Why being played hurts so much?

[Letitsnow]

I did not think I will see him ever again. I felt used, but part of me hoped I just misread him.

He contacted me a couple weeks ago while being back in States. We met and he was sweet and charming like always. He said he missed me very much and could not keep his hands off of me. When he tried to get more, I refused. He said he was not mad but disappointed. He actually asked if I do oral. I said I do but I won't. I did not feel comfortable to be intimate with him so fast.

After that, he was still sweet and talked about our future. We cuddled and both of us looked happy just to be together. Some things were different though. His language was more foul, he slapped my face in playful way and laughed about it even though he knew I did not like it when he did same thing twice before. He said " you can't talk a **** today" just because I could not pronounce some English words. He was joking but it hurt my feelings since my accent is something I can do nothing about.

I actually asked him if we are only FBuddies and he said no.

For me, he was far more than that. I felt close to him and I loved how affectionate he was. I simply liked him in general.

 

Before he left that evening, he said he wants to see me in a day or two.

So I texted him about time he asked about but never heard back. I started to worry if everything is fine with him and family issue they were having. I text again - nothing. I tried two more times until I got message about him visiting his dad in hospital. I wrote him back that if he can't make it tonight, it's fine - just let me know. I also asked about his dad. No reply.

I can see if he was busy but at least he could say he can't make it.

 

When I feel ignored, I always think what I did wrong and why he does that if everything was fine a day before.

So I asked if he is mad at me for some reason. He replied with " I promise I am not mad". I replied next day saying that I would like to see him before he leaves and I am here for him if he needs anything. Nothing pushy.

 

This was about 5 days ago. I think he already left and did not say anything to me. So much for missing me and wanting to see me.

 

Looking back, it hurts like crazy. I know many people here told me he was just playing me but I wanted to give him another chance. I am still blind to see.

Now I wonder what to do... I wish he would tell me something, anything. Why can't he be honest with me and tell me he does not care? I see him on FB adding new girls/friends with trashy profile pictures and it makes me wonder.

I also keep asking what did I do wrong? Did I offend him somehow?

 

I don't even know why I am so surprised. He ignored me like this before just to come back acting like nothing happened plus telling me how much he missed me.

Why do I do this? Why can't I let go? Why does he keep me between his FB if it's over?

Should I email him and ask what happened?

I wish this pain would go away. I feel depressed.

[regine_phalange]

Run, or you are going to be very hurt. He sees you as a toy, not a human.

[regine_phalange]

Why are you doing this; You love his "charming" side, and when he shows his real mean self, you think it's your fault because he was so nice in the beginning. Then he becomes nice again and you feel that you earned it, while it is just his charming facade again. His charm and affection are fake, I'm sorry to say that. That means that the things you like in him do not exist. Some people are good illusionists, we have to deal with it and move on without them.

[Letitsnow]

Thank you for saying that. I guess, when you miss something in your life very much and someone gives it to you in any form - you ignore bad things and concentrate on good things. Just like with him. There were red flags all along and people with experiences warmed me about it. Did I listen? Until he showed up again with smile on his face and sweet words. I am just not use to people who can made up everything to get something. That's why is so hard for me to get it. If it was through chat - fine - but he did that to my face and I believed him. And yet, I still blame myself for all of it. Maybe he was really good guy and I made him do things I did not like. Or maybe I misunderstood.

[winny]

And yet, I still blame myself for all of it. Maybe he was really good guy and I made him do things I did not like. Or maybe I misunderstood.

 

No no no...

 

You need to work on the definition of a good guy.

 

Stop blaming yourself .. right now!!!!

[winny]

I did not think I will see him ever again. I felt used, but part of me hoped I just misread him.

He contacted me a couple weeks ago while being back in States. We met and he was sweet and charming like always. He said he missed me very much and could not keep his hands off of me. When he tried to get more, I refused. He said he was not mad but disappointed. He actually asked if I do oral. I said I do but I won't. I did not feel comfortable to be intimate with him so fast.

After that, he was still sweet and talked about our future. We cuddled and both of us looked happy just to be together. Some things were different though. His language was more foul, he slapped my face in playful way and laughed about it even though he knew I did not like it when he did same thing twice before. He said " you can't talk a **** today" just because I could not pronounce some English words. He was joking but it hurt my feelings since my accent is something I can do nothing about.

