KDA Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 To give a little background information: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. We are relatively young (but 17 y/o) and attend high school with only one mutual class in the day. For the first five or so months of our relationship, we were able to maintain a solid base of communication (frequently in contact with one another via social media and/or texting) and occasionally hanging out with one another. In addition to this, I was afforded the security of his happy and cheerful demeanor, which was reflected in his attitude and through his texts (fairly evidently). To begin with, I am very self-conscious in the sense that I do not want to come across as "needy" or "high-maintenance", however, with this sudden and increasingly gradual apathy and casualty he's developed, I can't help the way I am feeling and have been feeling. Therefore I seek your advice as to whether or not these feelings are justified, whether or not I am looking too deeply into this: As of late, I have felt that he has lost some interest in me (or is currently in the process thereof). Generally, the reason I believe this is because of our less frequented outings with one another and overall lack of communication. From what use to be texts every day or every other day has turned to 3-5 days without so before the next one. Even by the way he texts me, with more concision and greater brevity, makes me feel like he doesn't feel the need to actively have to try and make conversation with me. From texts like "We should go on a date. :)", when we've already spent time with one another a few days before, has come to the absence of such texts when we have gone for almost two weeks without seeing one another beyond a classroom setting. As time has progressed, I feel like he is also not willing to sacrifice weekends for me or sacrifice better hours of the day for me rather than his friends. There's really more to it, but there's the gist of it-- I am really beginning to feel like an accessory in his social life. I have told him how I have felt about feeling sad and simply ignored twice between the time span of Month 6 and Month 9 of our relationship-- and although things looked up immediately after a heart to heart conversation, it falls back to this same and increasingly intensifying pattern. What is it should I do? I feel like he really needs a wake up call of some sort and to really take into consideration of my feelings. A wake up call in the sense that he cannot simply get away with passively attending to my feelings for a moment before straying off again. But at the same time, I don't want him to feel obligated to spend a little extra time with me but to want to-- like how I want to be with him. I know he cares about me, but I don't think he actually realizes how sensitive I am to these subtle changes that he's making. Am I in the wrong or is he in the wrong?
Philosoraptor Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 You're right, he can't get away with it. Either put your foot down and explain to him what you need from the relationship, or end the relationship. All you're doing by not speaking up is showing him that you are willing to accept the little bit he is willing to offer. Communication is the key to any relationship, a lesson you should learn early.
Author KDA Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Alright, I think you're right too. It is time I put my foot down. I shouldn't be accepting the lack of unfairness in this relationship, especially if he is not willing to put in the effort. Although I know it will be hard at first, given I'm still very young, in time, I believe that this will be a liberating experience. I also agree that I better learn this now rather than later. Thank you!
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