ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Tara, Your assumptions are always that someone isn't over someone. It's not always about still harboring feelings. I am over her. I have moved on. You need to believe that if I tell you and not make analogies. If I had feelings why wouldn't I admit that to a bunch of strangers on a online forum meant to help people. Sometimes Tara, it's a matter of wanting to be like and respected by someone you once cared about. Now you can make the argument that you shouldn't care what people think but that is a different topic isn't it. This is my social anxiety disorder but I do care what this person thinks and want them to respect me. It has nothing to do with having romantic intimate feelings. This was my first time seeing this person in over a year. It is only natural that there is some sort of reaction or feeling. It doesn't mean you still have feelings and being here asking for advise doesn't mean I have those feelings either.. Your assumption is that she snubbed me on purpose and you defend that. Why? Couldn't it have been a reaction just like mine. I didn't snub her on purpose. I didn't know what to do. It caught me by surprise. I just kept walking. It was a flight response. Some people here thought her reaction was the same kind as mine. Why do you assume hers was any different? I don't hear you saying that her response could be a sign that she isn't over me. Couldn't that be the case ? Some people think that her lack of response to me says she is being cowardly. Do you disagree with them? Why is the women always right? btw: These are Rhetorical questions. Please don't respond with your analogies. I didn't communicate for a long time because I needed to move on emotionally. It's just common sense. Don't hug onto the 'NC rule' like a flag. It serves a purpose but these rules are all b.s... Not communicating with someone is what is needed to move on emotionally. Screw written rules. I understand that some people need to see a list in front of them like an addict needs steps but save it for those people. Everyone is different and people need to deal with things in there own way to move on. Even if that means asking the other person for answers. I've been sitting here reading your entire thread.....you are saying one thing and your actions are doing something else. The bold parts is what I want to focus on. If you didnt have feelings, why come on loveshack to begin with? You can sit there and say you want her to "respect you" or whatever, but youre strangers now. Who in the f*** cares WHAT she thinks of you.....UNLESS you DO have feelings for her. In that case, you are lying to everyone. You get mad when someone speaks the truth to you. The fact is it was a simple encounter and she chose to not say anything to you. THATS IT. This happens all the time and means nothing. She could have been embarrassed, ashamed, nervous, indifferent...whatever. It doesnt matter. Its done. Over. Finished. If she cared at all, she will let you know. She didnt and probably wont...so let it go.
Author bohica Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 If you don't want to take any of this advice, then don't. Go ahead and send it, see what it gets you. I never said I wasn't going to take advise. That is why I am here.
Xemyd Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I never said I wasn't going to take advise. That is why I am here. Yes, but every time someone gives you their opinion you just blow it off, you're asking for help but unwilling to listen to it. If you don't want to take it fine, you're just going to end up convincing yourself to send her something. Who knows, it may work out for you, but it may just blow up. Ultimately it's your decision and you need to be prepared for whatever the outcome is, whether you do message her or choose to let it go.
Author bohica Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I've been sitting here reading your entire thread.....you are saying one thing and your actions are doing something else. The bold parts is what I want to focus on. If you didnt have feelings, why come on loveshack to begin with? You can sit there and say you want her to "respect you" or whatever, but youre strangers now. Who in the f*** cares WHAT she thinks of you.....UNLESS you DO have feelings for her. In that case, you are lying to everyone. You get mad when someone speaks the truth to you. The fact is it was a simple encounter and she chose to not say anything to you. THATS IT. This happens all the time and means nothing. She could have been embarrassed, ashamed, nervous, indifferent...whatever. It doesnt matter. Its done. Over. Finished. If she cared at all, she will let you know. She didnt and probably wont...so let it go. This gets funny. I almost feel I can't respond to my own post. I am not getting mad. The problem I have at the moment is that if I say I am not getting mad then it should be understood that I really mean it, I am not getting mad. If I say I do not have romantic feelings for someone. I really don't have feelings for someone. That shouldn't be argued too much. Instead I get the pinch for setting that straight. Listen, I don't think a need to be respected and liked by someone equates to having romantic feelings about that person. I came here because I ran into my ex for the first time in a year and we ignored each other. All I am saying is I don't want it to be that way. It doesn't have to be that way. That is why I came here. I was about to send an email to her. I was just seeking advise on that. Not on my feelings for her. Thanks everyone. I am letting it go. I am taking the advise that you all are given. The feeling is the same by all of you in the long run and that is that I shouldn't say a word. That is all that matters here. I just don't agree with something that was said and at how we arrived here and was defending that a little. My apology to anyone who may have gotten frustrated with this thread.
