LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Idk why, but honestly I feel like....the pain from her is all you have left, so you're holding onto that. Profound. When finally let go of, real progress will start. 2
Mariposa10 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Get professional help, please. If you live in the U.S that's gonna be hard to find. But at least try... I wish you the best. And remember you're not alone. 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I was seeing a counselor for about 3 months. I felt she was not helping whatsoever, and the 50$ a week got too expensive. And she was the only one who would scale the cost to a affordable rate on my salary. So I dont have anymore options in that department....Anyways you guys just nake it as I am choosing to hold onto this. I really dont want the pain it is excruciating. I tell my self she is not coming back , as I know for a fact. You cant help the way you feel right???? And no there really was no issues before this. I was happy and confident, so I dont know where this keeps coming from. This girl destroyed my confidence, and life. I dont know how to put it. And I know Barky,confused and Reddragon are not trying to be mean. I know that. My point though is everyone is different. What works for one doesnt necessarily work for the other.....For me I am different and my heart is always on my sleeve and is my biggest strength and weakness. Its clearly taking me longer. I dont FB stalk her, I dont look at old photos I do w e i can in my power to avoid thoughts bit as stated everything is a reminded..My apartment (living 50 yards away) work (where we met)..List goes on and on...
smuggy95 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I think she was emotionally unstable and crushed your confidence and sense of self-worth. She did this to you... Maybe not on purpose. I think she has issues upon issues. I think her own sense of self was broken. She was someone who was drowning, and you came to rescue her and she tried to take you down with her. There is no love to be had there anymore. There is nothing beautiful in keeping such memories if you aren't living. Take her off that pedestal. Stop focusing on that she 'accepted you' for who you were....focus on the fact that she lied to you, cheated on you, disrespected you, was blind to your kind and loving soul- because she had a darkness in her...it swallowed her up and that darkness swallowed you up too. Focus on the way she broke you, and refuse to go down with that. Fight it. 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I always try to look for the best in people..As I stated my heat is biggest strength and weakness...I guess I need to live with that. Thank you for the inspiring words. For some reason your post made me feel a little bit better so thank you... I really am trying to let her go..Regardless what other people may think or say...
BC1980 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I always try to look for the best in people..As I stated my heat is biggest strength and weakness...I guess I need to live with that. Thank you for the inspiring words. For some reason your post made me feel a little bit better so thank you... I really am trying to let her go..Regardless what other people may think or say... I do believe you are trying, which is why I think you may have depression. A traumatic event can spark depression. It's absolutely normal to feel sad, hopeless, cry a lot, but, when it continues for months or is affecting your ability to function in daily life, that goes beyond the usual breakup sadness. Try to treat yourself well Vin, and believe in yourself. Don't think to far into the future. Just concentrate on these next few months, and prioritize getting better. 2
barky2 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Barky letting go of pain is no easy task. Do you think I like holding onto this... No lie I pray every night for it to be taken away, for me to become indifferent...to forget any of the 3....I feel I am more sensitive than I ever imagined when it comes to her.... LovelyDaze your welcome for the best wishes....and You claim that there are multiple people out there for us I just cant see it... To get who I am or who you are...I just have a hard to believing someone else "getting" me. Accepting my imperfections, and small quarks or how I am. My ex did. and I cant express my appreciation for that. Just felt like she got me and accepted me. Cause I admit it I am not a saint.. Tough believing that it will click like me and her did.. Yes I know its over and she isnt coming back just harsh painful reality... Easy task???? HELL NO! I know it first hand dude... But you know what vin, there has to come a point in time where you say I'm sick of feeling this way, in sick of being miserable and I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN! It will not happen because someone else does it for you vin. YOU NEED TO BE THE ONE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! You can pray, you can do black magic..voodoo it doesn't matter vin, Change comes from within. Barky 4
BC1980 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Easy task???? HELL NO! I know it first hand dude... But you know what vin, there has to come a point in time where you say I'm sick of feeling this way, in sick of being miserable and I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN! It will not happen because someone else does it for you vin. YOU NEED TO BE THE ONE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! You can pray, you can do black magic..voodoo it doesn't matter vin, Change comes from within. Barky This is good advice. At some point, you have to realize that you are going to have to live the rest of your life. Do you want to be miserable? I get it. We all get it. I resisted letting go because I didn't want to face up to the fact that I had to rebuild my life by myself. That was really scary and still is but there is no way around it. You must face it head on. I think a lot of people who have difficulty moving on want to hold onto the past because it feels safe. The problem is that you wake up months later and have made no progress. She is gone. It is over. I had to accept my ex was gone, and he had made his decision. Let yourself feel the pain, so you can get through it. Do you want to wake up a year from now and still feel this way? There are many people who have recovered, so why can't we? 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Letting go....this is what I don't understand.....everyone says to let go....you have no control over how you feel...regardless of logic or whatever....you can tell yourself everyday to let go that it's over, (as which I do), you continue on with your life, work, gym, sleep, bettering yourself or whatever(as I do)....so I don't know how I can stop feeling what I feel...TIME? we all agree time has passed but here I will still am...am I missing something..sorry if that comes if rude I don't mean it too..just confused
