lostsoul84 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I will try to keep this simple and short. My partner (ex) and i had been going through a difficult patch nothing I could put my finger on, we still were very much together. We had been together 6 years. One night he had been organisinging a night out and was acting odd, my paranoia got the better of me and I looked at his messages, it was nothing however I found ones from a girl he worked with. Flirting after they got back from a night out. So I confronted him he said had flirted and did fancy her. Then said it was over he wasnt happy. So the next day I took everything I owned and went. I am a ill person so this took a lot. He hasnt contacted me, I have contacted him with regards to money etc. He even went out with these people the night after it happened! I tried to ask why, he just said he has changed. Felt like this for months. Then hung up on me. I have to meet up with him soon to sort a few bits out. How do I manage this situation? I would give anything to be back together. He knows I have nothing job, home or friends yet he hasn't asked how I am. Totally on the edge.
CaliBabe Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I have to meet up with him soon to sort a few bits out. How do I manage this situation? I would give anything to be back together. He knows I have nothing job, home or friends yet he hasn't asked how I am. Totally on the edge. Get a job, and go out and meet friends. You went wrong in depending on him for your own happiness. That is alot for one person to take on. Neediness and clingyness are not attractive attributes. Work on yourself. Work through your problems on why you were dependent on him. You need to be able to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. You need to let him go. You can't make him stay if he wants to leave. This is a new start for you. Improve yourself and you will be even better to the next. A better you will attract a better mate. 1
CDubs464 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I am in a similar situation with my ex only our split happened almost a month ago now... still stings... still feels like yesterday. You can read the whole story on my thread entitled "Heartlessly Ditched and in Shock." I am struggling EVERY DAY as I am more in love with this man then I can describe. I love him so much... that his happiness means the most to me... except for my happiness... as I love myself very much too. I want him back EVERY SECOND of EVERY DAY. However... I realized that if I contact him I will only push him further into this new/old lovers arms. He is confused. It sounds like your guy is too. For now... the ONLY option... is to work on keeping yourself healthy and dare I say... happy. Get busy busy busy. It seems cheap. It seems shallow... it seems like none of it matters without this other person... I get that. I have to believe that it will get better and it will once again start to matter for me. That the 100% of myself I was putting into "Us," that effort needs to be retrained to go into the better of Me now. It is soo hard and it is A LOT of work. Reach out to friends... this has helped me get through each day. Cry whenever you need too. You've put a lot into the partnership and it didn't make him stay... it may have pushed him away a little bit. All you can do is hope that he will wake up and come back... but you must give him a chance to miss you first. Then, if/when he does come back, you will look great, feel great, have new friends, hobbies and interests... and bam. Excitement is back! If he doesn't come back... you've still developed in all of these amazing ways and someone who is ready to cherish you, will come along... usually as soon as you're solid this happens. It will be ok. Use this forum often. There is a lot of love and support.
Author lostsoul84 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Thank you. Any ideas on how to manage having to meet up only a week after it happened? Do I tell him I need to understand more? Do I make him see that the grass inst greener? I have some friends but I relocated for him and became friends with his now I'm back home so have no one really. I don't have a job due to a chronic illness which I was being to get on top of and doing vol work again this has had to stop due to relocation and a set back with my illness.
2fargone Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I can't imagine what should be so important that you need to meet over. Phone, email, courier? Other than that... No, you don't make him see anything. Because he doesn't want to see. And If you try to make him see then he will go blind. It's best if you don't try to understand more, since any answer will only lead to more questions. Go dark, stay silent, keep quiet.... It's been a week, give it a month see what happens....
Zahara Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thank you. Any ideas on how to manage having to meet up only a week after it happened? Do I tell him I need to understand more? Do I make him see that the grass inst greener? I have some friends but I relocated for him and became friends with his now I'm back home so have no one really. I don't have a job due to a chronic illness which I was being to get on top of and doing vol work again this has had to stop due to relocation and a set back with my illness. 1) What's so important that needs sorting out that cannot be done over the phone or email? There really is no need to meet in person to sort a few bits out. 2) You don't need to understand more. He wants out. You don't make someone see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. He isn't happy in the relationship anymore and you won't be able to make him see anything when he wants out.
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