youngbutoldsoul Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Question: Regardless, if you are a dumpee and ask on here for advice on what you should do, the general consensus is No Contact for practical reasons. It's been 8 months for me and I've reached a better place in life but I have still determined dumper is still the most meaningful and valuable person to have ever been a part of my life. I have tried everything humanly possible (good things, of course) to get my ex to take me back. I made a lot of mistakes but what motivated me to reconcile is I have no doubt we truly loved each other but we are so young to understand how to reconcile. Perhaps it is a moment of weakness. Perhaps I can gain more insight from you guys....I believe there's so many misunderstandings between us that might be barriers for us to get back together. After neither of us being in touch for so long, such a conversation just isn't appropriate to take place in person. Since he still follows my blog, should I post an entry discussing my perspective on the course of our relationship as well as the aftermath? Thank you all.
Yasuandio Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Reconciling is not simple. Your old relationship is dead. You have to start again, new, like a first date. I only know of one written source - but it is in regards to recoonciling marriages. But I think the basic principles of what Divorce Busters refers to as "Piecing" (reconciling) can provide some insight for you. They have a website - and if you look deeply into the on-line community, there is one forum devoted to "piecing" where you will likely find the basic scoop. Hope that helps. Move slow! Yas
Simon Phoenix Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 No, you should not do that. And it should be him that makes the first move. If you feel the need to spill guts on the old relationship, you aren't ready to make efforts for a new one. To be in a place to go with the new, you have to be done with the old completely. You aren't there.
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 No, you should not do that. And it should be him that makes the first move. If you feel the need to spill guts on the old relationship, you aren't ready to make efforts for a new one. To be in a place to go with the new, you have to be done with the old completely. You aren't there. I feel like despite being the dumpee, I was responsible for the reasons that led him to have to leave me therefore I feel it's appropriate I should clear the air and offer insight, if that makes sense.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I feel like despite being the dumpee, I was responsible for the reasons that led him to have to leave me therefore I feel it's appropriate I should clear the air and offer insight, if that makes sense. It does, but you don't. If he brought it up, you can ask, but if not, it's completely inappropriate for you to do so. But yeah, you have to forgive yourself for whatever you think you did. If you don't, then any attempt at anything is going to fail and fail miserably. But no, don't do some passive-aggressive blogging on a public journal. The old relationship is over -- you need to understand that.
pickflicker Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 The dumper always makes the first move. Always. Even if your actions caused them to break up with you, they always make the first move. No exceptions.
Yasuandio Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Yes, I totally agree with other posters. I was just providing a "how-to" resource. Your dumper must come to you and say "I am prepared to do anything it takes to win you back." Period. End of story. No "hey, how ya do'in?" No "Sup?" No "Happy New Year" The first open line has to indicate - "I need to talk to you, I've made a mistake. I want you back." something of that nature. Anything else is just yanking your chain (that they installed, BTW). Yas 1
Simplysimon Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Question: Regardless, if you are a dumpee and ask on here for advice on what you should do, the general consensus is No Contact for practical reasons. It's been 8 months for me and I've reached a better place in life but I have still determined dumper is still the most meaningful and valuable person to have ever been a part of my life. I have tried everything humanly possible (good things, of course) to get my ex to take me back. I made a lot of mistakes but what motivated me to reconcile is I have no doubt we truly loved each other but we are so young to understand how to reconcile. Perhaps it is a moment of weakness. Perhaps I can gain more insight from you guys....I believe there's so many misunderstandings between us that might be barriers for us to get back together. After neither of us being in touch for so long, such a conversation just isn't appropriate to take place in person. Since he still follows my blog, should I post an entry discussing my perspective on the course of our relationship as well as the aftermath? Thank you all. I think you should stop this nonsense move on and forget. Most people who stay stuck emotionally to a former partner do so because they have no other options. Make your own options.
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