OrangeSnack Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks! You're story means a lot. Thanks for sharing with me! I just wish I could take it all back and act cooler. Colder. More aloof. Maybe then it would work. I think it's just the shock of it all that's thrown me. Can you please keep me posted on how things go with you and your girl please? I'd love to know how that turns out. You're welcome. That's why this forum is here for. I've been in your shoes before and I acted the same way when someone ditched me. But it's like riding a bike. After falling so many times, you realize the secrets of riding a bicycle. You've built that confidence from all the mistakes you've had in the past. Don't let that get to your mind. Time will heal itself. 6 months from now, you;ll probably laugh at yourself for being so drawn in. It's not a bad thing to possess. It just shows that you have a big heart and that you just want to be loved! Honestly, I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I don't think anything good will come out of the gal I've been dating. She's lost in her own world and I never really understood why people should be confused about their ex. I mean you broke up for a reason right? If she does contact me, well, I don't want to think about it right now... Haha.
Author Supes Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 You're welcome. That's why this forum is here for. I've been in your shoes before and I acted the same way when someone ditched me. But it's like riding a bike. After falling so many times, you realize the secrets of riding a bicycle. You've built that confidence from all the mistakes you've had in the past. Don't let that get to your mind. Time will heal itself. 6 months from now, you;ll probably laugh at yourself for being so drawn in. It's not a bad thing to possess. It just shows that you have a big heart and that you just want to be loved! Honestly, I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I don't think anything good will come out of the gal I've been dating. She's lost in her own world and I never really understood why people should be confused about their ex. I mean you broke up for a reason right? If she does contact me, well, I don't want to think about it right now... Haha. I know what you mean. It's going to be a whole new can of worms if these girls contact us again. I don't know if I'd openly take her back or get back at her in spite. I'm so confused over all of this. I found her number again (after deleting it from my phone earlier today) Should I go NC or just send a quick little text to get in touch and say that if things cool down we should try to meet up and talk again?
Armyguy123 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 No offense man, but ya just need to shake this one off. If you weren't even dating you'll be fine sooner than you know it. Give it a month tops and you won't even be thinking about this girl. I'd say 2 weeks if you only talked for 2 weeks. To put things in perspective some people on here still heartbroken way long before you even met this girl. Each case is different I know, I'm sure everyone here feels for ya, but just treat this as a learning experience to teach you that feelings of attraction are always different. When I feel bad about my heartbreak, I always think to myself that someone else has it way worse than me. Take care man. 2
OrangeSnack Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I know what you mean. It's going to be a whole new can of worms if these girls contact us again. I don't know if I'd openly take her back or get back at her in spite. I'm so confused over all of this. I found her number again (after deleting it from my phone earlier today) Should I go NC or just send a quick little text to get in touch and say that if things cool down we should try to meet up and talk again? Supes you gotta stay firm with your NC. Like army said, shake this one off and move on to the next one. 1
CC12 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I don't know if I'd openly take her back or get back at her in spite. Please keep some perspective here. You started talking to her online and only met her in person 10 days ago. You barely know each other. There is no "taking her back" because there was never a real relationship in the first place. And to even consider getting back at her out of spite is such an overreaction, it's honestly kind of alarming. You should not be "absolutely heartbroken" and fretting over whether you can win her back or not. You should not have invested so much into this person you barely know. She told you exactly what happened. It's not a confusing mystery. She said, "this is all too intense too fast." Now you can use that feedback to examine what you might have done to make her go cold.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 How would that make a difference? Surely that's not reason enough to make her end it? Are you serious? Women like to pleasure men -- if you don't get off, she might take it as an indicator that you don't find her attractive. Not saying that that's what happened, but generally women enjoy driving the men they are interested in to orgasm.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Should I go NC or just send a quick little text to get in touch and say that if things cool down we should try to meet up and talk again? This would be a very bad idea. She knows you are interested, if she's interested again she knows where to find you. DO NOT PUSH. 1
Author Supes Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Hey everyone! Me again. Here's a quick update and another call for help! I haven't contacted her since Monday, I've been feeling horribly miserable but this board is helping. Tonight is the night that we had arranged to go on our next date together before she had her change of mind about not wanting a relationship. The plan was for me to meet her after work at 9.30 tonight, catch a movie, grab a late bite and hang out for the night. I'm feeling pretty low right now and I can't help thinking that we should be out together this evening. I really want to send her a text. Something maybe just to let her know I'm thinking of her. That I want her to reconsider. That I miss her. What should I do? Would it be advisable just to send her a text saying something like "Hey, how's it going. Belated Happy New Year. Look, a few days have gone by and I was wondering if you wanted to talk. I'm sorry if it was a bit much. We could take things slow if you want, if not then no worries. I just wanted to let you know where I stand now that the air has cleared." What do you think?
