just saw my ex.she pretended she didnt see me

[bohica]

Im in a mall going some exchanges and returns.

she works here but never used to work on Tuesdays.

 

Ive been avoiding malls for over a year because of the chance of running

into her.

 

She just walked right by me. It was impossible for her not to see me.

It wasn't crowded. We passed four feet apart. She appeared to quickly

look down at her phone. I didnt say anything because it looked obvious

to me that she looked down to avoid me. I should have spun around anyway

and said something. Hello...anything

 

Im sitting in my car just clawing at going back in and

confronting her. This is not the firat time that she seems to have some sort of resentment

towards me.

[bohica]

Whatever. Ex probably just a coward. Better off this way.

 

Well I was good to this girl. Our whole relationship was wrong just wrong but I treated her nice and never did anything to hurt her.

 

I want to know why she is a coward and why she has resentment.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well I was good to this girl. Our whole relationship was wrong just wrong but I treated her nice and never did anything to hurt her.

 

I want to know why she is a coward and why she has resentment.

 

Because she is a coward. There's no crazy explanation -- she just didn't want to talk to you. No loss.

[StyleOnEm]

It probably surprised the hell out of her seeing you there and she didn't know what to do, so she hid in her phone and walked away.

 

Nothing to see here.

[lil hoodlum]

Well I was good to this girl. Our whole relationship was wrong just wrong but I treated her nice and never did anything to hurt her.

 

I want to know why she is a coward and why she has resentment.

 

 

It sounds like she is cold-hearted. Maybe one day someone will treat her just as she treated you, giving her a taste of her own medicine.

 

It sucks, I know. But what else can you do about it?

[pickflicker]

It probably surprised the hell out of her seeing you there and she didn't know what to do, so she hid in her phone and walked away.

 

Nothing to see here.

 

Yep, I've done the same thing. Seen them, panicked, turned and walked the other way. Fight or flight.

[Ordinaryday]

I can honestly say I would, and have, done the same thing if I saw one of my exes. if they dumped me then obviously I am not happy about the breakup and even once I get over them I have no desire to be friends or even friendly with them, I want nothing to do with them.

 

On the few occasions I have seen my exes in a public place I turned my head the other way, pretended I didnt see them, and walked away. No way am I going to ease their conscience by making two minutes of small talk with them, or even worse, set myself up for ANOTHER rejection by trying to say 'hi' and them being rude to me. much better to just pretend I didn't see them.

 

so while it hurts, I can understand why she did it.

[bohica]

I can honestly say I would, and have, done the same thing if I saw one of my exes. if they dumped me then obviously I am not happy about the breakup and even once I get over them I have no desire to be friends or even friendly with them, I want nothing to do with them.

 

On the few occasions I have seen my exes in a public place I turned my head the other way, pretended I didnt see them, and walked away. No way am I going to ease their conscience by making two minutes of small talk with them, or even worse, set myself up for ANOTHER rejection by trying to say 'hi' and them being rude to me. much better to just pretend I didn't see them.

 

so while it hurts, I can understand why she did it.

 

 

Just for the record. I can only assume that your assuming that I broke up with her. I didn't. Saying 'no way am I going to ease their conscience' is kind of being spiteful. I didn't break up with her. She walked away in more ways then one. It was over. It ran it's course and she lost interest. It was a mutual break up but something I needed to be on board with because I no longer meant anything and she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

This was over a year ago. I tried being friendly in the past, tried being the mature adult. I never gave her a reason to ignore me. Even if seeing me caught her off guard she could have responded when I later sent her a text. Every situation is different. Not all break ups need to be bitter, hateful, spiteful, or even unfriendly especially after time has gone by. Some people can be mature and nice. At some point we meant something to each other. She certainly did to me. So, in this case there is no reason for this seemingly resentful attitude.

And I believe in some cases confronting the situation is understandable even if it means saying that ou don't deserve to be treated in a certain way.

Edited January 1, 2014 by bohica

[Simon Phoenix]

Just for the record. I can only assume that your assuming that I broke up with her. I didn't. Saying 'no way am I going to ease their conscience' is kind of being spiteful. I didn't break up with her. She walked away in more ways then one. It was over. It ran it's course and she lost interest. It was a mutual break up but something I needed to be on board with because I no longer meant anything and she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

This was over a year ago. I tried being friendly in the past, tried being the mature adult. I never gave her a reason to ignore me. Even if seeing me caught her off guard she could have responded when I later sent her a text. Every situation is different. Not all break ups need to be bitter, hateful, spiteful, or even unfriendly especially after time has gone by. Some people can be mature and nice. At some point we meant something to each other. She certainly did to me. So, in this case there is no reason for this seemingly resentful attitude.