I actually asked him if we are only FBuddies and he said no.

For me, he was far more than that. I felt close to him and I loved how affectionate he was. I simply liked him in general.

 

Before he left that evening, he said he wants to see me in a day or two.

So I texted him about time he asked about but never heard back. I started to worry if everything is fine with him and family issue they were having. I text again - nothing. I tried two more times until I got message about him visiting his dad in hospital. I wrote him back that if he can't make it tonight, it's fine - just let me know. I also asked about his dad. No reply.

I can see if he was busy but at least he could say he can't make it.

 

When I feel ignored, I always think what I did wrong and why he does that if everything was fine a day before.

So I asked if he is mad at me for some reason. He replied with " I promise I am not mad". I replied next day saying that I would like to see him before he leaves and I am here for him if he needs anything. Nothing pushy.

 

This was about 5 days ago. I think he already left and did not say anything to me. So much for missing me and wanting to see me.

 

Looking back, it hurts like crazy. I know many people here told me he was just playing me but I wanted to give him another chance. I am still blind to see.

Now I wonder what to do... I wish he would tell me something, anything. Why can't he be honest with me and tell me he does not care? I see him on FB adding new girls/friends with trashy profile pictures and it makes me wonder.

I also keep asking what did I do wrong? Did I offend him somehow?

 

I don't even know why I am so surprised. He ignored me like this before just to come back acting like nothing happened plus telling me how much he missed me.

Why do I do this? Why can't I let go? Why does he keep me between his FB if it's over?

Should I email him and ask what happened?

I wish this pain would go away. I feel depressed.

 

Do you have any good friends? Who can be brutally honest with you???

Tell them all this and get their feedback... stay in touch with them...

 

WHERE IS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM???

 

Sorry I am putting this is CAPS.

 

You are supposed to kick out any man, who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to, from your life. Not give them a piece of your heart to play with!!!

 

By staying depressed you are still allowing him to play with your life.

Tomorrow you wake up and you be happy. Because you are supposed to be happy. No jerk is supposed to make you sad. You live your life... you go out and find that guy who treats you in the amazing way you want...

 

Do you have it in you to do this????

[Letitsnow]

Do you have any good friends? Who can be brutally honest with you???

Tell them all this and get their feedback... stay in touch with them...

 

WHERE IS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM???

 

Sorry I am putting this is CAPS.

 

You are supposed to kick out any man, who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to, from your life. Not give them a piece of your heart to play with!!!

 

By staying depressed you are still allowing him to play with your life.

Tomorrow you wake up and you be happy. Because you are supposed to be happy. No jerk is supposed to make you sad. You live your life... you go out and find that guy who treats you in the amazing way you want...

 

Do you have it in you to do this????

 

Thank you! I really needed that... I told my best friend and she said not to see him ever again. She actually told me this before but I did not listen. I wanted to believe he is different and better than that.

 

My self-esteem is low. I am trying to work on it now more than ever. I always had a problem with that.

 

I was actually happy after reading your post and keep reminding that to myself. I started to read some books about codependency and how to love myself. I hope it helps soon.

I don't want to think about him anymore even though those thoughts do creep on me often.

[readynow]

It can hurt so much when someone does this, even more when they keep doing it.

 

Delete him on facebook so you stop reminding yourself of him. Don't email or text him to find out why. You'll eventually stop hurting and then stop caring.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It hurts because you are secretly mad at yourself for letting this happen despite the red flags.

[Letitsnow]

It hurts because you are secretly mad at yourself for letting this happen despite the red flags.

 

That would make sense...

[RedRobin]

Don't be too mad at yourself for believing liars. Some people are very good liars.

 

 

It's on them. If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at the people who give them social cover, who allow people like that to circulate through their network fishing for fresh meat. Even then though, those social networks and filters may give you some indication of someone's character. It's a mirror. Use that.

 

 

You met this guy online, am I right? I'd stop meeting men online while you are in this vulnerable state. You don't have the protection of social filters. They can say anything, and do.

 

 

However, after you find out they are liars, you can feel strong and say to yourself... I SEE YOU... and feel confident in your current knowledge... and move past it.

 

 

Everyone has to start somewhere. I'm sorry you had to have this experience. Things are different these days than when you were single before. OLD and social networks make it much easier for the sharks to move through the guppies... Keep that in mind when you are swimming in those pools.