cooldude88 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Hi, I had 2 dates with this girl, and at the end of the last date she told me she wanted to see me again. I then got a text from her saying that she had a good time and suggested we go out to a particular place for the 3rd date. I texted back and said me too, and the next day texted her and asked if she'd like to go out over the weekend. I got no response. She has always responded in the past. I thought maybe she was just extra-busy during the holiday, so I waited until the next day and sent another text. Still no response. I follow the 2 strikes rule so I figured that she's no longer interested, but I decided to give her one final chance to respond. So I picked up the phone and called a few days later. Usually when I call she either answers immediately, or it rings a couple of times and then goes to her voicemail. Well this time it just went to voicemail directly. I thought maybe she blocked me, so I tried another number (one that I never used to call her before), and it did the same thing. That's when I started to worry about her. Girls are on their phones 24/7, and most people would get a new phone immediately if something happened to the old one. And most people prefer to keep their old number. So I became pretty concerned. It's been a whole week now since I've heard from her, and this is from somebody who has always responded promptly in the past, and said twice she wanted to go out again. We don't have any mutual friends I can contact and ask about her, and I don't have her email or FB. So I decided to just throw caution to the wind and go over to her house and make sure she is physically okay. I knocked on the door and got no response, and the next door neighbor was not home. So I just left a pre-written note asking her if she was okay, and left my email and an alternate number. Now I'm starting to feel that maybe I shouldn't have done that, and that she would totally be creeped out by this. Really, I am totally fine if she made the decision to no longer see me. I like her but if the feeling is not mutual then I won't pursue. But I'm not fine if something happened to her and her well being. That's way more important. But now I'm thinking that, assuming she IS okay, she won't even bother responding cause its sort of a weird move on my part, leaving a note on her door after seeing her only twice in person. Would you guys have done the same thing ???
pteromom Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 If you had been to her house before, to pick her up or whatever, I wouldn't find it creepy. If you looked up her address online and went there, then that's creepy/stalkerish. But it is odd that she texted YOU saying she wanted to go out to a certain place with you, then just ignored your attempts to make it happen. So in your shoes, I'd be pretty confused too! 4
winny Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 People do all sort of weird things n leave u wondering n obsessing about what went wrong. Guy I was seeing disappeared in middle of planning a date. Till now I don't know why. All seemed good so I have nothing to do other than letting it go So u don't do anything.. Just let it go... I wouldn't keep much hope though ...
Cinnimon Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I don't think it was that creepy, maybe just a little. BUT she could have avoided this by saying, I'm sorry I'm not interested, please do not contact me. So fair is fair. I say if the motives behind your concern were as you stated then I see nothing wrong with it. 1
winny Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I don't think it was that creepy, maybe just a little. BUT she could have avoided this by saying, I'm sorry I'm not interested, please do not contact me. So fair is fair. I say if the motives behind your concern were as you stated then I see nothing wrong with it. Yes, don't blame yourself else it will be so difficult to let go. She herself is creepy enough to leave you hanging like this. Yours was reaction to her action. Do u want to date such a gal who disappears on u and doesn't say anything .. If she ever comes back? So don't think whether u r creepy or not... Know that she is not good enough a person to date...
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It's a little over the top for having known her for so short of a period of time but I don't think it crosses into creepy. You can't do anything else at this point. You have to back off. You have tried text, calling & showing up. The ball is firmly in her court. If she doesn't toss something back your way soon, you know conclusively she no longer wants to play. Sorry.
Gottabestrong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 What you did was not creepy, you were just concerned. I would never just disappear on someone and ignore their messages, so I can't 100% put myself into the shoes of someone who does that, but if I did, I assume I would feel guilty and uncomfortable if I found your note, but could not blame you, because my behavior and my words clearly showed that I was interested in you and wanted to see you again. I would think it was very sweet and caring of you to do that for me. Don't feel bad about going to her place and leaving the note, but let it be now. If she wants to get in touch, she knows how to reach you. (I assume you left your number on the note in case she lost it.)
GemmaUK Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Waaay over the top for two dates in! You went to her house, no answer..the neighbour wasn't available either? Way over the top. Concern I understand but she isn't your responsibility...far from it at 2 dates in. It would creep me out. 6
mishy Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 well she hasnt said anything to you so she hasnt really given you much choice. If she was giving you teh silent treatment then she has to understand that it is not a proper form of communication, so ofcourse you will want to know what is going on. So dont sweat it, you dont know whats haoppened to her, she hasnt told you she is no longer interested so you cant be blamed for going to her house. Silent treatment is my pet hate.
