TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 no, she sounds naïve and gullible. If I were her big sis, I'd tell her the same. Steer clear of guys promising the moon and the stars... especially older ones who live three + hours away that neither she or those who care about her can verify. No, she sounds like a spoilt brat.
kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Sorry, but sounds like a classic case of an older guy preying on a naive, inexperienced and gullible young chick. Nothing sounds right about this situation. Not the "love", not the distance, not this loser dude having time to sit on skype all day. Jeez. Im 27 and guys my age with their act together do not have all that internet time of their hands. And I would definitely not be taking such an interest in a 20 year old virgin who professes to love me when she barely knows me and who also has depression issues. If anything Id try and be a good friend, because I wouldnt see a relationship between us working out. We would both be in two very different mindsets, stages of life, etc.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Sorry, but sounds like a classic case of an older guy preying on a naive, inexperienced and gullible young chick. Nothing sounds right about this situation. Not the "love", not the distance, not this loser dude having time to sit on skype all day. Jeez. Im 27 and guys my age with their act together do not have all that internet time of their hands. And I would definitely not be taking such an interest in a 20 year old virgin who professes to love me when she barely knows me and who also has depression issues. If anything Id try and be a good friend, because I wouldnt see a relationship between us working out. We would both be in two very different mindsets, stages of life, etc. Loser? The guy earns 60k a year.. Sorry but it's quite clear OP has issues.
clia Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 he was in between jobs at the time. now he works 8 hours per day making 30 dollars per hour. I realize that is still working class though. he comes from a working class family, but he has a very classy personality. he also writes me the most amazing poems, songs, etc. you would never guess he was working class unless he told you.(this is coming from me btw, a "rich jew"). You made it sound like he was making minimum wage. Do the math. Your "working class" guy is making nearly $60,000 a year. This as a 27 year old with no college degree. Not too shabby -- and in fact higher than the median income in his age bracket than even people with Master's degrees. You are young, so I can only chalk this up to naivete, but you should hope and pray you are making that much money when you are 27 years old -- regardless of what "class" you are. That said -- I don't think you were wrong for ending it, although you could have done it in a much less snobby manner. You are too young for long distance. Find a guy in your city. 2
kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Loser? The guy earns 60k a year.. Sorry but it's quite clear OP has issues. Yeah, Im so buying what this guy is selling to this kid. Lets wait for the other shoe to drop, shall we? Anyways, its good OP let go of this situation. She needs someone her age and someone with the same mindset as her.
ebor Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I would say that was cold blooded, but it needed to be done. It was the right choice, IMO. For those saying you can't choose financially well off guy: There's no rule that says she can't have a good guy who's financially well off, though I would disagree choosing someone for the sole reason of finance is wrong it could be a preference.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yeah, Im so buying what this guy is selling to this kid. Lets wait for the other shoe to drop, shall we? Anyways, its good OP let go of this situation. She needs someone her age and someone with the same mindset as her. Do you seriously think OP will be able to cope with someone her own age? And vice versa?
ebor Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 So everyone agrees it's the right thing but think OP has problems..... so do most 20 yo. But the only reason people are attacking her is because she's blatantly honest. The biggest turn off for me is the age difference, ( RedRobin ) described it well.
deathandtaxes Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Social Darwinism and class essentialism: The rich think they are superior.
kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Do you seriously think OP will be able to cope with someone her own age? And vice versa? I actually think someone her age would be A LOT better for her given some of her personal issues.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I actually think someone her age would be A LOT better for her given some of her personal issues. They wouldn't be able to afford her luxury lifestyle?
kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 They wouldn't be able to afford her luxury lifestyle? Then she can be alone. She needs to be working on herself as it stands anyways.
kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) PS - Its better this guy finds a girl who wont look down on him and his oh so meager 60k a year. I cant believe OP doesnt feel people cant live comfortably as a single person on that salary. But it is what it is, money doesnt buy happiness. PPS - Op you were never really in love. Ive known people with money, and they ignore that bullcrap when they find someone they truly care about. Seems like you were just using money as an excuse. When Ive loved someone, certain dealbreakers I thought I had flew out of my mind....because love means more than shallow materialism. Good luck though. Edited January 3, 2014 by kaylan
Mrlonelyone Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 hard harsh experience says this is unlikely to work. However it could work you're young so try it either you will gain the kind of experience that makes us say what we are saying, or you will gain a good relationship. you have nothing to lose by giving it a shot.
