I cant make sense of what just happened

[Supes]

Hi,

I'm new to this. I'm absolutely heartbroken at the moment. A girl I've been seeing for just over a week now has broken up with me.

I know it sounds crazy, we were only together 10 days but she made a huge impression!

 

We met online, and met for a drink last Saturday. I was pretty busy trying to find time to meet up with different friends who were home for the holidays and so I thought I could meet her from 4-6 for some drinks and just to get to know each other. It was our first time meeting and we really hit it off! We ended up hanging out until 12.30 that night. I had a load of missed calls from my friends and didn't join them until after midnight after she got a taxi home.

 

She text me while she was in the taxi saying she had a great time. We continued texting each other throughout the next day. I had never had this kind of a connection with a girl before. It was great. There were no games, it was just pure chemistry!

 

Monday was Christmas Eve, Eve and we were still texting and talking to one another. On Christmas Eve however I didn't get in touch, I was far too busy, she didn't get in touch either though.

 

We were texting again on Christmas Day and then on the 26th I asked if she wanted to go on a second date with me on the 27th. She said yes and I was overjoyed!

 

We went out on Friday as planned, dinner, ice skating and then after making out for quiet a bit she came back to my place and we spent the night together. While in bed together we made plans to meet after New Years for our third date.

 

She also said that she prefered phone calls to texts, I kept this in mind.

 

She left my place on Sat morning (28th) and I didn't contact her for the rest of the day as I thought I'd give her a bit of space.

 

Yesterday (Sun the 29th) I tried calling her but she didn't answer. I sent a quick text hoping she was having a good day and that she should call me later if she gets the chance. She replied saying she was busy and she'd talk to me tomorrow.

 

Then today came, no word from her so I sent a brief little message asking how she was doing and if she was still up for our third date on Thurs. She replied 2 hours later saying that this is all too intense too fast, she doesn't want a relationship and we shouldn't see each other anymore.

 

This came as a total shock to me. I tried calling her once but she didn't answer. I sent a text apologising if it's all a bit too much but that I do like her and although I'm not gunning for a relationship I do think that we have something special.

 

What happened? Why did she turn so cold? It's not intense to call a girl a day after you sleep with her is it? It's not unreasonable to text her a few days before your next date? Where did I go wrong? Can I win her back? It has all been super fast but I don't know what I should do.

 

Please help!

[Eau Claire]

She said she didn't want to see you anymore...period.

 

What answer do you want? There could be a hundred. None if which you could confirm or dismiss. I don't see the sense in listing a hundred 'maybes'.

 

Time to move on.

[Mondmellonw]

Seems to me like there was no break up, cause you didn't even had a relationship.

She felt the pressure, she was only there to have some fun. You too, right?

[Zahara]

What happened? Why did she turn so cold? It's not intense to call a girl a day after you sleep with her is it? It's not unreasonable to text her a few days before your next date? Where did I go wrong? Can I win her back? It has all been super fast but I don't know what I should do.

 

Please help!

 

It could be that she wasn't really feeling the same way you were feeling. While you saw an amazing connection, she may not have felt that way.

 

No, it's not intense to call a girl a day after you sleep with her. It's not unreasonable to text her a few days before your next date.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. No, you cannot win her back. You weren't even in a relationship with her. You have to let it go.

[Supes]

Seems to me like there was no break up, cause you didn't even had a relationship.

She felt the pressure, she was only there to have some fun. You too, right?

 

Cheers for getting back to me.

Initially I was meeting up just to have fun but I never thought we'd hit it off as quick and as well as we did. It quickly blossomed and I really feel strongly about her.

I've been in relationships where both parties are just there for fun but there was more to this than that.

[legion113]

Cheers for getting back to me.

Initially I was meeting up just to have fun but I never thought we'd hit it off as quick and as well as we did. It quickly blossomed and I really feel strongly about her.

I've been in relationships where both parties are just there for fun but there was more to this than that.

 

 

Hmm, the only thing that sticks out to me is that you had sex and then she didn't want you anymore. Was it a bad experience?

