Should I try to win her back?

[MichaelTheGreat]

I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 2 years 3 months ago..

 

I felt like she is not in to me anymore that's why I broke it up. Every time I ask her if there is something wrong she just keep on saying she is tired and stress because of work. Because she really is. She works 6 days a week 12hrs a day.. I should have understand that but instead I broke up with her..

 

after 2 weeks of being broken up. I realize my mistakes and I ask her if we can work things out. She said she is sorry and said she wanted to be single for now.

 

She also said sorry if she can't be a girlfriend right now because she can't handle the stress when we argue and the stress in her job being a manager.

 

I went No Contact straight away after she said that but the past weeks she tried contacting me..

 

She is asking about my life, career, my family.. I then asked her what her intention contacting me.

 

She said she just wanted to keep in touch and thought we could be at least friends.

 

I told her we can't be friends right now and I'm seeing someone.. (But the truth is I'm not seeing anyone.)

 

She said she understand and she will still wait for the day for my text/call when I'm ready to talk to her again..

 

Since then we been in No Contact.

 

I felt like I'm so stupid because I broke up with her instead of working on the problems now I lose the love of my life. She's been really great to me for the last 2 years.

 

I know people here will say I'll just move on.. Yes I am doing that.

 

At this point I just don't know what to do. I blocked her in everything so there is no way she can contact me I also moved in a new place she doesn't know that.

 

Should I just let time past and continue moving on ?

 

or

 

Let myself heal first and try to contact her when I'm ready and see where it goes?

Edited December 30, 2013 by MichaelTheGreat

[LostConfused123]

This is only my opinion but since you were the Dumper, you need to fix it. You probably hurt her deeply by breaking up with her and she was scared to just jump back in two weeks later.

 

I don't know what's in her head obviously, but maybe she thought about it (contacting you) and you rejected her again!!

 

if you really want her back, don't waste time!!! fix it now!!

 

I wish you all the best and hope you get a happy ending!!

[MichaelTheGreat]

Thanks! but she already said she just wanted to keep in touch and be friends.

 

Isn't that clear enough that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now?

 

or even clear enough that she doesn't want to get back??

 

maybe she just said that because she doesn't have other excuse for contacting me and I should be the one who tried to fix the relationship when she contacted me?

 

 

 

This is only my opinion but since you were the Dumper, you need to fix it. You probably hurt her deeply by breaking up with her and she was scared to just jump back in two weeks later.

 

I don't know what's in her head obviously, but maybe she thought about it (contacting you) and you rejected her again!!

 

if you really want her back, don't waste time!!! fix it now!!

 

I wish you all the best and hope you get a happy ending!!

[LostConfused123]

Thanks! but she already said she just wanted to keep in touch and be friends.

 

Isn't that clear enough that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now?

 

or even clear enough that she doesn't want to get back??

 

maybe she just said that because she doesn't have other excuse for contacting me and I should be the one who tried to fix the relationship when she contacted me?

Well, you did tell her you were seeing someone. . . that changes everything.

and she did say she will wait for your text or call.

 

I'm just saying as a woman, if I was truly done, I wouldn't say that.

I would say, "okay, whatever. bye"

 

I think she's hurting because she thinks you are seeing someone.

 

Again, only my opinion and I actually feel silly giving advice because my own love life is in the toilet!! LOL!!! but that's just what I get from reading your story.

 

[chris21422]

She probably got hurt when you ended it with her but I don't think it's the right time now. Let both of you heal first from this break up and try to reconnect with her when you both are healed and see where it goes..

 

If she has a new boyfriend by that time just face the consequence but I'm sure you won't really care cause by that time you might think you don't want her back anymore.

[MichaelTheGreat]

Thanks a lot! the thing that bothers me is if she met someone else would totally kill me..

 

She probably got hurt when you ended it with her but I don't think it's the right time now. Let both of you heal first from this break up and try to reconnect with her when you both are healed and see where it goes..

 

If she has a new boyfriend by that time just face the consequence but I'm sure you won't really care cause by that time you might think you don't want her back anymore.

[pickflicker]

Thanks a lot! the thing that bothers me is if she met someone else would totally kill me..

 

 

This is why NC is preached. So you won't know if she does.

 

As cavalier99 has said before, NC has to be so encompassing that if either one of you died, the other wouldn't know.