Mondmellonw Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hey everyone! Me again. Here's a quick update and another call for help! I haven't contacted her since Monday, I've been feeling horribly miserable but this board is helping. Tonight is the night that we had arranged to go on our next date together before she had her change of mind about not wanting a relationship. The plan was for me to meet her after work at 9.30 tonight, catch a movie, grab a late bite and hang out for the night. I'm feeling pretty low right now and I can't help thinking that we should be out together this evening. I really want to send her a text. Something maybe just to let her know I'm thinking of her. That I want her to reconsider. That I miss her. What should I do? Would it be advisable just to send her a text saying something like "Hey, how's it going. Belated Happy New Year. Look, a few days have gone by and I was wondering if you wanted to talk. I'm sorry if it was a bit much. We could take things slow if you want, if not then no worries. I just wanted to let you know where I stand now that the air has cleared." What do you think? If she hasn't contacted you, sorry, but no. She is the one who has to reach out now, if she wants. That would make you look desperate.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hey everyone! Me again. Here's a quick update and another call for help! I haven't contacted her since Monday, I've been feeling horribly miserable but this board is helping. Tonight is the night that we had arranged to go on our next date together before she had her change of mind about not wanting a relationship. The plan was for me to meet her after work at 9.30 tonight, catch a movie, grab a late bite and hang out for the night. I'm feeling pretty low right now and I can't help thinking that we should be out together this evening. I really want to send her a text. Something maybe just to let her know I'm thinking of her. That I want her to reconsider. That I miss her. What should I do? Would it be advisable just to send her a text saying something like "Hey, how's it going. Belated Happy New Year. Look, a few days have gone by and I was wondering if you wanted to talk. I'm sorry if it was a bit much. We could take things slow if you want, if not then no worries. I just wanted to let you know where I stand now that the air has cleared." What do you think? Like every other idea you've had for contact, it's an awful one. It's up to her to contact you if she chooses to. If she doesn't, then that's that. Stop pushing -- you'll make her not wanting to be with you turn from a probability to a certainty. The girl told you you were moving too fast. The absolute worst way to react to that is pressuring her for contact. I mean, c'mon dude. 2
Author Supes Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Cheers for the advice. I appreciate that! It's been 4 days now almost to the minute, still no contact from her, (or from me to her). Fingers crossed she'll get in touch soon.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Cheers for the advice. I appreciate that! It's been 4 days now almost to the minute, still no contact from her, (or from me to her). Fingers crossed she'll get in touch soon. I would act as if she won't. Because likely she won't. Don't mean to piss in your cereal, but holding out hope is just going to keep you set back. Act if she isn't, and then call an audible if she doesn't. But no waiting around; she's not waiting for you. 1
Author Supes Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 UPDATE Last Saturday I went against the advice I was given here and broke NC. I sent her a quick text asking if she was free to meet for a coffee during the week. That was it. No reply. On Sunday I sent another text simply saying that it would be nice to remain friends. Again, I heard nothing. Now it's been a week straight of NC. My feelings for her are definitely dying. I can't get my head around how cold she is that she can't remain friendly over this. Neither one of us did anything wrong. The whole 'relationship' thing popped into her head over night, I'm certain that one of her friends must have been whispering in her ear. Her friends were really enjoying the single life, they must not have wanted her to be dating me. That being said, I would have hopped that this girl was mature enough to at least show me some respect, but after this I can safely say that I no longer want any association with her. I'm ready to move on. Thanks for all the advice and help you have given me on this site. I really appreciate it. Onwards and upwards!
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 UPDATE Last Saturday I went against the advice I was given here and broke NC. I sent her a quick text asking if she was free to meet for a coffee during the week. That was it. No reply. On Sunday I sent another text simply saying that it would be nice to remain friends. Again, I heard nothing. Now it's been a week straight of NC. My feelings for her are definitely dying. I can't get my head around how cold she is that she can't remain friendly over this. Neither one of us did anything wrong. The whole 'relationship' thing popped into her head over night, I'm certain that one of her friends must have been whispering in her ear. Her friends were really enjoying the single life, they must not have wanted her to be dating me. That being said, I would have hopped that this girl was mature enough to at least show me some respect, but after this I can safely say that I no longer want any association with her. I'm ready to move on. Thanks for all the advice and help you have given me on this site. I really appreciate it. Onwards and upwards! She's not responding to you because she realizes you have hopes for something she has no interest or ability to give you. Be real, you don't want to be her friend -- you were going to try to pretend to be "friends" so you could pursue a romantic relationship. She's actually being respectful by not sending you mixed signals and not using your desire for a relationship against you to get things from you. Hopefully this is it from you. You went on a few dates, it didn't work out. No big deal, time to move on. 2
Haydn Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Agree, shes making it very clear. Live your life now. Do not depend on her calling or texting and if she does, ignore. She's not responding to you because she realizes you have hopes for something she has no interest or ability to give you. Be real, you don't want to be her friend -- you were going to try to pretend to be "friends" so you could pursue a romantic relationship. She's actually being respectful by not sending you mixed signals and not using your desire for a relationship against you to get things from you. Hopefully this is it from you. You went on a few dates, it didn't work out. No big deal, time to move on.
chalanting Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Sounds like it was a case of Limerance. It's a mental state... chemicals... I fall hard and I fall fast. I've realized that it's terrifying for a lot of people. However, every single time, I've seen later that they weren't the person I had made them out to be in my mind. We fill in the blanks, we are so good at it and it's so fast we don't even notice it. Glad to hear you're getting over it! If you can, try to take something from it and learn more about yourself. Oh, one more thing, you sounded like you were beating yourself up a lot - STOP THAT. No one is going to be nicer to you than you are to yourself. Remember: "ALL feelings are ok; not all behaviors are ok".
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