Vinsanity1307 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 (edited) As stated in the title; Christmas and it almost being New years is really rough. Christmas felt like day one of the break up. 5 years with someone and having nothing for the first time is in-explainable. Does anyone else feel this? What still worries me is I am almost at 6 months post break up and I am still longing for her...Alot.. I admit it.. Here is my original story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years Edited December 31, 2013 by Vinsanity1307
chris21422 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Hey good to see you here again man.. yea holidays are really though but try to think of it like it's a normal day with family.. It will past eventually. Bro it's new year means new life.. it's ok to think about the ex from time to time but when its already affecting you so much you need to do something about it. I hope you'll get past all this bro 1
maiden555 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I'm actually shocked at how bad I started to feel right after Christmas, and it's continuing now. I'm sadder than I've been since the week it happened, and angrier too. Apparently in the back of my mind, I thought he would reach out for Christmas. I also was a lot busier and now the momentum has slowed. I miss him so much...I hope that I and all of you end up enjoying tomorrow night! I'm hoping I won't feel these pangs of emptiness and longing for him.
LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 (edited) Hi, Vinsanity. I read your entire posts over a few days during vacation and was very sad(and extremely concerned) when you did not post after the urgent last one. I came on LS back in 2009 and was just like you. I was so deeply in pain that I had no desire to even exist. The ex I had at the time left me for someone else. They married but later divorced. Between that time, I broke NC, got hurt and humiliated. Then stayed NC with all of the excruciating will power I had in my body and wouldn't you know my ex ended up wanting me back? I just...refused. It was too easy to tell him NO because he made me realize that someone who loves you wouldn't put you in that dark of a place...ever. Today, I am with a wonderful guy two and a half years strong. Oh we get into our little battles like any couple but never "dark places". That's where our dumpees put us. Like you, I wanted to die too. My holidays were the very worst. I hated hearing my ex's name(and it's a common one)! I cried so much every single day for months on end that I would almost vomit. I also worked with mine on the job so that also was hell on earth. You are not alone. Always remember that. You keep getting past many milestones you once feared. You should be so proud of yourself! You WILL get past New Years too, Vinsanity. In fact, New Years holds so much promise for a new and brighter future for you! Just like you work out in the gym, tone up your autonomy to any BS about your ex. Any plots, plans, tricks, gimmicks, or ploys to contact her for any reason...toss them! It's time for you to start smiling and feeling good, happy, and enjoying life. This year, work on getting to a place where you start getting to where you think, "My life's pretty damn cool!" and mean it! And especially, your ex becomes an afterthought! I can tell you now, you will NEVER just forget your ex. But the feelings you have for her CAN and WILL go away! You're doing a great job. One foot in front of the other. EVERYONE on this Breaking Up forum knows and are here for you... Edited December 31, 2013 by LovelyDaze 8
sickoflove11 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 It really hit me the most today. Knowing I'll be alone on new years this year really sunk in. I'm trying to see it as just another day and maybe even a new start.. but really that could be any day. I'm actually in the same 6month post break up still longing for ex position as you. Anyways best of luck, stay positive, and make the most of everyday!
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Hey you're not dead. Incredibly considerate of you to write you wanted end it all and tell no one and just vanish. The help we told you six month ago still applies. 6
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Thank you for your responses.. I am not going to get into detail but I was recuperating . So I apologize. LovelyDaze I am glad everything worked out for you. It is brutal just the longing and the painful attachment to the memories. Just sucks almost 6 months out and still think of her everyday with the pain....and again brutal holiday...
