Oomlotte Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I've been seeing a guy casually - we hang out and sleep together on occasion. I feel like we get along and like his company and so I ask him to hang out and he says no most of the time - excuses like he's busy or tired or hung over or broke... Whatever you can come up with he says. I've told him that if he's not interested he can just say so and it's cool and he always says he is interested. I have actually "ended" things between us twice nicely with a it was nice meeting you this doesn't work for me, blah blah and he rejects that and says he thinks we have fun and likes seeing me - honestly this is too much work for something that is supposed to be fun and casual but I just do to get why someone would say they are into something but clearly not be into it and then not let it end - it's confusing to me because I like the guy and would like to take him at his word but his actions say he's disinterested. Any thoughts - why won't he just let it end if he doesn't want it anyway?
CrystalCastles Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 How is he stringing you along? He's interested in sex and nothing more. You sound like you want more, which is why you should cut ties before you develop feelings too strong for him and get hurt.
Sand Man Dan Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I've been seeing a guy casually - we hang out and sleep together on occasion. I feel like we get along and like his company and so I ask him to hang out and he says no most of the time - excuses like he's busy or tired or hung over or broke... Whatever you can come up with he says. I've told him that if he's not interested he can just say so and it's cool and he always says he is interested. I have actually "ended" things between us twice nicely with a it was nice meeting you this doesn't work for me, blah blah and he rejects that and says he thinks we have fun and likes seeing me - honestly this is too much work for something that is supposed to be fun and casual but I just do to get why someone would say they are into something but clearly not be into it and then not let it end - it's confusing to me because I like the guy and would like to take him at his word but his actions say he's disinterested. Any thoughts - why won't he just let it end if he doesn't want it anyway? I'm not sure how old or experienced you are...but this is clearly a textbook example of a man only being interested in sex. Sure he's charming but he's only interested in one thing with as little investment as possible.
Author Oomlotte Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I'm not sure how old or experienced you are...but this is clearly a textbook example of a man only being interested in sex. Sure he's charming but he's only interested in one thing with as little investment as possible. Yeah - our arrangement was primarily about sex and I'm not wanting to come off as naive I just genuinely don't know why he won't drop it when he clearly has no interest - like why not accept what I'm saying? Why is honesty so hard? Or rather, why drag it out - it's over. Is he taking advantage of the fact that I clearly developed feelings for him? I just find it odd is all - I assume is MO is to keep the option open but it only confuses me.
Sand Man Dan Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah - our arrangement was primarily about sex and I'm not wanting to come off as naive I just genuinely don't know why he won't drop it when he clearly has no interest - like why not accept what I'm saying? Why is honesty so hard? Or rather, why drag it out - it's over. Is he taking advantage of the fact that I clearly developed feelings for him? I just find it odd is all - I assume is MO is to keep the option open but it only confuses me. He isn't accepting what you're saying because he is taking advantage of your feelings and using them for NSA sex for as long as it'll hold out. Think that's respectful? He's dragging it out to keep getting laid. Again, he doesn't respect you as evidenced by his willingness to exploit your feelings for sex. Do you really want someone between your legs that doesn't respect you and only wants one thing? 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 why are you waiting for him to DECIDE or be honest with you about what it is that he really wants? Why don't you decide what works for you and what doesn't? I agree with those that have said he seems like he is using you and it seems like you want more. Be kind to yourself and cut it off with him if that's the case, in order to give yourself a chance to find that with someone who is willing to give it to you. Don't let him waste your time or take a place in your heart that could be taken by someone else. 2
GemmaUK Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He is just after sex and doesn't want the boat rocking and to lose the sex bit. If you don't want just sex and nothing more (cos he isn't planning on giving you any more than that) than go no contact for good. Or you could stick around and get hurt by the feelings in you that are growing and won't be reciprocated. Sorry to sound harsh but it is what it is. If I were you I would get out of it as of right now and stop wasting my time with him. 3
Zahara Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah - our arrangement was primarily about sex and I'm not wanting to come off as naive I just genuinely don't know why he won't drop it when he clearly has no interest - like why not accept what I'm saying? Why is honesty so hard? Or rather, why drag it out - it's over. Is he taking advantage of the fact that I clearly developed feelings for him? I just find it odd is all - I assume is MO is to keep the option open but it only confuses me. A man doesn't need to be interested in you to have sex with you and if he knows he can get easy sex with no strings attached, he is going to try and milk that cow dry. And the fact that he knows you have feelings for him, he's going to use that as leverage to keep you connected and giving up the sex. 1
deathandtaxes Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He's not going to end it because he's getting laid! Why did you continue seeing him after he says no most of the time? For him you are easy pickings. He blows you off at will and you keep coming back to him. There is no incentive for him to do a damn thing. Please, for your dignity, don't contact this guy anymore. 1
Author Oomlotte Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks - it was helpful to see my thoughts coming from others. I got too wrapped up in this too fast. It's hard to imagine that he'd be so manipulative (or I'd be so stupid) but you're all 100% on it.
Sand Man Dan Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks - it was helpful to see my thoughts coming from others. I got too wrapped up in this too fast. It's hard to imagine that he'd be so manipulative (or I'd be so stupid) but you're all 100% on it. In the end, you just have to respect yourself more than allowing yourself to be a slave to others' opinions.
ponchsox Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He's either sticking around for sex or he's too coward to end it and he's waiting for you to do it.
Author Oomlotte Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 He's either sticking around for sex or he's too coward to end it and he's waiting for you to do it. I assume he's too cowardly, too - That's where my confusion was - I have ended it concretely and he comes back or comes up with an excuse for why he didn't answer when I called or responded when I texted or whatever. It made me hold out some hope that he felt what I was feeling and just was thrown off or whatever but... No. He talked a lot about his ex, said he wasn't over it and that made me think he was scared. Very dumb of me. Then he played it off like it wasn't a big deal... I just got played, basically.
winny Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Listen... U need to decide what's good for you. This guy obviously is not and you know it. Throw him out of your life - Right Now.
Leigh 87 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He simply doesn't think very highly of you and he's treating you like you're not a very desirable woman to him. I only hooked up casually with men who treated me like they thought I was a gorgeous, fun women to be around. You shouldn't put up with men who treat you way worse than they treat women who they like and respect. Even for casual arrangements, it's key to seek out men who treat you with the same respect and consideration that they would a girl they really fancied. Truly decent people tend to treat ALL people with respect. Decent and kind people politely decline hanging out with people whom they don't like or respect. Truly nice people don't keep people who they don't like much around in order to use them for favours. When I had casual sex, I ensured that, while the guys wouldn't treat me in the exact same way they would treat an actual girlfriend, they would still treat me NEARLY the same! The fwbs would treat me very nicely. They made it clear that they really enjoyed being my company. They always WANTED to hang out or have sex, because they found me very desirable. Albeit, I wasn't enough for them to beg me to be their gfs. Two of them actually admitted that they liked me as much as their exes; they liked me enough to date me. They realized I did it for them even though our relationship started on the premises that we both wanted casual. You have to pick even your casual sex partners carefully! ! You're opening your legs for them! ! At least make sure they think highly of you. Don't open your legs for a guy who treats you like you're garbage that l he doesn't even like that much, yet keeps around because you given him sex so easily ( without him having to even like or respect you) 1
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