Blondewriter Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 The things I've learned from my recent breakup: 1. It's easier to be happy when the pressure of a bad relationship is gone. I think it's difficult to see how liberating being single can be because breakups are so painful. However, once the pain subsides, one has the ability to open his or herself up to so many opportunities. 2. Men can't seem to be alone. They try to move on as quickly as possible from their ex to a new girl. I just have to remind myself (and you should to) that it's not about me, it's about him and his inability to be strong and independent. I would personally rather be with a man who is comfortable with himself, not one who needs a woman incessantly. 3. It's easy to start feeling unattractive and lonely. Just remember, he thought you were hot enough to be with otherwise he would have never dated you in the first place. If he found you attractive, somebody else will too. 4. He may not want to be with me anymore, but that frees me up to find somebody more compatible. Breaking up feels like the end of the world at first, but it's not. It's simply a new beginning in disguise.
alphamale Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by Blondewriter The things I've learned from my recent breakup: 1. I think it's difficult to see how liberating being single can be because breakups are so painful. 2. Men can't seem to be alone. They try to move on as quickly as possible from their ex to a new girl. 3. It's easy to start feeling unattractive and lonely. Just remember, he thought you were hot enough to be with otherwise he would have never dated you in the first place. If he found you attractive, somebody else will too. 4. He may not want to be with me anymore, but that frees me up to find somebody more compatible. just some comments re: above- 1. being single sucks, you know it and I know it, don't kid anyone on this 2. women are worse at not being alone. society is much harder on female who is alone than man being alone. men can do many things by themselves, women cannot 3) this is true 4. it also frees you up to find someone LESS compatible or not find someone at all. sorry, but this is how i feel
Author Blondewriter Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 Hey, don't apologize. You're absolutely right. Being single sucks, the majority of women aren't comfortable being alone, and there is always the unfortunate possibility of never finding anyone else. Normally cheesy optimism aggravates me, and what I wrote does aggravate me to an extent. However, I just ended a two year relationship and I've written too many awful poems to stay depressed for much longer. There are some days when I would rather be subjected to a strip search in the airport by a three hundred pound woman with a beard than be suffering from a breakup. Ultimately, I either suck it up and choose to think more positively or I risk the urge to buy one hundred cats and never leave my apartment. I am 21 and not a cat person, so the second option does not work so well for me. I apologize if you couldn't swallow my little moment of insanity-inspired optimism.
moon Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Blondewriter, I was really starting to think this way too today. I was feeling really happy that I am single. I don't know why. I think after the original pain subsides you just start seeing all new possibilities. This is especially true if you were in a relationship where you weren't sure if he was "the one." But you just kept staying. Now that I am single I have been signing up for all sorts of classes. I am taking a knitting class (might meet some nice people there), I am continuing to study a foreign language and have met a nice foreigner to study with, I have been delving into new career paths and lost a few pounds. Once the original pain wears off you start to actually fee/ happy??? Wow, I haven't really felt that for a while! Because even when I was dating my ex I couldn't really say that it made me happy. I was always doubting everything. I think it also helps that my ex got in touch with me recently (after I made the first move) and I basically blew him off later. He's probably sort of angry about that, he being God's gift to women. Anyway, so yeah, I have actually started to feel good again and it's been --- let's see--- 2.5 months for me. I still do have trouble sleeping sometimes, though. I don't know how to remedy that. I think I need to just start going to bed no later than midnight and take a sleeping pill (cold medicine or something). I have been tossing and turning a lot. I wish that would end.
