fixing Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Ok, i think you need to make a one off finalisation text to her. Arrange for her a time and date to pick up the rest of her stuff, and tell her your taking sole custody of the dogs. Have a friend be there at the house when she comes and you go out somewhere. Its bloody ridiculous that she expects you to be 'civil' implying that she is gonna keep swanning in and out of your life if and when she pleases. I reckon you need to do this for sure, then its a clean break. Its not 'breaking no contact' because with the dogs involved she might go claiming you dognapped them. And she probably still has valuable possessions there? And btw, if you do go to the trouble and arrange all the above i suggest you collect whatever money she has owed to you. Be strong man, send the message your not some chump who will sit around and mope while she comes and goes as she pleases. She made her nail bed, now let her sit hard on it. 3
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Probably the way you went about it. If my ex did that, yeah I'd be pissed too. It's immature in my eyes. Who is immature do you think her or me? My emotions are all over the place right now, so I'm not behaving totally logically I'll admit. I'm annoyed with her, so very annoyed. The app is and was a waste of time in my opinion. I don't know why she's using it now to try sorting stuff that should of been done weeks ago. I took an opportunity to tell her how it now is, I was a sniffling wreck when she last saw me. I just wanted to turn the tables a little, probably foolish on my behalf.
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Ok, i think you need to make a one off finalisation text to her. Arrange for her a time and date to pick up the rest of her stuff, and tell her your taking sole custody of the dogs. Have a friend be there at the house when she comes and you go out somewhere. Its bloody ridiculous that she expects you to be 'civil' implying that she is gonna keep swanning in and out of your life if and when she pleases. I reckon you need to do this for sure, then its a clean break. Its not 'breaking no contact' because with the dogs involved she might go claiming you dognapped them. And she probably still has valuable possessions there? And btw, if you do go to the trouble and arrange all the above i suggest you collect whatever money she has owed to you. Be strong man, send the message your not some chump who will sit around and mope while she comes and goes as she pleases. She made her nail bed, now let her sit hard on it. Well you see this is what she expects, me to be civil whilst she comes in and out of my life at her convenience. This is really what I need to take control over. The dogs for now are going to be a problem because right now I don't see her giving them up completely. Ideally though that is the ideal scenario and how it (should) work out. We live in the UK and she's going to be working in America for 4 months very soon. The dogs must stay with me, but she'll fight it.
Trapito Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I understand your reaction to the app requests she send you, I would have done the same (even if it is petty). She broke up with you and then went straight on to an other guy. Well boohoo! She doesn't deserve niceness, she's an asshat. She had someone waiting in the wings. I would want my money back. She is apping you for HER stuff? Then you have got a right to get your stuff back. Can you get a friend to help you with this? She can NOT expect you to be all nice and dandy about your breakup and her just walking in the arms of another man. Get a friend to help you out. Don't communicate with her. As for the dogs, just wait it out. 2
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I understand your reaction to the app requests she send you, I would have done the same (even if it is petty). She broke up with you and then went straight on to an other guy. Well boohoo! She doesn't deserve niceness, she's an asshat. She had someone waiting in the wings. I would want my money back. She is apping you for HER stuff? Then you have got a right to get your stuff back. Can you get a friend to help you with this? She can NOT expect you to be all nice and dandy about your breakup and her just walking in the arms of another man. Get a friend to help you out. Don't communicate with her. As for the dogs, just wait it out. I could get help with regards my USB stick and her taking the last of her stuff. The money issue I was trying to resolve with her for the weeks leading up to her leaving, but she was so busy spending time with her new man before leaving that she didn't bother addressing it correctly and the internet banking issue she has is a long story. To be honest she has cost me so much money in 9 years that a few hundred £ now isn't going to make any difference to me. But yeah, she seems really bothered by my attitude. I think she's expecting me to be the fall back plan. It appears she's trying to keep ties here and there to hang on with and I'm sick of it. I think her going to America is gong to be the time for me to cling onto the dogs and hope she doesn't come back for them.
fixing Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I bet she is bothered by your attitude. I can gauge from your previous posts that you have been nothing but the true gentlemen to her throughout the 9 years. She walked out on you for some other jerk after 9 years together, what does she expect? For you to just sit there nonchalantly and welcome her back with open arms if her new little adventure doesnt pan out? I hope the answer to that is NO CHANCE! btw 2
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I bet she is bothered by your attitude. I can gauge from your previous posts that you have been nothing but the true gentlemen to her throughout the 9 years. She walked out on you for some other jerk after 9 years together, what does she expect? For you to just sit there nonchalantly and welcome her back with open arms if her new little adventure doesnt pan out? I hope the answer to that is NO CHANCE! btw Yes that is the answer from me. I would find it hard to say, but I know I'd find it much harder to be with her in way shape or form now. She will find this a new attitude from me and I'm pleased it's bothered her. It does all hint to an unstable mental attitude on her behalf I think. But yes I would not take her back, just a few weeks apart and I see her faults with an unseen clarity. She is no good for me in any way now.
fixing Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yes, and in no way am i trying suggest that would be an easy decision either, especially after nine years! For a month, i was in denial and trying to tell myself i could take my cheating ex back, but with enough time passed and NC, my inner core and natural instincts kicked in and i knew it would never be reconcilable. So, i think you are making the right decision, how could you trust her or see her in the same light again. Its good that she has now seen you in a different light with your no contact and that app message. Maybe now, she can see how badly she has treated you. 3
Kevin_D Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yes that is the answer from me. I would find it hard to say, but I know I'd find it much harder to be with her in way shape or form now. She will find this a new attitude from me and I'm pleased it's bothered her. It does all hint to an unstable mental attitude on her behalf I think. But yes I would not take her back, just a few weeks apart and I see her faults with an unseen clarity. She is no good for me in any way now. I enjoy reading your posts. My girlfriend (who dumped me) initiated NC with me about six weeks ago. Now she is angry at me for being "cold" when she tries to contact me. She says that it's "disrespectful". Anyway, whatever she's doing, it's definitely working, because I don't miss her at all at the moment. It's like talking to a child. I'm going to find myself a real woman now. 3
crackerjax9 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 are you wanting her to feel some lingering feelings?
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Yes, and in no way am i trying suggest that would be an easy decision either, especially after nine years! For a month, i was in denial and trying to tell myself i could take my cheating ex back, but with enough time passed and NC, my inner core and natural instincts kicked in and i knew it would never be reconcilable. So, i think you are making the right decision, how could you trust her or see her in the same light again. Its good that she has now seen you in a different light with your no contact and that app message. Maybe now, she can see how badly she has treated you. I enjoy reading your posts mate, I know you commented on my first ever post on here and you seem a sound guy... So thanks! I know that deep down in my heart she has destroyed everything good that we had now. Even if she is unsure about her current situation (which I think she is), I couldn't cheat myself by allowing her a sniff of trying to cling on. I have went on a couple of very casual dates since she left and although I'm not pursing anything it helps me see that I can meet other people after being in a long relationship. One day a special woman will enter my life again. I just hope my recent experience doesn't make me a bitter and untrusting man. 2
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 are you wanting her to feel some lingering feelings? Yes, so I can have the satisfaction of rejecting her. Maybe it's childish, but it's how I feel and right now I can't help it. I feel well and truly screwed over and I want some power over her. 1
haggard969 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 i went through this just recently , i am going to post a big post i want you to read it, im going to call it "i got my ex back" 1
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Thanks for sharing haggard, I'll have a read.
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