LWT123 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Hi all. I'm coming with an issue that has been plaguing me all day and I hope you can help me out. I have been seeing (?) an older man for the past three months. I put the question mark in there because we haven't had a discussion about where we are yet. He is divorced with a child. He told me about the child from the get go but did not mention his divorce; I actually just thought he had a child out of wedlock. We met up after I got back from holiday a couple of days ago and I mentioned the fact that I don't know much about him. He asked what I wanted to know and I asked how long he had been divorced. He refused to tell me on the premise that he is a private person and mentioned that it's a question I shouldn't be asking but I wouldn't know that because I'm young. I don't think my question was inappropriate; I was not asking for details of his marriage, I just wanted to know if he's on the rebound because I really do like this guy and don't want to end up having been essentially just a post divorce good time (I did not tell him this). After his answer I got quiet and we soon after ended the night. He kissed me goodbye briefly and I asked if that was it. He said yeah, do i have anything to say. I said not if he didn't and he left. On my way home I concluded I was not happy with how things ended so I called him. There was no answer but he did reply my text asking if he got home ok. I then asked (after calling again) if he was really ok after everything and got no answer. In retrospect, I did not handle the situation well. I have never been in a healthy relationship; I'm used to keeping my worries/anxieties to myself for fear of rocking the boat. I should have spoken up there and then instead of reverting to silence. Now I'm worried that I have sabotaged this with my insecurities and don't know what to do. I was thinking about reaching out to wish him a happy new year and suggest we meet up again on the weekend where I can apologise and explain where I was coming from. Any advice?
Mascara Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 He didn't answer because he's not legally divorced. It is most certainly not an unreasonable question, don't apologise to him for it. In fact, you should be calling him out on it. 4
Author LWT123 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) He didn't answer because he's not legally divorced. It is most certainly not an unreasonable question, don't apologise to him for it. In fact, you should be calling him out on it. How can I do that? I don't want to be clingy or needy by calling too soon to meet up because I don't think it's a discussion that should be had over the phone. I can tell he was irritated by how I reacted so I concluded it would be best to give him some space and call on Wednesday. I don't even know how I'm supposed to conduct myself when I call. Like nothing happened? He told me when I asked point blank that he was indeed divorced and did allude previously to having been divorced for some time but I want to know exactly how long. Edited December 30, 2013 by LWT123
BikerAccnt Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Er...there's no legitimate reason he wouldn't tell you how long he's been divorced, unless of course he isn't. As a divorced person myself, I am more than glad to tell someone how long...down to the hour...the minute..and the second. 2
mrs rubble Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He sounds still married to me. Biker's on to it. He didn't answer your phone call(s) and text you back? Who didn't he want overhearing your phone call? 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Girl, this is bad. He isn't telling you because he isn't divorced. Saying you're young so wouldn't understand? Please! What a ridiculous avoidance tactic. Ask him point-blank if he's still married. Sounds like he is. 2
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 A "healthy" relationship means you can be open and honest. You didn't ask him for the details of his divorce. You asked how LONG he's been divorced. He's playing games with you, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was still married either. 2
Author LWT123 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 So do I call or no? When? I've been so anxious I can't sleep properly so I kind of need to resolve this. In his defence he is usually very good about picking up my calls at whatever time; I think he didn't answer because he was ticked off
cactusgal Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 No. Most definitely do not call. Sorry. He's not a keeper. 2
MidwestUSA Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 He's still married. You did nothing wrong; your question was legitimate and appropriate. Be glad you found out.
Zahara Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Seeing each other for 3 months and he felt it inappropriate to ask how long he's been divorced? Bullshytt. He's not divorced. He tried to make you feel bad by shifting the focus on you so that he could evade from looking like a douchebag. He was irritated because you were pushing him into a corner and he didn't like it. Do not call. Step away from this guy. He's married. PS: Apologize? For what? Stop trying to appease people even when you haven't done anything wrong. 1
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