The dating world dislikes asexuals

[Disillusioned]

At least that's the impression I get.

 

Why? Because asexuals mess up the bell curve (especially male asexuals). I've been reading blogs by people who've dated asexuals and they say it's been a letdown because the asexuals wanted emotional bonding but no nookie. Even when they've managed to beg their asexual dates into having sex, the asexuals said the experience wasn't enjoyable.

 

There are asexual dating sites, but they're about as effective as all the rest of the dating sites. A lot of people probably wish asexuals would just disappear because they're messing up the game, but I've attended at least one local asexual meetup group (not romantically oriented though), so I know Hell can freeze.

 

I'm not afraid of starting an asexual dating meetup group in 2014---I have no problem giving as good as I get from the trolls who do their "nyah-nyah-get-a-load-of-that" public ridicule thing but they're too cowardly to actually GO to a meetup---my fear is that a lot of asexuals (and even---gasp!!!---virgins) who are lonely will be afraid to come out of the closet and attend the meetups.

 

OTOH I don't see ANY of the local singles meetup groups doing potlucks or costume parties (hey, it's my house, man!)... they're mostly doing your boring boozefests except for a few who are doing speed dating or the hiking/running thing.

 

And that's why I'm so intent on doing it myself. You can say "maaaan, that'll never work, duuuude... gotta have the sex and alcohol". But my past experiences say otherwise. It's the rare person who can say no to a potluck or a costume party... even closeted asexuals, who might enjoy the lack of pressure to drink or have sex.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Disillusioned

[Beatles4]

Are you saying you are a asexual/virgin?

 

I am and that didnt make a good read ahhhhhh

[Beatles4]

Wow just been researching the whole asexual thing, opened my eyes!

Edited January 1, 2014 by Beatles4

[gaius]

Always thought asexuals were just people who havn't been able to overcome what intimacy issues they struggle with.

[Mrlonelyone]

Always thought asexuals were just people who havn't been able to overcome what intimacy issues they struggle with.

 

Just as some people used to think that gay men were just gay for not being able to get women, or that they experienced homosexuality and got used to it etc.

 

Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation. Some people have zero sex drive. No one knows why. They may have sex with a partner for the sake of having kids at some point, but as for having sex just to have sex, for pleasure and so forth. No.

 

Sometimes LBGT is written out LGBTQAAI adding queer, intersex, allied, and asexual.

 

OP, ever thought about getting involved in asexual activism? Many queer folk find partners through activism and some even engage in activist things in search of a partner. Surely you can find an asexual woman to cuddle and hold hands with.

[Disillusioned]

OP, ever thought about getting involved in asexual activism? Many queer folk find partners through activism and some even engage in activist things in search of a partner. Surely you can find an asexual woman to cuddle and hold hands with.

 

That's part of the reason why I'm going to host the meetups in the first place.

 

Being asexual nowadays is sort of like being gay or lesbian in the early 1970s... an asexual can come out of the closet, but to do so is to risk some rejection by society. Asexuals haven't had anything like what happened at the Stonewall back in '69... it reminds me of something African-American comedian Flip Wilson said during the civil rights movements of the '60s: "folks, we need to do something about the Indians (=Native Americans). The Indians aren't ready yet."

 

Believe me, as an asexual who has come out of the closet, I know the feeling. We get lonesome and need love too.

[mario_C]

Who would an A-Sexual date and why? I believed A-Sexuality to be no attraction to men or women.

Sorry, I am asking this question too, un-PC though it may be. Guess I'm getting old...

There's a word for "emotional bonding" without physical intimacy - it's called friend. Hey, friends are important, but why waste the time of persons who want to date because they want the complete intimacy package? Why single out females if you're male or vice versa?

And being a virgin is not the same as being asexual. There are lots of virgin adults because of terrible social skills, emotional traumas, or some other issue with their preferred sex. Not the same as someone who has a phobia of physical intimacy (which can also manifest itself in the need to drink before sex).

Anyway, Meetups are the best for support and friendship. Have a good time. What do I know?

[Disillusioned]

I think some of you are lumping asexuals together with incels.

 

Incels want sex but feel gypped inside because they're not getting any.

 

Asexuals OTOH can't really feel gypped out of something they don't crave in the first place.

[ThatMan]

Always thought asexuals were just people who havn't been able to overcome what intimacy issues they struggle with.

It's interesting so I looked into this further. Asexuality is often used to umbrella many things. People basically twist the word into whatever is most convenient. So for some it includes things such as involuntary celibacy, in additional to preferences in romance. I've found this:

Asexuality describes a lack of sexual attraction with varying degrees of ability to emotionally connect.

These are some types of asexuality:

 

• Aromantic - An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to anyone.
  
• Heteroromantic - A person who is romantically attracted to a member of the opposite sex or gender. (But in a non-sexual manner.)
  
• Panromantic - A person who is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the other's sex or gender
  
• *Insert whatever combination you prefer.*
  

There are also other orientations, and forms of attraction, that fall into the category of Asexuality.

 

• Antisexual - Antisexualism is a belief that sexuality is wrong or should be avoided.
  

 

• Demisexuality - A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection.
  

 

• Gray-Asexuality - Do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes. They have a low sex drive and do not strongly wish to act on sexual urges, or to do so under very limited and specific circumstances.
  

You can literally take a pill to become asexual. Conversely, you can take another pill to change back into whatever previous orientation! There is a lot of controversy surrounding the debate of whether or not asexuality is even a sexual orientation at all. So that's a huge challenge for anyone who identifies as asexual but also wants to date, given that some will feel outright offended at the ludicrous idea of asexuality.

 

I now need to shower after searching through the interwebs to learn more. This is why we can't have nice things, gaius.

Edited January 3, 2014 by ThatMan
phone

[ThatMan]

I knew a prostate cancer survivor. Although he would not consider himself asexual, he is incapable of performing after his prostate was removed. He did have luck dating. Most women ran for the hills once they discovered his medical situation. But there are some who are perfectly okay with him just the way that he is. He tried dating the same way that anyone else would. What he developed was a learned skill of understanding when to share this information. So maybe this might help in some small way: He would go out on dates and talk about this in a way that's mature and thoughtful at a later time.

[mario_C]

I think some of you are lumping asexuals together with incels.

 

Incels want sex but feel gypped inside because they're not getting any.

 

Asexuals OTOH can't really feel gypped out of something they don't crave in the first place.

There's a word for us? Cool, thanks for the knowledge!

[mario_C]

ETA... that was unpleasant, trying to learn more about incels.