nescafe1982 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 ...I think if an older man is focused purely on developing shallow, physical relationships with women selected on the (incorrect) perception that these women are less demanding than their 30+ counterparts, then by all means, these older guys should avoid women that are 30+. But we all hit that number, men and women. When it comes down to it, if a man wants to have any sort of meaningful relationship with a woman, he has to let go of the silly notion that women become less valuable after a certain birthday. And with Re: to Capt's comment: only a small handful of men would call education, career, and other types of long-term self improvement "excuses." Yous remark says more about you than it does about the women you typecast, friend. 4
Imported Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 It's hilarious how some men believe they are a great catch and we poor women who aren't picked by them are so unlucky On the other hand it's great that some men show their ****ty character that early on so we can send them to the garbage and not waste any time on them. I think I am a pretty good catch and I have had expereince with women 35 and older that were very attractive to look at, no children, never married or divorced fast. I agree with rocketman122 sorta. Not calling them the worse or anything like that, but these are the ones I should quadrouple check because there is probably a very good reason or lots of reasons they were never asked to marry by a guy that is acceptable to them. But who am I to judge.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 ...I think if an older man is focused purely on developing shallow, physical relationships with women selected on the (incorrect) perception that these women are less demanding than their 30+ counterparts, then by all means, these older guys should avoid women that are 30+. But we all hit that number, men and women. When it comes down to it, if a man wants to have any sort of meaningful relationship with a woman, he has to let go of the silly notion that women become less valuable after a certain birthday. And with Re: to Capt's comment: only a small handful of men would call education, career, and other types of long-term self improvement "excuses." Yous remark says more about you than it does about the women you typecast, friend. I was sort of hoping that women would find me more valuable after a certain birthday. The more I think about it though, I think people tend to date the same kinds of people in their 30s that they did in their 20s. Just probably better, more mature versions...
MissBee Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm speaking specifically about the ones that want a family. I mean it takes time to lead up to marriage. At least a year and then the marriage and then kids. This could span about 2-5 years and that's if she meets "the one" at 30. Is this the age when women settle just to get married and have kids? I am 34 but I don't feel I need to rush things. I guess it's different for men. Some do. My mom had me at 30 and the way she discussed it seemed like she was desperate for a child so was willing to overlook a lot. I think it depends on who you are and what you value. I can definitely understand how if you want kids and you're in your 30s why you might feel like you're racing against the clock and some women might really start to lower their standards because they determine that having a child and/or husband are more important. But others won't do that and will still wait for the right situation to come along.
regine_phalange Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 With all this buggage, I highly doubt it. 30ies is a young age anyway. Later in life, in the worst case, I'm going to marry my best male friend. It's arranged for our 50ies, in case we are single. If he is not single, I will be a cougar. I'm also going to adopt a doggie and volunteer in a children's shelter. Problem solved! 3
nescafe1982 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 In what ways are you pickier that you weren't before? I'm only asking as a dateless loser in his 20s who hopes women lower their standards when I/they get older so I won't be a dateless loser in his 30s... I know you asked BlameTheIrish, but WTH, I'll give this one a go: When I was in my twenties, I was looking for a guy to go out with, to travel with, to spend time with. His level of education, work prospects, and level of maturity were important, mind you... but these factors didn't weigh as heavily for me as they do now. When I dated a guy back then, I was assessing his ability to be a good partner, but not necessarily a good husband, father, etc. Marriage was something I knew I wanted, but it was a more distant prospect: I did not want to get married at 22 and start having kids right away. I wanted to pursue a degree, and then another, and then do some travelling and research before "settling down." And it took a certain type of guy to be able to handle that. But more recently (I guess the changed happened for me when I found myself single at 28), I reappraised what I want my relationship to offer me. Marriage, "settling down," financial security, building a nest, and having a family became something within the realm of possibility. And I wanted a man who could be a good partner in THAT. That's