Needing some insight on recent relationship issues..??

[NCSUleo15]

First post. Bare with me, and I'm sure it's been answered hundreds of times..but every situation is different. I know you're all only on the outside looking in, so I don't expect a "valid" answer since no one exactly knows my life, but some help would be nice.

 

I've known my now, ex girlfriend for 10+ years. I'm 24, she's 22. We've always had a spark for one another, and it finally aligned that we were both single at the same time. We finally got the chance to date, and we have for the past 2.5 years, up until about three weeks ago. It's been amazing; not only is she my lover, but my backbone, and my best friend. We've had some great memories along the way, and within those, she's expressed numerous times how she wanted a ring, us get married, start a family, the whole 9 yards.

 

I started the state police academy in August, and I recently just graduated. I noticed that due to me being gone sometimes 10-14 hours a day, and all my attention was on that, it wasn't on her. I started to notice around November, we had argued more, and I just felt really distant from her. Also, around this time, an older coworker (37 years old, recently out of a divorce) seemed to be contacting her somewhat frequently, they hung out outside work a time or two in groups, and she seemed secretive about him. So, naturally, I prodded into the subject and was asking questions, accusing, because it just didn't seem right to me. I'm not jealous, at all..it just was..strange.

 

Thanksgiving went great. Went out of town to visit her family, got a waterfront hotel at the beach, and spent the weekend together. I thought that was the fix to our issues of late. Wroooong. She hit me with the I want a "break", the week after Thanksgiving because she said she wasn't happy; she said I was too self focused, I was being insecure about her coworker, etc. I don't "do" breaks, so I told her either we break up, or we work this out. But, I gave in, due to how much I love her. Two weeks went by, and I of course broke my boundaries, and contacted her, wanting to know our standing, accusing her of wanting to be with that guy from her work. She insisted it and swore basically to the Bible, it had nothing to do with another guy. I pleaded with her, if you have other interests, just let it be know, so I can move on with my life, as well with yours. Still..she said I want to work things out, I love you, nothing to do with anyone else.

 

The day after Christmas, she legit broke up with me. She said her reasoning was that out of the past 6 years, she'd been in two relationships, and single for only a period of a few months. She she wanted time to just, "be herself, and find herself." and to focus on her newly beginning career in nursing. She said despite what I think, nothing to do with another guy. She wanted nobody else, was going to sleep with nobody, hook up, anything; and if the "mood struck, she'd call me." I've always been one to face problems, not run from them..so. She told me she was sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, unless something changed, just now she wanted to have time for self exploration. She couldn't give me a time frame. Spoke a few times since yesterday, and she's really bitter and rude; she said 'I clearly told you what my intentions were, leave me alone,' basically. I do know she went out drinking in a group, with her coworker friend over the weekend, that I swear she's into, and she promises otherwise. Not to mention, we have a dog together; and her bed, tons of clothes, shoes, purses and stuff are still at my house, and she said to leave it all there.

 

A month ago or two, it was smooth as can be; I'd never imagine her wanting a break, or break up. Now, it's like a light switch flipped. I feel like she's scared to hurt my feelings, and just say I'm done with you. I'd rather hear that, than false hope. At the same time, she says the opposite, says no guys are involved, she still wants to be with me forever, and she wants it to work, yadda yadda. If she's willing to break up with me, she's willing to lose me. I just don't know how taking time apart will help anything. Buuuut the woman is a complex creature, who knows. I want to give her an ultimatum and be like let's fix this literally now, or just drop it. I've known the girl for 10+ years, and I'd hope she'd have the bravado to tell me if she was walking out on me for another dude. I want to believe in that, at the same time, and just truly go no contact on her for a bit.

 

WTF? What's a man to do?

Move on and say 'eff' it?

Take her word for it, but live my life with the mentality if she comes back, it was meant to be, if not, it wasn't?

[True Gent]

I'm sorry to say it but I think the chances are very likely there is another guy on the horizon. She is using this time to test the water with him first and if he doesn't work out she'll be back.

 

My advice is to call it a day now and focus on yourself. My ex fiancée although not exactly the same scenario as yours got involved socially with another man before moving out. Now they are dating and some of her crap is still at my house.

 

She's testing the water, don't be the fool who sits waiting for her when she's seeking a 'spark' elsewhere...

[Elias33]

It seems as if she is not ready for a long term relationship with you. When the going gets tough she wants a break. Is that going to happen every time? Along side with that she stated she wanted to explore, which seems odd to begin with. Then she breaks up but assures you she wants to spend the rest of her life with you? Sounds like she is not sure anymore.

 

I am not a fan of breaks unless there has been infidelity or there are children involved. If she is hanging out with a specific male other than her usual friends I would have the same concerns as you. It is as if the both of you have grown apart a bit. I would consider the next step very carefully; your concerns are in my opinion valid.