wwobuk Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Wife left me in September for a married man 26 years older then her. Up to that point I thought my marriage was perfect. We were even trying for a baby. Still I love her though and knowing that she is out with this fella , tonight, sharing their kiss and intimacy at midnight, is killing me. I know it's over but heck why can't I forget about her
RightThere Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I know it's over but heck why can't I forget about her Probably because you haven't made the distinction between the woman you thought you knew, and who she actually was. Sorry to hear you're struggling, but know that she downgraded....on purpose.... 3
Author wwobuk Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Oh we have two kids together. They are with me while she throws our marriage away
imperfectangel Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 wouldn't you rather be alone than have someone stay with you out of obligation? 3
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 How far along are you in the divorce process? Does she know you still love her? Would you take her back if she wanted to come back, and does she know that? What does she say about not seeing her kids?
confusedandhurt2002 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Oh we have two kids together. They are with me while she throws our marriage away Try to focus on the kids if you can...I'm sorry you're going through this. I just keep thinking of my husband's affair and how I'm supposed to be getting over it, but instead I just sit here and think aboutit and wonder why the hell he is here with me if he wanted her so damn bad.
Author wwobuk Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Yep she knows I love her. Up to three months ago she was declaring her undying love to me. Kids are with me for half a week but I take them any chance I get. Been together for 7 years. 7 years with no arguments and like the honeymoon period every day. She starts a new job . Gets her head turned by a pensioner and that's that.
Author wwobuk Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I'm a mug. I would take her back in a second
tiredofitall2 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Oh we have two kids together. They are with me while she throws our marriage away She abandoned her kids? You don't want her. F and start dating... 1
Steen719 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Wife left me in September for a married man 26 years older then her. Up to that point I thought my marriage was perfect. We were even trying for a baby. Still I love her though and knowing that she is out with this fella , tonight, sharing their kiss and intimacy at midnight, is killing me. I know it's over but heck why can't I forget about her You are in the early stages of this and it takes some time to get through it to a point that you can live with it without so much pain. You will never convince me that someone like your wife will not regret her decisions. Some day, she will think about being with a man who is 26 years older and not having her children and she will have regrets - big ones. By that time, you will have moved on; not to say that you will forget the pain, but it will definitely feel better than it does today. Sorry for your pain. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 The problem your having right now is your used to her being there and there's now a gap where she once was. That's natural and I understand. Now think about it for a minuet. She up and leaves you for another guy all the while she's telling you that she loves you, pretending to be the loyal, loving wife and you'll still take her back? I think if you took her back with your mindset, she'll do the same thing knowing that you'll accept her, her lies, deceit and cheating and she would have no good reason to curb her behavior. With that said, how many times will it take before you say enough is enough? I know your hurting but taking her back...........if that ever happens will be a mess unless she understands the pain and hurt she caused and be willing to pay for her bad behavior. That is if she comes back. Suppose she doesn't? Then what? You just going to sit and sulk? I don't know how old your are but I'll bet your young enough to get a fresh start in life. What she did shows no character, love or honesty. Especially if she led you on to believe that all is well. Move on and find a woman who has what she doesn't. There out there, you just got to find them.
george roy Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Oh we have two kids together. They are with me while she throws our marriage away How old are the kids ? I ask because I'm kind of in the same boat as you. Mine are 11,9, and 7. And they asked Mommy why she was going out with friends tonight, instead of staying home with them and watching the New Years Eve show. Mommy had no good answer. The kids get it. And honestly, that's bothers me more. They see Mommy going out with her 'friends', instead of spending time with them. Kids remember that stuff. Here's where we get to be the best dads we can. 7
BetrayedH Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Wife left me in September for a married man 26 years older then her. Up to that point I thought my marriage was perfect. We were even trying for a baby. Still I love her though and knowing that she is out with this fella , tonight, sharing their kiss and intimacy at midnight, is killing me. I know it's over but heck why can't I forget about her It wasn't about you brother; it was about her. You have happy years in front of you. I hope that 2014 is a good one. 2
peruano99 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 She cheated on you, blamed you for it, left your kids without a care in the world, and you will still take her back risking another affair. Think man Think.
SOUK-SG Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi. I'm new so please take it easy. Sounds like she has moved on and maybe you should too. What is it about her that makes you want her back? Can you be sure that she hasn't cheated on you before. Say if you were out at night or at work. She may have been at this a lot longer than you think. Just remember she is happy by the looks of it with this other guy. Anyway. Only my first post. S
somedude81 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I hate it when women pull sh*t like this. How the hell is it possible for everything to be perfect one day, then the next day they just up and leave? We all know women are fickle, but this is just insane.
thummper Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Wife left me in September for a married man 26 years older then her. Up to that point I thought my marriage was perfect. We were even trying for a baby. Still I love her though and knowing that she is out with this fella , tonight, sharing their kiss and intimacy at midnight, is killing me. I know it's over but heck why can't I forget about her You can't forget about her, wwobuk, because when some people give their hearts away, it's a permanent thing. You can't forget about her because the love you feel for her is real love, not just a physical response to a pretty lady. People talk about "soul mates." She is truly your soul mate, and that's not something you can just walk away from. In time what you feel for her may fade, but it will NEVER go away. A part of you will always yearn for the woman you love.