an even taller order than what i wanted before. And consequently, I became more selective about who I dated. Criteria that i never paid a whole lot of attention to before (job prospects, long term career goals, life goals like how many kids, where to live, etc) became very, very important. The image of what sort of man I want in my life changed... much narrower parameters, basically. And then, of course, after my twenties there were certain character traits I'd learned to avoid through trial-and-error: cheaters, fibbers, poor communicators, the under-ambitious, party animals, the irresponsible, the selfish, and the emotionally aloof. Past mistakes also inform current selection. But if you're "dateless" (I hardly believe you're a "loser"), maybe the thing to do is make an honest assessment of what you bring to a potential relationship. If there are things you think you could improve, work on them. If there are unique things you have, flaunt them a bit more. 4
MissBee Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think I am a pretty good catch and I have had expereince with women 35 and older that were very attractive to look at, no children, never married or divorced fast. I agree with rocketman122 sorta. Not calling them the worse or anything like that, but these are the ones I should quadrouple check because there is probably a very good reason or lots of reasons they were never asked to marry by a guy that is acceptable to them. But who am I to judge. This makes no sense. 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 This makes no sense. Agreed. And primarily because it assumes that a woman's value must be assigned her by a man. If not, it's because she lacks value. Utterly silly. 5
BlametheIrish Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 In what ways are you pickier that you weren't before? I'm only asking as a dateless loser in his 20s who hopes women lower their standards when I/they get older so I won't be a dateless loser in his 30s... I just don't put up with what I did in my youth. I'm more aware of when men are trying to use or manipulate me. I've got better boundaries in my "older age" as well. Basically Im not willing to compromise my beliefs for spmeone elses. Specifically in.my younger years I didnt mind dating a religious man I'm agnostic, ive been agnostic as long as I can remember. Im not looking fof a religious.man, period. Why? To much conflict in the foreseeable future. Now don't get me wrong physically Im still very open.minded just as I was in my youth. I like many different types of men looks wise from super skinny to fat, from buff to average etc etc. Im just not willing to put up with what I used to. And Im nit worried about getting older, f*** expiration dates, in the dating world. But Im a single mom whos almost 30, so I.guess it doesn't matter that I'm in better shape than.girls in their early 20's or that I certainly dont look my age. The fact that I'm almost 30 with a toddler means Im a damn lepher on this site. Luckily in the real world there's more than enough good men looking for a good woman out there. The rant at the end wasnt for you fourtynine, was thinking about a post on this thread from a very ignorant man. 2
stillafool Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Do women get desperate once they hit 30? Depends on what they look like. 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 The fact that I'm almost 30 with a toddler means Im a damn lepher on this site. Luckily in the real world there's more than enough good men looking for a good woman out there. . FWIW, BlameTheIrish, if that's you in your avatar photo, I'd date the heck out of you. I'm straight and all (and that's not changing anytime soon, lol), but wowee! 2
hotpotato Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think it's more sensible than picky. But I'm not going to be like that. I figure if I'm not at least married by 30 maybe I should move on and devote my life to something else. Having kids is a lot less important to me now so I dont care if my clock runs out. 2
Eggplant Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm 26. Would like a family. My "settling" plan B will be to be solo. The horror stories I read on LS confirm that many men (people) are far, far worse than being single. 3
WasOtherWoman Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Bro, you beat me to it. I have sympathy for all those 30+ they will have a hard time. and you know what, when I see theyre very pretty and werent married or have children, I blocked them. they are the worst of the bunch. I see smoking hotties at 35+ and no children and not married and my mind is confused how they werent taken. . But you assume they had no offers of marriage.... When I was 39 I met the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, he left his wife and married me when I was 40. Wealthy, attractive and well-known, he could have had his pick....Don't count we old ladies out just yet. 1
Eggplant Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 probably have at least 1 cat if not more in their near future.Oh my god!!! Cats!!!!!!!!! :eek::eek: 3
nescafe1982 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Also, they hit their sex drive peak sometime around then. I read somewhere that the sexual peak for women was 32. Wanna know what a man's is? 17. No joke. 1
