liteasair Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Hi everyone, Thanks to all for reading this. My gf of 9 months broke up with me last week out of nowhere, and I have been trying to get it all straight in my head as to what to do. I really love this girl, and I feel she didn't give me any chance. All of my friends and family were blown away because of how close she always was towards me, including talking about marriage and kids with me all the way up until the 2weeks stint when it happened. I apologize about the length. Here is my story: We met online in march, her and I both 27 and professionals living in the same city. Her: it was her 2nd relationship, and her first one only lasted 9 months as well, so very inexperienced with relationships, and comes from a very wealthy family Living at home at the moment while she saves up money to get a condo or something (most likely her parents would buy it for her). She likes church but isn't hardcore. She also has a lack of clients at work so she is stressed about not being able to make it. Me: I've been through many relationships, and heartache in the past, but this was the one I thought would be my last relationship! I was ready to propose and everything. I come from a low income family, but am slowly getting more money. I own my own house. I go to the gym lots and have a strict bodybuilding routine. I occasionally watch some porn (once or twice a week) all was going great! We would finish each others thoughts, could talk for hours and love the same shows, movies, topics, cooking together, everything! I was renovating my house slowly, and her parents offered to lend me cash, and help with fixing it up (I think with the idea of her and I living together). Well, one day we ripped up the whole upper floor, and I am still living in a ripped up first floor due to lack of time to finish renovating. This caused a lot of stress for her, as she didn't have control of the situation. one day two weeks ago she called me at 7 am and said she wanted me to not watch porn as she hates it, take our children to church (which I was fine with anyway), and said I shouldn't be buying supplements but using that money to pay for the house renos (I am already paying for a mortgage and therefore trying to do it without blowing my budget), and that I spend too much time at the gym, which I also said I was lessen and give her fridays and saturdays and do it during the week. We ended up staying together after the talk, and the entire week went great. fast forward to the next sunday, I didn't go to church because I had to do some laundry due to my busy week, and then go to the gym, and I indicated I was kind of stressed about missing the gym a couple times. She then said it would be fine, etc. So I texted her a few times during that day and no answer. In knew something was up. she called me at 3 pm and said it's over, you're the perfect guy but it's finished. I said let's talk about it, but she said it's done. Then I said tell your parents I love them, and I wished her well. Well we haven't chatted since, and I have been so depressed. I am in NC some right now, and am trying to change some things in my life around, including got aline of credit to fix the house really soon, lessened my gym schedule, and became more flexible in my diet. Anyway, I don't know what to do now, any advice is greatly appreciated...
Philosoraptor Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 She was hoping you would start a fight when she gave her list of demands the first time so she could blame you for the relationship ended. She wanted out, but wanted out guilt free. Had you said you wouldn't stop watching porn, you wouldn't take the kids to church, would continue to go to the gym just as much, etc. she would have used that as an "incompatibility" and lessened her guilt for ending the relationship. But sadly friend, she wanted out. She took the cowards way and tried to pin it on you but it didn't go as she had planned. STOP changing your life to her list of demands. You need to live the life you want to live and take care of yourself. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy right now and with time and patience you will find healing and move on from this. 6
Author liteasair Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 She was hoping you would start a fight when she gave her list of demands the first time so she could blame you for the relationship ended. She wanted out, but wanted out guilt free. Had you said you wouldn't stop watching porn, you wouldn't take the kids to church, would continue to go to the gym just as much, etc. she would have used that as an "incompatibility" and lessened her guilt for ending the relationship. But sadly friend, she wanted out. She took the cowards way and tried to pin it on you but it didn't go as she had planned. STOP changing your life to her list of demands. You need to live the life you want to live and take care of yourself. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy right now and with time and patience you will find healing and move on from this. Thanks for the honest opinion. Any ideas on why she changed her mind during the relationship? I admit she was partially right on me being obsessed with the gym, and I learned some other things that I can change for the better from this. The porn thing, well I can do what I want, but I'm not telling the next one that I even watch it. Even so, she had complete readings of the relationship being great right up until that day. Like zero issues with anything. She may just also not know how to have a relationship either. Do you think I should reconcile after awhile? This is really the only girl I have ever felt this strongly about in my life.
Author liteasair Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Ouch, I just went online to a dating site to try and get some dates and get myself out there, and I found she already has a full profile set up and everything. This really stings... I guess I knew it was going to happen sometime. I could really use advise on how to get over this ****...