reddragon588 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I thought you said you were getting help? Vin, I'm not a medical professional, but I get a strong feeling your state of mind goes far beyond the breakup and more into general depression that was simply lying dormant... 2
pickflicker Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Vin, does "recuperating" mean that there was a suicide attempt? As reddragon said, what stategies are being implemented post this event (if I am indeed right)? I understand he was in contact with you off-site. His points on this not actually being about the break up and more about a general underlying depression means that it's something that needs to be treated, not something that will merely pass with "time". 3
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 As I said I don't want to get into detail...And its definitely over the break up cause I was fine before this happened.....I had bad days like everyone but it's just her for some reason....I am hanging out more with old high school friends, been job searching....Anything to not be in my apartment but still feel s**ty alot
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 As I said I don't want to get into detail...And its definitely over the break up cause I was fine before this happened.....I had bad days like everyone but it's just her for some reason....I am hanging out more with old high school friends, been job searching....Anything to not be in my apartment but still feel s**ty alot You were/are NOWHERE near fine during any of this. We've told you for months what to do and that's get professional help. Do whatever it takes to do it. Until you do, we will see way more post. 2
headinthecloud Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Please people, lets not rehash the past. Vin is back and looking for support. It takes a lot of courage to come back so let's welcome him back with open arms and open minds. Good to see you again, Vin. If you truly want to start living again then refocus your thoughts to positive thinking. Positive affirmations is one technique people apply. I know it'll seem fake and maybe a little silly but it can help to retrain your thnking pattern. Here's an article that I read: 35 Affirmations That Will Change Your Life | Dr. Carmen Harra Abandon old habits and replace them with new ones. 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Please people, lets not rehash the past. Vin is back and looking for support. It takes a lot of courage to come back so let's welcome him back with open arms and open minds. Good to see you again, Vin. If you truly want to start living again then refocus your thoughts to positive thinking. Positive affirmations is one technique people apply. I know it'll seem fake and maybe a little silly but it can help to retrain your thnking pattern. Here's an article that I read: 35 Affirmations That Will Change Your Life | Dr. Carmen Harra Abandon old habits and replace them with new ones. Look I'm all about helping people and thats great. With that said, he has come on here for months asking the same questions and then getting the same answers. OODLES of threads asking the same things. There is honestly nothing more we can do. I understand the pain and whatever, but HE HAS TO GET ACTUAL HELP. He is talking in circles. That is actually my personal opinion of him left out of it as well. 3
Sparky9 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I can't agree with you more OP...Christmas was extremely brutal. I woke up by myself...balled my eyes out for a couple hours..then picked myself up and went about my day. Got to spend a few hours with our kids..then dropped them off. Got to see her with her new bf as I was dropping the kids off..another big setback for the day. I am now almost 2months post bu...have to admit though ..the last few days haven't been too bad. Hope all is looking up for you !! Happy new year , and take care!!
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 As referencing to "fine" I was talking about the breakup....Before the breakup I was fine and confident. Cause your claiming its not my breakup for the depression.... I am venting that is all...Regardless isnt most stories everyone posts similar..Its all same thing for the most part. I feel better when I post..And I am admitting I am still having a rough time..Everyone is different... Headinthecloud and sparky thank you for your responses.. Glad you had a few good days sparky
pickflicker Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 As I said I don't want to get into detail...And its definitely over the break up cause I was fine before this happened.....I had bad days like everyone but it's just her for some reason....I am hanging out more with old high school friends, been job searching....Anything to not be in my apartment but still feel s**ty alot Ok, I will assume that is a yes. I hope you are hooked up with some doctors and therapists and are being treated. Hopefully, the time spent away has created some moments of clarity about the absolutely critical need for you to tackle this with professional help. 1
JDPT Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Glad to see you back Vin. There are still underlying issues to be addressed here. I understand you rather no discuss but I can only hope you are addressing them accordingly. Hang in there it'll be over in a few hours. I took can't wait to get trough these holidays and get back to business.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Vin - You may indeed have deeper issues that simply never surfaced until this event. I know this is the case for me. And, I believe that is why I am taking quite a while to heal and recover (10 months so far). There are other issues at play on top of a nasty heart break. Don't be so quick to discount the fact that you may have depression, or other psychological issues. Nothing to be ashamed of... And, as I stated a while ago, if money is really whats holding you back, you may want to seek some therapy on some sort of credit or loan. Because, again, whats a couple thousand dollars of debt if it helps you out of this mess?? 2
barky2 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Vin I almost drove to woostah to bury my foot in your ass when I read your last thread and vanished, not cool, but I hope you got your **** sorted out. Now, I've been here every step of the way. You're holding yourself down. You're holding yourself in a holding pattern. You are doing this to yourself. You need to break free from the pain bro. Idk why, but honestly I feel like....the pain from her is all you have left, so you're holding onto that. That's not healthy. One person might have a present, a cute little bear that they hold onto after a breakup, to signify that person who left. After awhile that bear gets thrown out, they're sick of looking at it and a constant reminder of what they went thru. Your bear.... Is the pain. You need to throw it out dude. Or 10 years down the line, you'll be in the exact same spot u are now. If you need me pm me. I'm what a hour from you? If u want my number pm me. If you ever get close to hurting yourself I'm a call away or a short drive away. Barky 10