tiredofitall2 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi. I'm new so please take it easy. Sounds like she has moved on and maybe you should too. What is it about her that makes you want her back? Can you be sure that she hasn't cheated on you before. Say if you were out at night or at work. She may have been at this a lot longer than you think. Just remember she is happy by the looks of it with this other guy. Anyway. Only my first post. S Although all you are saying has logic, what is illogical love. I know this sounds very cliche and corny, but when one has love for the wife and family and in this case there are children involved. One tends to be willing to forgive and want to restore what you once had. Many times this is possible and often it is not, but we can blame anyone for trying. Especially when you look what affairs are and why they happen, you realize that it is not "real" it is a fantasy that occurs due to dysfunctional issues within the person and the marriage that creates the perfect "excuses" to act on their fantasies. More often then not the disloyal spouse wakes up and recognizes their mistake, but often too late as the BS has moved on.
BetrayedH Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 She cheated on you, blamed you for it, left your kids without a care in the world, and you will still take her back risking another affair. Think man Think. If only it were that easy. For me, regardless of what's logical, I just didn't fall out of love with my wife that quickly. It took me a long time to see her for who she was, rather than who I thought she was. As you suggested, eventually using your head outweighs your emotions but it takes a lot longer than I ever expected. It's most certainly more difficult when children are involved. I was desperate to keep my family intact; I think much of it was trying to stop a bad situation from getting worse. 2
Author wwobuk Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I accepted she isn't coming back and yes she did just change overnight. Even I still can't believe it!!!! The cheating I could forgive, the lying I can't. It still pains me to think why she chose this route and I still care enough for her to not want her to throw her life away. 1
SOUK-SG Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I can understand that your hurting. I was in a relationship where the woman was a lesbian and used me to make herself safe and secure before she told me. I had bought a house and moved all my life to be with her. So I know it's hard. I however wanted her to be happy and in the end supported her. Do you think that you could maybe support her more because you love her so much. If you love her entirely then you maybe able to be happy seeing her happy. I am sure she had a great Xmas and New Year, what you need to do is have the same.
Spectre Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Nobody expects you to fall out of love quickly with your wife or significant other, but you do have to realize they do NOT love you and never did. Do not take her back, ever. I know you said you would, but please don't..she will just do it again. Taking her back tells her what she did was ok, that the next time she is bored and decides she wants to bang some other dudes for a bit..she can go do that and then you will just wait here quietly for her to finish..and this is a woman who has kids? Yeah, it's easy to lose your faith in people reading these boards. I'm sorry for your situation, this is why I wish people really thought their actions through before they do something like this.
harrybrown Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 She does not love or respect you. File for divorce and show her that you are a man. She may wake up from the fog with the divorce papers, but I doubt it. You do not want her in your life. Get her out of your life, and file. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I accepted she isn't coming back and yes she did just change overnight. Even I still can't believe it!!!! The cheating I could forgive, the lying I can't. It still pains me to think why she chose this route and I still care enough for her to not want her to throw her life away. She didn't change overnight. She just wasn't honest with you what was happening with her at all. Some women do crap like this, keep their grievances inside and then let their resentments fester and then, *pop* out the door they go. It's called conflict-avoidance. If a person tries to bring something up or "hint" at it and things don't change, for whatever reason some people feel that they can't speak out full-on or stand up for themselves. So they just resent the other person for not "picking up on it" or "understanding" all the while portraying the same day to day routine. Although, in all fairness, some other people DO make their grievances known assertively etc and the other party simply "okay I Won't do it again sorry. Oh you're so special." Then they just keep gaslighting and mind-screwing the assertive person until one day they just give the finger on the way out the door and the "not listening" person moans and whines that it was all "so sudden." In fact, my marriage has been hashed and rehashed and recalibrated so much over the last five years it's enough for me to have to have a map to get through it. My husband on the other hand simply said says "really I'm sick of talking about it all the time it's not like our marriage is in crisis." Yes, yes it has been. For A REALLY LONG TIME. I've been walking a very thin thread for years. Granted it has gotten about 20% better but really, I write a breakup letter every two weeks to a month and I've been truing my ass off for years. Not a crisis!? Boy was he shocked when I let him very much know that I absolutely view it as a post-nuclear fallout. He just figured that "I'm very emotional." I've been cheated on, he's gone through treatment twice, he's killed out finances and we had to fight to maintain custody of our daughter. Yes it's a crisis. That was a few months ago. My point is that two people can be on two entirely different pages. Who's to say what it was? She'll say she "warned you" etc. you'll say you had no clue. Either way she shouldn't have been hooking up with some married dude. She should've resolved what she could with you first and left on her own of she couldn't.
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