Author julie3 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 woah i would never marry for money. Love obviously always comes first. And you're right, I'm probably not truly in love, which is why i broke up with him. However, I would prefer a lifestyle that i'm already accustomed to. I can fall in love with a well-off man too (well-off, not necessarily rich). So, why should I settle for this guy if I do not truly love him yet? If I do end up with this guy, I would not want to miss out on time with my kids, since I would be working hard to support all of us. Why should I make it difficult and put myself in this position? I'd rather break it off before I truly fall in love with him. I'm not saying that 60k is low income. I'm well aware that it's above the U.S. average. But, I would rather live in the NYC area (near my family and friends), which is super expensive. 60k would not be enough, for lets say, a family of four. I'm the type of person who needs security. It could be just as easy to fall in love with a well-off man, than one from the middle class. Why should I lock myself down with him in an early stage of my life? Also, this is not the only reason. Since he does not make much money, I would hate for him to waste some of it on me, if I do not truly love him yet. He says he doesn't care and he wants to spend money on the girl he loves, but I just feel guilty. I can't really explain it. Maybe its apart of my depression. I'm not sure. I feel that I'm not worth being spent on, and I'm not worth traveling 3 hours. He says i'm delusional and ridiculous for thinking this way (we have talked about this self-worth thing for 2 months already), but i can't help my thoughts. I'd rather be with a guy who I'm more convenient for, and who doesn't have to bend over backwards to treat me. I would feel less guilty this way. Maybe I feel that I don't deserve to be loved by someone? I'm not sure. For example, I'd rather a well-off guy take me for an expensive meal than a guy from less money. This way the well-off man is not sacrificing much on me. I don't even ask for much. I'm not a spoiled person. I'm money conscious and rarely ask for anything. I was just being honest on here, so we can try to solve the problem. he told me today that i do not even give it a chance to become love because he's not rich. for the past 2 months, he has told me that we can work through my depression together. He is a good guy and he wants to stay by my side no matter what. It makes me feel super guilty that I do not love him as much as he loves me. he tells me how much he loves me and everything and I believe him. We have so much chemistry, it's crazy. The day i spent with him in NYC, was one of the best days of my life. But he spent a lot of money on me, and I felt ****ty when the day was over, for some reason. He didn't even complain about it, but i still felt guilty. I have been on many dates with other guys before, but I have not had the same chemistry with them. A week ago, i went to the bars with my friends and I was not interested in any guy because I was too preoccupied with him. That is when I told him I love him back, because I did not take interest in any guy (even though these guys seemed they may be interested in me). before i met him, i have always flirted with guys. then a few days after i told him i was not sure if I love him or not because I have never been in love before. He said that it's okay and not to feel bad, and that it may blossom over time. we confide in each other all the time. We have the most amazing inside jokes etc. I give away certain aspects of my personality, that I have never told anyone before. I'm extremely honest with him, and he loves that. he still wants to be with me. I asked him if we can be good friends instead, but he has not responded back yet.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 woah i would never marry for money. Love obviously always comes first. And you're right, I'm probably not truly in love, which is why i broke up with him. However, I would prefer a lifestyle that i'm already accustomed to. I can fall in love with a well-off man too (well-off, not necessarily rich). So, why should I settle for this guy if I do not truly love him yet? If I do end up with this guy, I would not want to miss out on time with my kids, since I would be working hard to support all of us. Why should I make it difficult and put myself in this position? I'd rather break it off before I truly fall in love with him. I'm not saying that 60k is low income. I'm well aware that it's above the U.S. average. But, I would rather live in the NYC area (near my family and friends), which is super expensive. 60k would not be enough, for lets say, a family of four. I'm the type of person who needs security. It could be just as easy to fall in love with a well-off man, than one from the middle class. Why should I lock myself down with him in an early stage of my life? Also, this is not the only reason. Since he does not make much money, I would hate for him to waste some of it on me, if I do not truly love him yet. He says he doesn't care and he wants to spend money on the girl he loves, but I just feel guilty. I can't really explain it. Maybe its apart of my depression. I'm not sure. I feel that I'm not worth being spent on, and I'm not worth traveling 3 hours. He says i'm delusional and ridiculous for thinking this way (we have talked about this self-worth thing for 2 months already), but i can't help my thoughts. I'd rather be with a guy who I'm more convenient for, and who doesn't have to bend over backwards to treat me. I would feel less guilty this way. Maybe I feel that I don't deserve to be loved by someone? I'm not sure. For example, I'd rather a well-off guy take me for an expensive meal than a guy from less money. This way the well-off man is not sacrificing much on me. I don't even ask for much. I'm not a spoiled person. I'm money conscious and rarely ask for anything. I was just being honest on here, so we can try to solve the problem. he told me today that i do not even give it a chance to become love because he's not rich. for the past 2 months, he has told me that we can work through my depression together. He is a good guy and he wants to stay by my side no matter what. It makes me feel super guilty that I do not love him as much as he loves me. he tells me how much he loves me and everything and I believe him. We have so much chemistry, it's crazy. The day i spent with him in NYC, was one of the best days of my life. But he spent a lot of money on me, and I felt ****ty when the day was over, for some reason. He didn't even complain about it, but i still felt guilty. I have been on many dates with other guys before, but I have not had the same chemistry with them. A week ago, i went to the bars with my friends and I was not interested in any guy because I was too preoccupied with him. That is when I told him I love him back, because I did not take interest in any guy (even though these guys seemed they may be interested in me). before i met him, i have always flirted with guys. then a few days after i told him i was not sure if I love him or not because I have never been in love before. He said that it's okay and not to feel bad, and that it may blossom over time. we confide in each other all the time. We have the most amazing inside jokes etc. I give away certain aspects of my personality, that I have never told anyone before. I'm extremely honest with him, and he loves that. he still wants to be with me. I asked him if we can be good friends instead, but he has not responded back yet. There is so much wrong with this post. 2
Author julie3 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 tyler-- instead of bullying me, would you actually try to be useful and explain what is wrong with my post?