reddragon588 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 As referencing to "fine" I was talking about the breakup....Before the breakup I was fine and confident. Cause your claiming its not my breakup for the depression.... I am venting that is all...Regardless isnt most stories everyone posts similar..Its all same thing for the most part. I feel better when I post..And I am admitting I am still having a rough time..Everyone is different... Headinthecloud and sparky thank you for your responses.. Glad you had a few good days sparky Depression can lie dormant... for years... it's kind of like a volcano. All it takes is one (small) seismic activity to set it off. Happy New Year my dude. 3
LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Hi, Vinsanity. Thank you for your well wishes. Here's the thing. My current two year relationship CAN end horribly also. Just because I'm in it now, doesn't mean one of us won't break it off later. I just don't know. I can only hope it continues to go well and if it doesn't, I know I will grieve but take from the lessons I've learned and apply them to my healing process just like before. Life, especially love, is a crapshoot and nothing is guaranteed. When we fall in love, the person we give our hearts to can't tell the future. They have no clue whether they or you will feel the same in 4 years, 4 months, or even 4 weeks. Sometimes, the relationship itself just runs its course. With two people who grow and change, sometimes they do not grow and change together and that's where the split can happen and never recover. There are some amazing LS members giving you some terrific advice. Similar advice that others gave me years ago. Don't keep your mind in a defeatist mode. You are obviously a lovable person and deserving of love. Keep working hard and doing things that DO make you feel good and run on that. There isn't just ONE soul mate. There are MANY out there for you! Many great women who will make your heart race, make you laugh, that you can't wait to spend time with, that will make you wonder what the hell you ever saw in your ex in the first place. 2
flightplan Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 There isn't just ONE soul mate. There are MANY out there for you! Many great women who will make your heart race, make you laugh, that you can't wait to spend time with, that will make you wonder what the hell you ever saw in your ex in the first place. This +1. Funny you should mention this since I was thinking about this earlier today. There are 1 billion plus on this planet and to think one individual is the only person for you is silly. Yeah, it stings, but this too shall pass. Thanks for reminding me. 2
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Barky letting go of pain is no easy task. Do you think I like holding onto this... No lie I pray every night for it to be taken away, for me to become indifferent...to forget any of the 3....I feel I am more sensitive than I ever imagined when it comes to her.... LovelyDaze your welcome for the best wishes....and You claim that there are multiple people out there for us I just cant see it... To get who I am or who you are...I just have a hard to believing someone else "getting" me. Accepting my imperfections, and small quarks or how I am. My ex did. and I cant express my appreciation for that. Just felt like she got me and accepted me. Cause I admit it I am not a saint.. Tough believing that it will click like me and her did.. Yes I know its over and she isnt coming back just harsh painful reality...
LovelyDaze Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Barky letting go of pain is no easy task. Do you think I like holding onto this... No lie I pray every night for it to be taken away, for me to become indifferent...to forget any of the 3....I feel I am more sensitive than I ever imagined when it comes to her.... LovelyDaze your welcome for the best wishes....and You claim that there are multiple people out there for us I just cant see it... To get who I am or who you are...I just have a hard to believing someone else "getting" me. Accepting my imperfections, and small quarks or how I am. My ex did. and I cant express my appreciation for that. Just felt like she got me and accepted me. Cause I admit it I am not a saint.. Tough believing that it will click like me and her did.. Yes I know its over and she isnt coming back just harsh painful reality... Vin, When I came on LS back in 2009, I really though that my ex was "IT" also. I thought no one in the world would understand me the way he understood me but I found that someone. Heck, he's understanding enough for me to be on his bro and sis-in-law's "family laptop" on New Years in the den! (Just a little escape haha ) In all seriousness, guys like barky, Confused, and reddragon, are giving you real tough love because they've been there, they care, AND they know you deserve to feel better and should have at this point. Please take their advice, not as them being disrespectful, but incredibly helpful to your well-being. If they didn't care, they wouldn't have bothered to waste their time and energy on your posts these past few months. You ARE worthy of being loved. I know you've said you don't see it. Nobody does. They say that love hits you when you least expect it and right now, you're not ready. You're still expecting "something" with your ex. You have to let her go. It's been mentioned umpteenth amount of times and it can't get any truer. Letting go hurts but it will also feel like the world has come off your shoulders. Decide that in 2014, you will NOT entertain thoughts of remotely talking with her again for any reason. Not even to get a stick of gum back. THEN (as suggested MANY times) please go see a professional counselor for your feelings and explain in great detail why you feel you are not able to let go after 6 months. It was mentioned that you may have past issues that predates BEFORE the relationship even started? If that is true, ponder those with the counselor and sort those out as well. it will do you and your life so much good! Again, Everyone is really rooting for you because they are always giving you concrete, no-nonsense advice and suggestions. Look back at some of your posts for the numbers the LS members gave you to call as well. You're worth it to have a life that kicks @ss! 3
pickflicker Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) Barky letting go of pain is no easy task. Do you think I like holding onto this... No lie I pray every night for it to be taken away, for me to become indifferent...to forget any of the 3....I feel I am more sensitive than I ever imagined when it comes to her.... LovelyDaze your welcome for the best wishes....and You claim that there are multiple people out there for us I just cant see it... To get who I am or who you are...I just have a hard to believing someone else "getting" me. Accepting my imperfections, and small quarks or how I am. My ex did. and I cant express my appreciation for that. Just felt like she got me and accepted me. Cause I admit it I am not a saint.. Tough believing that it will click like me and her did.. Yes I know its over and she isnt coming back just harsh painful reality... That's how a self-fulfilling prophecy is born. Is help being sought? Edited January 1, 2014 by pickflicker 2
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