Jump to content

Would you initiate conversations with someone over IM if you weren't interested?

Ethereal

By Ethereal
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Ethereal Established Member

Ethereal

Posted
Posted

This guy has been initiating conversation with me over IM the last few days. He starts the conversation saying things such as 'Merry Christmas missy', 'Forgot to say, I'm glad you enjoyed the movie, you should also watch _. <--- [name of another movie] It's amazing.'' and 'I hope you had a good Christmas by the way'. He has also tried to carry on the conversation by asking how far I am through a book.

 

I've known this guy for years, but I don't know him very well... He was at my University but he was more of an acquaintance. We hadn't spoke to each other in years since last week. I randomly bumped into him while out one night last week, and spoke to him briefly, so I think that may have triggered it?

 

I think I'm starting to get a slight crush on him. Turns out we have a lot in common and I've been thinking about him a lot. Could be be interested in me as well judging from the way he's initiated conversations with me?

 

Would you guys bother initiating conversations online with someone you wasn't interested in?

MrMeh Established Member

MrMeh

Posted
Posted

Nope. I would be apathetic about messaging somebody I wasn't interested in. Kinda of common sense, no?

Thegreatestthing Established Member

Thegreatestthing

Posted
Posted

Yes I message/reply to people I'm not interested in all the time either because I want to be nice to them,or because I'm bored.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted

I do that kind of thing all the time, then I do kind of flirt with any female, so maybe I'm not a good benchmark.

 

You said you liked him and it sounds like you guys are friends so at least you're in a good position. Maybe you could flirt with him a bit, you know throw some emoticons in there and talk about sexy things.

Kansas360 New Member

Kansas360

Posted
Posted

I'd say that your gut feeling is probably right. Especially if he's started speaking to you more since seeing you in person, he wants to keep momentum going... If he wasn't interested he would go back to not communicating. And that he's initiated contact, thinking of things you'd like.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

I don't mean this to be as sexist as it's going to sound but I think women are more likely to be casually chatty then men. For a guy to continually reach out I think there is some spark there. For this guy, based on what you are reporting as his messages, I think he likes you too but he's waiting for a clearer signal that you like him too & would be receptive if he risked asking you out.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
I don't mean this to be as sexist as it's going to sound but I think women are more likely to be casually chatty then men. For a guy to continually reach out I think there is some spark there. For this guy, based on what you are reporting as his messages, I think he likes you too but he's waiting for a clearer signal that you like him too & would be receptive if he risked asking you out.

 

Why do you say that? I'm a guy and I'll chat with all my female friends and it doesn't mean anything. I just found a girl I went to highschool with and I've been chatting with her and there is no way I'm interested in dating her.

  • Author
Ethereal Established Member

Ethereal

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Why do you say that? I'm a guy and I'll chat with all my female friends and it doesn't mean anything. I just found a girl I went to highschool with and I've been chatting with her and there is no way I'm interested in dating her.

 

Seeeee, this is why I'm confused haha.

 

I can't work out whether he likes me or not judging by our convos. How come you have been chatting to this girl from high school if you have no interest in dating her then? Just to be friendly and catch up? It's makes me wonder if this guy I like is just being friendly with me too...

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted (edited)
Seeeee, this is why I'm confused haha.

 

I can't work out whether he likes me or not judging by our convos. How come you have been chatting to this girl from high school if you have no interest in dating her then? Just to be friendly and catch up? It's makes me wonder if this guy I like is just being friendly with me too...

 

Yeah just catching up and shooting the ****. We were acquaintances in HS so its not totally out of the blue. I just found her on facebook and started chatting.

 

I'd say there is no harm in just flirting a little. Don't have to go overboard and as long as you don't get too invested you can have some fun with it. You know ask him how he's doing, if he's seeing anyone, throw some emoticons in there, try to hang out with him etc.

Edited by Onethirtyeight
  • Author
Ethereal Established Member

Ethereal

Posted
  • Author
Posted

We've had another online conversation...

 

He initiated it, and we talked for about 20-30 minutes and then he ended it saying he'll go and let me watch a movie I was about to put on. (What does it mean when a guy ends a conversation in this way? I'm bloody clueless, aren't I?)

