Aubrie1973 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Hello, I have been dating this man for over 6 months now. I know his friends, his sister who lives around here. Nothing wrong here. However I wouldn't be on this forum if everything was good. Three weeks ago I told him how I felt. I thought 6 months was good timing. His answer was that he felt the same way but was guarded with his feelings. Ok.. Since then I kept the "I love you" to myself, no sense on saying it if if it's not reciprocated. After all he only said he felt the same way, he didn't say the magic words. My lease is up and to make a long story short, he told me he thought about asking me to move in but that the timing was not right yet. I agreed, as I feel the same way. I feel it's too soon. So we agreed I'd look for something "month to month" for now as my lease would be renewed for one year if I signed. That's where I made the mistake of "assuming" things. I assumed that his plan was for me to rent till we felt ready to live together. I have felt the atmosphere turning lately, and not in a good way. I finally brought up the apartment situation and asked him how he felt about it, if he saw himself living with me eventually.. and .. silence. Silence speaks louder than words in my book. I feel like it's the beginning of the end. My older girlfriend is telling me that I'm overreacting. I don't think I am. I have this gut feeling this relationship is over. I think that after 6 months we should have a pretty good idea of where a relationship is going. I don't want to be the back-burner till he finds someone else. I am sad but I think that backing off is the way to go right now. Thoughts?
2fargone Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It's different for everyone. I don't hear you actually say he's displaying red flags, so try and relax, go with the flow. Whats wrong with saying you love him and him not saying the magic words? This is how distance is created....
Author Aubrie1973 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Well.. a few weeks ago he met three of my friends, a couple and one of my girl friends. At the restaurant he actually asked her why she didn't have a bf when she mentioned it (great gf..)... he asked 5 times! And went on and on about her once we got to his house. Might be nothing.. but I got sick over it for over a week. We did talk about it the day after and he simply stated that I was jealous, without being mad or upset at me. I still find it super rude if anything. Granted, I have legitimate trust issues. Still.. I wouldn't go on and on about another guy. I mean, who would appreciate it? It's not like I want to break up but I also feel that if I put my heart out there and don't get anything in exchange.. Im setting myself up to get hurt. He's been kind of distant and that's a red flag. Again, we spent a lot of time together over the holidays.. I felt like I wanted time alone too.. but Im not being distant.
headinthecloud Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Everything you're describing are definitely red flags and signs of an emotionally unavailable man. I would definitely give yourself some distance from him and see how he reacts. Men love the chase and if he's into you then he won't let you go far. However, if he's just lukewarm about you then he won't put in the effort to keep you interested, he'll likely just try to string you along. Tread carefully, and don't let your insecurities get the better of you. You are good enough. If he's too stupid not to realize this then kick him to the curb.
Author Aubrie1973 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Everything you're describing are definitely red flags and signs of an emotionally unavailable man. I would definitely give yourself some distance from him and see how he reacts. Men love the chase and if he's into you then he won't let you go far. However, if he's just lukewarm about you then he won't put in the effort to keep you interested, he'll likely just try to string you along. Tread carefully, and don't let your insecurities get the better of you. You are good enough. If he's too stupid not to realize this then kick him to the curb. This is exactly the way I feel about the whole situation. My older girlfriend tells me to relax, I know she is right.. I am very insecure when in a relationship.. But I also want to listen to myself and take some serious distance. Not in an *sshole kind of way.. but I feel that if I don't get busy with my life again, I will spend my time revolving around his. He's a very dominant man. Nice, he takes care of me, we go out, etc.. but he's dominant nonetheless. Not to be mixed up with abusive, he's not. Anyway, he has all the power right now and I want relationship to be balanced again. Does that sound "cliché"?
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