And I believe in some cases confronting the situation is understandable even if it means saying that ou don't deserve to be treated in a certain way.

 

Dude, you need to let this go. She didn't want to talk to you, which is perfectly understandable. She didn't yell at you, insult you or make a scene. She isn't ready or isn't willing to talk to you for whatever reason. No big deal, her loss and certainly not something worth getting all flustered about.

[pickflicker]

Just for the record. I can only assume that your assuming that I broke up with her. I didn't. Saying 'no way am I going to ease their conscience' is kind of being spiteful. I didn't break up with her. She walked away in more ways then one. It was over. It ran it's course and she lost interest. It was a mutual break up but something I needed to be on board with because I no longer meant anything and she wasn't who I thought she was.

 

This was over a year ago. I tried being friendly in the past, tried being the mature adult. I never gave her a reason to ignore me. Even if seeing me caught her off guard she could have responded when I later sent her a text. Every situation is different. Not all break ups need to be bitter, hateful, spiteful, or even unfriendly especially after time has gone by. Some people can be mature and nice. At some point we meant something to each other. She certainly did to me. So, in this case there is no reason for this seemingly resentful attitude.

And I believe in some cases confronting the situation is understandable even if it means saying that ou don't deserve to be treated in a certain way.

 

Everyone handles a break up differently. Some people want to leave the past in the past, and that's it. Your way is not necessarily the right way, and her way is not right for you.

 

I completely understand why she did what she did. You'll have to let her handle things however she sees fit. It's not easy to see someone you've broken up with.

[bohica]

Everyone handles a break up differently. Some people want to leave the past in the past, and that's it. Your way is not necessarily the right way, and her way is not right for you.

 

I completely understand why she did what she did. You'll have to let her handle things however she sees fit. It's not easy to see someone you've broken up with.

 

 

It isn't always easy to see someone you broken up with. Your right.

it wasn't easy for me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I just kept walking but after the fact I was like...wait, this is b.s. We shouldn't treat each other like this.

 

We were friends prior to dating. Why can't we at least respect each other and be at the very least friendly if we run into each other. It's the next day and I am still feeling that anxiety.

This girl has ignored me and any attempts of communication when we were together and after we broke up. I shouldn't have to pretend I don't know her. I shouldn't have to pretend it didn't happen. We will run into each other again. Her behavior even this far in the future is exactly one of the reasons why we aren't together today. I hate being treated like this. It's under my skin all over again. I want to confront it head on in a nice mature way by saying I don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

I know that the only thing I truly deserve is respect for myself and much better then what I had and I owe it to myself to not really give a crap about all this. It's sound as if I haven't moved on. I am just really annoyed all over again. I think I also owe it to myself to confront it. I've already written an email draft and am thinking of trying to call again.

 

Someone talk me down here....

Edited January 1, 2014 by bohica

[Simon Phoenix]

It isn't always easy to see someone you broken up with. Your right.

it wasn't easy for me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I just kept walking but after the fact I was like...wait, this is b.s. We shouldn't treat each other like this.

 

We were friends prior to dating. Why can't we at least respect each other and be at the very least friendly if we run into each other. It's the next day and I am still feeling that anxiety.

This girl has ignored me and any attempts of communication when we were together and after we broke up. I shouldn't have to pretend I don't know her. I shouldn't have to pretend it didn't happen. We will run into each other again. Her behavior even this far in the future is exactly one of the reasons why we aren't together today. I hate being treated like this. It's under my skin all over again. I want to confront it head on in a nice mature way by saying I don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

I know that the only thing I truly deserve is respect for myself and much better then what I had and I owe it to myself to not really give a crap about all this. It's sound as if I haven't moved on. I am just really annoyed all over again. I think I also owe it to myself to confront it. I've already written an email draft and am thinking of trying to call again.

 

Someone talk me down here....

 

Seriously dude? You would come off as a borderline psycho to her by flipping out like this. She isn't comfortable with it -- which is in her right. Don't even think of trying to browbeat or bully her because of it.

[JDPT]

It isn't always easy to see someone you broken up with. Your right.

it wasn't easy for me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I just kept walking but after the fact I was like...wait, this is b.s. We shouldn't treat each other like this.

 

We were friends prior to dating. Why can't we at least respect each other and be at the very least friendly if we run into each other. It's the next day and I am still feeling that anxiety.