 

Well, at one point we were talking about something I'd attempted and was unsuccessful with and he said "Well, to be honest I think it's more impressive that you could... blah blah blah" Is this a bit of flirting from him maybe? The conversations haven't been too flirty. We've just been chatting about stuff we enjoy and found out we have in common. He said I have 'pro skills' one time. I think that's the most flirty he's been... or is that more matey??? :eek:

 

One thing I've noticed is that when he gets carried away and talks about something he likes, he makes typos. He's apologised for this - nerves maybe? I just told him not to worry and that it's easy to type nonsense when chatting about something awesome and that I do it all the time too. He replied saying "Aww that is reassuringly true"

 

What do you think, guys and girls?

 

Don't tell me to ask him out on a date to find out because I'm shy and a bit of an old-fashioned kinda gal who thinks the guy should ask the girl out. :p

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

I initiate contact with people all the time that I'm not interested in. Most of the time they're men (whom I'm obviously not interested in), occasionally women though.

 

In this particular situation, given the examples and context you gave, I think it's possible he's interested.

Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

Posted
Posted
We've had another online conversation...

 

He initiated it, and we talked for about 20-30 minutes and then he ended it saying he'll go and let me watch a movie I was about to put on. (What does it mean when a guy ends a conversation in this way? I'm bloody clueless, aren't I?)

 

Well, at one point we were talking about something I'd attempted and was unsuccessful with and he said "Well, to be honest I think it's more impressive that you could... blah blah blah" Is this a bit of flirting from him maybe? The conversations haven't been too flirty. We've just been chatting about stuff we enjoy and found out we have in common. He said I have 'pro skills' one time. I think that's the most flirty he's been... or is that more matey??? :eek:

 

One thing I've noticed is that when he gets carried away and talks about something he likes, he makes typos. He's apologised for this - nerves maybe? I just told him not to worry and that it's easy to type nonsense when chatting about something awesome and that I do it all the time too. He replied saying "Aww that is reassuringly true"

 

What do you think, guys and girls?

 

Don't tell me to ask him out on a date to find out because I'm shy and a bit of an old-fashioned kinda gal who thinks the guy should ask the girl out. :p

 

That last bit there kind of annoys me to be honest. You obviously like him and you should at least show it. What if he's shy? Maybe he's been burned and doesn't want to put anything on the line. You could just flirt with him a little, its not hard.

 

I can't say if he's flirting or not because I do that kind of thing all the time. The only real way to even tell if someone is flirting is to see if what they're doing to you is different from how they act around platonic friends of your sex.

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

You don't have to ask him out, but maybe hint at something you'd like to do that you know he likes or would like.

  • Author
Ethereal Established Member

Ethereal

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Update:

 

We've been talking online a lot since New Year. I initiated a conversation a few days ago and we ended up chatting for over 3 hours. And yesterday he initiated a conversation and we chatted for over an hour. He must be interested right? I'm sure guys wouldn't waste time like that on a girl they didn't like? The only thing that makes me think he isn't is that he doesn't flirt or said anything that makes it seem like he fancies me or thinks I'm attractive. We chat about many different things but it's just chatting.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Why do you say that? I'm a guy and I'll chat with all my female friends and it doesn't mean anything. I just found a girl I went to highschool with and I've been chatting with her and there is no way I'm interested in dating her.

 

 

I'm trying not to thread jack . . . but onethirtyeight -- you may be the exception that proves the rule. Most men I spend time with chat -- whether electronically, in person or on the phone -- to exchange info, not for the emotional comfort of the dialogue. Men tend to me more direct & to the point, except when they are flirting. Then again, I don't know the guy the OP is chatting with so he could be more like you then the guys I deal with.

 

 

Ethereal -- I think he's interested but if you can't (or won't) ask him to get together, you need to drop much better hints. Talk about some movie you would like to see or a restaurant you'd like to try. Hopefully he will see those for what they are, as invitations to ask you to accompany him there.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

Ask him out. It's very easy to do over IM. Or if you REALLY don't want to risk it, make a leading statement. Say you want to see some movie and you have no one to see it with.

 

If it was me, I would just type "Would you like to catch up for coffee sometime?"

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...