bentleychic Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 You hear people saying that the relationship is so intense b/c it's "hidden" and in an A bubble. Once you ended up with your A partner, did you find that the feelings, the great sex, etc. lessened compared to when it was a secretive A? I am ONLY asking this of this who ended up with their A partner so I realize there likely will not be many responses. I am only asking because I am curious about how true the "A bubble" is and if that lessens or changes once it's a regular out in the open relationship. 2
HtotheN Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I can't answer that question, but I just wanted to say that after following your story and seeing what a nice person you are, that I hope that everything works out for you. Hopefully, you will get some input from those in similar situations. 3
LilGirlandOW Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I ended up with my AP, 3mnths post A and I'd say we still have thrilling times and great sex but I'd never would have thought I'd be realizing their is the loss of the A intensity. I miss the old times sometimes.... 1
Author bentleychic Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I can't answer that question, but I just wanted to say that after following your story and seeing what a nice person you are, that I hope that everything works out for you. Hopefully, you will get some input from those in similar situations. Aww, thank you. Everything will work out for the best, either way. I've got my kiddos, my family and friends. Would love if things work out with him, but if they don't, it's certainly not because I have given anything less than 100%.
SweetandHappy Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I ended up with my affair partner. We will be celebrating our wedding anniversary soon. We both were in unhappy marriages (mine was actually abusive).... sorry, getting off topic. I think the feelings are still really strong and so does he. My love grows for him each day. Neither one of us liked the secretive nature of our affair so I don't think that enhanced anything for either of us. But, the sex is still great after living together for several years and then getting married a year ago. I have read a lot about the affair bubble too, and I don't think that there were any significant changes in our feelings or attraction once we were together. But, that is "us" .. it may be different for others. 5
Author bentleychic Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I'm wondering if part of that "A bubble" thinking isn't just similar to how a couple is in a dating relationship. Of course the dating part of a relationship before you move in together and have to deal with EVERYTHING together is more of a "bubble" and lots of happy/lovey dovey when you do not have to deal with each other 24/7 and all of the good and the bad. That just makes sense. I'm not sure it's so much an "A bubble" when I think about it more. I know the fact that it is an A certainly doesn't add anything positive to it for either of us (MM no I). Quite the opposite, actually. That's really the only contention in our relationship. 6
goodyblue Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 My current relationship began in an A. Things have not cooled off at all. We still have the same feelings. It is a relief to not be hiding things, and the guilt is not very much fun, but for the most part, we're great. 2
BehindTheseHazelEyes Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I just celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary with my H. We started as an A, but I didn't know that. I didn't find out until over a year later. I will have met him 9 years ago in a couple of weeks. I don't think we had a "bubble" because I thought we were just dating anyway. We always had a relationship that was not hidden and I never felt like less than. I always considered once I found out that he was married, it was his problem not mine.
Baby123 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 We found it tough being in a relationship after the A, although the A was short. We didn't think of the practicalaties to amount of hurt properly. Our relationship was like any other R, just that it begun in an A, still great sex ect but more arguments and grating on each other.
BehindTheseHazelEyes Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I accidently hit enter before I was done. I would say that the first two years will be the hardest. We did counseling (thank god) and we had to deal with blending the family and dealing with multiple exes. I can actually say that our relationship is even more loving and intense than ever before now. We are truly best friends and partners. But neither of us is proud of how we started. In fact, if we could take it back, we would. We were actually just talking about this and my H said he was so sorry for all he put me through and that he wished he did things differently. But that is our past. We have today and the future. And we are thankful that after all the dust has settled that we still love each other and our family and we have made amends as best we can. 1
Popsicle Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I remember watching an interview with LeAnn Rimes after her affair with Eddie Cibrian and after they were married. She said they were so very happy together but she also cried in the interview from sadness, like maybe she felt guilt or regret. It was confusing and seemed kind of tragic.
