the_entertainer1 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I went on 2 dates with this guy I met on a dating site. I've been using the site for a little while and he's just new to it. I really enjoyed both dates and thought we really hit it off. He kept holding my hand and we kissed both times. The first time we spoke on the phone (before we met up for the first time), the conversation lasted over an hour. At the end of the second date, he told me to let him know when I was free (because he's on holidays, he said he was basically free all the time). I called him a couple of nights later but he didn't seem very engaged on the phone. The next morning I got a text from him saying "I just don't think you're the one for me." No explanation why. (I was glad he at least 'ended' things though - I'd much rather that than someone just disappear.) I can't think of any reason why he would come to that decision. He told me (and showed me) he was enjoying himself when we were out. There weren't awkward silences and we talked and laughed. I take a pride in my appearance and have good hygiene. I complimented him and listened to his stories. I have a good job and my own car. He can't drive (due to a medical condition) and asked me to pick him up for the second date and I even did that (he lives 2 streets away). I'm 24, he's just turned 23. He said he was looking for a relationship, but perhaps he isn't. A friend suggested that maybe he was intimidated by me. So, guys - what's the deal? Why do you bail after 2 dates, having given a girl the opinion that you liked her?!
mortensorchid Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I've been there as well (I go out on 2 get togethers with some guy and then he'll go poof). I have wondered as well, all I can say is that they like you just enough to ask to see you again but not enough a third time. All I can say.
fortyninethousand322 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I've never bailed on a girl after two dates. I've had a girl bail on me though. Even after agreeing to date #3. Just totally went off the radar. Wouldn't reply to any texts or phone calls.
winny Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Don't worry.... At least he told you that he is no longer interested... There could be many reasons but the reasons don't regally matter now... Do they? So just try moving on ASAP... 3
pteromom Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 It could be for so many reasons. He could be dating someone else or involved in another relationship. Having messy ex issues. He could have some weird fetish that he hinted about and learned you aren't into. He could have just figured out that you aren't compatible in some way that is important to him. Who knows! But yes, it happens. And it's not YOUR fault. 1
Onethirtyeight Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I do that often and it usually happens because I'm just not interested. I'll take all kinds of women on dates. I figure the only way I'm going to know if I want to date them is to date them. Most the time I find out I don't want to date this chick for some reason. I'll then tell her I'm no longer interested and not to take it personally because I'm a picky *******. That's really about all there is to that one for me. Here is a list of things I've done that over: -Too clingy -Too demanding -Found chivalry to be offensive -Put out too easily -Was on the fence about her looks and decided it was a no go -Generally not compatible -Date resulted in a argument (shouldn't happen on the first couple dates IMO) -Too entitled -Had really gross habits (smoking, picking her nose, drugs etc.) Just thought I'd include that for some humor. I can't really say why he lost interest after two dates, I don't know either of you, I can say it is a thing.
regine_phalange Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He probably didn't hear that "click" inside him, no matter how pretty, fun, smart and lovely you are. No big deal. Don't read too much into it and let it go.
winny Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I do that often and it usually happens because I'm just not interested. I'll take all kinds of women on dates. I figure the only way I'm going to know if I want to date them is to date them. Most the time I find out I don't want to date this chick for some reason. I'll then tell her I'm no longer interested and not to take it personally because I'm a picky *******. That's really about all there is to that one for me. Here is a list of things I've done that over: -Too clingy -Too demanding -Found chivalry to be offensive -Put out too easily -Was on the fence about her looks and decided it was a no go -Generally not compatible -Date resulted in a argument (shouldn't happen on the first couple dates IMO) -Too entitled -Had really gross habits (smoking, picking her nose, drugs etc.) Just thought I'd include that for some humor. I can't really say why he lost interest after two dates, I don't know either of you, I can say it is a thing. Wow... U have lots of patience I must say... If I meet so many people who I do not find compatible... I would go in to my shell...
Onethirtyeight Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Wow... U have lots of patience I must say... If I meet so many people who I do not find compatible... I would go in to my shell... I just have to tell myself its my own doing because I'm being so damn picky. Then I realize I'd rather wait than feel I compromised and I don't get upset about it. 1
Onethirtyeight Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Love the "put out too easily" This is one of the hallmarks of chauvinism. (ironically one of the biggest traits that I stop seeing men over...any time a guy judges a woman for stuff he does himself I stop seeing him...a sign of immaturity and poor character ) I guess you are free of judgment in that situation but you have no problem pointing fingers at women. OP, he just isnt that into you (for whatever reason). When a guy is into you and has a high interest level, dating is a breeze the first few months. I don't sleep with easy women, by putting out too easily I mean she's trying to have sex right away, I don't go for it if its offered too soon. Not into that because I know I'm not that special and I'm not the only one. So no I'm not judging anyone for anything I do myself. In fact I don't think I'm judging anyone at all, I'm just saying they're not for me. I think that's entirely reasonable.
