mugirl213 Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 So right now I've been with my boyfriend officially one year. We moved in together after 6 months..under the concept that we were sharing bills, sharing rent, sharing responsibilities that neither of us could afford to take on alone...NOT b/c we were in love, etc. We have had a wonderful relationship that has only grown stronger over this past year. He's not said he loves me yet...he's told met hat he takes it very seriously and love means more to him than most people (as in he's sure he'd marry the girl he says he loves). In fact, it took him 2 years to say that he loved his ex...just to give you an idea. In fact, I think he does love me (as does EVERYONE I've asked for advice) but just has issues with the word "love." So...great relationship, living together, going great...now what? He is looking for a new job...and he has an interview with a company that is 2 1/2 hours from here. Could I move? Yes. Would I move? Yes if I could find a job. Will he ask me to move? That is the big question that looms in my mind. We haven't really discussed this at any lengths so far...so I don't know what to do. His interview is next Friday, so I don't want to go to him with "what if's" and burden him during the stressful time of preparing for an interview. Plus I'm PMSing this week and I know I'll burst into tears if I try to have a rational conversation with him. I'm just at a loss. I feel like we've progressed PAST sharing rent, bills, etc. To the point that we ARE living together to share a life. He's said that I'm an important part of my life, that I help to make up who he is, that he needs me in his life, that he sees us growing old together...heck even that I'm his soul mate. Just not love...so I'm confused as to where that leaves me....I just feel lost. plus I don't know what to do...I'm scared. I don't know that I could go from living together and seeing him daily...to seeing him every other weekend or every weekend. I realize that I'm complaining about 2 1/2 hours distance...but really, it's a lot to me right now.
Girly Girl Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 I can totally understand many of your fears. My bf is also someone who has trouble (big trouble) with saying "I Love You". We've been together a year and he still can't say it, although I don't mind so much, since he shows it in so many other ways. I have said it to him and he is fine with me saying it, he just can't immediately do the same. At first it bugged me, but I am also a bit phobic of saying when I don't mean it, so I only recently said it, because I truly feel it. Everyone else also says he definitely feels it, including his best friend and his family, all with whom I get on with very well. While we don't live together, we have talked future. I am in the situation that you are leading to, although with one minor difference. My bf and I live about 1 1/2 hours from each other, but we have done that since the start. I don't know how I would feel about going from seeing him everyday (can't even imagine that since we've never had it), to seeing him only when we currently do. What I can tell you is that we are lucky in that he does come home every weekend and is thinking of moving back here this year. We seem to really enjoy our quality time together and it has made us feel more special to each other. we talk almost every day, except when one of us works really late and doesn't want to wake the other up when we get home (we both understand that is a part of our jobs). I trust him implicitly and I have found the distance really only matters if you make it matter. My only advice is that it might be hard at first, but to trust what you have and it will fall into place, I truly believe that. He may bring up the topic of you moving once he knows what is happening with the job officially. He may not want you to uproot your life before he is 100% sure of his plans. Once that is decided, I would bring it up if he hasn't...by then you might not be PMS'ing and be able to have a less emotional discussion. I'm not sure that helped, but I hope it did.
Rosie Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Well, 2.5 hours away... if you two move to somewhere in the middle, you can both drive about 1.5 hours to go both directions. You can live together but you don't have to find a job over there. 2.5 hours isn't that far away though. My boyfriend used to drive 2.5 hours to work every morning and every evening... and I'm driving about 1 hour to work every morning and every evening too. You can even just stay where you are, and on weekends the two of you can visit each other. You won't see each other as much, but it's not that far away if you want to see each other. Bf and I used to do that. The two of us will only speak at most 20 min evrery other day, but he'll drive over on weekends to see me. ... until he moved further away and now I don't know when I'll see him next but it's okay. ^_^ Don't stress... you'll be okay. ^^; Just casually mention it with your boyfriend and see what he thinks.
jdamselfly Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I had the same issue as Mugirl213 a few months ago. My bf and I were living together for about a year and I have a really good job here, that I know I will be secure in, then 3-4 months ago he got a job about 3 hours away, then he moved near his job. At the time of the moving, I was willing to give up my job and move in with him and find another job near his work, so that we could be together. Meanwhile he did not want me to give up my job and was being actually cold to me, he would come up near here every other weekend and drop off his kids at his ex's house, and not even come by to see me. He would say that we needed time apart to "grow" as individuals and we needed to concentrate on our jobs and stop calling him my Boyfriend... So I believed him, but I was really upset that he wouldn't even stop by to see me, he would drive 3 hours, drop off his kids and then drive 3 hours back home. Then he would tell me that he was meeting some really great "people" and that he was going out dancing with other women... and he wanted me to move on, yet he still called me when he was having problems with his ex, or money problems, babysitter problems... blah blah. So after I heard that he was going out with other women, I decided that I should move on and start dating other guys. I told him that I was seeing other people, because he wanted me to move on and he started getting sad and upset by it... BUT HE TOLD ME TO DO IT!!!! I don't understand it.. And now I am dating this really great man who is a lot older than me, but he is secure in his job, and emotionally secure.. which my bf was not. This man takes me out to very nice places and we have a really great time. He's met my kids and my kids really like him, (which they didn't like my bf at first). So anyway, I told my old bf that I was seeing this guy and now he realizes that he had a good thing with me and that I really loved him, but he only told me a couple of times that he did love me, but he wasn't sure if it was a "forever" thing. So he called last night and wants to try to win me back, he called this morning and was singing me a love song.. he wants to go out this weekend, but I haven't told the current guy that I am dating. I don't want to screw up something that might be and probably is good for me with this new guy. Can someone tell me if they have been through this and what I should do? I know I have a past with my ex bf, and I know what it's like with him, he's kind of wishy washy with me... hot and cold. But this new guy who I have been seeing for about 3 weeks is really nice and I would really like to know him better.... HELLPP!!!!!
MJTig Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by jdamselfly I told him that I was seeing other people, because he wanted me to move on and he started getting sad and upset by it... BUT HE TOLD ME TO DO IT!!!! I don't understand it.. ... I know I have a past with my ex bf, and I know what it's like with him, he's kind of wishy washy with me... hot and cold. But this new guy who I have been seeing for about 3 weeks is really nice and I would really like to know him better.... HELLPP!!!!! The reason he is sad and upset is because perhaps he now regrets how he treated you, and wants you back. OR... 9and the one I get a greater sense of being right) he wants to be able to move on and have fun and keep you around to fall back on for "problems", or to know you are pining after him. Either one. 2nd, just because you have a history does not mean you have a future. i have gotten stuck in that rut, too, and the best thing to do is move on and make "new" history. This other guys sounds great and you said you want to get to know him better.... Let the ex have his life and if he regrets leaving you behind, that's his problem. It may have set you free to find a better guy.
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