OrangeSnack Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I'm assuming you picked her up on your dates? If so, then I don't think it's creepy. And you know what, good for you being concerned about someone like that. It means you really care about her but I suggest you to be patient and wait it out. Don't do any more. You've pretty much exhausted all your resources so just be patient and wait. If you start doing more then she will get creeped out and start pushing you away. Update us if you got any news.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Here is how I see it. Its likely she just doesn't want to talk to you and is avoiding you. Like you said that's whatever and you can't make it worse at that point unless you do something so weird she calls the cops. Its unlikely but still a possibility that something did happen to her and she either finds this and thinks its sweet you care about her.
Author cooldude88 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys. Turned out she lost her phone and since all her contacts were saved on it she also lost her only way of communicating with me. So she called me back from her new phone and everything is good Yes I did pick her up from her house so I have legitimate knowledge of her address 7
Onethirtyeight Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys. Turned out she lost her phone and since all her contacts were saved on it she also lost her only way of communicating with me. So she called me back from her new phone and everything is good Yes I did pick her up from her house so I have legitimate knowledge of her address Glad it worked out for you
deathandtaxes Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 You bely your username, OP. Don't get all crazy like this after TWO dates. Glad it sorta worked out in the end. But imo you overreacted big time. 1
BrandonMarshall Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Hi, I had 2 dates with this girl, and at the end of the last date she told me she wanted to see me again. I then got a text from her saying that she had a good time and suggested we go out to a particular place for the 3rd date. I texted back and said me too, and the next day texted her and asked if she'd like to go out over the weekend. I got no response. She has always responded in the past. I thought maybe she was just extra-busy during the holiday, so I waited until the next day and sent another text. Still no response. I follow the 2 strikes rule so I figured that she's no longer interested, but I decided to give her one final chance to respond. So I picked up the phone and called a few days later. Usually when I call she either answers immediately, or it rings a couple of times and then goes to her voicemail. Well this time it just went to voicemail directly. I thought maybe she blocked me, so I tried another number (one that I never used to call her before), and it did the same thing. That's when I started to worry about her. Girls are on their phones 24/7, and most people would get a new phone immediately if something happened to the old one. And most people prefer to keep their old number. So I became pretty concerned. It's been a whole week now since I've heard from her, and this is from somebody who has always responded promptly in the past, and said twice she wanted to go out again. We don't have any mutual friends I can contact and ask about her, and I don't have her email or FB. So I decided to just throw caution to the wind and go over to her house and make sure she is physically okay. I knocked on the door and got no response, and the next door neighbor was not home. So I just left a pre-written note asking her if she was okay, and left my email and an alternate number. Now I'm starting to feel that maybe I shouldn't have done that, and that she would totally be creeped out by this. Really, I am totally fine if she made the decision to no longer see me. I like her but if the feeling is not mutual then I won't pursue. But I'm not fine if something happened to her and her well being. That's way more important. But now I'm thinking that, assuming she IS okay, she won't even bother responding cause its sort of a weird move on my part, leaving a note on her door after seeing her only twice in person. Would you guys have done the same thing ??? No... definitely weird. you took it too far.
mishy Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 i know that you eventually got in contact with her, and thats great i wonder though, has your interest increased in her as a result of this little drama? You thought maybe she wasnt interested and that made you chase her, so are you now more interested.? Its actually quite a good strategy to "lose your phone". If it wasnt actually genuine (which it sounds like it is) i would say its genius. 1
deathandtaxes Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 i know that you eventually got in contact with her, and thats great i wonder though, has your interest increased in her as a result of this little drama? You thought maybe she wasnt interested and that made you chase her, so are you now more interested.? Its actually quite a good strategy to "lose your phone". If it wasnt actually genuine (which it sounds like it is) i would say its genius. Effin genius!! I agree, mishy. I need to hold that excuse in reserve. I will reiterate what I said earlier. Out of line. Two dates doesn't mean ****. I would be effin livid if some chick showed up at my place if after two dates I hadn't responded to a text or anything. Can't she get the hint? Maybe I just didn't want to text for a few days? Maybe I'm a bit busy? And god forbid, what if I had a lady over? OP - what would you have done if a GUY answered the door??? You should have used this as an exercise in being cool and just not giving a **** about things. 3
winny Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys. Turned out she lost her phone and since all her contacts were saved on it she also lost her only way of communicating with me. So she called me back from her new phone and everything is good Yes I did pick her up from her house so I have legitimate knowledge of her address I don't know why but recently just too many people are losing their phones or having technical problems with them... How did she get back your number if the original phone is lost?