Keepsake Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I wish I could give you some advice but right now I am struggling myself and find it hard to even think straight. I hope that things get better for you soon!! HUGS 1
JDPT Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) I dare to venture and state that her requests were somehow irrational. If you were out doing drugs, paying for escorts and involved in any other nonproductive activities then it would clearly be reasonable for her to ask you to tone it down. I'm still trying to figure out what she was so upset about, I would mostly label along the lines of not being as understanding. You were in the middle or renovating your home and it was clearly going to take time, this wasn't going to be accomplished over night. She sounds like she is utterly fed up with the relationship and perhaps has been for a while. Try to focus on yourself, and sorting your life out as it appears that you have a lot on your plate at this moment. Internalize the reasons why you two are no longer together as "perfect" as the relationship may have appeared to be. It's utterly shocking when your ex tells you "it's over". I was in the exact same scenario. I was finished, no talking, no explanation, no nothing, just over and out. I can certainly resonate with that feeling. Be strong and as stated previously focus on you, it's time to heal. Oh and someone who tries to change who you are just isn't the one for you. Edited January 1, 2014 by JDPT
Author liteasair Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I dare to venture and state that her requests were somehow irrational. If you were out doing drugs, paying for escorts and involved in any other nonproductive activities then it would clearly be reasonable for her to ask you to tone it down. I'm still trying to figure out what she was so upset about, I would mostly label along the lines of not being as understanding. You were in the middle or renovating your home and it was clearly going to take time, this wasn't going to be accomplished over night. She sounds like she is utterly fed up with the relationship and perhaps has been for a while. Try to focus on yourself, and sorting your life out as it appears that you have a lot on your plate at this moment. Internalize the reasons why you two are no longer together as "perfect" as the relationship may have appeared to be. It's utterly shocking when your ex tells you "it's over". I was in the exact same scenario. I was finished, no talking, no explanation, no nothing, just over and out. I can certainly resonate with that feeling. Be strong and as stated previously focus on you, it's time to heal. Oh and someone who tries to change who you are just isn't the one for you. Thanks for the advice! I am thinking part of it was, I was not quite as fun as I used to be in the beginning if the relationship because of being so busy for so long. Even so, she never once said anything. I am working on improving myself right now (not changing who I am) by doing things more efficiently and trying to take on a bit less work in my life, and make more room for fun.
Author liteasair Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I wish I could give you some advice but right now I am struggling myself and find it hard to even think straight. I hope that things get better for you soon!! HUGS Thanks HUG for you too If you want to chat about it, PM me. What are you currently going through?
Author liteasair Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Today I am having so much trouble with NC. I want to win my ex back, and I am trying to better myself, do different things, date other people etc. Am I just supposed to wait for her to contact me? Should I ask her for a coffee sometime? In a day, a week, a month? I don't know what to do.
OrangeSnack Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Go to the gym. Release some endorphins. Don't contact her. You should never change who you are for a partner. They should love you for who you are. I don't see what you did wrong. She's just cray cray. Move on and start dating others.
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 She was hoping you would start a fight when she gave her list of demands the first time so she could blame you for the relationship ended. She wanted out, but wanted out guilt free. Had you said you wouldn't stop watching porn, you wouldn't take the kids to church, would continue to go to the gym just as much, etc. she would have used that as an "incompatibility" and lessened her guilt for ending the relationship. But sadly friend, she wanted out. She took the cowards way and tried to pin it on you but it didn't go as she had planned. STOP changing your life to her list of demands. You need to live the life you want to live and take care of yourself. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy right now and with time and patience you will find healing and move on from this. This entirely. Her actions of trying to dump you in a way that alleviated her guilt, and the fact that this change happened quite suddenly a couple weeks ago gives me an impression that maybe another guy is involved.
RDawg Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 People are fickle. Especially when you're still in your 20's..
Author liteasair Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 This entirely. Her actions of trying to dump you in a way that alleviated her guilt, and the fact that this change happened quite suddenly a couple weeks ago gives me an impression that maybe another guy is involved. I gaurantee there is other guy at that point. She spent all of her time with me and her family. I do know I had been stressed thw last few months and did not treat her as well as when we first started dating and so on.. I was never mean but distant at times.
