am tired of women telling me what I do wrong and this is a red flag that we have problems already!" (we were seeing each other about 7 months but not often). I was like "what? It's natural to talk about stuff". It was then he quickly changed his tune and proceeded to end it...it was so sudden the shift. Then he cried to hope to find someone to love him. ???? I was so in shock I didn't know what to say but, my god, if he only took time to LISTEN to the women in his life he could remedy it and have some luck! I guess the reason I am hooked is for some reason I had really "connected" sex with him. There was an intimacy there I haven't felt for a long time. I have no idea why except that I felt on some level we were similar emotionally? (I am not selfish by the way so we don't share that). I don't know, I felt more alive with him...I wish I knew why. After seeing him I'd feel this sense of contentedness. I wish I knew why. It's obvious the guy has problems with women and I really think he has no clue. I will be happy to be free of him... Edited January 2, 2014 by Flowergurl
rec88 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Whaaaaat did I just read?! That's the most robotic and disingenuous 'thank you' I've ever read. It's completely self centered and something similar was sent to all of the 'stepping stones' that he's used to get to where he is. And that place is so awesome and amazing... wtf. No reply is the only reply. 1
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