ChatroomHero Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I don't know why but recently just too many people are losing their phones or having technical problems with them... How did she get back your number if the original phone is lost? I believe he said he left a note with his number and email. Instead of going over someone's house I think I would have left a message with my phone number. They can always easily get vm if their phone is lost. I have found in the past when someone I was seeing lost a phone with my number, they were able to find me via facebook or looking for my number on a detailed phone bill which is easy to get, so I usually question the "lost phone" thing if they don't find a way to get a hold of me in a reasonable time frame.
runningfar Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Not over the top with her expressed interest and nothing and you not having email... Sounds like she appreciated a way to get your number again!!!
theothersully Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Glad she is ok and it worked out. BUT... any woman that is that much of an @sshole to just bail at that point without any explanation deserves a house visit, etc... just to make her feel uncomfortable. That is such BS to just bail without a conversation. So to anyone that thinks it's "creepy" it's nowhere near as creepy as being a complete jerk and leaving someone hanging. Just tell people the truth if/when you are done. 1
Pretty.in.Pink Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 How did she get back your number if the original phone is lost? Automatic backups, maybe. When I get a new phone, my phone company automatically downloads all my contacts to my new phone because of this feature. OP, I had something very similar happen to me where I lost my phone for two days, and my boyfriend who I'd recently started dating didn't know what to think. Glad it worked out for you.
Pretty.in.Pink Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Glad she is ok and it worked out. BUT... any woman that is that much of an @sshole to just bail at that point without any explanation deserves a house visit, etc... just to make her feel uncomfortable. That is such BS to just bail without a conversation. So to anyone that thinks it's "creepy" it's nowhere near as creepy as being a complete jerk and leaving someone hanging. Just tell people the truth if/when you are done. Tell that to the police when you get arrested for trespassing, harassment, and stalking. Where I live, the police take this behavior seriously. Be an adult. Just because someone behaves in a manner that you consider childish, doesn't mean you have to as well. Disappearing after a random date with some psycho dude won't get you a record. Stalking and harassment of someone at her home just might. Try explaining away that restraining order when you go looking for your next job. Accept that the person wasn't into you and move on. Harassing someone who respects you so little that she can't even be bothered to alert you to things ending just turns you into a fool. You weren't even a blip on her radar, and now you're having a conniption because she means so much to you that you refuse to accept that she won't see you again. Let it go.
Gottabestrong Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Be an adult. Just because someone behaves in a manner that you consider childish, doesn't mean you have to as well. Disappearing after a random date with some psycho dude won't get you a record. Stalking and harassment of someone at her home just might. Try explaining away that restraining order when you go looking for your next job. Huh? How is leaving a note at someone's house - someone you have been on a few dates with - considered stalking and harassment? I really hate that nowadays we are always expected to believe that someone is ignoring us on purpose if we don't hear from them anymore, even if everything up until that point told us they were interested. By their actions and words! Is there a point at which I am allowed to believe into what someone is saying and doing? How are you supposed to build relationships with people when you have to assume that they are lying to you unless proven otherwise? Is there a law that says for the first 3 months I am not allowed to believe anything a person says and if I do I am the idiot? Maybe I am naive, but I don't roll that way. Sure, if you have one date and the person seemed nice and friendly, but not totally into you and than never contacts you again or does not reply to your message, that is a clear sign that they are not interested. BUT if I have been dating someone for a few weeks, they contact me daily, tell me they really like me, make plans for the future, say they are looking forward to seeing me again soon, etc. but then one day I don't hear from them, am I crazy for not immediately thinking that they lost interest? Am I considered stupid for thinking they might have lost their phone, not received my reply, maybe had an accident, etc.? I don't think I am and I am going to continue giving people the benefit of the doubt. If that makes me a sucker or idiot, so be it.
mishy Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 i am definitely going to employ the strategy of "Losing my phone" *cough* in order to increase a guys interest in me in the future...
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