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Letting go....this is what I don't understand.....everyone says to let go....you have no control over how you feel...regardless of logic or whatever....you can tell yourself everyday to let go that it's over, (as which I do), you continue on with your life, work, gym, sleep, bettering yourself or whatever(as I do)....so I don't know how I can stop feeling what I feel...TIME? we all agree time has passed but here I will still am...am I missing something..sorry if that comes if rude I don't mean it too..just confused Proper treatment by a professional for your depression. That, I believe, is what several people have said is missing. Depression is not an issue that resolves itself on its own. If you were a bit down in the dumps or whatever, fine. But this is an illness that requires treatment. 2
LovelyDaze Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Proper treatment by a professional for your depression. That, I believe, is what several people have said is missing. Depression is not an issue that resolves itself on its own. If you were a bit down in the dumps or whatever, fine. But this is an illness that requires treatment. Vin, I know you mentioned that you were seeing a professional for a few months but due to finances had to stop? Did you call the other numbers some of the LS members gave you in your prior posts? I think some of those might be able to guide you to even lower to free counseling services in your area. We all just worry that after 6 months, you seem to still be very down on yourself. You've made great strides by getting past the holidays that you feared you weren't going to. Now were getting into a new year and what you want is to feel clean of the funk that you persist in. You CAN get better, Vin! Don't just give up on counseling because of the one. Call the others given to you and explain your financial situation. They will be able to direct you to local centers that are affordable and convenient for you to get there and talk with someone that will be happy to help make sense out of the things going on in your life. 2
reddragon588 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I was seeing a counselor for about 3 months. I felt she was not helping whatsoever, and the 50$ a week got too expensive. And she was the only one who would scale the cost to a affordable rate on my salary. So I dont have anymore options in that department....Anyways you guys just nake it as I am choosing to hold onto this. I really dont want the pain it is excruciating. I tell my self she is not coming back , as I know for a fact. You cant help the way you feel right???? And no there really was no issues before this. I was happy and confident, so I dont know where this keeps coming from. This girl destroyed my confidence, and life. I dont know how to put it. And I know Barky,confused and Reddragon are not trying to be mean. I know that. My point though is everyone is different. What works for one doesnt necessarily work for the other.....For me I am different and my heart is always on my sleeve and is my biggest strength and weakness. Its clearly taking me longer. I dont FB stalk her, I dont look at old photos I do w e i can in my power to avoid thoughts bit as stated everything is a reminded..My apartment (living 50 yards away) work (where we met)..List goes on and on... Some things are worth paying for... but in this case, you can get help for free... Here are 10 Mental Health Clinics within 10 miles of Worcester, MA: Mental Health Treatment Facility Locator Here are three free/low-cost health clinics within 5 miles of Worcester, MA: Free / Low-Cost Health Clinic Finder | Prescription Assistance Program Here are all the NAMI affiliates in Massachusetts: NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | State & Local NAMIs UMass Medical School is located in Worcester, and they have a Psychiatry school that likely has students that can provide free/low-cost services: UMass Medical School - Worcester 11 Free/Low-Cost Clinics in/near Worcester, MA: HRSA - Find a Health Center - Search Page 4
pickflicker Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Some things are worth paying for... but in this case, you can get help for free... I always hear terrible things about America's healthcare, but that looks pretty good! OP, you'd be mad (excuse the pun) to not take advantage of that.
Exitleft Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Good to see you back Vin, I followed your last thread and was hoping we'd hear from you again. Not to go against any advice you've been given but I am also 6 months NC and post break up and the holidays have brought on quite a depression for me also. I'm ashamed to say I spent New Years crying after my company left. Not the way I intended to see in the new year, as well as not being back at LS, yet here I am. My point is, I guess the process is not exactly the same for us all. Sometimes time makes it better, sometimes it causes more of a sting. I went from realising I could go for hours without thinking of my ex to feeling terribly bad over it all over again. Wish I had something more encouraging and constructive to say but I hope 2014 brings us all peace and comfort and new beginnings. Feel better soon!!
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thank you for all your responses....I will look into those centers.... Exitleft...that sounds like my new years eve and Christmas... it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one struggling so long after this breakup..don't take that the wrong way I don't wish it on anyone...I think most people think I'm crazy in here cause I'm still longing for her and suffering immensely...I don't know maybe I am...but still can't help the way you feel... how things get better this year for you, and me ..I'm so sick of loving her and feeling this way..