This girl has ignored me and any attempts of communication when we were together and after we broke up. I shouldn't have to pretend I don't know her. I shouldn't have to pretend it didn't happen. We will run into each other again. Her behavior even this far in the future is exactly one of the reasons why we aren't together today. I hate being treated like this. It's under my skin all over again. I want to confront it head on in a nice mature way by saying I don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

I know that the only thing I truly deserve is respect for myself and much better then what I had and I owe it to myself to not really give a crap about all this. It's sound as if I haven't moved on. I am just really annoyed all over again. I think I also owe it to myself to confront it. I've already written an email draft and am thinking of trying to call again.

 

Someone talk me down here....

 

 

 

Self inflicting pain at its finest. Delete, burn dispose of this draft, and save yourself setbacks and agony.

[bohica]

I know it man.....wasnt going to flip out at all. I'm not mad. I wasn't going to rant. Just say hey were over this Its ok to be cordial when we see each other. Nobody did anything wrong here.

 

What do i do, just go on and ignore her. Pretend i dont know her? immature

[Simon Phoenix]

I know it man.....wasnt going to flip out at all. I'm not mad. I wasn't going to rant. Just say hey were over this Its ok to be cordial when we see each other. Nobody did anything wrong here.

 

What do i do, just go on and ignore her. Pretend i dont know her? immature

 

Anything you say is going to come off psycho. If I was her and I got any sort of email/note from you scolding me about how I didn't talk to you I'd either be angry or I'd feel like you'd have a screw loose. There is no scenario in where this will result in something positive.

 

Don't send a thing. I mean, you don't have any right to tell her how she should react around you. She'll react how she reacts and you'll react how you react. If you want to say hi to her, say hi (but only do this if you can handle her not saying hi back without being sad or throwing a fit). If you don't, don't.

[bohica]

Anything you say is going to come off psycho. If I was her and I got any sort of email/note from you scolding me about how I didn't talk to you I'd either be angry or I'd feel like you'd have a screw loose. There is no scenario in where this will result in something positive.

 

Don't send a thing. I mean, you don't have any right to tell her how she should react around you. She'll react how she reacts and you'll react how you react. If you want to say hi to her, say hi (but only do this if you can handle her not saying hi back without being sad or throwing a fit). If you don't, don't.

 

What a minute though Simon. Maybe I am taking what you say the wrong way but again you implied I am going to lash out by sending a note 'scolding' her. Your last comment was 'flipping out'

 

I wasn't going to flip out or scold anyone. I can almost understand why she didn't say anything. I didn't say anything either. I panicked. Almost jumped out of my skin and kept walking. It was a flight response. My message was going to be a polite apology saying I understand why she didn't say anything and that I am sorry if I ignored her. I was going to say that we may run into each other again and it doesn't have to be that way. She has been cold to me in the past but We shouldn't have to pretend we didn't happened and that we don't know each other. It's been over a year and it's ok to be cordial.

 

It wasn't going to be a lashing or a scolding. You may think either way I shouldn't say anything but don't misunderstand my intentions. I am way past being mad or resentful towards this women.

Edited January 1, 2014 by bohica

[Simon Phoenix]

What a minute though Simon. Maybe I am taking what you say the wrong way but again you implied I am going to lash out by sending a note 'scolding' her. Your last comment was 'flipping out'

 

I wasn't going to flip out or scold anyone. I can almost understand why she didn't say anything. I didn't say anything either. I panicked. Almost jumped out of my skin and kept walking. It was a flight response. My message was going to be a polite apology saying I understand why she didn't say anything and that I am sorry if I ignored her. I was going to say that we may run into each other again and it doesn't have to be that way. She has been cold to me in the past but We shouldn't have to pretend we didn't happened and that we don't know each other. It's been over a year and it's ok to be cordial.

 

It wasn't going to be a lashing or a scolding. You may think either way I shouldn't say anything but don't misunderstand my intentions. I am way past being mad or resentful towards this women.

 

Anything you send her will come off as "flipping out" or "scolding" and come off as inappropriate. The phrasing doesn't matter in her perspective. Let it be.

[bohica]

Anything you send her will come off as "flipping out" or "scolding" and come off as inappropriate. The phrasing doesn't matter in her perspective. Let it be.

 

 

So, you think that if I say..

 

"I am sorry if it looked like I ignored you the other day. I panicked and didn't know what to do. It's my first time seeing you in a year. I can understand why you may have done the same. It doesn't have to be that way in the future. I only tried to contact you to say that. I don't want to pretend I don't know you"

 

Saying just that would come off as scolding or flipping out on her?

 

I am sorry but I just don't see that. Again, whether you agree with sending a note or not I just don't see saying those words as you do.

[Simon Phoenix]

So, you think that if I say..

 

"I am sorry if it looked like I ignored you the other day. I panicked and didn't know what to do. It's my first time seeing you in a year. I can understand why you may have done the same. It doesn't have to be that way in the future. I only tried to contact you to say that. I don't want to pretend I don't know you"

 

Saying just that would come off as scolding or flipping out on her?