GreenCap Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Being single does suck but after the initial pain subsides, it is definitely a good way to do a personal autopsy on oneself with secondary emphasis on the relationship. As a guy who was the dumpee, I found out that the ex had already someone lined up....so as soon as she moved out, she started dating this new guy. So in a way, women do tend not to like being alone or even if the woman was the dumpee, they stand a better chance of meeting new people vs. us guys. While I have never minded being alone, it is a big shock after coming home from work for two years to see her and then coming back to utter emptiness. So I joined a gym and have met great looking women as well (even better looking and younger than her --> my rant). So blonde, heal the way you do and all of us take your experiences and patch it to our plan to heal. Cheers.
opaleye Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Yes being single sucks for a while. But for right now I am happy being single (i refuse to say that i'm alone cos I have friends right!?) For me it is kinda refreshing- I had been with my ex for almost 2 years (from 18-20) so that's quite a bit of time when you're that young- and although I had no problems whatsoever during the relationship to do with feeling tied down or whatever now I feel like I can do whatever and I never know what's around the corner, plus its fun flirting with people. I personally quite like being single at the moment though it's hard sometimes when you just wish you had someone to share stuff with. But for me it's just made me reach out to my friends more and share some of the stuff I would have shared with my ex with them. I think it's good. But that's just me.
Isabella82 Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 I really hate being single. I am the girl that always has a boyfriend or someone that I am dating. I know that right now I need to be single, I need to be happy on my own. And people always say that when your not over your ex the best thing to do is find someone else, but I can't do that right now. I find myself comparing everything to him, or at least comparing everyone to what I thought he was. I am trying so hard to think that being single is awesome, but at night I get so lonely, when the bed only has me in it. It is hard for me to met a lot of people because I am so busy with being a full time student and working full time, but I keep reminding myself that this is only temporary and that soon I will be done with school, and so many doors will open for me. It just sucks being in an apartment with 2 girls that both have boyfriends, and im all by myself. Thats why I love LoveShack
Isabella82 Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 One more thing Valentines Day, not looking forward to that. Last year my ex got a hotel room for us as a surprise, and we had chocolate covered strawberries, and ate dinner in, and I baked a cake. And we stayed up all night watching our favorite movies. This year I will be working and going to school since it lands on a Monday, so I least I will be busy and hopefully not think about it. What are you single people doing for Valentines Day?
nycpetit Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 Being single is NOT that bad. I'm 35 and I've been single for years at a time. Now, that doesn't mean I didn't date, but I traveled, went to movies, out to dinners, had dinner parties, etc. It's liberating and you learn about yourself. As far as women not being able to do as much as men? Hmm. Where did that thought come from. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. You can do anything you want, and as a woman you'll probably find more people willing to help you than a man would, if you just ASK! Think positive. You should always feel you are attractive. In or out of a relationship. actually a lot of the time I find I put more time into ME when I am single. And that's because the end of a relationship can drag you down. even when it seems the break is a sudden thing, it's usually been in your head somewhere for awhile. It just frees you up to move on, period. My, I sound like a wise a**. I did just break up with my ex of three plus years two days ago. But we've been through this cycle before, and this time I am realizing, it's time to go out and have fun. If you've been in a relationship that was beginning to drag, where time was spent talking about the relationship, where you were trying to fix it all the time, or thinking about it all the time, then this is the time to be free and to go and do what YOU want to do. I find near the end of a relationship that there's little desire on my part to be innovative with my appearance, or I am too comfortable, or I am obviously (cuz it's a relationship) compromising and accomodating my time and schedule to fit both, and suddenly all that free time at first feels horrible, but slowly you find plenty to fill it with. think positive and think big!!
xxsilverdragonxx Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by Isabella82 What are you single people doing for Valentines Day? I can't decide on hanging from an oaktree or putting an arrow through my chest.
Isabella82 Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 LOL you are not alone, I am going to really really be down. :*(
mixwell Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 for Valentines Day I am going to buy a ton of chocolate and eat myself into obesity !! haha j/k.. Valentines Day is overrated and its only 1 day.. (its not overrated when you have a mate though) I dont even care though I don't really get into holidays anymore really... So Fuc|< Valentines Day !
LilacGirl Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 My anniversary with my recent ex will be Valentine's Day. But I think I'll make the most of it by watching movies or something with my single girlfriends. Maybe I'll luck out and we can buy each other presents. Ooooor, I'll get really lucky and have some exam the next day, and spend the entire night in the library. I'm honestly more worried about my ex that day then myself.
emotionsmessmeup Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 I dont think it sucks at all.. I think at the right time...you will realize how lucky someone like you is to be single.. try to imgle around and when u notice so many people with so many positive things...u will forget the bad relationship...!
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