Haydn Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I agree you should not try to contact her at all. But i can understand how it has thrown you by seeing her. Thats pretty natural but for one year you have stayed strong, please continue this. Take care. This gets funny. I almost feel I can't respond to my own post. I am not getting mad. The problem I have at the moment is that if I say I am not getting mad then it should be understood that I really mean it, I am not getting mad. If I say I do not have romantic feelings for someone. I really don't have feelings for someone. That shouldn't be argued too much. Instead I get the pinch for setting that straight. Listen, I don't think a need to be respected and liked by someone equates to having romantic feelings about that person. I came here because I ran into my ex for the first time in a year and we ignored each other. All I am saying is I don't want it to be that way. It doesn't have to be that way. That is why I came here. I was about to send an email to her. I was just seeking advise on that. Not on my feelings for her. Thanks everyone. I am letting it go. I am taking the advise that you all are given. The feeling is the same by all of you in the long run and that is that I shouldn't say a word. That is all that matters here. I just don't agree with something that was said and at how we arrived here and was defending that a little. My apology to anyone who may have gotten frustrated with this thread.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 This gets funny. I almost feel I can't respond to my own post. I am not getting mad. The problem I have at the moment is that if I say I am not getting mad then it should be understood that I really mean it, I am not getting mad. If I say I do not have romantic feelings for someone. I really don't have feelings for someone. That shouldn't be argued too much. Instead I get the pinch for setting that straight. Listen, I don't think a need to be respected and liked by someone equates to having romantic feelings about that person. I came here because I ran into my ex for the first time in a year and we ignored each other. All I am saying is I don't want it to be that way. It doesn't have to be that way. That is why I came here. I was about to send an email to her. I was just seeking advise on that. Not on my feelings for her. Thanks everyone. I am letting it go. I am taking the advise that you all are given. The feeling is the same by all of you in the long run and that is that I shouldn't say a word. That is all that matters here. I just don't agree with something that was said and at how we arrived here and was defending that a little. My apology to anyone who may have gotten frustrated with this thread. I'm glad you aren't, because the fact that you are typing all of these words and thinking this much about a relatively innocuous encounter with your ex suggests that you shouldn't be doing any sort of confronting of her about anything. Just too many neurons wasted on something that, quite frankly, wasn't a big deal.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 That is why I came here. I was about to send an email to her. I was just seeking advise on that. Not on my feelings for her. The thing is, it's all related. Maybe you are not seeing that this is about your feelings for her. That's why the thread has evolved to that point. We can all see that. Because if it weren't you wouldn't be here creating and responding to this thread the way you are. It simply wouldn't matter. But obviously it does... My apology to anyone who may have gotten frustrated with this thread. No apology needed
Sugarkane Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't get it either. If you aren't friends with exes, everyone on this forum blames you for it and blames you for choosing them. But if you want to be polite, somehow it makes the OP a psycho? I wouldn't call the OP psycho for wanting to be civil. This is what a real psycho is like: "Ex contacted me and begged me back" (my thread). Anything you say is going to come off psycho. If I was her and I got any sort of email/note from you scolding me about how I didn't talk to you I'd either be angry or I'd feel like you'd have a screw loose. There is no scenario in where this will result in something positive. Don't send a thing. I mean, you don't have any right to tell her how she should react around you. She'll react how she reacts and you'll react how you react. If you want to say hi to her, say hi (but only do this if you can handle her not saying hi back without being sad or throwing a fit). If you don't, don't. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't get it either. If you aren't friends with exes, everyone on this forum blames you for it and blames you for choosing them. But if you want to be polite, somehow it makes the OP a psycho? I wouldn't call the OP psycho for wanting to be civil. This is what a real psycho is like: "Ex contacted me and begged me back" (my thread). How is ANYONE blaming him for who he chooses or calling him psycho? We are saying writing a letter to his ex right now would make him look like that. The OP is a smart individual and no one was calling him otherwise. 1
Sugarkane Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Obviously I'm not saying the OP is a psycho. I understand where he is coming from. But you are all saying he'll come off as one if he does contact the ex. This also always confuses me when it's ok for the dumper to contact and send breadcrumbs. The double standard continues. How is ANYONE blaming him for who he chooses or calling him psycho? We are saying writing a letter to his ex right now would make him look like that. The OP is a smart individual and no one was calling him otherwise.