Exitleft Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Completely relatable Vin. In the big scheme of things, 6 months is only 6 months divided from years and probably plans into the future, so to me I don't find it unreasonable to still have highs and lows although it is very draining and frustrating, I agree. I think everyone just wants to see you happy, probably because we all recognise the potential you have. I find the end of a year and the beginning of a new one can be difficult at the best of times because of the amount of reflection we tend to do. A breakup is just another kick in the guts IMO. Hope today/tomorrow is a better one for you.
barky2 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Letting go....this is what I don't understand.....everyone says to let go....you have no control over how you feel...regardless of logic or whatever....you can tell yourself everyday to let go that it's over, (as which I do), you continue on with your life, work, gym, sleep, bettering yourself or whatever(as I do)....so I don't know how I can stop feeling what I feel...TIME? we all agree time has passed but here I will still am...am I missing something..sorry if that comes if rude I don't mean it too..just confused I'm being harsh with you because I care, so bare with me. This is how I'd talk to one of my boys, I tend to take it easy on most people on here, but I'm going to give it to you harder because you're a mass hole like me and we can handle it. PHYSICALLY your are doing everything you're suppose to do. MENTALLY your a freaking wreck, stuck in limbo, DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT. Sure ok, you says she's not coming back blah blah. WHEN IN THE CHRIST ARE YOU GOING TO GET ANGRY AT YOURSELF FOR LETTING YOURSELF GET AND STAY DOWN LIKE THIS??? Vin you have to get mad. Look at your first thread, look at my first response, I think I said THE SAME THING THEN AS I AM NOW! You're allowing yourself to well in self pity bro. You need to say f this and get happy again! You're going through the steps of the breakup, it's taking you a long time to get out of the depression stage into the ACEEPTANCE STAGE. You're putting your toes in by " saying she's not coming back" but you don't believe it. Have you even been into the anger stage yet? Still seems like you're in the denial part, or skipped the anger stage and went from denial to depression and can't get into the acceptance stage. I'm going to just write something down, and I want you to read it whenever you feel down, when you wake up, when you take a crap, when you go to sleep. She left. There's nothing I can do. My life will continue to move on weither I like it or not. I have a choice. I have a choice to stay sad,lose friends,lose my job, lose everything close to me. Or, I have a choice. I have a choice to see this as it is, I was with the wrong girl that I was intended to be with. God has a plan, I have to leave it to him. Today I'm going to pick myself off the ground. Today is about me and my happiness. Today I'm going to let go of the sadness, today I'm going to take a breath, and exhale, when I exhale that's the pain and sadness leaving my body. She's not coming back, but the faster I get over her, the faster the woman I'm suppose to be with, laugh with, and love even more than my ex, will walk into my life and save me. She won't come around when I'm like this, even I don't want to be with myself. So today I take a breath, exhale the pain and sadness, and i inhale to great times ahead of me, and the man I want to be. Just made that up, maybe corny but vin, if you copy and paste it to the clipboard of your phone, read it, and re read it until it's memorized, finally one day it'll hit you. All my best my dude. Barky 4
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Thank you for all your responses....I will look into those centers.... Exitleft...that sounds like my new years eve and Christmas... it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one struggling so long after this breakup..don't take that the wrong way I don't wish it on anyone...I think most people think I'm crazy in here cause I'm still longing for her and suffering immensely...I don't know maybe I am...but still can't help the way you feel... how things get better this year for you, and me ..I'm so sick of loving her and feeling this way.. What I managed to notice in predominantly most of your posts and you can correct me if I'm wrong is that you like to resonate with those who are still suffering in agony and pain. If you hang around drug addicts you may just become one, if you hang around doctors you may just become one as well. What I'm trying to say is that you need to start thinking outside the box, you have options and assortment of options that you can choose from yet you continue to go to the one that's most "comforting". No one changes over night. I'm at 8 months post BU and for the past month or so I've been feeling like I'm back to step one. Luckily, with the help of one of the members I managed to pinpoint what caused me to feel depressed all over again. See, everything stems from something, we all have underlying issues to address if not on a daily basis but it's only up to us to come to terms with those issues. You are the only one who can propel yourself. We can post all the advice in the world but it's up to you to take action, you have the tools to make things happen for yourself. There are certain moments in life when I feel like I have no hope, like I've lost it all, screw it all, I might as well do something different with my life. That's when I start becoming inpatient and don't think straight. I'm learning to put things aside now and not make such drastic and impulsive decisions. I was ready yesterday to say fawk school and take the easy way out. However, I slept on it and today I feel better about it, nothing comes easy, life is not easy, it takes a lot of work, I just forgot for a moment that I need to put in extra effort if I truly want to accomplish my goals. Keep pushing forward man don't give up, we all have moments of distress, we feel as if we are in this bottomless pit with no more energy to continue climbing to the top. But tomorrow is another day and take it with a grain of salt. Make plans, new memories, new moments, nothing remains stagnant, absolutely nothing. 2
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