never__again Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 So, our relationship has progressed to insanity, and i ended it. but before that happened, a few weeks ago, she came over here, and we got into an argument, again, and she went nuts. she started slamming my doors, throwing things, she threw a bottle at me and it shattered against the wall. i kept telling her to get the hell out of my house. she was freaking me out. she has already hit me twice in the past couple years. then she sat in her car in my driveway, and would not leave. then she got out of the car and started yelling profanities at me, in my driveway. So, she finally left, then about 5 minutes later, she comes back, and just walks right in. i told her to get out, i threatened the police several times. she finally left. then, a couple days ago she said she wanted to get her stuff (she purposefully left things, the cop witnessed it). i told her no way in hell did i want her here, i would take it to her house. so...she promised she would get it and leave, and cause no problems. so i put all her stuff in the garage. she shows up, and immediately decides she is going to come in. i told her to get out. she refused. i freaked out, and did not want a repeat. several times i told her i was going to call, and she just decided she was going to stay and i did not want any trouble repeated, so i called. they let her get her stuff out of the garage, and she left. so..... after a couple days of cooling down, she wants to talk. ya, after all that, i decided to let her talk. she promised she would not cause any problems. so.... she begins to tell me i had no reason to call the police. i reminded her of her actions, including throwing things, and she did not think it was a big deal. she has hit me a couple times, and when i reminded her of that her comment was "your a big boy, how can i hurt you" Then told me she better not have a police report to ruin her life. did i do the wrong thing to call the police? what could have been a different decision. at the moment, i could not think of anything else to do. i did not want things to escalate to anything worse than it already was.
Downtown Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Did i do the wrong thing to call the police? No, it would have been foolish to do otherwise, NA. If your exGF is as emotionally abusive and unstable as you describe, you were at great risk of her suddenly calling the police on YOU and having you thrown into jail on a bogus charge. That's what my unstable exW did to me. How long did you date your exGF before her abusiveness and instability started showing itself? My experience is that it typically starts about 4 to 6 months into the relationship, by which time her infatuation with you starts to wane.
deathandtaxes Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Please don't ever talk to this lady again. Your only mistake was not calling the police when you said you would the first time. Glad you did when you did. Block her number, etc. She is an abuser. Don't let her come around. You may wish to consider getting a recorder, in case she does come around. Then politely ask her to leave or you will have her arrested for trespassing. 3
Author never__again Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks for the support, very much appreciated. i also just recently she has been in contact with my ex-wife. the last confromtation we had, she was throwing things at me that happened between my ex-wife and i. i found out she has been talking to my ex, who i got custody of the kids with, because she just gave them up. i would have won hands down in a court case, but this is the type of person she was talking to about me. seems all she ever wanted to do was be right. she knew how to push my buttons. ya, i yelled to. i am not going to sit here and say it was a one way street, but a street that was impossible to navigate on. she is a master manipulator. she could go from psychotic insane behavior to being very calm and asking me what my problem was. i thought she may have multiple personalities it was such a drastic change. we would have fights at night, then she would call the next morning as if nothing happened, like it was someone else i was talking too. that is why i posted my question about calling. since i called she told me i was out of line, and had no reason to call. she does not even see anything wrong with what she does. ok, just venting. all the insanity became normal. just needed some help seeing clearly.
Zahara Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I'm not sure why you're cracking your skull over whether what you did was wrong or not. Bigger picture, remove yourself from the situation, change your locks and block her from any communication.
Downtown Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 NeverAgain, the behaviors you describe -- intense verbal and physical abuse, temper tantrums, lack of impulse control, always being "The Victim," and flipping rapidly between liking you and hating you -- are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which my exW has. It is common for men living with woman having strong BPD traits to complain -- as you do -- that they feel like they are living with someone having a multiple personality disorder. If you are interested in learning how to spot the BPD warning signs -- so you don't repeat this mistake -- I suggest you read my description of BPD red flags at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735. If that description rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you.
fancy feast Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Calling the police is the most responsible thing you can do in this kind of situation. Don't doubt yourself.
Author never__again Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I read the post DOWNTOWN provided. Yes that describes her, not all, but yes. She was like an emotional vacuum, sucking everything out of me. When we first, it was so very special and nice. I met this beautiful woman. Texted i love yous often, said many nice and special things. I guess the usual things us men do when we fall head over heals in love with someone. Our relationship never seemed to grow beyond that. I was her "crack" so to speak. As long as i provided her with CONSTANT compliments things were fine. Even our intimacy... Out of this world. If i did not text her enough during the day, i eventually got talked to about this. Just like everything else, if i did not compliment her enough, say those special things during intimacy enough, etc, etc things began slowly erupting. It got to the point i had to make a mental list of what to do ir say. A couple i love yous texted to her was not good enough. Then.... The anger, the outburst, the accusing of doing things, to complete chaos most of the time, till i could not deal with it anymore. Then came her violence, throwing things. It was even so bad that i got bitched at for not doing the same for her that i would do for one of my kids. We spend time at my house watching movies. I took my son to the movies a few weeks ago, and i got bitched at for "never" taking her to the movies. That is just one example. So, it finally escalated to me having to call the police. I remember seeing a pair of scissors on my counter the time she went nuts before i called, i hid them because i was afraid what she might do. Her out of control telling, slamming and throwing, i did not want to get attacked with scissors. Would she have attacked me with them? I dont know, but i did not want to find out. She sent me a couple meaningless text yesterday, i did no respond..
Downtown Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I read the post DOWNTOWN provided. Yes that describes her, not all, but yes. She was like an emotional vacuum, sucking everything out of me.NeverAgain, I provide a list of 18 BPD warning signs at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/419416-ran-into-my-ex-bar-8-months-later-interesting-story#post5164075. If your Ex has strong BPD traits, you likely will find that most -- not all -- of those warning signs sound very familiar. If that is the case, I suggest you also read Article #9 at T9 Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - Columbia University, New York. The other articles at that same website are excellent too.
Keepsake Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 No, I don't think you were wrong at all. Don't beat yourself up over this. She sounds very unstable.
Woggle Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 You were fully right for calling the police because now there is a record of her acting this way. If she doesn't want a police report she shouldn't have been acting like a crazy person. She is responsible for the drama she brought into her life.
bubbaganoosh Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 First big mistake. Keeping in contact with her. Stop all contact and if need be, get a restraining order to keep her from contacting you in any way. Don't be afraid to call the police just because she's a woman. A pair of scissors in a woman's hand is every bit as dangerous as a mans hand. I got a feeling that your going to feel like less of a man if you protect yourself with the law. That's foolish. Shes dangerous with her temper. Don't let yourself get drawn in being macho and handling it yourself. People get killed for such a bad mistake. I'll say it again. If all her stuff is out of your house, then stop contact with her even if it means calling the police and having her ass dragged away. Maybe she'll learn a lesson that she's not above the law.
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