Sugarkane Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 You didnt answer my question either. Yet people get slammed on here for not being on good terms with their ex? How is ANYONE blaming him for who he chooses or calling him psycho? We are saying writing a letter to his ex right now would make him look like that. The OP is a smart individual and no one was calling him otherwise.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Obviously I'm not saying the OP is a psycho. I understand where he is coming from. But you are all saying he'll come off as one if he does contact the ex. This also always confuses me when it's ok for the dumper to contact and send breadcrumbs. The double standard continues. You've been doing this all year now. Its getting extra annoying. Let it go Edited January 2, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't get it either. If you aren't friends with exes, everyone on this forum blames you for it and blames you for choosing them. But if you want to be polite, somehow it makes the OP a psycho? I wouldn't call the OP psycho for wanting to be civil. This is what a real psycho is like: "Ex contacted me and begged me back" (my thread). I wasn't calling him psycho. I was saying that his ex would possibly consider him psycho, pushy, or weird, meaning that his intention of contact (to clear the air) wouldn't have worked out the way he envisioned. She obviously doesn't want to talk to him -- him pressing the issue would not work out well. And who the hell blames anyone for not being friends with their exes? I think you read a different forum than everyone else does, or you find one thing that confirms whatever you have in your head and completely ignore everything else. Once again you post something which makes me think you and I participate on completely different websites. 1
killershaft Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Mate my only advise would be to never contact her and give her a taste of her own medicine by being happy when she gets to see u in future... don ever give the look of 'i wanna talk to you again' on your face... shes the dumper and youve been dumped... if there is any conversation thats resume after a BU then it should be from the dumpers end... 'THUMB RULE'... she dumped you for a reason that she feels justified with... so any umpteen conversations u try to strike with her will only add to your misery... let go bro... Any conversation if at all should be initiated should be initiated from her end (i really doubt if that will happen anytime soon)i know it sucks.. but thats how it is my friend.... i have gone thru the same feelings you have gone thru... 6 year relationship screwed up... now both of pretend as if we don know each other...now im pretty much used to it....
Author bohica Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Killershaft... She didn't dump me. It was pretty mutual but I hear what your saying. You share the same views as most everyone. We haven't been together in about a yr and a half. There were maybe two or three occasions that I can remember over that time where I sent a hello and it was a mistake because she never responded. We actually spoke last spring and she spoke about maybe being friends and coming to see my new house but then she pulled out, said she changed her mind then went underground s it was a mind ****. Emotionally I've moved on but I do wish it were different. Cordial, civil, etc.. It would never work with this girl. Simon/ConfusedHuman.... I am thinking that Sugar meant to say we get slammed for wanting to be civil with an ex. I can't imagine him meaning the opposite like he said. That wouldn't make sense. Correct me if Im wrong....Sugar Sugar.... I think we are all here for a reason. If you aren't going through something then why would anyone be here? Maybe there are some psych majors here doing research or something but if you aren't dealing with an issue and are here then you need a hobbie. (generally speaking, not you). I take all the advise and feedback with a heavy grain of salf. No one here is a professional that I know of. We all speak from personal experiences. Ultimately we do what we want and what we feel is best for us. I don't give much feedback to the issues of others because I have no clue what is right and wrong for you. I make mistakes all the time, who am I to give advise. That said, the advise given, as I mention, is based on the experiences people have. I don't think the advise given to me is people saying what I am about to do is wrong or right. It's saying that chances are it's not going to get you anywhere. You will most likely regret doing it because the other person is likely to be non-receptive therefor it is not going to be constructive in any way and be helpful to your cause. Every situation is different and unless you right a book no one will fully understand the history of the relationship. It's just feedback. Like I said, it's just feedback and no one if a professional. The delivery isn't always the best and you need to read between the lines sometimes. If someone needs to get something off there chest and wants to confront an ex for example, maybe to make themselves feel better or to close a chapter I say go for it but only with the complete 100% confidence that your doing it for yourself and that you might not get a response, ever. If what your really looking for is a reaction, a response of some kind then you will only regret it and it will be a huge setback. So, we need to think about our actions first and maybe come to a site like this for feedback. Sometimes coming to a site like this IS getting it off your chest. My mistake here was that maybe I should have said something when I saw her walk by. Just a simple hello and a smile. However, I didn't I just kept walking then regretted it then sent a text and tried to call her to which I got not response. I regretted it. A yr later and she still ignores me. I shouldn't be surprised and it got under my skin. Edited January 2, 2014 by bohica
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