Mondmellonw Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 So, ok. I just needed to let this out. I ended up my relationship. He said "really? You sure? That's a shame". And then, he told me I needed to go see a therapist, and said "f*** off". I somehow believed on his trashy way to accept the end of our relationship. And... I kinda also accepted the fact that I needed to go, seek for help. I've been re-evaluating all the things I've done wrong while the RL was still on the road... I had communication problems. He was just a month out from a relationship of 5 years when we started our own relationship. He always seemed pretty damn sure about the ending of the same. But it wasn't true... He once told me he had to go and talk to this boy, who was his friend, and was one of the many guys that his ex cheated with. That was awkward to me, cause he always said he didn't care about the girl anymore, and he was with me, and that guy, well, that guy wasn't going to be his friend anymore. I got upset that time, but I tried to understand. However, time has passed by since our BU (a month and two weeks) and I've been figuring a lot of stuff. He lied to me. There was this other time I erased my FB account for three weeks and he unblocked his ex gf at the time. HE ALWAYS SAID HE WAS RELIEVED HE WAS OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. He said too that he had some kind of bitterness/hatred towards her, but nothing else more. So, why in hell would you unblock her while I'm not on Facebook? ... I never asked him, I was afraid of his response, of his "oh, you're nuts, you're overreacting" whole thing. I sometimes feel this horrible need to tell him that what he did was not OK, that he was disrespectful and selfish. Ok. I also had this "girl friend" who supported me trouhg the BU and now is hanging up with him/flirting/drinking/dunno what else. I feel so... Idiotic. I want to ask her why did she do such thing, but I'm also afraid my dignity will be harmed if I do so, cause she will surely say something to him and he will, of course, come to me and tell me how much I suck at life lol I know it's not true, I just feel stupid and betrayed in so many levels I can't deal with my anger... And my need to have some kind of justice on this.
Author Mondmellonw Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Of course I understand that it's not my bussiness what he's been doing after I left him. But hey, this girl was my friend (now I know she isn't...) and even before I left him, I guess, in the whole relationship, he lied, manipulated me and made me look like I was always the worst thing. Now I won't be on any relationship with any guy who is just out from another relationship. Bleh.
hopti Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I understand your need to confront him and her, but don't do it. I just got out of a relationship that wasn't good for me and my ex started a relationship two weeks later with a girl he worked with which was also my friend for over a year. He still has my stuff and completely ignores me. The girl as well. I don't know what is going on in the minds of these people. Although I am struggling with a lot of anger and anxiety for being unjustly treated it has really helped me that I never acted upon this towards them. Only my friends and family know my true feelings. Nothing good will come from confronting them in any way. I realized that if I confronted my ex we would probably get in to a fight. He is now an ex and not a boyfriend so he is not even "required" to understand your feelings. As for her, don't give her the power to use your feelings against you in any way. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah, I was reading your post... They don't deserve anything from you. I deleted her from my FB, was that a bad move? I actually feel the need to block her, but I feel it's kind of inmature. I just did it cause I didn't wanted to find out more, I shouldn't care about my ex's moves and neither about this false friend... But I don't know if doing such a thing was a bad idea.
hopti Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I haven't blocked him or her. I just hid them and anyone who would post anything to have to do with them. You choose what's best for you. I chose not to delete them and block them as I live in a small city and am doomed to run in to them. I just want to fake indifference until I reach it I guess. 1
JDPT Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 You are dwelling over the mundane. And perhaps fictitious scenarios and conclusions you are generating all on your on. Work on letting go, release yourself from it all. Release the past and leave it where it belongs. You would agree that he was nowhere near ready to embark on a new relationship specially after just being out of one for only 1 month. Be more vigilant in the future, get to know yourself and what you want and need in life. Be strong you will be ok. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I haven't blocked him or her. I just hid them and anyone who would post anything to have to do with them. You choose what's best for you. I chose not to delete them and block them as I live in a small city and am doomed to run in to them. I just want to fake indifference until I reach it I guess. I also live in a small town. I guess someday I'm going to see them. I don't really care, I just don't want to know. Hopefully this will pass soon...