 

No reconnecting yet - not for a while.

[LostConfused123]

MY GOD!!!!

I am going to get so reamed for this but I don't care.

 

PEOPLE, LIFE IS SHORT!!!!

 

Why, why, why give it time. . . . they are both hurting!!

 

Go to her, tell her you love her, fix it if you can!!!

 

if you can't, THEN walk away and forget it. At least you will always have comfort in knowing you tried.

 

This is fact!! Most people regret what they DIDN'T do, not what they did!

[pickflicker]

MY GOD!!!!

I am going to get so reamed for this but I don't care.

 

PEOPLE, LIFE IS SHORT!!!!

 

Why, why, why give it time. . . . they are both hurting!!

 

Go to her, tell her you love her, fix it if you can!!!

 

if you can't, THEN walk away and forget it. At least you will always have comfort in knowing you tried.

 

This is fact!! Most people regret what they DIDN'T do, not what they did!

 

I've never regretted holding onto my dignity in the face of a break up.

[LostConfused123]

I'm sorry this just sounds like a simple case of miscommunication that can be fixed.

 

Am I being naive in encouraging him to have a mature adult conversation to save his relationship?

[LostConfused123]

I've never regretted holding onto my dignity in the face of a break up.

No. . . I know. And you shouldn't.

 

I'm just saying, . . . why do we give so many chances to our other loved ones???

 

Our parents love us, yet they sometimes say hurtful things (a parent's job)

Our children don't appreciate us and our efforts, yet we love them unconditionally,

Our friends sometimes abandon us in our time of need, yet we understand, love and forgive them.

Our families are all dysfunctional, but they are still family!

 

I'm just saying why are we so quick to toss a relationship and not give it the love and understanding we give others?

[pickflicker]

No. . . I know. And you shouldn't.

 

I'm just saying, . . . why do we give so many chances to our other loved ones???

 

Our parents love us, yet they sometimes say hurtful things (a parent's job)

Our children don't appreciate us and our efforts, yet we love them unconditionally,

Our friends sometimes abandon us in our time of need, yet we understand, love and forgive them.

Our families are all dysfunctional, but they are still family!

 

I'm just saying why are we so quick to toss a relationship and not give it the love and understanding we give others?

 

Because you don't meet another parent, or another child. They're one of a kind. And I don't put up with friends who aren't worth it because I can meet others. And I can do the same with partners.

 

I'm very forgiving of mistakes. But if someone dumps me, I'm not interested in rekindling that. They made their choice. It's not my job to make them see the apparent error of their ways. It's my job to move on.

[LostConfused123]

Because you don't meet another parent, or another child. They're one of a kind. And I don't put up with friends who aren't worth it because I can meet others. And I can do the same with partners.

 

I'm very forgiving of mistakes. But if someone dumps me, I'm not interested in rekindling that. They made their choice. It's not my job to make them see the apparent error of their ways. It's my job to move on.

Well said/written!!

I stand corrected.

 

I'm actually in tears right now and I'm glad.

[LostConfused123]

Crying aside though.

I really do think the OP has a chance to fix this and have wonderful life

 

At least I hope so.

 

Peace and hugs to everyone reading! Happy 2014!!

[pickflicker]

Crying aside though.

I really do think the OP has a chance to fix this and have wonderful life

 

At least I hope so.

 

Peace and hugs to everyone reading! Happy 2014!!

 

Then she needs to be the one to make the move.

[LostConfused123]

Then she needs to be the one to make the move.

But he was the Dumper??

[pickflicker]

But he was the Dumper??

 

He already asked and she said no, she wants to be single.

 

Her move.

[LostConfused123]

He already asked and she said no, she wants to be single.

 

Her move.

But he told her he was seeing someone.

That changes EVERYTHING.

 

He lied!!

 

I wouldn't contact if I was told that!!!

[MichaelTheGreat]

Maybe I should explain more about the situation. Yes I did broke up with her but I realize my mistakes as I told her and wanted to fix things with us but she rejected me. When I said I wanted to work things out with her.

 

She said a lot of stuff to me like

 

- I will find someone else who's gonna give all my needs

- I can talk to her but just don't hope anymore

- I will be thankful to her one day that she did this.

