frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It has not even been two months since I found out about my husband's affair but I feel like this has been my 'life' forever. It took me a month to tell the AP's husband and I did it via email while we were away.(three weeks ago) And the main reason I did that was to protect my daughter who was going to tell his daughter. I know everyone is different and handles things differently but this man seems to be directing his anger towards my family. He wrote a vile email to my husband last night threatening him, calling my crazy, and telling us that if his 'children' (adult) EVER find out he will physically hurt our whole family. Is this normal? Should I be concerned by this?
NotCamelot Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Concerned, yes. Scared, No. Chances are, it is only an empty threat. BUT, you know these people better than any of us on LS. I think I would have the police see the email. You'd be surprised at how discreet the police can be. Time to put some fear into that person. 6
Realist3 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Threats of physical violence should always be taken seriously, as mentioned above I would let the police read the email and let them direct you on what to do. 7
M30USA Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Some people belong in the animal kingdom. The best way to understand them and deal with them is just like you would any wild beast of the field. No sarcasm here.
Ap22 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Everyone is so quick to say "Tell the OM/OW spouse now!!!"... What people fail to realize is that when you do that, you are destroying their life. Sure, we all know you didnt do it, but you are the one that ratted them out. All I'm saying is you have to be very careful when messing with peoples lives. A cornered animal is the most dangerouse. OP, I would be very concerned and I would make a police report about it. 4
cozycottagelg Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 How did your daughter find out about all of this? I know from your first thread she saw a kiss 15 years ago, but was she also the one who discovered the affair this time around? Is that couple currently in R? Or divorcing?
Author frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Some people belong in the animal kingdom. The best way to understand them and deal with them is just like you would any wild beast of the field. No sarcasm here. I think that is what worries me......feeling like he is reacting like a wild animal. When I discovered the affair, my husband was overseas. I had to deal with it all by myself for a week. I tried hard to keep my children out of it. But I was like a wounded animal and was in SO much pain and telling them I was sick just wasn't believable. I finally reached out to close friends (who happen to be friends with the other couple involved) So, he is now calling me crazy for a. telling my adult kids b. sharing the info re the affair with friends. My hurt/anger has always been directed towards my husband. I might not LIKE the other woman, but she owed me nothing so I rarely waste feelings/emotions on her. But everyone is different, I suppose. As I said, he has now known for three weeks and , through friends, I knew he was directing his anger towards us with veiled threats towards our children.But I thought friends were exaggerating things. But now I have read his email. Wild, erratic and full of anger towards US. In the email, he and his wife are a united force. And we are the enemy.
oldshirt Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Yes to reporting it to the police. I'm willing to fudge a little when a husband threatens another adult man that is banging his wife. But threatening innocent women and children is very concerning and must be taken seriously. Take the email and any other correspondence or corroborating evidence to the police. They won't arrest him or anything. They will just question him and he will say he got carried away and made a silly statement he didn't really and which he had no intention of carrying out. They will then inform him of the penalties and ramifications of making threats and what will happen to him if he makes another threat and especially what will happen if he actually does anything. They will also document the discussion and document the threat for future reference should anything else happen. If he does anything else in the future he gets smacked down hard. Report it to the police. 7
Author frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 How did your daughter find out about all of this? I know from your first thread she saw a kiss 15 years ago, but was she also the one who discovered the affair this time around? Is that couple currently in R? Or divorcing? My daughter (who is now 27) knew something was wrong with me. I had discovered the affair early November while my husband was overseas. I was trying hard to deal with it/understand it but not wanting my family to know. I was pretending I was sick. But she didn't believe me and came around to help. She could tell from the look of me that something was seriously wrong and it all came tumbling out. The hard thing for her was she always felt something was going on. So now she is dealing with the guilt. She is getting counselling and that is helping her. We are getting counselling Have our good days and definitely bad ones. This email has definitely shaken me up
stillafool Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It has not even been two months since I found out about my husband's affair but I feel like this has been my 'life' forever. It took me a month to tell the AP's husband and I did it via email while we were away.(three weeks ago) And the main reason I did that was to protect my daughter who was going to tell his daughter. I know everyone is different and handles things differently but this man seems to be directing his anger towards my family. He wrote a vile email to my husband last night threatening him, calling my crazy, and telling us that if his 'children' (adult) EVER find out he will physically hurt our whole family. Is this normal? Should I be concerned by this? How was telling him going to protect your daughter from telling his daughter?
Fredflintstone Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It has not even been two months since I found out about my husband's affair but I feel like this has been my 'life' forever. It took me a month to tell the AP's husband and I did it via email while we were away.(three weeks ago) And the main reason I did that was to protect my daughter who was going to tell his daughter. I know everyone is different and handles things differently but this man seems to be directing his anger towards my family. He wrote a vile email to my husband last night threatening him, calling my crazy, and telling us that if his 'children' (adult) EVER find out he will physically hurt our whole family. Is this normal? Should I be concerned by this? He's really angry and upset at the moment and PROBABLY just making wild threats through anger. Still let the authorities know just to cover yourselves. 1
Author frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 How was telling him going to protect your daughter from telling his daughter? I didn't want her living with the fact that she was destroying someone else. I didn't feel it was mine/her/ANYONE's right to tell their family. I would NEVER want to hurt their 'children'. And I understood my daughter was hurting so much and thought by hurting the AP's family would ease her pain.....erratic thoughts, but that is how she felt. 2
ThatMan Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 So, he is now calling me crazy for a. telling my adult kids b. sharing the info re the affair with friends. Who is calling you crazy? Who is 'he'? Your significant other? The other man who is threatening you and your adult children? Do you actually believe these statements said out of hate? What do you plan to do with these threats? You can call your local police department and ask to file an incident report. You can even physically walk into your precinct with a copy of the email. If you are unwilling to do anything, tell your adult children about the emails and the man who is making threats to them, so that THEY may at least look after themselves. 1
cozycottagelg Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 How is your husband doing with these threats? I feel bad that you are the one worried and you didn't even do anything wrong. How did you come to D-day? Emails or something? Sorry for all the questions, I guess I'm just nosey/curious as to the details of the discovery. Not to minimize your current worries.