rocketman122 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 But you assume they had no offers of marriage.... When I was 39 I met the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, he left his wife and married me when I was 40. Wealthy, attractive and well-known, he could have had his pick....Don't count we old ladies out just yet. I dont believe what people say on the internet for a millisecond. anyone can be anyone, say anything. I know from what I see on OLD. and that confirms exactly what I said. they might of had marriage offering but didnt to any of them? thats shows they are problematic and I stay clear and far from them. when I see a women is beautiful and writes all these great things about her and wasnt married or had children, I block them and stay far from them. they are probably psycho or some other issue. a nice looking girl whos down to earth with a nice personality will have tons of guys offering marriage and will be married already. I dont believe your story for a millisecond. its a flawed story. 1, you accepted a man who left his wife to be with you? who says he wont do it to you with another woman? its obvious hes impulsive and not stable. 2, there are prettier women than you. so careful he doesnt think with his c*** and leave you for another. and you didnt say how old he was so what you just said is not complimentary to you. and if you went and married a man that left his wife, you have no integrity. I wouldnt leave my women if bar rafaeli came along. no way in hell. I laugh at your post! and thats why I say, NOT FOR A MILLISECOND. 1
rocketman122 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'm 26. Would like a family. My "settling" plan B will be to be solo. The horror stories I read on LS confirm that many men (people) are far, far worse than being single. then you are very naive if you believe what you read here. people can write what they want. be who they want. exaggerate like theres no tomorrow. dont believe what you read here. most are just bitter single people who cant find dates so they come here and try to ruin it for others. the only way is to keep trying. date and try to meet as much as possible and go by your gut instinct. I have not dated people with these "horror" stories. some psychos here and there, but on the whole good people who had good intentions. just be patient and keep dating. on the net people let themselves act in ways they wouldnt face to face. they hide behind the monitor. it is in no way representative of how NORMAL people behave. and Ive been on a lot of dates. there were a lot of potential women I dated but compatibility wise we didnt match. be patient.
Anela Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I hope they get desperate after 30. One of the only ways I'll be getting a date... It would make me feel worse, if someone only wanted to date me because they were desperate. I'm just as picky as I ever was, and I'm heading towards the "big" 4-0.
Anela Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 women past 27 is not worth dating if you are looking to catch a woman in her "prime" If they hit 30... watch out look at all the women here, online date (yet they say they are picky), dated losers through their prime, probably have at least 1 cat if not more in their near future. They know they cant compete with the younger crowd so they come up with all these excuses to make it seem like they are better (confident, educated, mature, blah blah) then their counterparts Even if your a 40 year old guy, you can easily pull a 24 or 25 year old in her prime without even trying. Why waste your time on anything less Does thinking this way make you feel better about yourself? I love it when men make these assumptions about women. I've always had cats and dogs - even when I was in my supposed prime - and I had a body that drew plenty of attention from men, so I wouldn't have lacked for dates if my standards were on the same level as yours (as low as they seem to be).
MrNate 2.0 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I haven't ran into many desperate 30 somethings. I don't see where age is an issue. The ones who take care of themselves look just as great, or even better than they did in their twenties. Then again, I'm just quite appreciative of women overall. Age is nothing but a number. 4
dreamingoftigers Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Sigh I am 31. I remember sitting up on the eve of my 30th birthday calmly watching the clock. The time of my birth is 11:13 so I wanted to celebrate that exact moment I turned 30. The numbers changed and all of a sudden, my heart sank. I realized it was all done. My youth died. My 20s were over. That was it. The feeling of desperation started choking me. I ran and grabbed a funeral plan insurance pamphlet that came in the mail. Hoping that if I got things planned I could squeeze a tiny bit of joy from the rest of my Earthly existence is I knew that my family wouldn't be burdened with the cost of my impeding funeral. It didn't help. The anxiety and desperation got worse. I whipped out my little black book that I kept from my 20s and started calling numbers. Maybe it wasn't too late! Maybe I could call back one of those men I had picked over and try to settle down with. Alcoholism, schmalcohlism. Who cares? He's single! Unfortunately alcoholics seem to instinctually know when it's your birthday. He