[Supes]

Hmm, the only thing that sticks out to me is that you had sex and then she didn't want you anymore. Was it a bad experience?

 

She enjoyed it more than me. I didn't climax but she did 4 times, which adds to my frustration about all of this.

[Simon Phoenix]

Seems like you shot your wad too quickly, no pun intended. Your first date was too long (though that's not a dealbreaker), there was too much communication immediately afterward, the second date was too intense, there was too much communication after it. I think it's better in the early stages of a relationship to go slow on the communication and let the date experience marinate. Trying to "strike while the iron is hot" can put too much pressure too soon.

 

Not really anything you can do about this because there wasn't enough of a bond formed. Just move forward.

[Simon Phoenix]

She enjoyed it more than me. I didn't climax but she did 4 times, which adds to my frustration about all of this.

 

If she's aware of this, this isn't a good thing.

[Mondmellonw]

Seems like you shot your wad too quickly, no pun intended. Your first date was too long (though that's not a dealbreaker), there was too much communication immediately afterward, the second date was too intense, there was too much communication after it. I think it's better in the early stages of a relationship to go slow on the communication and let the date experience marinate. Trying to "strike while the iron is hot" can put too much pressure too soon.

 

Not really anything you can do about this because there wasn't enough of a bond formed. Just move forward.

I agree with the advice Simon gave you.

Maybe if you keep pushing she'll be just more and more away.

Also, it sounds like you had a crush just too soon.

When this happens it's always unexpected, but do you really know her?

[Supes]

Seems like you shot your wad too quickly, no pun intended. Your first date was too long (though that's not a dealbreaker), there was too much communication immediately afterward, the second date was too intense, there was too much communication after it. I think it's better in the early stages of a relationship to go slow on the communication and let the date experience marinate. Trying to "strike while the iron is hot" can put too much pressure too soon.

 

Not really anything you can do about this because there wasn't enough of a bond formed. Just move forward.

 

The thing is though that it was mutual all the time up until now. It's not as if I kept harrassing her with messages everyday, it was always a mutual thing.

 

I'm really holding out hope here for someone to say that there's still a chance we can fix this... :/

[Supes]

I agree with the advice Simon gave you.

Maybe if you keep pushing she'll be just more and more away.

Also, it sounds like you had a crush just too soon.

When this happens it's always unexpected, but do you really know her?

 

I don't know her as well as I thought I did after her message today.

I haven't contacted her since and I won't.

Do you think there's a chance she will get back in touch with me after a few days?

Was a rebound perhaps? Is she doing this just to protect herself?

[Simon Phoenix]

The thing is though that it was mutual all the time up until now. It's not as if I kept harrassing her with messages everyday, it was always a mutual thing.

 

I'm really holding out hope here for someone to say that there's still a chance we can fix this... :/

 

Doesn't matter. Just because she was responding doesn't mean that the fact that you were too available wasn't a potential negative. You don't need to ignore them if they initiate, but send back a handful of texts and then bounce. Women like men that have stuff going on.

 

There's nothing to fix. If she wants to see you again, she'll let you know. If not, you pushing her isn't going to make it happen. It'll just drive her away further.

[Mondmellonw]

I don't know her as well as I thought I did after her message today.

I haven't contacted her since and I won't.

Do you think there's a chance she will get back in touch with me after a few days?

Was a rebound perhaps? Is she doing this just to protect herself?

A rebound why?

Is she recently out from a relationship, or are you?

I guess it might be a LITTLE chance. Just stop sending mssgs to her and wait.

If nothing happens then there's her response.

[Supes]

A rebound why?

Is she recently out from a relationship, or are you?

I guess it might be a LITTLE chance. Just stop sending mssgs to her and wait.

If nothing happens then there's her response.

 

She was in a relationship up until October. I don't know how long it lasted though. Maybe she enjoyed what we had but then realised that she doesn't want to jump into a relationship because of that as opposed to me?