samsungxoxo Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 (edited) I don't sleep with easy women, by putting out too easily I mean she's trying to have sex right away, I don't go for it if its offered too soon. Not into that because I know I'm not that special and I'm not the only one. So no I'm not judging anyone for anything I do myself. In fact I don't think I'm judging anyone at all, I'm just saying they're not for me. I think that's entirely reasonable.I think the reason we get defensive with the ''put out'' quickly is because over the years, we've noticed many male posters that would have quick sex if given the chance with that easy woman and continue doing the pump and dump game; in that case it's not about preference about not liking women that put out quickly but rather being a complete hypocrite and user trying to pretend to be all high and mighty. Since you're not a pump and dumper and is actually turned off by the way she's trying to make further moves but don't do it yourself than that's a difference. We're used to the ones saying ''I don't want women who put out easily'' are really the pump and dumpers that expect a purer woman for a gf. With those men what they mean is ''I'll pump and dump whenever I want to and it's up to the girl to not put out, then she can have me''. Typical user/selfish mindset. Edited December 31, 2013 by samsungxoxo 1
Onethirtyeight Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I think the reason we get defensive with the ''put out'' quickly is because over the years, we've noticed many male posters that would have quick sex if given the chance with that easy woman and continue doing the pump and dump game; in that case it's not about preference about not liking women that put out quickly but rather being a complete hypocrite and user trying to pretend to be all high and mighty. Since you're not a pump and dumper and is actually turned off by the way she's trying to make further moves but don't do it yourself than that's a difference. We're used to the ones saying ''I don't want women who put out easily'' are really the pump and dumpers that expect a purer woman for a gf. With those men what they mean is ''I'll pump and dump whenever I want to and it's up to the girl to not put out, then she can have me''. Typical user/selfish mindset. Yeah that's not how I am and its not cool if someone is dumping someone else for having sex early if they actually did. That said do you have an issue with guys who just go from one easy chick to the next but everyone involved is aware that's going on? They just don't stay together because people like that don't, then they eventually go looking for something better?
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 So, guys - what's the deal? Why do you bail after 2 dates, having given a girl the opinion that you liked her?! Not a guy but since you met online, he more than likely was multi-dating and maybe another woman stood out more. Count your lucky stars he had the cojones to tell you up front and tactfully because most people just disappear, fade out and/or ignore. You might of had some physical chemistry but something else he was looking for was lacking or missing. Or maybe there were some other issues but after only two dates, I don't think a long, drawn out/detailed explanation is necessary. It wasn't at all serious and it's not like you spoke for months before meeting. Sometimes something isn't there even if someone ticks all the right boxes on paper and you have to trust your intuition and move on.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Probably that undefinable chemistry was missing. Some people are fine to date and get into relationships without it, some are not. I probably feel it with around 1 in 100 guys. Nothing really you did wrong.
RedRobin Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 OP, in the future, please realize that you are trying to assess his suitability as well. No need to twist yourself into a pretzel over a complete stranger. Also keep that in mind. You can call it a 'date' if you wish... but two meetings with anyone doesn't mean a thing. Don't invest yourself emotionally so much with strangers. That's all he was and that is all OLD is. A bunch of total strangers who happen to be single. He showed some diplomacy and tact by letting you know where you stood though. That's a good thing.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) It's nothing you did or didn't do. I was seeing this guy,I even thought he could be my soulmate this was only after equiv.two/three dates.then this week I just lost all feeling for him,nothing,I spoke to him yesterday and just said I have no feelings anymore.its really good he just told you so you move on.maybe he has issues he needs to work on. the guy I was talking about he did not do a single thing wrong, I can't think of one thing he did wrong,he Is so very cute,smart,sweet everything.he did nothing wrong.neither did you. Edited January 5, 2014 by Thegreatestthing
WhiteTan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) When you're in the dating world, it's important to keep in mind that everybody out there has their own unique circumstances and intentions. It would be nice if guys only dated you because they were seeking a long term relationship but the fact is, some of them date you just for the fun of it so when it starts to seem like a relationship, they decide they don't want to lead you on and end it before it goes farther. Some guys date you in hopes that you'll put out and they'll get lucky.. and some of them are even looking to rebound while recovering from a break up! I've had this happen to me and it's really hard not to take it personally.. but you can't because it's really nothing personal at all! On to the next one. Edited January 5, 2014 by WhiteTan
youdunsay Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I do that often and it usually happens because I'm just not interested. I'll take all kinds of women on dates. I figure the only way I'm going to know if I want to date them is to date them. Most the time I find out I don't want to date this chick for some reason. I'll then tell her I'm no longer interested and not to take it personally because I'm a picky *******. That's really about all there is to that one for me. Here is a list of things I've done that over: -Too clingy -Too demanding -Found chivalry to be offensive -Put out too easily -Was on the fence about her looks and decided it was a no go -Generally not compatible -Date resulted in a argument (shouldn't happen on the first couple dates IMO) -Too entitled -Had really gross habits (smoking, picking her nose, drugs etc.) Just thought I'd include that for some humor. I can't really say why he lost interest after two dates, I don't know either of you, I can say it is a thing. Wow that's interesting. What other No-nos in your filter list?
Recommended Posts