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Dealing with threats from AP's husband


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Posted

It has not even been two months since I found out about my husband's affair but I feel like this has been my 'life' forever.

It took me a month to tell the AP's husband and I did it via email while we were away.(three weeks ago) And the main reason I did that was to protect my daughter who was going to tell his daughter.

I know everyone is different and handles things differently but this man seems to be directing his anger towards my family.

He wrote a vile email to my husband last night threatening him, calling my crazy, and telling us that if his 'children' (adult) EVER find out he will physically hurt our whole family.

Is this normal?

Should I be concerned by this?

Posted

Concerned, yes. Scared, No. Chances are, it is only an empty threat.

 

BUT, you know these people better than any of us on LS.

 

I think I would have the police see the email. You'd be surprised at how discreet the police can be.

 

Time to put some fear into that person.

  • Like 6
Posted

Threats of physical violence should always be taken seriously, as mentioned above I would let the police read the email and let them direct you on what to do.

  • Like 7
Posted

Some people belong in the animal kingdom. The best way to understand them and deal with them is just like you would any wild beast of the field. No sarcasm here.

Posted

Everyone is so quick to say "Tell the OM/OW spouse now!!!"...

 

What people fail to realize is that when you do that, you are destroying their life. Sure, we all know you didnt do it, but you are the one that ratted them out.

 

All I'm saying is you have to be very careful when messing with peoples lives. A cornered animal is the most dangerouse. OP, I would be very concerned and I would make a police report about it.

  • Like 4
Posted

How did your daughter find out about all of this? I know from your first thread she saw a kiss 15 years ago, but was she also the one who discovered the affair this time around?

 

Is that couple currently in R? Or divorcing?

  • Author
Posted
Some people belong in the animal kingdom. The best way to understand them and deal with them is just like you would any wild beast of the field. No sarcasm here.

 

I think that is what worries me......feeling like he is reacting like a wild animal.

When I discovered the affair, my husband was overseas. I had to deal with it all by myself for a week. I tried hard to keep my children out of it. But I was like a wounded animal and was in SO much pain and telling them I was sick just wasn't believable.

I finally reached out to close friends (who happen to be friends with the other couple involved)

So, he is now calling me crazy for a. telling my adult kids b. sharing the info re the affair with friends.

 

My hurt/anger has always been directed towards my husband. I might not LIKE the other woman, but she owed me nothing so I rarely waste feelings/emotions on her.

But everyone is different, I suppose.

As I said, he has now known for three weeks and , through friends, I knew he was directing his anger towards us with veiled threats towards our children.But I thought friends were exaggerating things. But now I have read his email. Wild, erratic and full of anger towards US. In the email, he and his wife are a united force. And we are the enemy.

Posted

Yes to reporting it to the police. I'm willing to fudge a little when a husband threatens another adult man that is banging his wife.

 

But threatening innocent women and children is very concerning and must be taken seriously.

 

Take the email and any other correspondence or corroborating evidence to the police.

 

They won't arrest him or anything. They will just question him and he will say he got carried away and made a silly statement he didn't really and which he had no intention of carrying out.

 

They will then inform him of the penalties and ramifications of making threats and what will happen to him if he makes another threat and especially what will happen if he actually does anything.

 

They will also document the discussion and document the threat for future reference should anything else happen.

 

If he does anything else in the future he gets smacked down hard.

 

Report it to the police.

  • Like 7
  • Author
Posted
How did your daughter find out about all of this? I know from your first thread she saw a kiss 15 years ago, but was she also the one who discovered the affair this time around?

 

Is that couple currently in R? Or divorcing?

 

My daughter (who is now 27) knew something was wrong with me. I had discovered the affair early November while my husband was overseas. I was trying hard to deal with it/understand it but not wanting my family to know. I was pretending I was sick. But she didn't believe me and came around to help. She could tell from the look of me that something was seriously wrong and it all came tumbling out.

The hard thing for her was she always felt something was going on.

So now she is dealing with the guilt.

She is getting counselling and that is helping her.

We are getting counselling

Have our good days and definitely bad ones.

This email has definitely shaken me up

Posted
It has not even been two months since I found out about my husband's affair but I feel like this has been my 'life' forever.

It took me a month to tell the AP's husband and I did it via email while we were away.(three weeks ago) And the main reason I did that was to protect my daughter who was going to tell his daughter.

I know everyone is different and handles things differently but this man seems to be directing his anger towards my family.

He wrote a vile email to my husband last night threatening him, calling my crazy, and telling us that if his 'children' (adult) EVER find out he will physically hurt our whole family.

Is this normal?

Should I be concerned by this?

 

How was telling him going to protect your daughter from telling his daughter?

Posted
It has not even been two months since I found out about my husband's affair but I feel like this has been my 'life' forever.

It took me a month to tell the AP's husband and I did it via email while we were away.(three weeks ago) And the main reason I did that was to protect my daughter who was going to tell his daughter.

I know everyone is different and handles things differently but this man seems to be directing his anger towards my family.

He wrote a vile email to my husband last night threatening him, calling my crazy, and telling us that if his 'children' (adult) EVER find out he will physically hurt our whole family.

Is this normal?

Should I be concerned by this?

 

He's really angry and upset at the moment and PROBABLY just making wild threats through anger. Still let the authorities know just to cover yourselves.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
How was telling him going to protect your daughter from telling his daughter?

 

I didn't want her living with the fact that she was destroying someone else. I didn't feel it was mine/her/ANYONE's right to tell their family. I would NEVER want to hurt their 'children'.