 

I don't know. Sorry, I'm rambling. My head is a mess at the minute, my mind is doing 90! I'm just trying to understand it from her point of view.

 

I waited a day after our last time together to contact her, it's not as if I'm constantly contacting her.

 

God! I wish today never happened!

[Mondmellonw]

She was in a relationship up until October. I don't know how long it lasted though. Maybe she enjoyed what we had but then realised that she doesn't want to jump into a relationship because of that as opposed to me?

 

I don't know. Sorry, I'm rambling. My head is a mess at the minute, my mind is doing 90! I'm just trying to understand it from her point of view.

 

I waited a day after our last time together to contact her, it's not as if I'm constantly contacting her.

 

God! I wish today never happened!

She had fun, so you did. But you kinda feel more attracted now, and confused.

Truth is, she has been honest with you.

She must feel like: "Dude, this is fast".

Girls like that like freedom, and like to take it slowly.

Uumh. Have you ever seen "500 days of Summer"?

Haha, well, just as an example. Don't push her if she doesn't wants something serious. You'll end up lying to yourself and hurt.

Just wait for now.

[Supes]

She had fun, so you did. But you kinda feel more attracted now, and confused.

Truth is, she has been honest with you.

She must feel like: "Dude, this is fast".

Girls like that like freedom, and like to take it slowly.

Uumh. Have you ever seen "500 days of Summer"?

Haha, well, just as an example. Don't push her if she doesn't wants something serious. You'll end up lying to yourself and hurt.

Just wait for now.

 

Thanks

I'm just upset and disappointing that instead of saying "Hey, this has all been pretty fast, can we take it slow?" she said "I don't thing we should see each other anymore. It got intense way too fast and I'm not looking for anything remotely resembling commitment at the minute. Best of luck with everything."

 

Why the sudden "piss off, we're done!" message from her? I can't get my head around that.

[Mondmellonw]

Thanks

I'm just upset and disappointing that instead of saying "Hey, this has all been pretty fast, can we take it slow?" she said "I don't thing we should see each other anymore. It got intense way too fast and I'm not looking for anything remotely resembling commitment at the minute. Best of luck with everything."

 

Why the sudden "piss off, we're done!" message from her? I can't get my head around that.

You need to understand that "we're done" doesn't exist cause you weren't even on a relationship.

How old are you? How old is she?

Again, my suggestion is: Leave it like this, wait and see what happens. If nothing happens, meet more girls and try to take it slowly.

[Supes]

You need to understand that "we're done" doesn't exist cause you weren't even on a relationship.

How old are you? How old is she?

Again, my suggestion is: Leave it like this, wait and see what happens. If nothing happens, meet more girls and try to take it slowly.

 

I'm 26, she's 25.

[Mondmellonw]

I'm 26, she's 25.

Be patient. If anything happens post it here, we can help.

I think it will be hard for her to change her mind... But keep the silence, it's your only good choice for now if you still want a little hope on this.

[Supes]

Be patient. If anything happens post it here, we can help.

I think it will be hard for her to change her mind... But keep the silence, it's your only good choice for now if you still want a little hope on this.

 

Thank you

[Mondmellonw]

You're welcome.

Also, if you can help me with this... Thanks.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/451830-ex-lied-me-i-feel-need-confront-him

[Supes]

If she's aware of this, this isn't a good thing.

 

How would that make a difference? Surely that's not reason enough to make her end it?

[OrangeSnack]

Hi Supes. I just read your story. Let me share with you my experiences.

 

It sounded like you two had great chemistry. I don't doubt a second that if you were to get in a relationship with this girl you guys would be very happy. HOWEVER, she had second thoughts. A lot of women I've dated (even the older ones) will tell you one thing and then do the opposite. It sounded like your date liked you but suddenly she turned cold and told you blatantly to go away. You're going to get that once in awhile, heck there are even women that will literally disappear on you overnight.

 

One thing you have to realize that it is NOT your fault. This has nothing to do with you or what you did. Stop feeling so upset about it. Learn to move on. Don't even contact her ever again because you're just wasting your time.