- She wanted to be single

- I deserve better than her

- She said that It's not me the problem it's her

 

I don't know if she means all of that or she is just talking out of anger or just giving excuses but I gladly accept all the things she said and just went No contact since that time.

 

Now I don't know why she is contacting me. Maybe she just really want to be friends and keep in touch with each other..

 

I can't accept being just friends that's why I said I don't want to be friends and I'm seeing someone.

[legion113]

MY GOD!!!!

I am going to get so reamed for this but I don't care.

 

PEOPLE, LIFE IS SHORT!!!!

 

Why, why, why give it time. . . . they are both hurting!!

 

Go to her, tell her you love her, fix it if you can!!!

 

if you can't, THEN walk away and forget it. At least you will always have comfort in knowing you tried.

 

This is fact!! Most people regret what they DIDN'T do, not what they did!

 

You could also say life is too short to be rerunning a relationship that didn't work the first time, when there are so many more relationships that you could have out there.

 

As for the last line, "People regret what they didn't do not what they did."

I think you're looking at it with rose colored glasses. I'm sure people do REGRET being a pansy and begging and pleading for their ex to come back to them. People regret not maintaining NC and getting placed back at square one when the ex doesn't respond like they wanted. So yeah, it doesn't hold water, people can REGRET trying to get back with their ex when the ex has pretty much told them "sorry not interested."

[pickflicker]

Maybe I should explain more about the situation. Yes I did broke up with her but I realize my mistakes as I told her and wanted to fix things with us but she rejected me. When I said I wanted to work things out with her.

 

She said a lot of stuff to me like

 

- I will find someone else who's gonna give all my needs

- I can talk to her but just don't hope anymore

- I will be thankful to her one day that she did this.

- She wanted to be single

- I deserve better than her

- She said that It's not me the problem it's her

 

I don't know if she means all of that or she is just talking out of anger or just giving excuses but I gladly accept all the things she said and just went No contact since that time.

 

Now I don't know why she is contacting me. Maybe she just really want to be friends and keep in touch with each other..

 

I can't accept being just friends that's why I said I don't want to be friends and I'm seeing someone.

 

I reckon you should probably let this one go. Besides, it's the end of the year. New year, New relationship

[conf]

You could also say life is too short to be rerunning a relationship that didn't work the first time, when there are so many more relationships that you could have out there.

 

As for the last line, "People regret what they didn't do not what they did."

I think you're looking at it with rose colored glasses. I'm sure people do REGRET being a pansy and begging and pleading for their ex to come back to them. People regret not maintaining NC and getting placed back at square one when the ex doesn't respond like they wanted. So yeah, it doesn't hold water, people can REGRET trying to get back with their ex when the ex has pretty much told them "sorry not interested."

 

Yeah yeah... If your partner is the "ONE" the relatioship will be perfect forever. Every partner will get what he needs without even try/ask for it. That what hollywood taught us.

 

Guess what. In real relationships you will always face difficulties. That does not mean that you are good fit one for each other.

[MichaelTheGreat]

Hey guys why I feel I wanted to greet her for new year.. Having a bad day today probably because it's new years... Damn I'm mess up!

[MichaelTheGreat]

Having a very weak moment.. wanted to email her and messaged her..

 

 

should i do it??

[Simon Phoenix]

MY GOD!!!!

I am going to get so reamed for this but I don't care.

 

PEOPLE, LIFE IS SHORT!!!!

 

Why, why, why give it time. . . . they are both hurting!!

 

Go to her, tell her you love her, fix it if you can!!!

 

if you can't, THEN walk away and forget it. At least you will always have comfort in knowing you tried.

 

This is fact!! Most people regret what they DIDN'T do, not what they did!

 

This isn't a movie. This is real life. Time is essential because the OP needs to figure out whether he really wants his ex back because a) he truly loves her and misses her and wants to be with her long-term or b) he's lonely and wants her to fill a temporary void. If it's a, then going in guns blazing because he was the dumper is acceptable. If it's b, he'll lose interest very quickly if he gets her back, which would be a sh*tty thing to do. But he needs to be removed from the situation for a while to do that.

 

I mean, in the fictional movie world what you are advising is great. But movies are meant for entertainment. In real life you can't just go strictly by the seat of your pants. People get hurt badly that way.