Scales Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 woah i would never marry for money. Love obviously always comes first. And you're right, I'm probably not truly in love, which is why i broke up with him. However, I would prefer a lifestyle that i'm already accustomed to. I can fall in love with a well-off man too (well-off, not necessarily rich). So, why should I settle for this guy if I do not truly love him yet? If I do end up with this guy, I would not want to miss out on time with my kids, since I would be working hard to support all of us. Why should I make it difficult and put myself in this position? I'd rather break it off before I truly fall in love with him. I'm not saying that 60k is low income. I'm well aware that it's above the U.S. average. But, I would rather live in the NYC area (near my family and friends), which is super expensive. 60k would not be enough, for lets say, a family of four. I'm the type of person who needs security. It could be just as easy to fall in love with a well-off man, than one from the middle class. Why should I lock myself down with him in an early stage of my life? Also, this is not the only reason. Since he does not make much money, I would hate for him to waste some of it on me, if I do not truly love him yet. He says he doesn't care and he wants to spend money on the girl he loves, but I just feel guilty. I can't really explain it. Maybe its apart of my depression. I'm not sure. I feel that I'm not worth being spent on, and I'm not worth traveling 3 hours. He says i'm delusional and ridiculous for thinking this way (we have talked about this self-worth thing for 2 months already), but i can't help my thoughts. I'd rather be with a guy who I'm more convenient for, and who doesn't have to bend over backwards to treat me. I would feel less guilty this way. Maybe I feel that I don't deserve to be loved by someone? I'm not sure. For example, I'd rather a well-off guy take me for an expensive meal than a guy from less money. This way the well-off man is not sacrificing much on me. I don't even ask for much. I'm not a spoiled person. I'm money conscious and rarely ask for anything. I was just being honest on here, so we can try to solve the problem. he told me today that i do not even give it a chance to become love because he's not rich. for the past 2 months, he has told me that we can work through my depression together. He is a good guy and he wants to stay by my side no matter what. It makes me feel super guilty that I do not love him as much as he loves me. he tells me how much he loves me and everything and I believe him. We have so much chemistry, it's crazy. The day i spent with him in NYC, was one of the best days of my life. But he spent a lot of money on me, and I felt ****ty when the day was over, for some reason. He didn't even complain about it, but i still felt guilty. I have been on many dates with other guys before, but I have not had the same chemistry with them. A week ago, i went to the bars with my friends and I was not interested in any guy because I was too preoccupied with him. That is when I told him I love him back, because I did not take interest in any guy (even though these guys seemed they may be interested in me). before i met him, i have always flirted with guys. then a few days after i told him i was not sure if I love him or not because I have never been in love before. He said that it's okay and not to feel bad, and that it may blossom over time. we confide in each other all the time. We have the most amazing inside jokes etc. I give away certain aspects of my personality, that I have never told anyone before. I'm extremely honest with him, and he loves that. he still wants to be with me. I asked him if we can be good friends instead, but he has not responded back yet. Lets start with some foundation. You have serious expectations. Serious. This also isn't love. Not a chance. This is "you found a guy who meets your list closely which is rare so you are excited". You also broke up by text. Congrats on that one. I've got some good advice. Move to a 3rd world country for a year and come back. Pretty sure it will cure your depression.
kaylan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) 60k on a family of four? So OP doesnt want to work at all Im assuming? Why even go to college then? Btw, a good friend of mine...both his parents incomes together pull in around 120k, and they raised 3 kids without much issue. And in a good area of NYC too. So OP, I really think you are out of touch with what middle class incomes are capable of in NYC. I grew up there, its not as expensive as you make it...especially living in nice neighborhoods in the outer boros. Two parents making 60k each could easily support a family. It really sounds all about money with you OP. You wanna be taken care of...and like I said, money doesnt buy happiness. Good luck. EDIT - Spare us the lame altruistic attitude where you proclaim to care about a man with less money being burdened by taking you out. Its really all about you keeping your high class lifestyle. That matters more to you than genuine love. All I can say is, dont be surprised if one day you wonder if your desire to remain in the upper crust kept you from having good relationships with good guys who are not so upper crust. Edited January 4, 2014 by kaylan 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 its a fling, hes going to break your heart. you just met this guy and hes going to permanently convert to your religion to be with you? sounds like hes going to 'convert' so he can get in your pants. relationships that start out fast, and hot, and amazing always always always end in a fizzle. That's not true. Plenty of people can be crazy about each other from date one.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 tyler-- instead of bullying me, would you actually try to be useful and explain what is wrong with my post? Bullying? Wow.. Ok the things that are wrong with your post- Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money Money 1
winny Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 OP doesn't love this guy. So.. there is no need for any further discussion. 1
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