Complexus Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) Well lemme fill you all in as best that I can. The last 7 years I dated a girl, and to be honest in saying things were not always at their best. We seemed to argue over stupid little things all the time, things so insignificant I cant even remember just 1 of them. However We also shared many great moments, we really did have some happy times. As well as a lot of first/one time things we could only share together. Such as her meeting her real parents for the first time, which I had helped her track down. And many other things that I feel I could go on forever about, we even got engaged about 2 years ago, but tentions between her and my parents as well as our own spats, caused things to go down hill. Another thing I want to add is that we met long distance and a lot of time we were apart. I had tried to work on living together, 1 time actually happened. But I feel I was always too cautious in about what we could afford or what I thought we be the best for us. I always tried to pick the option that wouldn't add anymore stress to the relationship. So fast forward to this thanksgiving, I went down their and she seemed to be ignoring me a lot spending a lot of time in her room and telling me she was studying for finals. Well during that time we slept together twice, and the last night I was their I had grown frustrated with her and feeling like I was being ignored, I mean who studies for 9 hours a day. That's when she told me she was losing interests and I lost it saying how could u sleep with someone u were losing interests in. We broke up December 1st, exactly 1 day before our 7 year anniversary. 1 week after I spoke to her again where she told me she had a new friend, or well not really a friend she didn't know him that well. So I believe he was in the picture before we split. And it has been slowly destroying me inside, Im pretty sure I have a stomach ulcer over it all. I have been praying every night that she could forget the petty things and find us" in her heart again. Sooooo today at noon I checkd my email to see that she wrote to me, saying that she hoped I had a good holiday, and that she had been thinking about us and misses our friendship. She goes on to say that she knows I probably don't want just to be friends, and that would be correct I want what we had back. But that she would rather have me in her life as a friend then not at all. I ask all of you here on the forums where I originally got the advice to go "nc". What should I do, this girl is the love of my life. I can barely make it through the day withour her. but I cant just be her friend, what do I do? Please help me Edited December 30, 2013 by Complexus
headinthecloud Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 You cannot be friends with her, not until you feel indifference when she's dating other people. I'm sorry to say but there's a low likelihood/chance of getting her back. Rarely do people reconnect after a BU, let alone forge a stronger lasting bond than that prior to the original BU. It can happen, but rarely. I would be honest with her and tell her that friendship is not an option right now. Then go NC and start to heal. If she really wants you back then she'll stop at nothing to be back in your life. Read Barky's thread on the broken hearted (see link in my signature), it helped me to face reality when my heart couldn't.
justwonderingabout Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Listen...I'm going through a bad break up right now too ( see my post about Red Flags ). The one thing I do know about my break up, and you should know about yours....do not be friends. You're a good person and they treat you bad. Why would you want to give them the best of you ? They don't deserve it. The more I think about my break-up and the way she used me, there's no way I would stay friends. That's not what friends do. Look at your real friends...would they treat you that way? No, they wouldn't. I know it hurts bad. I'm still hurting too, and will for some time. But my friends...my real friends....have been great. And friends aside, know that you're a good person and you deserve better. I can finally see that my ex was a user and self-centered, and I know I can find someone better than that. So can you. For now, be good to yourself and stay strong. Come on...you can do this ! 1
Author Complexus Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I wanted to thank you guys on the advice so far, and provide you with a little update. She called me last night after taking ( headintheclouds) advice i decided i would be honest. it was a short convo and i told her friendship doesnt work, she seemed to get really quiet and even tried changing the subject to sports. So i reasserted myself and told her no. She said friendship is all that she can offer. Even though she keeps telling me she has no one, i seriously doubt it at this point. She then hung up and almost seemed sad, since then she has emailed twice. Once a few mins later hoping i changed my mind. And then at 1am saying if i cared about her i wouldn't decline friendship and say goodbye. At this point I do think im ready for goodbye, she ended it 1 month ago, told me she was happier without me in her life. And now she just wants me back just enough so she doesnt have to miss me. Im no ones back up plan, im a better person then what she has become.
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