Author Mondmellonw Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 You are dwelling over the mundane. And perhaps fictitious scenarios and conclusions you are generating all on your on. Work on letting go, release yourself from it all. Release the past and leave it where it belongs. You would agree that he was nowhere near ready to embark on a new relationship specially after just being out of one for only 1 month. Be more vigilant in the future, get to know yourself and what you want and need in life. Be strong you will be ok. I'm 20. He is 26. I just had 3 relationships so far, and this one was the most serious of them. I wanted to believe that he was really out of it. He said "this relationship didn't worked for a long time" and that he just stayed in there because of the comfort of it. He said he didn't loved her anymore. Other thing is, he never assumed his responsability on the fail of that relationship, and neither on our relationship. He just sits and says it's all of the woman's fault. I don't know how to let go cause I feel I've been just an object to him. He lied and I never got the courage to say it. He is just feeling all right about being an idiot... I don't hate him or wish him wrong but I think this is unfair.
Supes Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I'm 20. He is 26. I just had 3 relationships so far, and this one was the most serious of them. I wanted to believe that he was really out of it. He said "this relationship didn't worked for a long time" and that he just stayed in there because of the comfort of it. He said he didn't loved her anymore. Other thing is, he never assumed his responsability on the fail of that relationship, and neither on our relationship. He just sits and says it's all of the woman's fault. I don't know how to let go cause I feel I've been just an object to him. He lied and I never got the courage to say it. He is just feeling all right about being an idiot... I don't hate him or wish him wrong but I think this is unfair. I hate to say it but it sounds like he was just using you to get back at her. I know that sounds horrible but that's what I get from reading this. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I hate to say it but it sounds like he was just using you to get back at her. I know that sounds horrible but that's what I get from reading this. I am aware of he, using me, as a thing to uncover his loneliness. But I'm not very sure at him getting back with his other ex. She cheated on him, and that is why he left her. The thing is, he did some hard stuff on that relationship as well and blames all over her. And now that I broke up with him, he is also blaming all on me. I guess he is a little bit of a narcissist. Dunno. Shouldn't care either, not that I do. I just want to figure things out before I grow up more, and learn to avoid this kind of crap in the future.
Supes Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I am aware of he, using me, as a thing to uncover his loneliness. But I'm not very sure at him getting back with his other ex. She cheated on him, and that is why he left her. The thing is, he did some hard stuff on that relationship as well and blames all over her. And now that I broke up with him, he is also blaming all on me. I guess he is a little bit of a narcissist. Dunno. Shouldn't care either, not that I do. I just want to figure things out before I grow up more, and learn to avoid this kind of crap in the future. I wish I could help more but as you know I have trouble understanding people too It's crap but I guess this is what happens when you open your heart up to other people. They just piss all over it. 1
JDPT Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I'm 20. He is 26. I just had 3 relationships so far, and this one was the most serious of them. I wanted to believe that he was really out of it. He said "this relationship didn't worked for a long time" and that he just stayed in there because of the comfort of it. He said he didn't loved her anymore. Other thing is, he never assumed his responsability on the fail of that relationship, and neither on our relationship. He just sits and says it's all of the woman's fault. I don't know how to let go cause I feel I've been just an object to him. He lied and I never got the courage to say it. He is just feeling all right about being an idiot... I don't hate him or wish him wrong but I think this is unfair. I'm sorry to be crude be you were more song the lines of a rebound to him. It's utterly inconceivable to even contemplate the thought that he was "done" with his previous relationship regardless of how agonizing it was. Again, at one month post BU he wasn't even scratching the surface of the break up. However, let's not focus on the past, ad waste our time and efforts to attempt as rationalize ye irrational. Embrace reality with a grain of salt. The relationship is over. And as much as you will like to have all the answers your "deserve" there simply aren't any, or at least any that may meet your standards. You are all that matters from this point forward. You need to propel yourself forward as no one will. It will be an uphill battle from this point but know that the pain will subside and you will come out if this nightmare victorios and will learn a boat load about yourself. 3
Author Mondmellonw Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I wish I could help more but as you know I have trouble understanding people too It's crap but I guess this is what happens when you open your heart up to other people. They just piss all over it. I guess it's not about understanding them, it's more about being aware of where they come from...
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