is there any OW or OM after break up with AP finding true love

[vanellope]

I was in the affair, and a big reason that I stay with him for so long is because this MM let me feel we are unique special deeply true love. he always say we belong together, or we made for each other and so on.

 

after the Dday, I am kind of wake up and become more clear mind to see he never is a true love, what I have these days just a little part of him in real life, and in fact he never belong to me.

 

now I am in healing process and I think I improve everyday, now the feelings of love and hate is getting less and less, I don't have much emotional when he tell me he love me or he miss me. I just see its a sweet talking to keep me aside to play with. Honestly still hurt but I keep not writing back to avoid communication.

 

I start believe I will heal in the end but I also curious is any OW or OM finally finding your true love in life after the affair.

[dreamstream]

Perhaps I am missing something here. Why are you so convinced that his declarations of love are untrue?

[Cocochai]

I was wondering the same thing ^^^

 

It could be real but I guess his quick reaction from the Dday has you unsure??

 

To answer your question yes it's possible to find real full love after an AP. Just make sure your feelings are truly gone before you allow someone to enter into your world because if the MM reaches out, and you still have feelings your going to be in a cross fire.

[Popsicle]

There was someone here who said they did. I can't remember who but it was very encouraging.

[erika2610]

Me, me, me! I met him on this forum, actually. I was in the process of dealing with the after math of dating a MM. He was dealing with the aftermath of dating a MW. We started chatting through private message, and kept in touch for years. We eventually started a LD relationship which lasted for about a year. Now 2 years later, I'm living with him and have never been happier. I haven't even seen the MM in almost 10 years, and couldn't be happier.

[Speakingofwhich]

There was someone here who said they did. I can't remember who but it was very encouraging.

 

Also, a poster by the name of Red Wolverine. Haven't seen her posts lately, though.

[vanellope]

Perhaps I am missing something here. Why are you so convinced that his declarations of love are untrue?

 

because if it's true love then he should not start affair with me when he is married.

 

second, if he never plan to marry me, he should not ask me to break up with my bf at beginning and tell me he want to marry me.

 

third, he should not tell his wife marry him is my intension not his when the Dday happen.

 

and he also give his wife has a right to treat me so low that I never think I might experienced in my life.

 

true love will just happen when both is single and see each other is the only one in their life.

 

this affair for me now is just a very high level manipulation, using your love, trust, lotalty and time.

Edited December 31, 2013 by vanellope

[Oldspiceywolf]

Being an OM, getting past it was tricky, those affair bubble feelings are sooooo strong, nobody can compare to that partner.... For a while. I don't have those intense feelings(the ones that make you act and feel insane) for my wife because we never had to lie to people and had a to keep a secret together for months on end.

I love my wife she is fantastic, I have beautiful little child and I'm glad exAP is not my wife!

Time and life building, I just spent time building a life I wanted until I met somebody who also had a compatible life. We both came out of relationships that drove us crazy and neither of us wanted that. It make a for a strong but practical love. It's different than affair bubble love, less intense but it feels better and more sustainable.

[Popsicle]

Being an OM, getting past it was tricky, those affair bubble feelings are sooooo strong, nobody can compare to that partner.... For a while. I don't have those intense feelings(the ones that make you act and feel insane) for my wife because we never had to lie to people and had a to keep a secret together for months on end.

I love my wife she is fantastic, I have beautiful little child and I'm glad exAP is not my wife!

Time and life building, I just spent time building a life I wanted until I met somebody who also had a compatible life. We both came out of relationships that drove us crazy and neither of us wanted that. It make a for a strong but practical love. It's different than affair bubble love, less intense but it feels better and more sustainable.

 

So were you married during the A or single? If you were married, are you still married? Why are you so glad your xAP is not your wife?

Edited December 31, 2013 by Popsicle

[Oldspiceywolf]

So were you married during the A or single? If you were married, are you still married? Why are you so glad your xAP is not your wife?

 

I wasn't married, I was single, she was in a 4 year committed relationship, he never found out, they got married. It took about 2 years to really get her out of my life. When I met my wife the PA had ended and the EA was trickling to a stop. We had about two relapses to the emotional part, it was during a time when I moved out of my then Girlfriends house during a break up that lasted about 6 months, she hooked up with another guy during this time and there are no hard feelings.

I'm happy I didn't marry her because she married I guy she cheated on, as much as I care(d) for her, that was wrong, and he didn't know what he was getting into. My wife and I are just a better match, if I were to say I have two side of my personality my relationship with exAP matched who I thought I was and wanted to be but my wife matches who I am and she supports me growing into a greater person than I wanted to be when I was with exAP.

I still care for her but I'm glad it's over, it was both fun and hell but I wouldn't be a good husband to my wife if I hadn't gone through this experience.

[Lady2163]

and he also give his wife has a right to treat me so low that I never think I might experienced in my life. .

 

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. But if his wife is treating you poorly and he is not doing anything to stop it, that should be a huge warning sign to you.

 

In the wife's defense, assuming she wants to stay married to him, by upsetting you she might drive you away. If she can't stop him from being involved with you, she can make you want nothing to do with him and the relationship ends.

 

If his wife is saying bad things about you to him and he is repeating these things to you, that is pretty lousy on his part. You don't need to know if she thinks you're ugly or fat or whatever. It serves no purpose for him to tell you things like that, except he gets to be the "hero" and tell you that you aren't fat or ugly. It is manipulation on his part.

[vanellope]

she did both ways, send bad words to me and tell MM I am a low woman.

I never write back to her because MM told me he don't want fighting.

 

but at the same time she let him feel he can play me as a side dish if dont divorce her. she let him got a illusion that he can have cake and eat it too.

 

she is 10+ older than me and know more about how it works.

[chelsea2011]

she did both ways, send bad words to me and tell MM I am a low woman.

I never write back to her because MM told me he don't want fighting.

 

but at the same time she let him feel he can play me as a side dish if dont divorce her. she let him got a illusion that he can have cake and eat it too.

 

she is 10+ older than me and know more about how it works.

 

Vanellop, this is not knowing more about how it works; it's manipulation at its best. It doesn't sound like they want to do the real work that's needed to either repair their mariage or call it a day. I would stay far away from them if I were you because they are using you as crutch to keep their marriage intact.

 

The reality is you are not low - they are. And yes, you will find love again. Only the next time it will be much better because you have learned through this experience that you deserve so much more than what your xMM and his BS were giving you.

 

You're on the right track to healing, vanellope. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Don't let these two people bring you down. What he is doing is awful. You deserve more and you will realize that once you make it through the healing process.