And I understood my daughter was hurting so much and thought by hurting the AP's family would ease her pain.....erratic thoughts, but that is how she felt.

  • Like 2
Posted

So, he is now calling me crazy for a. telling my adult kids b. sharing the info re the affair with friends.

 

Who is calling you crazy?

Who is 'he'?

 

Your significant other?

The other man who is threatening you and your adult children?

Do you actually believe these statements said out of hate?

 

What do you plan to do with these threats?

You can call your local police department and ask to file an incident report. You can even physically walk into your precinct with a copy of the email.

 

If you are unwilling to do anything, tell your adult children about the emails and the man who is making threats to them, so that THEY may at least look after themselves.

  • Like 1
Posted

How is your husband doing with these threats? I feel bad that you are the one worried and you didn't even do anything wrong.

 

How did you come to D-day? Emails or something? Sorry for all the questions, I guess I'm just nosey/curious as to the details of the discovery. Not to minimize your current worries.

Posted
I didn't want her living with the fact that she was destroying someone else. I didn't feel it was mine/her/ANYONE's right to tell their family. I would NEVER want to hurt their 'children'.

And I understood my daughter was hurting so much and thought by hurting the AP's family would ease her pain.....erratic thoughts, but that is how she felt.

 

I understand. What is your husband doing about all of this?

  • Author
Posted

I discovered the affair through a phone that had been connected to Icloud. So, their messages were going through to this spare phone.

 

The 'he' in my posts is the AP's husband. I suppose I thought he would have calmed down and worked out who betrayed him......not be blaming everyone else still. I knew he would be angry and hurt when he found out. Just didn't realise the anger would still be directed towards us. I think the thing that has bothered me about these threats is that they are directed towards my kids. I understand he hates my husband. I understand he wouldn't like me.

Posted
I discovered the affair through a phone that had been connected to Icloud. So, their messages were going through to this spare phone.

 

The 'he' in my posts is the AP's husband. I suppose I thought he would have calmed down and worked out who betrayed him......not be blaming everyone else still. I knew he would be angry and hurt when he found out. Just didn't realise the anger would still be directed towards us. I think the thing that has bothered me about these threats is that they are directed towards my kids. I understand he hates my husband. I understand he wouldn't like me.

 

Do you plan to go to the police?

Are your adult children aware of the fact that they have been threatened?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

We were overseas when he threatened our kids via our friends. I told them then because they needed to know. I had contacted police at the time, too. Will take a copy up to the police station today, just to be safe

  • Like 2
Posted
so dont inform no AP etc. anything anymore, main your own business and issues.

The AP became her business and issue when she started messing around with her husband. Get it right.

  • Like 7
Posted
I think that is what worries me......feeling like he is reacting like a wild animal.

When I discovered the affair, my husband was overseas. I had to deal with it all by myself for a week. I tried hard to keep my children out of it. But I was like a wounded animal and was in SO much pain and telling them I was sick just wasn't believable.

I finally reached out to close friends (who happen to be friends with the other couple involved)

So, he is now calling me crazy for a. telling my adult kids b. sharing the info re the affair with friends.

 

My hurt/anger has always been directed towards my husband. I might not LIKE the other woman, but she owed me nothing so I rarely waste feelings/emotions on her.

But everyone is different, I suppose.

As I said, he has now known for three weeks and , through friends, I knew he was directing his anger towards us with veiled threats towards our children.But I thought friends were exaggerating things. But now I have read his email. Wild, erratic and full of anger towards US. In the email, he and his wife are a united force. And we are the enemy.

 

 

Frogs, I think it's time you made some new friends......................

Posted
We were overseas when he threatened our kids via our friends. I told them then because they needed to know. I had contacted police at the time, too. Will take a copy up to the police station today, just to be safe

 

 

 

I believe any threats made toward your children should be taken cautiously and carefully into consideration regarding actions.

 

 

To make silly threats to you and your husband is something you can choose to ignore. Threats to your children is an entirely different kettle of fish, don't you agree?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Frogs, I think it's time you made some new friends......................

 

:( so many layers of pain when someone has affairs

  • Like 4
Posted
My daughter (who is now 27) knew something was wrong with me. I had discovered the affair early November while my husband was overseas. I was trying hard to deal with it/understand it but not wanting my family to know. I was pretending I was sick. But she didn't believe me and came around to help. She could tell from the look of me that something was seriously wrong and it all came tumbling out.

The hard thing for her was she always felt something was going on.

So now she is dealing with the guilt.

She is getting counselling and that is helping her.

We are getting counselling

Have our good days and definitely bad ones.

This email has definitely shaken me up

While I empathize with your pain, I feel strongly that it's a mistake to involve children - regardless of age - in situations like this. If you need someone to confide in, a friend, therapist or religious adviser is a much better choice. The conflicting emotions and ties are too difficult for family members to separate.

 

Like others, I'd take the threats seriously...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 2
Posted
I discovered the affair through a phone that had been connected to Icloud. So, their messages were going through to this spare phone.

 

The 'he' in my posts is the AP's husband. I suppose I thought he would have calmed down and worked out who betrayed him......not be blaming everyone else still. I knew he would be angry and hurt when he found out. Just didn't realise the anger would still be directed towards us. I think the thing that has bothered me about these threats is that they are directed towards my kids. I understand he hates my husband. I understand he wouldn't like me.

 

What is your husband doing about this?

Posted

Notify the police. Even if it's an empty threat at least they'll have this on record and it will make it easier for you to press charges if something does happen.

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