flowingmane Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I know the fact that it is an A certainly doesn't add anything positive to it for either of us (MM no I). Quite the opposite, actually. That's really the only contention in our relationship. Agree completely. Same here. 1
WrinkledForehead Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 We're 3 months post A and the intensity has died down (thank goddesses!) but not our feelings for one another. There's been no magic pop that makes me feel like my feelings are less. Like a PP mentioned, I'm so happy to roll over and see him every morning. I'm grateful for his role in my life and I've been living my days loving and being loved back. Its incredible. 3
BehindTheseHazelEyes Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I remember watching an interview with LeAnn Rimes after her affair with Eddie Cibrian and after they were married. She said they were so very happy together but she also cried in the interview from sadness, like maybe she felt guilt or regret. It was confusing and seemed kind of tragic. They split up two families and Eddie's ex wasn't particularly understanding. I think she wrote a book about how she hated LeAnn? It is a huge time of transition and being in the limelight, wouldn't have wanted to try that. It takes time to process everything and heal yourself and as a couple. It isn't like presto a magic wand is waved and everything is perfect. There are always consequences, some good and some not so good. That's why so many relationships break up. And you have to reconcile that you did something that was against your values. Most people are not like "I'm so happy I'm going to go out and find a married man to steal!" Most of the time it's something that happens or the op doesn't know right away. Part of healing is forgiving yourself and trying to make some kind of amends. 5
Speakingofwhich Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I ended up with my AP, 3mnths post A and I'd say we still have thrilling times and great sex but I'd never would have thought I'd be realizing their is the loss of the A intensity. I miss the old times sometimes.... Glad to see you back posting, LGAOW! Have wondered how you are doing. 1
SmyrnaGirl Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 We have both been making our way out of our marriages since May, and it has definitely been an emotional roller coaster, but in the end I am very peaceful about the fact that we will end up together. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Thanks things are going good, we're pretty happy. Sometimes though he'll do something and I'll think about her (bs) having to put up with his annoying quirk for 15 years but could manage to suppress in affairyland...
Speakingofwhich Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Thanks things are going good, we're pretty happy. Sometimes though he'll do something and I'll think about her (bs) having to put up with his annoying quirk for 15 years but could manage to suppress in affairyland... Appreciate your being so transparent. Is helpful. 1
Got it Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 You hear people saying that the relationship is so intense b/c it's "hidden" and in an A bubble. Once you ended up with your A partner, did you find that the feelings, the great sex, etc. lessened compared to when it was a secretive A? I am ONLY asking this of this who ended up with their A partner so I realize there likely will not be many responses. I am only asking because I am curious about how true the "A bubble" is and if that lessens or changes once it's a regular out in the open relationship. I think that some intensity dies down a bit after the first year but I don't find that uncommon in many relationships. But overall, no my love for him is just as strong, my attraction to him is just as great. I love him, I married the guy for goodness sake! He is far from perfect and we continue to work through things and deepen our partnership. It isn't perfect by any stretch but I can't say my feelings have lessened. No, not lessened. 2
Arieswoman Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I threw my husband out after I discovered his affair. His A partner had a boyfriend who she wouldn't give up. WS tried a half-hearted attempt to reconcile with me ( I later found out that the OW had ditched him) but I wasn't buying it as he worked with OW, and I couldn't trust him to stay NC. Then the OW's boyfriend found out and ditched her. So she went went back to WS They moved in together a year later but didn't get married for about 5 years when she got pregnant. So they ended up together because their respective partners dumped them. During the A neither was prepared to leave their partner to be together which makes me wonder how committed either of them were in the first place? I've seen OW's FB pages with all the holiday photos and she looks happy and smiling while he is stood there with his hands in his pockets and a face like a wet week. It looks to me like a case of "don't wish for what you want because you might get it".