 

I am sorry but I just don't see that. Again, whether you agree with sending a note or not I just don't see saying those words as you do.

 

You aren't writing the note to yourself though. You are writing it to the ex. They aren't going to see things the way you see them or perceive things the way you perceive them. From the bolded on you come off as trying to scold/nag/tell her how she should react. It's not your place to tell her that. You need to let this go and not make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

If you see her again, say hi if you can handle any response (or non-response). That's all you should do. Writing her in any way discussing this comes off as inappropriate and pushy. So stop making this out to be this big conflict. She wasn't comfortable, you weren't comfortable at the time, big f*cking deal. You aren't trying to bring peace to the Middle East here.

[TaraMaiden]

You should be in complete No Contact.

No Contact continues until such a time as you can perceive your ex, and feel nothing but benign indifference.

 

That is to say, you see her in the arms of another guy, holding him, hugging him, giving him a kiss.... and holding on to the stroller with their baby in it - and all you think, is meh...I'm happy for her, but life goes on....."

 

She was absolutely right to blank you off.

Thwe fact that you're reacting the way you are means you are absolutely 100% sooo not ready to be 'just friends', because the very sight of her jolted you, and jarred your existence. her further (correctly) ignoring you, left you feeling extremely unsettled and disturbed.

 

No way are you over her.

No way can you just be her friend.

no way should you even consider contacting her for any reason whatsoever.

[bohica]

The whole thing is me taking responsibility for my own behavior and saying it doesn't need to be that way, I am sorry.

 

I still don't see where in the world that can be perceived as coming off as scolding, nagging or telling (in this case her) someone else how to react. I don't care who's reading it.

 

I decided I won't send anything but don't see it making a mountain out of a mole hill either. I actually view it as being the better person.

[Simon Phoenix]

The whole thing is me taking responsibility for my own behavior and saying it doesn't need to be that way, I am sorry.

 

I still don't see where in the world that can be perceived as coming off as scolding, nagging or telling (in this case her) someone else how to react. I don't care who's reading it.

 

I decided I won't send anything but don't see it making a mountain out of a mole hill either. I actually view it as being the better person.

 

She's not going to share that view. Guaranteed. She's going to think you are a weirdo for bringing it up.

[bohica]

Tara,

 

Your assumptions are always that someone isn't over someone. It's not always about still harboring feelings. I am over her. I have moved on. You need to believe that if I tell you and not make analogies. If I had feelings why wouldn't I admit that to a bunch of strangers on a online forum meant to help people.

 

Sometimes Tara, it's a matter of wanting to be like and respected by someone you once cared about. Now you can make the argument that you shouldn't care what people think but that is a different topic isn't it. This is my social anxiety disorder but I do care what this person thinks and want them to respect me. It has nothing to do with having romantic intimate feelings.

 

This was my first time seeing this person in over a year. It is only natural that there is some sort of reaction or feeling. It doesn't mean you still have feelings and being here asking for advise doesn't mean I have those feelings either..

 

Your assumption is that she snubbed me on purpose and you defend that. Why? Couldn't it have been a reaction just like mine. I didn't snub her on purpose. I didn't know what to do. It caught me by surprise. I just kept walking. It was a flight response. Some people here thought her reaction was the same kind as mine. Why do you assume hers was any different?

 

I don't hear you saying that her response could be a sign that she isn't over me. Couldn't that be the case ?

 

Some people think that her lack of response to me says she is being cowardly. Do you disagree with them? Why is the women always right?

 

btw: These are Rhetorical questions. Please don't respond with your analogies.

 

I didn't communicate for a long time because I needed to move on emotionally. It's just common sense. Don't hug onto the 'NC rule' like a flag. It serves a purpose but these rules are all b.s... Not communicating with someone is what is needed to move on emotionally. Screw written rules. I understand that some people need to see a list in front of them like an addict needs steps but save it for those people. Everyone is different and people need to deal with things in there own way to move on. Even if that means asking the other person for answers.

Edited January 1, 2014 by bohica

[Xemyd]

If you don't want to take any of this advice, then don't. Go ahead and send it, see what it gets you.

[mtnbiker3000]

Because you are the dumpee. She is the dumper and has already resigned herself to the fact that you are history and she is totally 100% fine with that decision. And has been since before she let you go. She doesn't want anything to do with you and doesn't care what you felt when you saw her or any of that... That's the nature of the dumper vs dumpee. Meant something to you, meant nothing to her. Same situation we are all in and been written about 1000's of times here. I believe that's what Simon and Tara are getting at.