Philosoraptor Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I gaurantee there is other guy at that point. She spent all of her time with me and her family. I do know I had been stressed thw last few months and did not treat her as well as when we first started dating and so on.. I was never mean but distant at times. Do not get down on yourself for her choices. She made the choice to try and shift blame and bail rather than working through issues. You did nothing wrong, she failed to communicate.
Author liteasair Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I meant to say no other guy. I just found out that she may think I had lied about something. I emailed her today and said what I think she may have thought and corrected it. I'm not sure if it will make any difference to her now. I indicated I had not lied, never have lied, and never would lie to her. I wasn't going to ever contact again but I had to try on this one thing because it may be the reason she wouldn't even talk to me. Even if she had thought I lied, she should have confronted me and not took a cowards way out.
Author liteasair Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Do not get down on yourself for her choices. She made the choice to try and shift blame and bail rather than working through issues. You did nothing wrong, she failed to communicate. Thanks, I appreciate all of the support. I am slowly getting through this. I got some decent closure the other day. I deleted her off Facebook, and her phone number. The only thing I did is emailed her about the issue I just mentioned. If she doesn't get back to me within a day, I'll be getting rid of everything else that reminds me of her.
Keepsake Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Stay strong liteasair, I wish I could be where you are right now. Not sure I would have even emailed though, what does she think you lied about? HUGS
Author liteasair Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Do not get down on yourself for her choices. She made the choice to try and shift blame and bail rather than working through issues. You did nothing wrong, she failed to communicate. Stay strong liteasair, I wish I could be where you are right now. Not sure I would have even emailed though, what does she think you lied about? HUGS Thanks keepsake . I had told her before that I wouldn't bother anymore with penis enlargement exercises (I was actually doing them to last longer anyway, not for the enlargement as I don't believe that works) but I said I would stop. Anyway in a drawer where we had a photo album of us, I also had a pump. The photo album was gone, so I assumed she didn't believe my promise to stop doing said exercises. I know it sounds nuts.. Anyway I had just forgotten to throw the damn thing out.
Author liteasair Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Well I got an email back from her saying she already told me the reasons and will not reply to anything else I send. This just kills me so much. I have now gotten rid of absolutely everything of hers that I had had. This was a very tough day days. I'm hoping NC from now on can heal me...
Author liteasair Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 Well, It will have been one month this coming 23rd of January since relatively NC. I really want to contact my ex. After her saying the above stuff, would you recommend I do it? I really just want to go for coffee with her or something. How would you recommend I approach this? I just really don't know what to do I also have not run into her anywhere..
Author liteasair Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Well, It will have been one month this coming 23rd of January since relatively NC. I really want to contact my ex. After her saying the above stuff, would you recommend I do it? I really just want to go for coffee with her or something. How would you recommend I approach this? I just really don't know what to do I also have not run into her anywhere.. anyone? any ideas?
pickflicker Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 anyone? any ideas? No. She broke up with you. She told you she's now longer replying to any more emails. She's made herself perfectly clear. No, you should absolutely not contact her.
Author liteasair Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 So My exes sister came over the other night with her BF to nick up some of my exes stuff. I acted happy to see them and happy with myself. When her bf went out for a few, the sister asked me how was i really doing. I said great, I still love ___, but I understands she needs space. I then asked how is the ex doing, and I got a reply of she's had some rough moments, but overall good. I still want to call her so bad, just to talk casual and meet for a coffee. Does anyone ever call their ex after a month of NC?
BC1980 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 So My exes sister came over the other night with her BF to nick up some of my exes stuff. I acted happy to see them and happy with myself. When her bf went out for a few, the sister asked me how was i really doing. I said great, I still love ___, but I understands she needs space. I then asked how is the ex doing, and I got a reply of she's had some rough moments, but overall good. I still want to call her so bad, just to talk casual and meet for a coffee. Does anyone ever call their ex after a month of NC? I called my ex after 3 months of NC, and it was a terrible decision. Basically, he acted all happy like nothing was wrong with him. It was horrible to hear him, and it just reminded me of how much I missed him but couldn't be with him. Don't contact your ex. I know you miss the ex, but they can't help you with that. That's not the answer.
WYSWYG Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Most folks here that succumbed to the temptation of calling their exes had nothing but horrible stories to tell. I know, we miss them that much but save yourself the misery. Go on a mission and hit the gym harder. Sculpt yourself that her jaw will drop the next time she see's you. I'm doing just that myself!
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