cocorico Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 You hear people saying that the relationship is so intense b/c it's "hidden" and in an A bubble. Once you ended up with your A partner, did you find that the feelings, the great sex, etc. lessened compared to when it was a secretive A? I am ONLY asking this of this who ended up with their A partner so I realize there likely will not be many responses. I am only asking because I am curious about how true the "A bubble" is and if that lessens or changes once it's a regular out in the open relationship. I've never believed in the "A bubble". It simply bears no resemblance to the reality of our R, either during the A or since. We were not hidden (only the BW was unaware) and we did not get off on any secrecy rush. Yes, it was intense, and it still is. We are passionate people and we live life to the full. The feelings have grown and deepened, the sex is better than ever and at least as frequent, and each day we wake up grateful for another opportunity to spend time together. 4
Marriedwithgirls Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I ended up with my affair partner. We have been together 11 years since affair (of 4 months) and married for almost 8 years. 1
Summer Breeze Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I remember watching an interview with LeAnn Rimes after her affair with Eddie Cibrian and after they were married. She said they were so very happy together but she also cried in the interview from sadness, like maybe she felt guilt or regret. It was confusing and seemed kind of tragic. I saw the interview too but since she'd also just finished treatment for all sorts of things I would say the emotions were just below the surface. The girl has had her life praised to the hilt and ripped to shreds for 16 years by the public and the press. I think there's a lot of pressure and with the treatment I don't think it's really that simple to say the A was the only or even the main reason for the tears. I agree it was tragic. I saw a 30 year old woman who has had every success and still isn't any happier than many people. I don't think it was confusing though. I see her as breaking down due to the whole lot of stuff she was going through for the 16 years of her life in the public eye. As for myself. With DMM now for over a year. I'd be lying if I said things were perfect but they are really good. We've worked really hard to learn from 2 lifetimes of mistakes and break the bad habits of those 2 lifetimes. We're succeeding though. Last night we had dinner with a myriad of people around us including his family and all of our kids. We were in the kitchen getting the champagne ready for a toast and he whispered that what we have is all he's ever wanted. When midnight came he was near his mother and I was near my daughter. He raised his glass and winked at me and mouthed 'thank you'. In that moment I saw everything good that came from our R. Neither of us are happy it started from an A but we are honest about it. We don't like the way it started but we are very happy the way it's going now. We never felt a bubble. I don't take stock in bubbles or fog (not looking for any TJs here so if you want to counter start another thread). We were in an R and we were very honest within it. Any R is strongest in its earliest days and has a natural settling down. I think we're hitting that and I'm looking forward to it. 6
Arieswoman Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Summer breeze, as the OW knew nothing of the reality of your M you know nothing of the reality of their R. She may well have looked at photos of you and your then H and jumped to the same conclusions about his happiness with you. As is pointed out to OW on here over and over again one picture doesn't show you the whole R. That's a good point, but all the photo's of me and exH that were around the house showed us both looking happy. I would have thought that she would have posted some of him smiling. I would like to add - although you may diregard this if you think it is irrelevent - that I have 4 female friends whose husbands cheated with different women throughout their marriages. In all 4 cases the WS finally left within 2 months of meeting one of the OW, and they all married the OW. They are all still together except one couple where the WS died.
Summer Breeze Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Summer breeze, That's a good point, but all the photo's of me and exH that were around the house showed us both looking happy. I would have thought that she would have posted some of him smiling. I would like to add - although you may diregard this if you think it is irrelevent - that I have 4 female friends whose husbands cheated with different women throughout their marriages. In all 4 cases the WS finally left within 2 months of meeting one of the OW, and they all married the OW. They are all still together except one couple where the WS died. And it's quite possible that in her house there are photos of him smiling as well. I tend not to post a lot of our photos on FB because his XW is 'friends' with some of his siblings. There are a lot that I keep on private albums or send by email rather than post. Those are the best ones normally so I'm sure if she saw our photos she wouldn't see much happiness but that's not the truth of the situation. I do get your point though. And over my many years I've known many couples who started as As and only 1 of them has gotten a D. One couple I've known for years have been M for about 25. They're older than us and are about to set off on their yearly cruise to parts unknown. It's strange how couples you know and you hear the cursory explanations of how they met but when you dig a little you find out there was an A at the beginning. It's much the same as having been a BS. You don't tell just anyone. I've seen much more success than failure from Rs that started as As but it's hardly a Harvard study!
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