didn't want to see me (he knew I was now expired) but did offer to buy me a round next time I saw him. There was the yeller, the close-talker, the porn addict and the Trekkie who still lived in his Mom's basement. They were ALL GONE to smarter women than I, ones who figured it out in their 20s. Everyone's lot was looking so much better. Even the Trekkie had managed to negotiate a separate entrance I the back if the basement suite. Then it dawned on me. I didn't NEED a man for a baby, I could just go collect his sperm. I drove to the clinic but they were closed. I knocked and knocked and banged my fist in frustration and desperate fury against the glass. Dustin Hoffman would have been blow away by the spectacle. I NEEDED A BABY NOW. The clock was ticking! I sobbed in defeat. And that's when I picked myself up, drive to the SPCA and got my cat, Baby. ________________________ I'm totally kidding. I grabbed my husband and said "this is your last chance to sleep with me in my 20s. In 45 minutes you'll be too late." I think we finished with 40 minutes to spare. I'm kidding. It was good. Really, most of us women in our 30s can of know that we can find men when we want, we know a little more when there are games etc. I do have a daughter but I feel a bit of a crunch for one more kid before 35. I've loved having a kid. My husband wants to wait until he's done school. But honestly, if it's happening, it's happening soon because fertility is an issue in my family. I won't pressure him though. I'd like another bit out marriage is messy. If I ended up divorced/widowed I am not too concerned about finding a mate. I don't wait around for men. If I want something and we seem to click, I've never had problems doing the asking. And why not? Life's too short. A lot of the guys I've been attracted to are kind of "niche" guys do they aren't especially inundated with female attention nor completely repulsive. I would definitely be more selective than "desperate" though. And frankly, I don't care what the market is like, 5
WasOtherWoman Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I dont believe what people say on the internet for a millisecond. anyone can be anyone, say anything. I know from what I see on OLD. and that confirms exactly what I said. they might of had marriage offering but didnt to any of them? thats shows they are problematic and I stay clear and far from them. when I see a women is beautiful and writes all these great things about her and wasnt married or had children, I block them and stay far from them. they are probably psycho or some other issue. a nice looking girl whos down to earth with a nice personality will have tons of guys offering marriage and will be married already. I dont believe your story for a millisecond. its a flawed story. 1, you accepted a man who left his wife to be with you? who says he wont do it to you with another woman? its obvious hes impulsive and not stable. 2, there are prettier women than you. so careful he doesnt think with his c*** and leave you for another. and you didnt say how old he was so what you just said is not complimentary to you. and if you went and married a man that left his wife, you have no integrity. I wouldnt leave my women if bar rafaeli came along. no way in hell. I laugh at your post! and thats why I say, NOT FOR A MILLISECOND.[/QUO And I laugh at your post. So we are both laughing together. The difference is, I am laughing from my 7500 square foot home, trying to decide which of the 5 cars that my husband bought me I should drive today. :) Carry on.... 1
hotpotato Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 then you are very naive if you believe what you read here. people can write what they want. be who they want. exaggerate like theres no tomorrow. dont believe what you read here. most are just bitter single people who cant find dates so they come here and try to ruin it for others. the only way is to keep trying. date and try to meet as much as possible and go by your gut instinct. I have not dated people with these "horror" stories. some psychos here and there, but on the whole good people who had good intentions. just be patient and keep dating. on the net people let themselves act in ways they wouldnt face to face. they hide behind the monitor. it is in no way representative of how NORMAL people behave. and Ive been on a lot of dates. there were a lot of potential women I dated but compatibility wise we didnt match. be patient. Well, I can tell say from real life sometimes it's better to be single... 2
nescafe1982 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Sometimes I wonder if the fiction that "women are desperate after thirty/forty/insert-age-here" originates in the things men tell themselves when feeling rejected. You know, sort of like the "nice guy" phenomenon, or when women say things like "I can change him" or "he's probably just really busy with work." We say these things to ourselves as salve, to protect against our pain, dejection, and bitterness. But are they real? No, probably not. Because really, 30 is a very silly number to focus on. And my lived experience (as a woman over 30 who has lots of female friends over thirty) is that the sudden desperation being discussed here exists only in the minds of single men looking for (and failing to find) a piece of ass. 3
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