 

Recently I was seeing a girl for a month. Things were going extremely well. We've been on two dates and during Christmas, I got her a small Christmas gift. We had planned for something that coming friday and everything was confirmed before friday. Friday rolled around and she cancelled last minute. She said she felt sick. I called her and she confessed and told me that recently someone from the past had re-entered her life. She expressed how emotionally draining and confused she was. I just sat there and listened for the next 10-15 minutes. Once she told me everything I told her what I had to say. I told her that: "You're a special person. I think we have gone this far for a reason and that my interest level is still there. I told her that it was not my business to pry on what's going on but whatever she needs to do she can take as long as she wants. Finally I told her that when she is done sorting things out she can give me a call and we can decide what to do from there." We said our goodbyes and I deleted her contact info. Since Friday, I've been in NC mode. Does it upset me? Sure because I would have treated her so well. I would have cared so much for her but you know what, sometimes it isn't meant to be. I've learned so much from my past that things like your situation will happen time to time. There are people out there that are confused about relationships. It could be a social influence, a mental influence, or other traumatic event that had happened to them. We can all assume and try to guess what's going on in their minds but we will never be able to figure it out. No matter how much you're going to fight for her, every push you give is every push she's pushing you away.

 

My suggestion is calm down, relax, enjoy yourself and move on. She told you what she wanted and you have to respect that. DONT contact her again. I know you will have that itch, heck sometimes I have that itch as well, but don't do it. Go out and date other girls. Rebuild that confidence level and start loving yourself before others can love you.

[Supes]

Hi Supes. I just read your story. Let me share with you my experiences.

 

It sounded like you two had great chemistry. I don't doubt a second that if you were to get in a relationship with this girl you guys would be very happy. HOWEVER, she had second thoughts. A lot of women I've dated (even the older ones) will tell you one thing and then do the opposite. It sounded like your date liked you but suddenly she turned cold and told you blatantly to go away. You're going to get that once in awhile, heck there are even women that will literally disappear on you overnight.

 

One thing you have to realize that it is NOT your fault. This has nothing to do with you or what you did. Stop feeling so upset about it. Learn to move on. Don't even contact her ever again because you're just wasting your time.

 

Recently I was seeing a girl for a month. Things were going extremely well. We've been on two dates and during Christmas, I got her a small Christmas gift. We had planned for something that coming friday and everything was confirmed before friday. Friday rolled around and she cancelled last minute. She said she felt sick. I called her and she confessed and told me that recently someone from the past had re-entered her life. She expressed how emotionally draining and confused she was. I just sat there and listened for the next 10-15 minutes. Once she told me everything I told her what I had to say. I told her that: "You're a special person. I think we have gone this far for a reason and that my interest level is still there. I told her that it was not my business to pry on what's going on but whatever she needs to do she can take as long as she wants. Finally I told her that when she is done sorting things out she can give me a call and we can decide what to do from there." We said our goodbyes and I deleted her contact info. Since Friday, I've been in NC mode. Does it upset me? Sure because I would have treated her so well. I would have cared so much for her but you know what, sometimes it isn't meant to be. I've learned so much from my past that things like your situation will happen time to time. There are people out there that are confused about relationships. It could be a social influence, a mental influence, or other traumatic event that had happened to them. We can all assume and try to guess what's going on in their minds but we will never be able to figure it out. No matter how much you're going to fight for her, every push you give is every push she's pushing you away.

 

My suggestion is calm down, relax, enjoy yourself and move on. She told you what she wanted and you have to respect that. DONT contact her again. I know you will have that itch, heck sometimes I have that itch as well, but don't do it. Go out and date other girls. Rebuild that confidence level and start loving yourself before others can love you.

 

Thanks!

You're story means a lot. Thanks for sharing with me!

 

I just wish I could take it all back and act cooler. Colder. More aloof. Maybe then it would work. I think it's just the shock of it all that's thrown me.

 

Can you please keep me posted on how things go with you and your girl please? I'd love to know how that turns out.