stillafool Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I didn't want her living with the fact that she was destroying someone else. I didn't feel it was mine/her/ANYONE's right to tell their family. I would NEVER want to hurt their 'children'. And I understood my daughter was hurting so much and thought by hurting the AP's family would ease her pain.....erratic thoughts, but that is how she felt. I understand. What is your husband doing about all of this?
Author frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I discovered the affair through a phone that had been connected to Icloud. So, their messages were going through to this spare phone. The 'he' in my posts is the AP's husband. I suppose I thought he would have calmed down and worked out who betrayed him......not be blaming everyone else still. I knew he would be angry and hurt when he found out. Just didn't realise the anger would still be directed towards us. I think the thing that has bothered me about these threats is that they are directed towards my kids. I understand he hates my husband. I understand he wouldn't like me.
ThatMan Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I discovered the affair through a phone that had been connected to Icloud. So, their messages were going through to this spare phone. The 'he' in my posts is the AP's husband. I suppose I thought he would have calmed down and worked out who betrayed him......not be blaming everyone else still. I knew he would be angry and hurt when he found out. Just didn't realise the anger would still be directed towards us. I think the thing that has bothered me about these threats is that they are directed towards my kids. I understand he hates my husband. I understand he wouldn't like me. Do you plan to go to the police? Are your adult children aware of the fact that they have been threatened? 1
Author frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 We were overseas when he threatened our kids via our friends. I told them then because they needed to know. I had contacted police at the time, too. Will take a copy up to the police station today, just to be safe 2
underwater2010 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 so dont inform no AP etc. anything anymore, main your own business and issues. The AP became her business and issue when she started messing around with her husband. Get it right. 7
experiencethedevine Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I think that is what worries me......feeling like he is reacting like a wild animal. When I discovered the affair, my husband was overseas. I had to deal with it all by myself for a week. I tried hard to keep my children out of it. But I was like a wounded animal and was in SO much pain and telling them I was sick just wasn't believable. I finally reached out to close friends (who happen to be friends with the other couple involved) So, he is now calling me crazy for a. telling my adult kids b. sharing the info re the affair with friends. My hurt/anger has always been directed towards my husband. I might not LIKE the other woman, but she owed me nothing so I rarely waste feelings/emotions on her. But everyone is different, I suppose. As I said, he has now known for three weeks and , through friends, I knew he was directing his anger towards us with veiled threats towards our children.But I thought friends were exaggerating things. But now I have read his email. Wild, erratic and full of anger towards US. In the email, he and his wife are a united force. And we are the enemy. Frogs, I think it's time you made some new friends......................
experiencethedevine Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 We were overseas when he threatened our kids via our friends. I told them then because they needed to know. I had contacted police at the time, too. Will take a copy up to the police station today, just to be safe I believe any threats made toward your children should be taken cautiously and carefully into consideration regarding actions. To make silly threats to you and your husband is something you can choose to ignore. Threats to your children is an entirely different kettle of fish, don't you agree? 1
Author frogss29 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Frogs, I think it's time you made some new friends...................... so many layers of pain when someone has affairs 4
Mr. Lucky Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 My daughter (who is now 27) knew something was wrong with me. I had discovered the affair early November while my husband was overseas. I was trying hard to deal with it/understand it but not wanting my family to know. I was pretending I was sick. But she didn't believe me and came around to help. She could tell from the look of me that something was seriously wrong and it all came tumbling out. The hard thing for her was she always felt something was going on. So now she is dealing with the guilt. She is getting counselling and that is helping her. We are getting counselling Have our good days and definitely bad ones. This email has definitely shaken me up While I empathize with your pain, I feel strongly that it's a mistake to involve children - regardless of age - in situations like this. If you need someone to confide in, a friend, therapist or religious adviser is a much better choice. The conflicting emotions and ties are too difficult for family members to separate. Like others, I'd take the threats seriously... Mr. Lucky 2
stillafool Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I discovered the affair through a phone that had been connected to Icloud. So, their messages were going through to this spare phone. The 'he' in my posts is the AP's husband. I suppose I thought he would have calmed down and worked out who betrayed him......not be blaming everyone else still. I knew he would be angry and hurt when he found out. Just didn't realise the anger would still be directed towards us. I think the thing that has bothered me about these threats is that they are directed towards my kids. I understand he hates my husband. I understand he wouldn't like me. What is your husband doing about this?
crederer Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Notify the police. Even if it's an empty threat at least they'll have this on record and it will make it easier for you to press charges if something does happen. 2
Recommended Posts